01/14/2025
One year ago today, my momma made her way to heaven. A couple of weeks before she passed, she gifted me one last Christmas present: a new camera. She urged me to "Go shoot." Shoot vacations, shoot for my job, shoot something. I remember telling her that I promised to do so, and that I will think of her every time I did. The shots you see in this video were the first ones I caught on this camera. Clearly, they're not the prettiest. I had no clue which buttons did what, how to stabilize, or even how to set my focus. I debated on touching them up, but I chose not. They're raw, they're real, and they carry every emotion felt during that time. The sound you hear was her oxygen machine. When I'm alone, and it's quiet enough, I can still hear it in the back of my mind. I remember thinking about how loud it was when the hospice nurses first switched it on; it drowned out any conversation happening in the room. But oddly enough, the silence after they turned it off was even more deafening.
Iβve been avoiding these clips for the past year because of how much weight they hold. But watching them reminds me of how stoic Momma was. She fought the toughest battle and won. She left the earth with love and grace and empathy. Though her body was failing, she would use whatever strength she had to open her eyes or speak a soft word. Until the very end. She had nothing but love left to give and she did exactly that.
A part of me was taken on January 14, 2024, and it will always stay there. There have been several days I wanted to legitimately give up on everythingβbut thanks to Momma and her words, I am still moving forward. Go shoot turned into a simple go. Go start the day, go see your friends, go do something. She wanted me to keep going and that is what I am doing for her. She believed in me when I didnβt believe in myself, and I have her to thank for giving me a reason to get out of bed. She gave me a command, and I will listen to it for the rest of my life.
Iβm going, Momma, and I will keep going until we meet again. I love you so much