02/19/2024
I’m piggybacking of a transparency post on my main page I want to share it here and keep going on that I was saying. So LONG POST ALART!
Here’s some transparency this rising. Loving another scares the ever loving ish out of me. Even though I’m an extremely loving individual as far back as I can remember I’ve always self sabotaged romantic relationships because I was afraid of actually being happy. Have you ever experienced that? I realized as I’m going farther and farther on this journey that although I love myself I still don’t know how to love another because I’m afraid of being hurt.
Every male in my life has hurt me one way or another so I just expect it and then instead of working through the issue I run. I’ve reached a point where I’m truly tired of running from what’s supposed to be a part of my path. Spirit showed me a long time ago that I was meant to love and do it greatly.
I’m bi&poly and you can’t be those things and be afraid of your feelings. I have a huge heart and I honestly feel like I was blessed with my empath, compassion, and ability to love hard because I’m meant to love more then one person at the same time. But there’s a downside to having that as part of your path. People hear bi&poly and they automatically think it’s all about sex when in reality it’s about deep soul binding connections, respect, loyalty, and open mindedness on all aspects. This has truly been a breakthrough for me and I will continue on my journey until it’s my time.
Also, this is a bit off topic but for transparency sake I’m learning that I need to be much much much more private about certain things in my life. Spirit has shown me when you speak things to early then your blessing will be blocked because your not ready for them. It’s definitely time for a pivot in direction as a content creator because if I want the blessings that are for me I have to draw a line in the sand. It’s time to really set boundaries and not just always be an open book. I’ve always been that way and I think it’s the reason I’m always so burnt out, I’m forever pouring everything I am and have into others without thinking of myself first. That changes now. I am my first and only priority as of today. If you can’t deal with that then that’s too bad. I refuse to keep giving my all and that energy isn’t matched.
So to continue everything your doing and going theirs isn’t for everyone to know about because believe it or not no matter how nice and all love and light you are in life there is someone clocking your every move and wishing for your downfall. You have to learn to protect your peace and the things that are truly meant for you on this path of Becoming. Evolution and healing are not easy AT ALL. But they are necessary. One of the main things you have to do is take self accountability for your actions. Like for me, I know I need to be on my own because I’m not healed enough to be dealing with someone else on a romantic and intimate level yet. I still have to many fear and wounds that I have to heal. I also need to let go of the automatic feeling of victimhood/betrayal when something I want doesn’t go the way I saw it going in my head. Spirit has the last word and if your not ready for what your trying to do intervention will happen for you to learn what you must from that situation.
A farther example of this for me personally is that because of self doubt and low self esteem I use the fact that I’m ill and it keeps me from doing a lot of things as an excuse when I don’t want or know how to accept that it was my f**k up that led me to that point. If you can’t be honest with yourself how are you going to be honest in life? If all you do is suck and dodge true accountability how are you ever going to truly become what your meant to be? We all must heal this deep wounds in order to right ourselves. Work on Self so that everything else can fall in line.
-From The Desk of The Empress
