Phil Gates (2025)

29/06/2025

Daily walk to the park. Spend this time in prayer & reflection. Trying to be optimistic about life & people. Life is wonderful; people disappoint. Sometimes expected, sometimes not. When it isn’t it’s been expected lately. Hope people do well & find their path/peace in life regardless. God blessed me with so many experiences & I’m here to experience them good or bad; trying to learn to enjoy every part of it. I admit the bad is difficult. When people disappoint it’s worse. Not much expectation from people but it’s different when emotions are involved. Trying to find the lesson while doing my best to not be what I was before; not be angry at everyone that’s done me or people I know dirty. Emotions get the best of me & many times I fail at absolute forgiveness. Don’t hate anyone; don’t have enough energy for that honestly. Try not having expectations but it’s different when it comes to the extent people go to level up or move forward in life; to manifest. Tired of people using that not truly understanding what it means. Disheartening sometimes; there’s been a lot of it experienced in the past few years friendships or otherwise. Blessed to have supportive friends in my lifetime & never had social anxieties to keep me from finding new ones. I admit I’m doing my best to not go into the typical f everyone mentality we go through when we feel betrayed or taken advantage of; hard when you would’ve moved mountains for them though. It leaves an emptiness only filled with an intense darkness that can easily take over leaving deep scars that are hard to hide. Do my best not allowing it to change me; change the love that god gave me to give cuz it was never mine to give. Do my best to not recede into the darkness while still trying to cover up & heal other scars. Expectations people around you have as you are going through this don’t help either. Trusting the path that God leads me on & not overthink why the darkness exists; why the scars cut so deep. Sure whatever the reason for the pain we feel it’s right; he’s right. Whatever I’m led through or must go through I’m meant to & trust he’s leading me closer to him & life he wants for me.

23/06/2025

Progress 06/23/25. Still showing up everyday no matter what the weather is or how tf I feel. Honestly, it’s the days you don’t feel like doing s**t are the days it’s probably the most important to show up & nobody will give a f**k either way so you might as well do it lol. Lately my life has been a roller coaster ride full of some really high highs & some super low lows. The extremes have been dizzying but I keep to myself for the most part. Trying to do better at not feeling too stressed with the extremes cuz when it’s really bad it tends to hinder progress & when it’s really good the universe seems to jinx the situation in some way so as to balance things out or something. I been trying to do my best to let God lead the way & trust his path but I am human & my brain tends to overthink. Sometimes I’m right. Sometimes I’m wrong. It is what it is. I do know that in most cases I’m the facilitator, the one who initiates, the one who gives. I’m cool with that. I try to think of it as my gift from God. A gift I am grateful for. I am able to create something out of nothing & show others the possibilities as well. No matter the circumstances God always worked things out for me & I know the whole idea is to experience life & all of its wonderful experiences & challenges; all of the emotions & feelings both good & bad should all be cherished. It’s hard whilst going through the tough s**t though I swear & good s**t doesn’t ever seem to last long enough lol. It gets better, or rather we get better regardless of the situation. My frequency has been attracting so many beautiful things but at the same time there are so many things being removed. For once in my life it would be nice to be the 1 who is fought for whether it be friendships or otherwise. I admit I have a handful of boundaries now when it comes to any sort of relationship because when I choose my people I literally give them my all. Rarely is it reciprocated & I try to accept that as the case lately. I try to remove any & all expectations but it’s extremely difficult especially when certain annoyingly human things are involved like feelings & such lol. Trying though & if it’s meant for me I can’t f it up right?

16/06/2025

Progress 06/16/25. Woke up early this morning & did my typical routine. Pray, study, & a bit of work before starting my day. I’ve had a lot to thank God for lately & I am so profoundly grateful for his blessings. There’s been a lot of shifts in my life these past few years & it’s been a bit confusing as to the path God is leading me on but I am very clear on what I want & God has given me something so much more than I could have ever dreamed of. It’s not quite clear as to how things will work or how all these puzzle pieces fit together but I know he has already worked it out & I just need to stay on course bettering myself & my situation everyday to make space for the things I truly want in this life. There’s been a lot of losses that didn’t make sense up until now; some still not quite clear but I have faith. I have kept my promise to myself to the best of my ability & continue to try to do & be better everyday; to try to be the man worthy of whatever it is that God has blessed me with & he has truly blessed me even though I know he does not expect that of me. I am pretty private about specific personal things in my life because I’ve found people to be very strange sometimes the way they interpret or internalize things & it can be very disappointing, discouraging, & sometimes even disrespectful honestly. So there are very few individuals I choose to share specific details with be it good or bad but I will say the good lately definitely is worth all the bad I have ever had to face in my life thus far & I will fight until my dying breathe for that to remain in my life. I feel an air of peace & purpose has come back into my life that has been missing for so long & it is refreshing af ngl. I hope I can provide the same to the people that are meant to be a part of this chapter of my life. I thank God every morning as soon as I wake up & every night before I’m off to sleep for the blessings he’s gifted me with & I will remain forever grateful for the love he has given me. It is the most precious thing in my life & I will guard it with everything I have. Thank you God. Thank you for all the progress. I have faith that I am on the right path & it is all because of you.

13/06/2025

Progress 06/12/25. The more things change the more they stay the same. Not necessarily in a bad way as I realize that most of the mundane things I do from day to day has definitely garnered me a huge amount of progress. I’ve always been one to believe I can manifest whatever it is I desire & for the most part I feel like I have. It’s just that things seem to evolve into this never ending loop of realisations that reveal so many different opportunities in life. For some reason it appears to come out of a dark time in life. As I fight through the dark I begin to see another possibility as to what my reality can be & that possibility to a lot of people can seem outrageous, unrealistic, or unattainable. Sometimes I question myself as to whether I’m just stubborn or ambitious. Probably both. I guess I’m just stubbornly ambitious lol. Anxiety gets the best of me sometimes just as it would any normal human being. Along with impatience as much as I feel I’m a patient individual. Feelings & emotions obviously play a big part also. Some days it’s hard to just do normal s**t. I show up for myself everyday no matter how I feel but I will say that in the circumstances of the past few years it’s been difficult af. Been doing it for some time so what’s a little bit longer. The past few years I came across a lot of new friends & as of recently I’ve connected to someone like never before. I’m not sure why my frequency resonated with this person but it did & it happened out of nowhere. It made no sense. The obstacles alone along with the current situation make absolutely no sense but does it have to? It’s the best feeling I’ve had & the closest thing to peace in my life that comes with a bit of confusion & skepticism but is that my brain tangling up past trauma or is it justified skepticism? Not to mention the typical do I deserve this or I’m not sure if I’m ready s**t. I do notice certain s**t but it’s the best feeling so do you even question it or just let it be? This is where I’m certain it wasn’t me it was God because it makes absolutely no f**king sense lol. I’ve faith he always works it out & as long as this is real this will be no different. God has never disappointed.

05/06/2025

Progress 06/04/25 Pullday. Still showing up. Sometimes progress feels slow but it’s easy to forget that growth takes time. Trying to be better everyday, especially when it comes to patience & understanding. Accepting things I cannot control whilst doing my best to shape & mold myself & what I allow in my circumference. Trying to be a better man both in physical & in spirit. I know that God only asks faith to deserve the blessings he has to offer but as my human mind keeps racing through the things I’ve internalized throughout my life I can’t help but to feel I have to earn it through more than just belief, worship, & kindness. The idea of working hard & suffering has been so ingrained in my psyche that I tend to punish myself for things when I don’t need to & yet still not fully forgiving myself afterwards. Still feeling that I need to earn it more by suffering forgetting that his son did the suffering so that I don’t have to bear the weight of it. I do notice many changes as of lately & growth has been consistent. Love has been fleeting up until recently but there seems to be hope. Hope that there’s still those who exist that will reciprocate in ways that fulfill my soul as much as I hope I do theirs. Hope that there are those out there I can share space with that are there to give as much as receive whether it be something as simple as inspiration or a deeper connection. I still hope & do my best to leave a positive impact on those I come across but I know that my brain tends to go off on tangents & sometimes the as***le comes out lol. I’m trying to do better & I think I have been. I mean it’s been quite a while since I smacked the s**t out of anyone & I honestly don’t see that happening any time soon lmao. I know I went through my “f**k your feelings” stages throughout my life & I hope I am forgiven. I’ve never been the type to seek clout or validation from anyone other than myself. As much as people probably thought I was being hard on them in the past they honestly have no idea how hard I am on myself. Not withstanding, I’ve been trying to be aware of my expectations & although it’s hard to completely erase them, I’ve toned them down quite a bit. Progress.

31/05/2025

Progress Photo Dump 05/30/25. Late push day after working all day. It’s been a constant barrage of emotions lately both good & bad trying to keep moving forward while at the same time doing my best to protect my peace & self respect. There are times I feel undeserving because of past circumstances I’ve allowed myself to be in & it’s difficult to remind ourselves that we are worthy of all the beautiful things life has to offer because God deems it so through faith; not because you’ve achieved a certain financial status or something. It’s also difficult to know if certain things are really genuine or not at times but the most difficult thing I’ve found is to surrender & have patience in the path God laid out for you; to remember that it is already done & you just have to make space to allow for it to happen as he’s planned it. Our impatience, expectations, insecurities, etcetera tend to get the better of us at times & we give in to our emotions thinking we are not where we should be in life but in reality we are exactly where we need to be at that moment. I’ve been blessed to have amazing people throughout my life & continue to have more amazing introductions into my world. God has blessed me with a special soul sharing a peaceful love & energy I resonate so comfortably with. I feel like I’ve been searching lifetimes for her & wasn’t sure she existed or that it was even possible. S**t, I still don’t know honestly because my human faults always try to find proof when there doesn’t need to be, not to mention the whole “I‘m not sure if I deserve this” nonsense that tends to occupy my brain when I overthink. Real or not it’s irrelevant cuz who tf knows… All I know is that in the past few years so many changes & shifts in my life led to so many “coincidences” that I have no doubts he’s been watching over me the whole time & it has led me to the understanding of possibilities that could be so much better than I could ever imagine. I know it will only get better. I used to believe that it was I who always found a way when in reality it was him who has always led the way & I am truly grateful. Thank you.

04/05/2025

Progress… May 3, 2025. W push day. Still showing up everyday & getting another step forward to the goals I promised myself. Sometimes in life we forget that the journey towards what you want to accomplish is the actual accomplishment & it’s not the reward but who you become along the way that’s the true prize. We come across people on our journey that are there to help us grow & they aren’t always meant to reach the finish line with you no matter how much you wanted to win together with them. There are people you needed & people that needed you, even if it’s just to remind you of your path & purpose in that moment in time. Sometimes getting sidetracked is what needed to get you back on track. There’s some whose soul you feel connected to & they’ll always hold a quiet place in your heart. Sometimes actions didn’t hold up to intentions though & whether there were misunderstandings or complicated emotions involved due to not being prepared for something we weren’t expecting, we act in such a way that gives the wrong impression as to how we feel when we interact with them. Most people aren’t malicious & it’s just our human flaws that cause most unintentional circumstances that sometimes affect us so much it turns into a negative experience. Not to say that there aren’t those out there who are selfish or malicious but most don’t mean to cause pain. I mean, we all have egos to some degree but I hope that my interactions with people affected their lives in a positive way. No matter the outcome I had nothing but the best intentions for them & wish them well on their journey through life. I hope they find what they are looking for & accomplish all they set out to do. I will do my best to keep all my friends & loved ones, whether they stick around or not, in my thoughts & prayers. I have no ill feelings towards anyone & quite frankly I’m more the type to blame myself for letting anything get to a negative point if that were the case. I fully support my friends & loved ones with everything I have & give fully with all my heart doing my best to do so with absolutely no expectations. I am human though & sometimes the last part is a tough one…

21/04/2025

Progress… April 20, 2025. Extra leg day for Easter… Spent Easter at the gym after dipping out the normal yearly family function early. Was a rough day & I’m still in a place in my life where I can be in a room full of people & still feel lonely. I feel that in most cases I’m pretty normal but I can’t help but to feel a sort of awkward aura in certain environments due to my current situation & mental state with things I’ve been dealing with on a normal basis lately. My faith has not wavered though & I will fight until my dying breath to get myself where I need to be within God’s grace of course. It’s just a lonely journey sometimes & it can be difficult. They say love conquers all but I feel as though we must conquer love at times. The feeling that we all feel as love anyway. Sometimes it may not be what is best for the people around us when we ourselves are fighting the love within. I stubbornly step away in most cases so as not to negatively affect other’s energy as best I can but I don’t have the answers so am I right for that, honestly who tf knows. All I know is that I give without regret & love hard which definitely tends to hurt when it feels as if it is not reciprocated. When the people around you have certain expectations that you yourself do not have for them. I honestly try my best to accept everyone as they are but there are times when it is at the detriment of myself, even if I do not expect anything from them, I have to step back in order to keep from putting myself into awkward situations. I do care about so many people & part of me feels bad for pushing away but I feel that lately that is exactly why I do it, because I do care. That’s not to say I don’t have any feelings or emotions that affect me also. I mean I’m human, however I’m not dumb & there are definitely a few individuals that definitely take advantage of a mfr thinking I don’t know lol. Doesn’t bother me though because I do things I do willingly in hopes to positively affect their lives with no strings attached. Doesn’t mean it will continue if certain behaviors reveal themselves but alas, it is life & the show must go on. I have been blessed to be able to do what I do so meh, lol.

08/04/2025

Progress… April 8th, 2025. Another successful pull-day. Managed to get 400 pull-ups throughout the day with 150 of them being weighted. Appreciate my homies who kept count on stream because I was losing track lol. Today is leg day once again. It never ends… but that’s a good thing. Been a bit rough with my schedule being hectic af lately. Trying to get a bunch of work done to meet some deadlines this month along with doing my best to stay on track with my fitness goals & keeping my head from exploding from my own delusions it’s definitely been taxing. Sleep has been partially nonexistent & when I do manage to get some rest I know it’s not enough. But I don’t stop until it’s done so it is what it is. My stubborn ass will never quit & sometimes I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing lol. I’m aware that this is not conducive to my gains but I figure if I can just get past these next few weeks I should be good. I’ve been through worse so it’s just a drop in the bucket so to speak & it’s a somewhat good busy so no complaints here. I will say it’s gonna be rough getting through this leg day today being as I’ve been up for like 4 days now & I haven’t eaten since yesterday lol. I constantly tell myself to stop being a bitch so I can push myself to keep it moving but I’m not gonna lie, the 10 mile walk to the gym & back on leg day definitely has me trying to make some fxcking excuses right now lmao. Anyhow, I hope all of my homies & loved ones are well. Back to the grind. Sorry for not keeping up with some of ya’ll. It’s been a lonely road & busy af for sure but we gotta keep pushing. No one’s gonna do it for us & quite frankly most people will give no fxcks whether you win or lose so might as well win. Remember most real progress happens during the most repetitive & mundane things you choose to do through discipline & consistency throughout your life. It’s the small wins that add up to the big one that everyone sees & you will fail more than you win. That’s where the growth happens. I fail everyday & I will keep growing. I’ve accomplished more at my lowest points in life than many have during their highest just by sticking it through. Never stop…

03/04/2025

Progress… April 2, 2025. Was a pretty decent leg day but kept it somewhat light to deload & work on my rom & mobility. Spammed 1000 pull-ups though because I can & you can’t do s**t about it. Took me a few hours. An hour of cardio afterwards along with some quick ab exercises. 2nd image was a little over a year ago. I lost myself & was going through a lot in my life. Still am to some degree but slowly trodding towards progress everyday. I was 6’ tall with a size 40-42 waist at 235lbs bad weight but still skinny fat even when I dropped it a bit. Currently size 32-34 at 210lbs somewhat lean but working on it. Being highly active most of my life I definitely don’t advise doing it my way as I am in the gym way too much lol. Sooo… a bit off topic but I find it funny that some people are so miserable with their existence that they choose to throw shade at someone else’s accomplishments. No matter how small the accomplishments are, it took that person effort & the most valuable thing we have on this earth… time. I get some of the strangest f**ktards in my DMs apparently having things to say about what I post. Funny because I been posting since I was a fat ass & you had nothing to say then. It makes it even more disappointing when it’s actually coming from people you know or people you care about or done s**t for. If you know me you know what I’ve been through, what I’ve done, & the kind of person I am. If you don’t then I applaud you for your efforts with the f**kboy s**t & your opinion honestly doesn’t matter to me. I’ve taken some L’s in the past few years & it took everything I have in me to keep going. Alone. No one checked in on me. No one motivated me. Not even those who I was there for at their lowest. And that’s fine. I did it & will continue to do it myself as I’ve always done. I always win, even when I lose. So everyone that showed their ass through my loss & benefitted off of it trust I have no ill feelings or hold any grudges. It was the cost of removing you from my life. And I’m good with that. And I’m good with being the bad guy in your story. And I’m good with never having to answer your call or dm lol.

30/03/2025

Progress… March 29, 2025. Leg day once again. Rough day for a number of reasons. But I show tf up regardless of what the day brings. Regardless of how I feel. It’s unfortunate that I can wholeheartedly admit to myself as being a broken individual. It’s been a few rough seasons in my life & it causes me to react to new relationships in my life in negative ways at times. I’ll be the first to admit that I am heavily jaded & that I am cool with being the bad guy in so many people’s stories regardless of what that story is. I’ve never meant malice or ill intentions on anyone I’ve interacted with throughout my life but I can’t help but feel somewhat taken fore-granted in certain circumstances. I’m clear that I have never been the person anyone would fight for. I’m not the type many would be there for. I have a few individuals in my life that I give the utmost gratitude to because they have been there no matter the season. I don’t blame anyone or expect anything & I take full responsibility for who I am & what I do. Mistakes & all. There aren’t many people that accept that. Anyone who truly takes the time to know me should know that I would never ask anyone to be anything but themselves. I would support them with my last breath. I don’t expect anything back & I don’t regret any of my decisions. But I’m human & there are things I hope for. Things any normal person would dream of that sometimes overwhelm you when you realize the reality. Sometimes people aren’t meant to share more than a lesson with you. Sometimes people are meant to inspire you by love or by pain… even if it’s not their intention. I know that this might strike a chord with a couple people I’ve dealt with recently but please know that I am overwhelmed because it wasn’t just one thing happening. It was many. Across a multitude of scenarios dealing with all sorts of issues & I don’t think anyone meant any malice. I fully understand it is how I perceive circumstances when I run into certain situations because of past experiences. It is me. I am broken & I have been trying to fix it. I have issues & I fight demons everyday. New people don’t know me well enough to stick around but thank you for the season.

25/03/2025

Progress… March 24, 2025. Pull day again. Worked in with my homie on traps as well. Back & biceps today with some abs & cardio sprinkled in. Been watching my diet lately trying to get to where I’d like to be. It’s been ok minus some pretty boring meals here & there. Been up & down mentally last few weeks though. I’m in my own head a lot while I’m running through my daily motions working on a few work projects & going to the gym. Luckily I’m blessed with a few friends who can keep me company even if it’s just their presence online or over the phone now & again. I’ve been keeping to myself for a while now & it’s been pretty on & off. But what’s the saying… it’s better to be alone than to feel alone. I’m good with me & my alone time. I’m really saying all this to say that if you are alone or feeling alone you are definitely not. It seems to be a normal thing that we tend to think is abnormal as we go through the motions. I am lucky, however, to have made the choice to be. I feel for those who feel they don’t or didn’t have the choice for whatever reason. I’ve never really had issues with meeting people or sparking up conversations. Never had any introverted tendencies that kept me from what I guess people would deem normal interactions. This time around though I felt the need to find new people & new environments. I felt that I had to do things differently than I am used to because what I was used to would probably put me in the same situations with the same or similar people. Nothing against anyone I’ve dealt with but it’s just not my cup of tea anymore. The conversations became repetitive about things I’ve lost interest in. I took a step back & spent the time just trying to better myself physically, mentally, & financially. Don’t get me wrong… by no means do I believe I have the answers or think I’m above anyone or anything. I just wanted something different out of my life & I am working towards it. I have so much farther to go though. At least it feels that way sometimes. I’ve met so many new friends along the way & whether or not those people will remain in my life who knows. I’ve found it’s best to just let things be & let God lead the way.

Phil Gates

29/06/2025

23/06/2025

16/06/2025

13/06/2025

05/06/2025

31/05/2025

04/05/2025

21/04/2025

08/04/2025

03/04/2025

30/03/2025

25/03/2025

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