12/02/2025
A couple of years ago, I was headed out the door to pick our freshly ripe peaches. As I left the house, Teresa mentioned "Be sure not to pick any ones that are still green."
She, like me, was simply enjoying our newfound venture of growing peaches and had recently read some guidelines on when to know peaches are ripe for picking. I, however, took it as though she thought I was an idiot and didn't know how to pick peaches.
As I processed this moment with my therapist later, I realized that:
• My Exile felt as though I once again had nothing of value to bring to the table
• My Manager, pulling its shirt collar tighter, was bound to prove that I can do it without being told how
• My Firefighter wanted to the throw the bucket out the door and head back to my den where I can control things without being disrupted
And knowing my past, if I went the way of the Firefighter, I would eventually be tempted with p**n again because these kinds of events triggered it for me.
I went out and picked peaches with my kids – gritting my teeth – trying to figure out why I felt so irritated by my wife's comment. I knew it was because her comment incidentally poked right at a childhood wound, but I wasn't sure how to respond in a healthy way.
I had made a pattern of responding in unhealthy ways:
• The silent treatment
• Walking out of the room
• Sassing under my breath
• Outright expressing my anger at her comment
These are just preliminary gestures of my Firefighter acting out. They don't actually fix the issue that was raging wild inside of me.
As my counselor helped me identify the different parts playing out in that moment, he invited me to lead with compassion. To give each expression space to breathe.
I could tell the Exile, "I see you. I care. You are not alone."
I could remind the Manager, "You don't have to work so hard. You have nothing to prove."
And I could let the Firefighter know that I appreciate its attempt to help, but that I don't need to numb the pain by making my wife hurt.
Because Jesus already sees. He knows. And he loves.
Read the whole article here:
https://www.asherwitmer.com/what-if-the-part-that-runs-to-p**n-is-trying-to-help/?utm_campaign=coschedule&utm_source=facebook_page&utm_medium=Asher%20Witmer
