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The Carolina Farmhouse

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Abbeville, SC
The Carolina Farmhouse

Single mom of 4 making beauty from brokenness. Formerly TheCarolinaFarmhouse

01/26/2025

My motherhood has always been an area I felt most comfortable in. I definitely had my moments of mom guilt and fears that I’m ruining my children for life, but overall I just felt like I knew what my kids needed and was able to give it to them.

This year has wrecked that. 😬 We’ve been trying to survive everything we knew together being gone. Since birth my kids have had their mom 24/7 and now they see me 50% of the time and most of that time is spent at school because I have to work and can no longer homeschool them.

And if I’m being honest, for a lot of this year when I did have time with them, it was so hard for me to be present due to incredible stress. None of it their fault, yet it affecting them the most. 😭

I’ve heard things from my kids that made my heart literally ache:

“Sometimes I miss you so much at school all I want to do is curl up and cry.”

“I don’t want to hurt your feelings but I have a lot more fun with dad. You’re grumpy a lot.”

“I miss having fun with you.”

When you feel like you’re already just keeping your head above water and you realize your kids are hurting more than you realized and a lot of it is because of you? Whew. I can’t even begin to explain how devastated I felt.

I was hesitant to share this because I’m not wanting sympathy. But I also see so many comments and DM’s saying what a good job I’m doing and I just want to keep it real - I suck at a lot of things. Stuff gets overlooked in the busyness and it hurts people - my children. I’m trying to do better but there’s no roadmap for this kind of thing.

I look back on my time at home with them and realize just what a gift that was. I took that privilege for granted way more than I realized. And I have a whole new compassion for working mothers, because this is NOT easy. My brain is forever overloaded and tired but there are still hearts to be tended to and needs to be met and bills to pay and deadlines to meet. I need a clone of myself 😂

I don’t have the answers and I’m still messing up more than I’m getting it right, but today I surprised them and we went bowling. So I’ll take that win. 🫶🏼

01/02/2025

I’m sitting at the airport, enjoying a nice lunch by myself and reflecting on this amazing trip I’ve just experienced.

Blame it on the nostalgia of reflection that comes with a new year, but I’m honestly feeling emotional. I don’t want to make everything a big deal - but honestly this trip WAS a big deal for me.

I’m not even talking about financially or anything. But merely me, Courtney, getting to go to New York City and having the time of my life.

Courtney from the last few years would have never wanted to go to a large city, much less NYC. I didn’t like crowds, I didn’t like being out of the house a lot, traffic stressed me out, I didn’t like going places alone, and I am an introvert…but didn’t realize I was actually a recluse and just blamed it on that.

When I was in my Uber on the way from the airport to Pri’s apartment, looking out the window, I just felt a lump in my throat. “Look at you.” I thought to myself. I’ve had to do a lot of brave things this year, but most of them were awful not fun. 😬 And yet here I am, doing things that would have terrified me before, but actually excite me now.

Pri made this trip SO much fun and getting to explore her city with her was a gift. But the conversations with each other and getting to say things I’ve been terrified to say out loud to others and being met with grace and understanding from her just added an element of healing to a fun trip. We’re both wrestling through very similar things (just in different contexts) and having someone who not only understands but is okay with the questions we may never have answers to is something I needed. Thank you, Pri for being who you are. I love you! (And she and I are already planning a trip to Cartagena, Colombia next year! 💃🏻)

So with all that being said, I loved New York City! 😉 Would 100% recommend. But you’ll need Pri as your guide to the city for it to be as great as my trip was!

Thank you all for being here and commenting on my posts from this trip! I read every single one and they made me smile so big! Your excitement with me just meant the world! I wish I could have taken y’all with me. 🫶🏼💕

12/31/2024

My first full day in New York City was amazing! made me feel SO special on my birthday and took me to so many beautiful places. She even held me when a man dressed as a gorilla scared me in Times Square. 😂

We ate so much yummy good, had incredible conversations, and ended the night with a Broadway Show that I will be thinking about for a long time. What an amazing day, I’m just so grateful. 🥹

12/30/2024

It’s my birthday again. 35 years on this earth! ☺️

I just re-read my birthday post from last year and whew! I can’t say this year was any easier. 😬

When I look back on the girl in that picture, I feel so much compassion for her. I can see the pain in her eyes of silently fighting a battle no one had any idea about. And while it was excruciating, everything finally coming to a head and coming to the surface brought so much peace.

Walking away from my 11 year marriage, asking my children to walk through heartbreak they never asked for, leaving the farmhouse of my dreams, losing friendships and relationships I thought I would never lose, having to figure out how to make an income when I had no career to fall back on, being diagnosed with PTSD and depression…it was a lot.

But believe it or not, this is not the main thing that comes to mind when I look back on the last year. There has been so much good, so much redemption and so much kindness.

The way my people showed up for me - whether it was phone calls to calm me down during a panic attack, helping me move into my rental house, giving me a job, buying groceries, listening to me wrestle with my new reality over and over. It’s humbling to be the one in need of care and having no choice but to ask for help and receive. And my people kept showing up and taking care of me. 🥹

You guys are also a huge part of the good of this year. I was terrified to announce my divorce and I fully expected judgment and criticism. But instead you blew me away with your support and love and made this space something I look forward to coming to instead of avoiding.

And I can’t believe I was able to make my goal of going to New York City for my birthday a reality! (It only took me working like 70 hours a week to make it happen 😅😂). Be prepared to be sick of me sharing about it! Haha

Love you guys and thank you. Thank you for supporting and loving me through this last year. 🫶🏼

11/30/2024

Thanksgiving in Tennessee, day 1. 💕🦃

It’s been so wonderful to be with my family! I hope you all have had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

11/05/2024

Feeling more like myself again has been such a relief lately. I didn’t know if she was in there anymore, but feeling my spark come back is fun.

Bit there are still many nights like tonight where I get the kids in bed, and I sit and journal and cry. The loneliness is painful, so incredibly painful. And I hate it.

I’m not good at being alone. I went from living at home with my family to being married at 22. My life has always included people. Someone to pour into and love and give my focus to.

And while yes, I very much still have that in my four children. 😅 I am finding myself alone in a way I’ve never experienced before. My natural tendency is to run from that.

I am trying to face it head on. To learn to be alone. To learn to exist in both excitement and misery.

Elliot told me tonight while we were making dinner, “Mom I hope you find someone. It makes me sad that you’re all alone.” I laughed because…wow I didn’t realize I was that pitiful. 😂 But I told her “Baby, mommy is learning that being alone isn’t bad. Looking for your happiness in a person will always be disappointing. I want to be happy whether I’m alone or with someone.”

I told her and Rhett how I used to want to travel and experience the world and new people and other cultures when I was young. And I get a chance to do that now.

I’m starting with something in the country (ya know, money and all) by planning a trip to NYC to see my sweet friend Pricelis for my birthday next month. And it feels so fun and out of my comfort zone (y’all I’m legit scared of getting lost in New York…ya girl is severely directionally challenged 😬) but I’m doing it.

So here’s to learning to be alone and happy. To learn to experience life at its fullest as just myself. 🥂

Also give my any and all suggestions if you’ve been to NYC 👇🏼

10/28/2024

Jessica and I have been friends for over 13 years and have gone through so many different seasons together.

We met as summer interns in Tennessee and what started off as two strangers being roommates for 3 months, ended in one of the dearest friendships.

We dated together, were in each other’s weddings, she visited me when I almost died during my pregnancy with Eli, and now she’s been a voice of comfort and understanding as I’ve walked through divorce.

She treated me to a spa day and a fancy dinner this weekend. And when she heard I’d never had brunch, she almost had a heart attack and remedied that today. I’m a big fan of brunch now 💅🏼

Jessica thank you so much for your friendship and for this weekend and for your hour long voice memos. 😂 I am so thankful that you are in my life and I love you!!

10/16/2024

If someone had told 24 year old me (who had a 5 month old baby and was pregnant again 😅) that in 10 years I would be a single mom to four, I wouldn’t have believed you and I probably would have run for the hills. 🏃🏻‍♀️

But my babies are one of the greatest gifts in my life. There are a lot of things I wish I could go back and change about my life, but I’d do everything exactly the same if it meant getting to be their mother.

The strength they have given me to keep going when I didn’t want to, the motivation to put myself out there to provide for them, the snuggles on the lonely nights, the laughter when I wanted to cry.

I’ve tried to be strong for them, but if I’m being honest, it’s BECAUSE of them. Seeing their strength through all of the transitions they’ve had no control over has made me cry, because they shouldn’t have to be resilient when they’re so young. But it’s also inspired me to be like them.

To find the joy. To stop and notice the little things. To cry when they’re sad. To keep loving even when it hurts.

I will forever and always be so proud of my babies. I am so grateful to be their mother. 🥹

10/14/2024

I’ve always been a runner.

Not the kind with tennis shoes and a lean body.

Rather, the kind that runs towards chaos to distract myself from the ache inside of me.

I set a quick pace towards a need I see in someone else, because I can help them. Their needs scream in my ears and it drowns out the whisper of my own.

I don’t mind, after all that’s what I am here for?

I pick up the pace when life gets too quiet. Truths that would shatter the story I’ve created for myself start to get too loud. Run faster.

But one day I cannot run.

I am forced to stop against my will. My body screaming “Please stop! Listen!”

The truth feels like a wave consuming me. I cannot breathe. I cannot move. I cannot run.

But I can walk.

One foot in front of the other.

Every day feels excruciatingly slow. I want to go faster. To get out of this misery that is reality.

But this pace gives clarity.

I see the truth. I see the details. I see myself.

Healing is a slow, excruciating, intentional work. I’ve tried to expedite it. But it will not be rushed.

I put one foot slowly in front of the other.

And I walk.

_____________________

This feels kind of scary to post, but this poem just came out of me as I’m processing things.

That’s how writing always is for me. It burns like a fire and I have to sit and get it all out. I can’t force myself to write if I don’t have anything to say, so it’s very hot or cold. 😂

Even though this feels vulnerable and maybe even a little bit silly, I wanted to share in case someone out there is going through something similar. We can walk together 💕

09/03/2024

I’ve struggled a lot in the last few months on how to show up in this space. You guys have been so understanding and supportive of me in ways that overwhelm me (in a good way!).

I’ve definitely had my moments of “Forget all of it, I’m just going to disappear.” Because there is still a lot of grief when I come here. So many dreams that are gone. My entire life unrecognizable to me now.

I’m no longer The Carolina Farmhouse. But I don’t really know who that leaves me as. Just Courtney? That doesn’t feel like enough.

I don’t have a garden. I had to give all of my chickens away. Our rental has no room for my canning supplies so they’re in storage (and what would I can?). My house is not historic. I’m so busy working odds and ends jobs that I don’t even have time to cook delicious meals most nights.

All of the things that brought you to this page are gone. Maybe for a season, but also maybe forever.

I don’t know who I am yet, I’m learning as I heal. And that feels really good and really scary.

I could have “pivoted” this page in a million different ways to keep it growing and keep brand deals and keep people engaged. But honestly, that felt cheap to me. This is my life and it’s burning to the ground and to try to profit off of that or exploit my children in a vulnerable season is something I am not willing to do.

But you guys are what keeps me here. The messages that say “we were never here for a house, we were here for you!” Or “We are here no matter where life takes you.” It honestly makes me cry because I don’t understand it. I don’t see myself like that. But you guys make me want to be brave as I discover where I’m going to land and who I’m going to become.

So thank you for being here. In the beauty and in the train wreck. I owe you so much. 🥹💕

08/19/2024

The older three started school last week and today Hollis started K3 (three days a week).

I would be lying if I said it was easy for my momma heart to watch them go and realize that my season of homeschooling is over. I’ve cried a lot of tears but honestly the school has been such an answer to prayer. They love their teachers already and Hollis couldn’t stop talking about how much she “lubbed school.” 🥹💕

Even in the midst of so much change and transition they didn’t ask to go through, I see so much of God’s hand. They are the bravest and kindest children and I’m so very proud of them. 💕

06/08/2024

Today we had our first showing on the house.

I wasn’t expecting the flood of emotions that came, but they did. As we vacuumed and cleaned thoughts ran through my head of “What if they don’t like the wallpaper in the guest room?” Or “The kitchen is so small, I bet they will say it’s too small.”

But I picked that wallpaper because I liked it. The blue floral print made me happy, so I picked it. “I want it to mimic that feeling you get when you stayed at your grandparents house as a kid. Cozy and warm and loved.”

I’ve vacuumed that room many times. I’ve fluffed the pillows and opened the curtains wide and arranged everything just right, anticipating the guests who would stay with us.

I never thought I would be vacuuming and fluffing and arranging for buyers. But today I did.

Our tiny kitchen made me smile so big the first time I ever walked through the house. “This is an authentic farmhouse kitchen. It’s perfect.” I can’t count the number of meals I’ve made, jars I’ve canned, and conversations I’ve had with my children in that tiny, cramped kitchen.

I’ve not often looked at it with critical eyes. Like it was somehow lacking. I love that kitchen. But today I did when I tried to imagine what the buyers would think.

A house changes when you go from calling it home, to trying to sell it to someone else. I hate it.

I have so much grief that this beautiful farmhouse that I truly thought I would live out my days in, is now simply a commodity being sold. It was so much more than that to me.

I sit on the porch, and let the tears fall. And I pray that if they’re the ones to own this house next, that they get to experience the beauty of the tiny kitchen, all of the comfort of the wallpapered guest room. And the immeasurable joy this place has been to me.

05/29/2024

Just two girls excited over our first potato harvest! 💕

Elliot and I took a walk in the garden and decided to see if the potatoes were ready and what ensued was us digging excitedly through dirt like two cocker spaniels and exclaiming “another one!!” every few minutes. 😂

These pictures don’t do justice to just how many potatoes we harvested! (And some patty pan squash too!)

Ain’t no high like a harvest high! 😂

05/27/2024

Rhett and Patsy. 💛

He calls this cat his little angel “because she once woke me up from a bad dream and comforted me.” 🥹💕

05/26/2024

We had a wonderful time this weekend with my sister and my nephew, Charlie. They were just the spirit lifter we needed!

The cousins had a blast playing Mario Kart and eating popsicles to cool down on the porch. Kaysie and I shot pictures of each other for both of our businesses and stayed up late eating popcorn and laughing until our sides hurt. And of course we ate delicious Mexican food…twice. 😉

It was SO much fun and we can’t wait until our next visit. 💕 Love you, sis.

05/19/2024

A lot of evenings lately I go on what I call “my anxiety walks” around our driveway when I just feel overwhelmed and can’t sit still.

Sometimes I listen to a podcast or audio book. Sometimes I listen to music. Sometimes I walk in silence.

But as I circle this beautiful farmhouse up on the hill, I try to soak it all in and appreciate the gift it has been to me. I smile and sometimes I cry, but I’m trying to let myself soak in all of the details and grief and joy.

For a lot of my life I did everything to run from sorrow. This last year has taught me to hold it close. Resisting it takes so much valuable time when I could be healing.

Just some random musings. 🙃

04/30/2024

I’m a simple gal when it comes to footwear. I find something I like and that is comfortable and I never change it up (hence the sandals I bought for $18 from Target in 2016 that I STILL wear every summer 😂).

When HISEA reached out about their boots, I told them “I would absolutely love to work with you guys…but I’ve got to wear them for a few months before I would know if I would recommend them.” And they gladly obliged!

I’ve been wearing these since February and I can 100% say, I LOVE them. Especially the mid calf, purple ones! They are comfortable and not as hot as higher boots (I live in the hot, humid south 🥵) so my feet don’t get too hot but they still keep my feet safe as I’m working in the garden. They’re so comfortable, I’ve worn them into town before because I didn’t realize I still had my work boots on. 💁🏻‍♀️

These boots come with a 100 year, lifetime warranty and I have a 15% off code for you guys: Farmhouse15.

Let me know what kind you guys get!

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P. O. Box 556
Abbeville, SC
29620

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Videos

I will not miss you, 2024. But I also do not hate you. Happy New Years, friends! May this year hold so much grace for each of us. 💕

If you’re watching this, Tim, you made our Christmas. 🥹🎄

You guys liked this so much in stories I thought I’d share it on my feed! This little thing has made my shirts and hoodies way more flattering and cute. Link is under my 🔗 highlight 😘

I saw the @candlelight.concerts at the Westin in Greenville and was like “Aww that’s so romantic. That would be so fun to go to with someone.” But who needs a man when you can drag your friends with you instead?! 😂 We had so much fun and it took my breath away. The music. The ambiance. The historic hotel. 🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼 Thanks for going with me @joacovillegass_ and @jasminlaiminger 😘

I was a photographer in college but stepped away from it for over a decade. When I started @carolina_lifestyle_photography I didn’t realize how much getting behind a camera again would inspire me. Being able to capture the beauty in each unique person brings me immeasurable joy and inspiration. I would be honored if you let me capture you. 💕 Currently booking: •headshots •creator/entrepreneur packages •lifestyle family portraits •graduate sessions •event photos •engagements •weddings And as always I’m open to creative shoot ideas! Shoot me a message at @carolina_lifestyle_photography to book!

I have been obsessed with cute pajama sets since I was a teenager. I don’t know why but going to bed in something comfortable yet beautiful always made me happy. 🥰 But I am also extremely claustrophobic so the pajamas that I wear have to meet a certain criteria: 1. Be breathable 2. Not be restricting (especially in the armpits…I know, don’t ask me why but if something is tight under my arms I CANNOT breathe 🫠) 3. Be beautiful When @redlandcotton sent me some pieces from their Luxe Knit Collection I knew I wanted to love them (since I am OBSESSED with their sheets and towels) but I also knew I am extremely picky and am not going to force myself to like something I don’t. 😬 I made sure to wear all of them at night before I shared about them so I could be honest and ohhhhhh my goodness. I love every single piece. 😍 The cotton is 100% grown here in the United States as well as the manufacturing. And something about the way @redlandcotton does cotton…it’s the perfect blend of softness and breath-ability. So y’all run, don’t walk to get a set for yourself! Use my code THECAROLINAFARMHOUSE15 to save 15% off and my affiliate link is in my bio, I make a little bit from your purchases at no extra cost to you when you shop through my link. It means so much!! 💕 #luxeknit ##bringthefarmhome #ad #support #redlandcotton #pajamaset