SGWhispers (2024)

20/12/2023

#11700: Your own kin, mother

A bit of Backstory about myself. My dad passed away 10 years ago, i grew up quite independent and financially supporting myself with bursaries & part-time job. Don't want to give any burden to my mother who's supporting me and my brother at that time. Even when the time i got married most of the expenses, ROM and Ceremony and furniture i paid myself. My mom only give ang bao money to the in law and some gold chain to my wife (LTVP holder)

Bring forward to this day. I 27 yrs old diploma holder married to my PR wife and she's pregnant. Currently I am staying at my mom’s house with my wife 3 of us. While my bro was chased out of the house in late June this year by my mom due to some family issue. In the beginning when my wife moved in, my mom was happy. my wife helped out with the house chores and cook for the family. While 3 of us are staying in the house, I used to pay for house water/electrical bill and her phone line & house Wi-Fi bill before my wife is pregnant.

When my wife is pregnant, she stopped working. At this point I am the solo bread winner for my family. I stopped giving water/electrical money but I still help out pay out with her phone bill & House Wi-Fi and other household items.
Even tho we still cook for her once in a while and her birthday I will bring her out to eat at restaurant and sometimes I got bonus, I will bring her out eat too.

In the first place I never thought about inheriting my mom’s house and her wealth even when my bro was chased out of the house. I applied for BTO, gotten my number and baby is otw and cost of living in Singapore. You guys know too. I stopped giving water/electricity money but I still fork out the rest of it ever since my wife stopped working when she’s pregnant.

Since two weeks ago, she told me personally to surrender my insurance plan and take out the money and give it to her instead and said wanna retired soon. I don’t mind surrender my insurance and give you everything. In the beginning not mine anyway but ever since that day her tone and behaviour change. It’s like she’s drawing a line between herself and me/wife.

My wife due date is in 2 months++ time. Seeing my own mom wanna draw a line between us. For my own family sake. I have no choice but to move out, for my baby and wife sake. Had no choice but to seek MP for help to apply PPHS.
No news from HDB yet, I just hope can move out before my wife give birth. If not, move back to my wife country if government can’t help me. The house and the money my mom can take all of it and retired and I don’t want any part of it not mine in the first place anyway.

Dad passed away early, A younger brother who can’t think about what’s good or bad. A mother lack sympathy for her son. And me, a son sorry for not being rich. I just like normal person with normal salary. What a lifeee. Even to me and my wife, what’s children. We give them a life, never once we want something in return when we’re old. I love my wife, my wife love me. That’s our love for our newborn child. Just want them be happy and live their life.

Read on website:
https://whispers.sg/c/sgwhispers/posts/11700

20/12/2023

#11699: Seeking advice on work decisions.

During my time at NUS, I secured a scholarship with a 2-year bond to my current company. As I approach the one-year mark in fulfilling this commitment, I find myself grappling with the decision to terminate the bond, despite the associated penalty fee of approximately $20k. The past year has been marked by challenging days, anxiety, and a realization that the field of work I'm in may not be the right fit for me. Despite the healthy work environment (colleagues are great and friendly), I've struggled to comprehend my tasks, observing others effortlessly grasping concepts that elude me.

In addition to my full-time job, which includes occasional overtime, I've embarked on a side hustle—teaching. I use my after-work hours and weekends to teaching, my total work commitment amounts to around 60 hours per week. While tutoring has its challenges, especially when students are uncooperative, I don't regret my decision. Teaching brings me genuine happiness and a profound sense of purpose derived from helping my students.

My contemplation to terminate the bond stems from several considerations. Firstly, tutoring lacks the stability of a conventional job, and there are no CPF benefits. Secondly, I worry about potential difficulties securing a full-time position in the future due to a lack of industry experience. I am seeking advice on how to navigate this situation and make a well-informed decision about whether to continue with my current job or pursue a path that aligns more closely with my passion for teaching.

As I approach the decision-making point, I acknowledge that in the coming year, I'll still be engaged in my side hustle, and I'm concerned about my ability to cope.

I would like to seek advice on how to navigate this situation and make a well-informed decision about whether to continue with my current job.

Read on website:
https://whispers.sg/c/sgwhispers/posts/11699

20/12/2023

#11658: People are not that forgiving... So don't try try

I just learnt things the hard way. As a super introvert who choose to do delivery jobs due to social anxiety and depression. I forced myself to join a tour group with my best friend with a small tour of 20+ people. It's a short one to Thailand. "Forced" is probably a bad choice of words btw, it's more like I am convinced to challenge myself.

I am not someone who is good with social ques and often appears selfish because I can only take care of myself.

Somehow, I managed to make more than 3 person in the tour group dislike me. One of them make it so obvious that when I smile and greet her "morning" (since its what everyone does), she just turn away. But when my bestie greeted her, she is ok. The rest still bother to greet back but I could tell it's out of courtesy.

Don't ask me what I did, I don't remember doing anything bad intentionally to them. I don't even chat much with them, I am just with my friend when she chatted with them. I join in the conversation once in awhile only. I asked my friend if I did anything wrong to these 3-4 people (they're from different groups, they're not a clique of friends/family) but she couldn't really recall any incident... She say maybe is my body language... But we both couldn't figure out ...

I know I can hack care them because after the trip, we'll probably not see each other anymore. But I can't help but think if people are so easily offended to the point they need to show it then it's really hard for me to get myself into social situations. I don't understand social ques and I eill just continue to make enemies on the way while I improve my skill.

Just how many enemies do I want to make?

Read on website:
https://whispers.sg/c/sgwhispers/posts/11658

20/12/2023

#11653: Should we give away our pets

Not sure is this common among couples whom keep pets but here goes.

My husband and I have two pet rabbits which we loved very much, at least i still love them. Recently husband got a promotion at work to be a head manager, his job responsibilities have increases, thus from the usual 8 hours, he works for a maximum at 10 to 12 hours per day now. As expected he also got a major pay rise.

We have always take turns to feed and wash the rabbits nightly, spend some time with them to groom them, give them treats and let them cuddle with us on our laps. Our rabbits are tame. One of us will do the feeding, and the other will wash the cage, and our duties will rotate.

These few weeks, I have noticed that my husband leave all the duties to me, not that i mind doing the cleaning but i do mind that he's not doing the usuals like petting them. Last night he told me that he didn't like the rabbits anymore, and he prefers to concentrate on earning more money and maybe rise to a higher position at work. He mentions he wants us to live a more comfortable life and he's aiming to save up for our future Finland Xmas trip.

I was upset hearing from him about his views on the rabbits, though i am thankful he's being honest. Should i continue keeping our pets or put them up for adoption? What should we do? Any feedbacks? I had to admit I feel upset seeing all the toys and treats which my husband used to buy.

Read on website:
https://whispers.sg/c/sgwhispers/posts/11653

20/12/2023

#11646: Asian parents please don't alienate your children.

I am in married, female, and in my 40s. I had a very traditional asian father growing up that believed in tough love, corporal punishment and all that. We were not rich. Dad did what he thought was right. I ended up working in the civil service and my brother found success in sales/business.

However, due to our upbringing, my brother hated (understatement) father. Dad would use traditional arguments, such as he brought us up, he spent money on us, yada yada to force brother to comply.

Since brother was rich already, he wrote a cashiers order for a few million, passed it to my dad as "repayment" for all the years of resources, opportunity costs. He then doubled the amount of money to "buy my freedom" too. Brother then walked out of dad's life forever.

Over the years, dad did not attend my brothers wedding, or meet his gf/wife. My dad doesn't know his own grandson.

Dad died a few months back due to cancer. And in his deathbed. He confessed to me that driving brother away was his biggest, lifetime regret and he hopes to reconcile. Dad was hard on brother because he needed to teach him how to be a "man". He was extremely proud of my brother. My bro turned out to be the ideal son. Successful man that takes care of his own family.

That didn't happen. Brother didn't even attend his funeral.

After dad's death, we found out that he didn't touch the millions all these years. We wanted to return bro the money but bro objected, claiming that this money cannot be taken back. We decided do donate it to charity, brother also donated his entire share of my dad's estate to charity...

It's too late for our family. But I hope all asian, stern parents... just tell your kid that you love them.

Read on website:
https://whispers.sg/c/sgwhispers/posts/11646

20/12/2023

#11638: A letter to anyone who can make the world better

I'm just a Singapore citizen who has no friends, family or anyone.
I am someone without family, friends, and anyone who will love me for who I am in this country. I feel I'm an empty hollow husk of human body with only pure grief, pain and loneliness. I have dream and goals however there are no one with me, everyday in near future I will see no one, there will be no home for me, no family or love to be there for me.

I am writing this to hope that there's something in near future that the government can do something about the protection from harassment act 2014, where people who have mental health disorder and psychiatric disabilities to live equally like normal human beings in singapore. I know it might not means anything to you, however I'm begging for my message to reach you to read it. I know I'm a nobody and have nothing so I have no rights to say and feel about anything despite I'm a citizen of Singapore. I hope one day the government is able to do something on the internet especially having Singapore citizens cyber bullying and harassing people who are weaker.
Base on The Protection from Harassment Act 2014 (POHA) is a statute of the Parliament of Singapore that criminalises harassment, stalking, and other anti-social behaviour. The law is designed specifically to make acts of cyberbullying and online harassment a criminal offence. This law commenced on 15 November 2014 and it was introduced by Introduced by
K Shanmugam (Minister for Law) apparently from Wikipedia, as I do not study law.

This year I had been cyber shamed and bullied more than twice this year, one was from Facebook, and more than 5 times was on Reddits.
I made a police report for the first 3 on Facebook where I was shame of buying a kids meal in the takagi ramen shop simei branch.

26 days ago where I made a post on an online platform called Reddit under subreddit called AskSingapore. I had asked how to migrate to Australia without a degree, since I have nothing here in Singapore that made me considered being a citizen of Singapore. I was being cyber bullied and shame by many singaporeans for using poor English, when I was taught broken English since young while I had ADHD which made my brain learn slower. It made me feel like for someone do not deserve to live like a normal human.
When I shared about my mental health experience and views, which I was being discriminated as misogynistic from one of a moderator in that sub group. There are some people whom told me indirectly that if I can't handle cyber harassment or bullying I should not use this platform and I felt that it is trying to tell me I do not have the rights to use just because I'm not as strong as others mentally. It really made me wonder if I'm being harassed or bullied and shame in the real world, would I have no rights to live and should be dead instead just like how I should not be online?
There are many Singaporeans however who actually instigated me to su***de when I felt really depressed about it. Some of them did not know the impact that they gave to others like people who are special needs or mentally sick. It is trying to say that we aren't normal and we have no human rights to be online or offline, to be accepted in working society or social world, having no rights to be loved by people as we are an emotional burden or baggage to people. Over the years especially this pandemic had really affected many people to be even more cruel to commit cyber bullying, harassment and discrimination towards people especially who are special needs or mental health patients to make them feel they do not have the right to feel or be in the same world as them. Special needs or mental illness, humans are still humans after all. Singapore was known to be a democratic and peaceful country however it is not mentally safe as it appears to be. Singaporeans shame elderly online as well for not sitting appropriately. I do not have any connections to these people but I felt that they weren't born in this generation as more than half of their life were exposed to previous culture and it would be difficult for them to change in this new generation. I do feel that the elderly do not have any intention to hurt people and are only leading their life.
Being shame by our own country citizen is more immorally wrong and just because it's legal it allowed and advocate more adults to do so, as well.

I was cyber bullied on the 06/10/23,the incident occurred on Friday 06/10/23 where I shared a Facebook post on a Facebook group called
Complaint Singapore around 12noon. I post about experience I had with a ramen shop, Takagi Ramen,
where I bought a kids meal and did not have promotion freebies that was supposed to be given. I had made a police report a total of 3 times while the first has responded to me but I had reported as doxxing so it was a close case.
The 2nd report failed to called me due to me having a counselling session at that point of time however, I called back and was told to wait for the call but never had since then till the 3rd reports as well. Some singaporeans had tried to bash me online for wasting Singapore police force resource and time and that was how I got cyber bullied as I am nobody or do not have a parent who is either rich or having high influence or power status.
26 days ago I made a post regarding myself on how can I migrate to Australia due to many years of being bullied and child abuse, however on one part I was actually cyber harassed and insult by a guy just because my English wasn't good enough to understand. Other occasions on the last month and this month was when I had made a post speaking of how and why other adults who are normal human beings that are smart are able to have s*x or love but for special needs people like us we do not have the right to be treated normally as well, which ends up getting me being bullied again. I was harassed by one of a moderator in one of the group by saying I'm misogynistic, and do not use this platform if I am snowflake.
I wonder if I am being abused and bullied in real life, am I not allowed to live in this earth?

All of this made me feel my life and existence here means nothing to the country.
My birthday is coming in a few days which falls on the 11th of December but I'm more concerned about this and myself to be homeless as HDB has rejected my appeal to stay alone in a single room rental flat, which i had spent nearly 6 months replying to hdb and even raise the issue to MP Jessica tan. I had lost a place to live as I was forced by my friends of 16 years to rent at their house and to get evicted after a year and moved to a rehabilitation shelter however being assaulted twice and evicted this coming end of year. I do not hope to have a pleasant birthday but to wish that I would be able to have a roof in HDB rental flat to able to study and find a meaning in my life, as well as my concerns of being a human in Singapore as someone who had mental disorders as well as psychiatric disorder to live as a normal human and protection towards senior citizens from being shame online.
I'm aware that I'm nobody however I hope the my words would raise a concern to the government take the protection from the act law strictly that can applies to the Reddit forums as there are cyber bullying as well or to ban Reddit from being able to use in Singapore as well as the protection for senior citizens and people who are special needs, who have psychiatric disabilities or mental health disorder to have a human rights.

Read on website:
https://whispers.sg/c/sgwhispers/posts/11638

20/12/2023

#11637: Performance of Aging Men

As women get older we tend to get more disinterested in seggs. Many no longer want it especially after kids.

However, not all aging men face reduced libido. Some old men still “want it”.

However, seggs is almost always not as good with an old man, especially if they do not exercise or have poor stamina. By old, I mean those aged 40 and above.

Worse still if they smoke or are obese.

They are usually unable to perform consistent measured thrusts in a position that provides maximum pleasure to their partner without heaving, panting, sweating and turning blue - all of which can be very distracting for a woman who’s trying to climax. Older men simply cannot pleasure effortlessly. Penetrative seggs which is (more) important for men unfortunately becomes very displeasurable for most women in the case of older men. Further more, older men tend to have this aging and rotting “stench”. Which comes back shortly after a shower.

I just hope that older men could be more “self-aware” such that even though they still “want it” they need to recognise that they’re no longer desirable and shouldn’t impose themselves on younger girls or even their own partner.

I am not saying that older men should not be allowed to want it just because they’re no longer the strong handsome stallion they were.

BUT be thoughtful. Don’t be delusional and feel good about yourself just because a lady agrees to have seggs with you. Instead, remember to be apologetic and thankful everytime your partner or a lady agrees to sleep with you.

Those who can afford it, think of the things they can buy to adequately compensate the torment that their partners have to endure due to bad s*x.

“Love” could be a reason why people decide to tolerate bad s*x but repeated bad s*x can do a lot of damage and be very trying to “love” and I wouldn’t recommend subjecting “love” to bad s*x.

Read on website:
https://whispers.sg/c/sgwhispers/posts/11637

20/12/2023

#11630: Extension of notice period

Last year (few months after joining the company), my notice period was extended from 1 month to 2 months but this was applied for everyone in the office, regardless of position. Despite being an assistant position only, I still signed it without complaint. However fast forward 1.5y later, we were told that notice period has to be further extended from 2 months to 3 months as it takes 1 month to update JDA & find replacement, while the actual transition handover is only 1 month which is not sufficient. Can anyone share if 3 months notice period is normal or it should only be applicable for managerial position and above who have more complicated work? My boss said that 2 or 3 months does not make a difference as we can negotiate again when the times come but this seems to be a trap cause he can still refuse to accept anything less than 3 months when the time comes. Does anyone have a good reason to refuse such request?

Read on website:
https://whispers.sg/c/sgwhispers/posts/11630

20/12/2023

#11629: This is potentially a sensitive topic, but I need to ask about the "rich people culture"

Okay so, might be long, I'll do my best to make it short and I'll be as respectful as I can. I really genuinely am curious. For context, I used to be extremely poor, but with a lot of hard work over the years, managed to move to Singapore for new opportunity and, I have now became pretty rich, but, I'm having a huge culture shock that I just couldn't wrap my head around.

Okay so, as I moved here about months ago, my colleagues invited me to go around shopping over the weekends. I wasn't very close to them, but I joined them cause why not. Then they brought me to these...luxurious places? Like this place (forgot the name) sold shirts. The shirts looked so plain, and blank colours, with simple materials, but...it cost 300 SGD...? Then there's this cap, I forgot the name, selling for 200 SGD? Then they brought me to those luxurious bags like LV and whatnot etc. and all these time I thought they cost about 250 SGD kind of luxury but...one of the bags my colleagues bought cost 5000 SGD.....and....its a very small bag, that you can probably fit a phone and wallet and it'll be full....

My collegues started asking me why am I not buying these luxurious wearings, and all I said was "I don't plan to right now", but in reality, I don't plan to ever. Just for comparison, my shirt cost 3 SGD and it looks nice to me and I've been wearing it for years. My bag cost about 20 SGD and it has good quality, long lasting, and can fit many many things. So yeah, u get it. My questions is....why do rich people buy expensive....useless things?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I am rich now, I can afford to buy many of those bags and all, but.....why? That bag is so small....and it cost a car? And there's people buying it...? But...what's the use? Why buy an overpriced cap when you can just wear a 2 SGD cap? Why buy an overpriced shirt when a 5 SGD shirt, that looks exactly the same serve the same purpose? I just....why? What's the use? Is it just purely to show off? Just to let people know that you're rich? Just for people to look up to you?

In case you're wondering, all the money I earned is only spend on basic needs, and the rest I decided to give away to my younger sibling's education, and charity for others.

Also, please don't give me the "Their money their life" or similar answer, I get it. I'm asking all these coming from someone who was extremely poor, so these whole thing is really news to me. I'm trying to understand better.

Read on website:
https://whispers.sg/c/sgwhispers/posts/11629

20/12/2023

#11628: Regarding FWBs

I have a FWB that’s been going on for over 6 months now. Initial months were really great- we were both hot and heavy for each other. And the s*x was pretty mind blowing.

I’m not looking for a serious relationship (and neither was he) so this worked for both of us.

However, lately I can feel the interest waning.
He goes for days without even texting me at all sometimes. Don’t ask me how I know but I know for a fact he’s active on dating apps. I know we aren’t an item or romantically dating, but it still stings, knowing that while he’s ###xing me regularly he’s still swiping on apps to find & chat with other girls.

I think the problem with a lot of these men who want FWBs is that they only think about the “benefits” and they totally forget about the “friends” part of the equation.

I was ill recently and not once did he even check in on me to see if I was alright or needed anything. If the roles were reversed, I’d have either cooked some congee or ordered food on delivery apps and had it sent to his place; to at least make sure he ate. That’s what friends do.

Disappointed but not surprised.

I blame myself for having any of these expectations in the first place.

The truth is, I’d have happily continued this FWB thing for years and years & just enjoy it for what it is, because I don’t believe in so called committed relationships or marriage anymore; but the fact that he doesn’t seem to care much about me and doesn’t even behave like a friend to me in times of need….. it has totally turned me off.

All it takes is a tiny little bit of effort and men don’t wanna do it. But they love complaining that women don’t want them, don’t respond on dating apps, don’t wanna go on dates with them.

Gee, I wonder why. You men have made yourselves absolutely not wanted nor needed. Don’t complain.

Read on website:
https://whispers.sg/c/sgwhispers/posts/11628

20/12/2023

#11625: Relationship woes

One year ago I had the opportunity to meet this guy through the same company. I quitted the job in Sept 23, since then we have been in touched. Recently, I’ve started to develop feelings for but I’m unsure if he feels the same. We frequently go out together like real close friends, sharing deep conversations. He has even open up about his family, goals and future aspirations including the number of kids he hopes to have in the future if he ever get married. Based on all this interactions, do you think there is a slightest chance for us to be more than just friends?

Read on website:
https://whispers.sg/c/sgwhispers/posts/11625

03/12/2023

#11608: How do you afford relationships in Singapore?

How do you afford relationships in Singapore

So I’m from America and recently moved to Singapore. I’m 29 and earn a “okay” salary (it’s a local non-expat contract for the big 4 so can work it out from that) although it’s tough with the current rental market and definitely not rich.

I moved here single and so been trying to date. I don’t really have a preference in terms of people I date as long as we get on. I’ve had a few long term relationships back in the USA for which the most part were great, but unfortunately they didn’t work out.

So I started dating this girl a few months back. She’s from Malaysia but she’s PR here. She’s 25 and earns a reasonable salary for her age I’d say (between 3 and 4K).

The first date we went on I suggested some chill drinks and then she replied and asked if we could go to some fancy restaurant which would set me back about $250. Although, the whole night ended up being much more. Dinner was $250, taxis were $50. Then we went for drinks after (2 cocktails) which was $120. So altogether it cost nearly $420. She hadn’t even tried to offer to pay for something.

Anyway, fast forward a while and we’re officially together now and she still expects me to pay for everything when I’m with her. Whether that’s to pay for her taxi to my place, dinner dates, trips away and even daily expenses. On top of all this, she also expects me to buy her gifts for her birthday, treat to things. I have no idea where she expects all this money to come from.

I seem to have to pay for absolutely everything and she doesn’t even offer to pay. I’ve raised this to her and she said that I’m the man and should pay as she doesn’t earn a lot. I’ve told her that I’m not in a position to pay for everything and she said fair enough, but things still haven’t changed.

She’s said that all the guys she’s dated in Singapore, they’ve always paid for everything and I’m the first guy to raise this issue to her. I’m at the end of my tether because I do like hanging with her but I need her to take responsibility and offer to pay for things, unless of course I’ve specifically said I’m taking her out for dinner.

We’re going on holiday to Vietnam soon and in the process of booking things. I don’t expect her to pay 50/50 but unsure how to go about splitting the cost with her.

Am I being unreasonable here? How do guys in Singapore manage it? It’s literally getting to the point where I cannot afford to have a girlfriend. I don’t feel like I’m being used, since we spend a huge amount of time together and she does seem to genuinely like me, but she seems to have this mindset that guys are ATM cash machines and rich, which I’m far from.

Any advice people have?

Read on website:
https://whispers.sg/c/sgwhispers/posts/11608

03/12/2023

#11603: Toxic boss?

I'm working in the public sector, one that handles something that all of us have. I have a boss known as Ms Wu. I suspect that she has something against me, I don't know why. I feel very uncomfortable whenever she talks to me, always staring at me. She will comment on my personal life and force her beliefs on me. She would tell the rest of my team on things I have shared with her for people to comment and judge. I think she's always gossiping with other bosses behind my back, about me sometimes. She doesn't even fight for me when people are faulting me for things that they have more fualt in. I feel that I'm not valued in her team and not listened to. I feel so distressed at work everyday with her as my boss.

Read on website:
https://whispers.sg/c/sgwhispers/posts/11603

03/12/2023

#11593: Pivoting career help

Basically, I did a generic biz degree and I regret it. Why? The admin 9-5pm life isn't for me.

My whole life, I've been doing what my parents wanted or the "right" thing. I've somewhat been on auto pilot. I'm not blaming them, I didn't know any better - and now, I'm taking responsibility.

Just want some advice on any of the following or whatever the community sees fit. Thanks in advance.

-Looking for a non admin job. Maybe customer facing or sales perhaps? Any tips?
-Starting a Business?
-Anything you can think of to help me get on the right track

Read on website:
https://whispers.sg/c/sgwhispers/posts/11593

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