10/11/2021
“TRIUMPH AMIDST RIGOR”
by Hannah Angela Ballonico
My doctor once told me, I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) when I was 12 years old, after surviving the strongest typhoon that devastated my beloved hometown.
Despite our efforts to rebuild, the storm’s impact was never truly erased. Trees, farms, buildings that had been there for centuries had vanished. Years were spent rebuilding and reshaping the neighborhood into something new. Life continued to move forward throughout that time.
“Despite the fact that nightmares and memories ultimately faded, I never felt completely safe being alone again,” I uttered to myself.
And I thought I’d grown out of that experience as an adult. Fear, uncertainty, and a sense of loss of control were all feelings I hoped to never experience again. But it all came flooding back again in March 2020, when Tacloban City issued an emergency community lockdown and the Eastern Visayas State University transitions to distance learning. My depressed mind took me back to being twelve years old, alone at home in the attic, hiding under a blanket as the weight of a storm pounded the house around me, a freight train of sound and shattered glass.
“Okay, so since I was not able to meet you for how many months, later on, I’ll be posting all your activities to be done. And also, we will be having a long quiz for the next virtual class. The long quiz will cover what we have discussed today. Thank you, you may leave the virtual meeting now.” My professor said.
It has been a year since the COVID-19 pandemic started, and I am still in the midst of combatting my depressed mind and adjusting between online and face-to-face classes.
As I left the meeting room I heard a loud bang of noise, it was my father, and he slammed the door that caused my heart to beat so fast.
“LET’S END THIS. I AM TIRED, EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY! MY BOSS FIRED ME, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO EARN MONEY. THIS SITUATION OF US, HAVING NO FOOD, NO MONEY MADE ME QUESTION MY WORTH AS THE FATHER OF THIS HOUSE!” My dad yelled.
Life is too toxic, the same thing dealing with online classes, bombarded with school activities. This has been my daily life since the pandemic started, tired of everything.
It's been a year since then. It's simple to claim that a lot has changed, but hasn't it? Here in Tacloban City, I'm still taking refuge. During this period, I haven't seen (or hugged) anyone outside of my house. Isolation is a strong emotion. To get through each new day, I've established new rituals and coping techniques. The initial shock and disorientation have given way to a low hum of anguish and persistent suffering. I'm prepared to hear that more of my loved ones have become ill or died as a result of the virus; or for the possibility that it will be me next.
I sighed and continued to write my letter to those students who fought this catastrophe,
Dear Dauntless Fighter,
I understand if you're exhausted or confused. It occurs to the most well-intentioned of us. It happens to everyone at least once in their lives. It's fine if you have no idea how to mend things. Nobody knows everything and you're not supposed to. Life can be messy and the solution isn't always obvious. It's okay if all you can do is take each day as it comes. You'll figure things out eventually but it'll take time and effort. You may not have either right now but you will someday. And when the day comes, you will be fearless, right now, take a rest because you deserve it, after all, a building wasn’t built for a day.
Continue to be the skilled fighter that you are. Everything will improve and you will be able to thrive once more. However, you must set aside time to rest and refresh yourself. Life is difficult, and being a college student is even more difficult but it does not mean you must do both all of the time. You can't always do it. After all, you are only human. I'm here to tell you not to give up whether you're exhausted, having trouble with school, or anything else that upsets you. So take a break both mentally and physically. A lot has happened this semester and even this year, and life will continue to hurl curve balls at you but you will survive.
You are strong, you are enough, and you are loved!
Love,
A fellow struggling student
After 5 years…
“You are undeniably great. And we would like to inform you that we are looking forward to working with you here in the company. Congratulations! You are hired.” The Human Resources Manager proclaimed. I feel delighted upon hearing the good news. Life can be difficult but there is always a rainbow after the rain. Life WILL be difficult at times. You will have reservations. You'll wonder if it's even worthwhile. Continue. We wouldn't enjoy the highs if it weren't for the lows. Nothing lasts forever, so enjoy the battle while you can. Don't allow the weight of the struggle to crush you; trust the process. Continue. Continue to push forward. Continue to fantasize. Continue to do what you're doing and never give up.
Photo courtesy: Freepik and Depositphotos
