23/11/2024
A few months back, I wrapped up studying the book of Ephesians. To me, the book read like God's practical guide to relationships. So we'll be sharing our thoughts, reflections, and realizations from the things we learned in the next few days.
Around the same time, two years ago, our married life was— how do I put this, chaotic? We were both adjusting to being self-employed. Imagine juggling the challenges of inconsistent income while juggling multiple hats in our business. Isipin mo, yung bahay niyo opisina niyo. Tapos yung asawa mo officemate mo. (Imagine your home is your office, and your husband is your colleague). Do you really want to come home with your annoying colleague? Unless you were colleagues before you got married 😆, then that's a recipe for fireworks. For us, we completely had different career paths before we shifted to working together.
When God asked me to shift to remote work, so Dondon could pursue his design degree, I had to learn to work with him, PROFESSIONALLY. This was a major adjustment for me. My biggest challenge? My impatience and temper. I don't like waiting. Coming from a high-pressure PR agency, where quick thinking and trend-spotting were non-negotiables, waiting and moving slowly meant failure. I had spent eight (8) years in a fast-moving environment.
In our new set-up, God wanted me to follow and obey His pace, which meant: days of pause and recalibrating then days of hard work from dawn to dusk. There were many moments when I would grind my teeth and ask God, "Do we really have to do this today, Lord?" What I didn't realize was that this is Dondon's learning curve. He needed to learn quickly what I learned over 10 years. My unrealistic expectations were hurting him more than helping. Here was my husband, someone who had incredible, natural talent. Yet, my sarcasm and sharp tongue weren't exactly nurturing his growth. I had to acknowledge that God wasn't just refining him— He was also working on me and my heart.
Looking back, God intentionally allowed us to work on a client who taught us about God's family, which means being rooted in His word (We'll do a deep dive on this in our next post). Then, a good friend of ours Charlene, introduced us a few years back to the book, "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. It was another friend Celia who guided me and another friend, Nadelyn to start a praying wife journey.
Here's what I've learned so far from reading Ephesians and Stormie's book:
1. Submission starts with the husband's relationship with God. When the Bible calls them to "love their wives as Christ loves the church", it's a tall order. It means God expects them to have a deep, intimate relationship with Him. Men are called to submit to God first— seeking His wisdom and obeying His instructions.
2. Submission for wives is not about blind obedience. God isn't asking wives to follow their husbands without questions. He is calling us to respect their leadership while lovingly reminding them if their direction stray from God's wisdom. The key phrase? DO IT LOVINGLY.
3. Your husband/wife is your choice. There's a reason God led you to choose him/her. Focus and go back to those reasons. God is building on those foundations.
Let me share some practical tips that's been working for me, so far (by God's grace):
1. Pray for your husband/wife. When you pray for them, you're praying for the half of your life. You're praying for their protection against evil thoughts, toxic influences, temptations, and even bad work and business decisions.
2. Pray to be a better partner. Yes, even when your spouse is not. No need to call the Big G hotline to complain about your hubby or wife's irritating, rough, and bad attitude. God sees those things and you have to trust God to change their heart. That's His job, not yours. The only thing you can change (with God's help) is your own response and attitude towards them.
3. Respect each other. Respect begets respect. I was very disrespectful to Dondon and I know it hurt his self-esteem. Thankfully, God's grace is healing those wounds and it's teaching me to honor him more.
4. Appreciate the little things. Even when it's a simple task like doing the dishes or running an errand. Let your partners know that you SEE THEM. Sometimes, it's these small acts that spark the biggest change.
They say, marriage is hardwork. They say that for a reason. It's because it's a constant journey of growth. Don't expect to solve your marriage problems the same way every time. As Christian couples, we're given a new identity in Christ. Pray for God to create that change and allow Him to take the lead. Listen and obey, even when it means surrendering parts of yourself that feel "essential and comfortable" for you. In my case, it's my quick temper and sarcasm. If you expect your husband or wife to work hard in every area, you have to be willing to do the same. Marriage isn't about finding comfort zones, it's about walking in God's grace, one step at a time.
