15/11/2023
Hey Humans! Ate Jo is back!
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It's been a while ano? Kumusta na kayo?
Here's some recap and updates of what happened and what's happening.. uhh, to me.
Around 2019, I made this page para may paglagyan ako ng mga drawings ko.
Alam nyo naman na ang kwento. Noon, I never had the slightest idea that there are Human Beings naman pala that appreciate my humor.
Time passed and we've reach a number of humans here. Christian people who share the same wavelength as me.
And so I decided to open a Commission Project so we can do an Outreach program to help others. At nagawa naman natin ito, successfully.
We were able to help children from different places for the last 2-3 years, we were also able to extend help to our Brothers and Sisters in our Jail Outreach Program and so much more.
At yon ay hindi dahil saken, kundi dahil sa mga nagtiwala sa Commission Artworks ko at sa mga Books na nirelease ko noon.
2022, I got my heart broken, 4 months before a planned Wedding. My Wedding. A dark and sad moment sa buhay ko, yet I saw it as God saving me from a Marriage that wasn't for me. But somehow, after all the forgiveness and blessings I received, I felt like a part of me is already broken, at hindi ko na ito maibabalik pa sa dati, kahit anong gawin ko.
I slowly felt incomplete. And lost confidence. Unti-unti.
"Di ka maganda."
"Di ka magaling"
"Toxic ka ."
"It's your fault."
"Goody good shoes."
"Kapalit-palit ka naman talaga."
And no matter how I shoo those feelings away, it kept crawling back as if parte na talaga sila ng sistema ko.
I write and share God's good news yet there were battles I kept fighting and.. losing. Over and over again.
2023 came, despite the fact that I've been really struggling internally. I still wanted to share God's love through this page, and do the Outreach program so I still accepted works and orders.
I continued sharing and writing. I love what I do here. It became my safespace.
But I still have ongoing emotional, mental and spiritual battles that I was winning and losing behind all those witty posts.
I decided to look for an active Church to help me cope up,
And I found one! and they're the most loving people I've met.
Pero the more I wanted to seek God, the harder the battles I get myself in to.
June 2023, I got violently robbed and things that were VERY important to me was taken away.
I thought of just ending it all. Bahala na.
Pagod na ako sa mga battles na 'to.
Hindi naman ako strong soldier para sa gera na tulad nito.
I attempted, but never had the courage to do so.
And things fell apart, one after another.
I lost my job,
I got people disappointed,
I got sick,
People got sick,
People passed away,
People left,
Akala mo'y nasa 'Maalaala mo kaya" ang buhay ko.
I asked the Lord to save me, but I just kept drowning in these mudpool "I" created.
I doubted my faith.
I doubted my beliefs.
And eventually.. lost it.
Wala na. Talo na ako.
And believe me when I say that I tried. I tried REALLY hard to seek and listen.
Pero siguro dahil sa disappointment ko sa sarili ko, I became numb about my feelings.
at sabi ko nalang sa isip ko, "wag na tayong magstrive na mabuhay, mag-exist nalang tayo. ok naman na siguro ung humihinga nalang tayo no? ok na yon."
I slowly became numb on God's voice, and slowly slipped away.
Napabayaan ko na ang mga projects ko dito sa page.
Napabayaan ko ang sarili ko.
Napabayaan ko ang lahat ng relationships ko.
People suffered because of me.
They, including you guys here, got disappointed.
But instead of facing the problem heads on, I decided to withdraw myself.
"Ipapahinga ko lang ang utak ko saglit kase, baka pag nagtuloy tuloy ito, baka gawin ko na ng tuluyan ung mga attempts ko noon at imeet ko si Lord ng wala sa oras." - sabi ko.
My mental state was at the peak of losing it.
Totoo ang Anxiety and Depression. Kahit pa sa isang matagal na na Christian na tulad ko.
Things were so overwhelming that I really thought of losing it.
So I abandoned everything.
I abandoned myself, my friends, my Church, and this page ~ "my safe place".
Napagod talaga akong mag-exist.
So allow me to take this moment to say sorry to EVERYONE who I still owe my commissions to.
Hindi po kayo naScam. Talaga lang pong may matinding dinaanan, at dinadaanan ako,
and for my mental health, I chose to take a break without any notice.
And, I'M SORRY.
Please send a Private Message so we can schedule and process a refund for our project.
Again, I sincerely apologize for this mess I made.
May God give you a heart to forgive.