25/03/2026
The time is set. Once again, the husband and/or father have signed another contract for 9 months at sea. What seems to be normal does not feel normal after so many years. You still feel the pain and loneliness in your heart on the way to the airport. The children are crying. They do not want Daddy to go. That even makes it harder for husbands and wives. How will you sur- vive the 9 months without your husband? During your holidays you en- joyed family life, so much, but now it seems like being separated for 9 months is too much to bear. Although you have experienced being alone for several contracts, you just do not want that feeling of separation again. However, you just cannot escape reality. The plane is leaving in a few hours.
Sometimes you wonder how you can live as a family when your hus- band is not around. Sometimes the work you shoulder as a wife, mother, and manager of the whole family is too tiring. You take the kids to school, cook, do the laundry, and even try to do the repairs. You try to manage the finances, and pay the bills, and feel like you are juggling too many jobs at the same time. After all, you still need to look after your parents and your parents-in-law. Your mind seems to be working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with little rest. When your children are not well, your problems seem to get too big. You often have no solution but rather you are left alone so all you can do is pray that God will be mer- ciful to you and your children. You often feel exhausted, you feel like you have to shoulder all the problems alone. One of the hardest things is decision-making when your husband is not around. You cannot simply discuss what to do, you just have to decide right on the spot. When you encounter a problem, you cannot call your husband immediately be- cause the connection doesn’t always work on the vast oceans. Even when you phone him, time is often too short to come to a mutual understand- ing and solution of the problem. You need your husband home, you need him now, but he is still 9 months away, and that is painful. You feel like giving up, but that isn’t a solution either. The worst thing of all is that during the time your husband is back at home on vacation, he still needs to attend various training and upgrade sessions. So, it might turn out that, from his 2 months of vacation, he actually only has one month with the family. Life is really hard, full of difficulties. What is the solution? Is there even a solution?
Below you will find comments from wives of seafarers who share how they have managed that difficult time when the husband is gone. Here is a testimony of a seafarer’s wife about how she handles her family as a “man- ager” How are some of her problems taken care of?
Interview with Elisa Sillano
How long have you been married? We have been married for 32 years.
Has the job of your husband on a ship changed things in your mar- riage, and in your family? Yes, because it was hard for me to adjust to the roles I had to play: I had to be a mother and a father for our kids. On the other hand, his absence helped us financially.
What is your view and understanding of a seafarer’s wife? As I said earlier, due to his absence, I need to be a mother and father to our growing kids.
What do you do to keep the family together? I believe in the saying that “A family that prays together, stays to- gether”. Prayer has been the best tool for our strong bond as a family.
What benefits does your marriage have compared to that of a non- seafarer? Compared to a non-seafarer husband, I think the advantage we have is that we are well provided for.
What disadvantages does your marriage with a seaman have? The disadvantage of having a seaman as a husband is that we have to suffer in a long-distance relationship.
What do you do to improve your family life? I see to it that I give everyone the love and care that they need, and I assure them all the time that they always have my support no mat- ter what.
What are the biggest challenges for you when your husband is at sea? The biggest challenge for me is to run the household alone, discipline the kids, and guide them in their studies.
What would you tell other women who are about to marry a seaman? You should be tough and firm when it comes to decision-making. You should also have discipline and patience, and always seek guid- ance from the Lord.
How does the absence of your husband affect you and your children? The children want to know their father better, and they are longing for the love of a father.
Where do you find help, encouragement, and inspiration to keep on going? Our God is the one to whom I run for encouragement and inspiration to keep on going, as well as for my parents, my kids, and my husband, who works hard to give us a better life.
Any final remarks from your side? As a wife of a seaman, I embrace all the pros and cons that come with it. It may be good or bad, as long as we have a great God who is there to guide us in our family life. And I always bear in mind that, when our problem is as large as a ship, we have a solution that is as wide as the ocean.
Another seafarer’s wife shared her experiences about being the manager of the family while her husband was at sea. Here is her story:
“There are many areas that made life so challenging, and these are the follow- ing: As a wife and a mother of two kids with less than a year’s gap, it is not easy to take care of them. In spite of that, we find ways to give them the love, care, and attention they need. We hired someone to help me in the house and take care of our babies. However, the challenges got intense when my babies got sick, and I didn’t have a helper anymore. I had to babysit and do household chores at the same time. When they start school, I will be their tutor at home while cooking our meals. I am teaching and guiding my two kids while doing simple household chores. Even with two kids I also have to take care of my el- derly mother. I have taught my kids to love and respect their father despite the distance between us. Since communication was very hard before there was no internet in our house, we needed to travel 30 minutes just to have a video call. There are also financial issues. In money matters, budgeting is very important. We must provide for our basic needs and save money for college tuition fees. We got an educational plan and health insurance plan for each of us. Lastly, as a seafarer’s wife, we can’t talk as often as we want to due to the nature of my husband’s work. When conflict and misunderstandings arise, they can’t be re- solved right away. When making decisions we need to talk and think about the matters first. In my role as a wife, I have done my best, but I accept the fact that I have had many lapses in life. My parenting skill while multitasking may not be as smooth as it should be, but I am trying to improve it. And above all, it is very important to have a prayerful life. Talk to God like a friend. Make Jesus our confidant in all our problems – not someone else. Love, patience, under- standing, and commitment in our family are very important to meet the chal- lenges. Whatever life may bring, good or bad, each member of the family must realize that we need God as the anchor to keep the whole family together.”7
7 Permission given to print her article.
Wives play an important role in the seafarer’s family. I am glad to know that several wonderful organizations focus on helping the families of sea- farers in the Philippines. One such organization is SeaFam which provides a range of social services such as counseling, education/training, and net- working opportunities to help seafarers and their loved ones flourish both at sea and on land. There are also two other organizations: Mission to Sea- farers (MtS) and Seafarers’ Christian Friend Society (SCFS) The SCFS runs a Seamen’s center in Intramuros, Manila, where seafarers and their fami- lies can get various kinds of help (www.scfs.org). Yet another one is Stella Maris. All are dedicated to helping seafarers and their families in need.
Finally, one more wonderful organization is called ISWAN – Interna- tional Seafarers Welfare and Assistance Network. (Please see the Appendix where more is explained about these organizations.) All these groups have helped seafarer families in the past and will continue to be of great help in the future.
