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30/11/2022

Why do we let ourselves get worked up when we know it doesn’t amount to much of anything? We know we should be positive, we know we should calm ourselves down or just let go of the things we have in our minds. Heaven knows Facebook is full of these sayings and cliches! And yet we go round and round with that thing in our heads that gets us all worked up. I know I am talking about myself, and not about you and so I shouldn’t say we. It’s just a manner of speaking. Sorry about that. And yes, I am talking about myself.

Sometimes I wonder, do we really have free will? If I get all worked up about something, can I just will my mind to stop thinking about it and move to more “positive” thoughts at a snap of a finger? Can I just will my heart to go back to beating in its normal rhythm? Can I just tell my blood pressure to go down if it gets elevated due to being all worked up? Yes, but it takes time, most will say. If it takes time and I cannot just will it, then do I really have free will? Is the brain or intellect the place where free will takes place? If so, then why can’t I just will it just like that? If not, then is free will a reality or is it a farce?

Oh I should just look at the birds in the sky and see that they are happy without a care in the world. Right now I am looking at birds taking a bath at the overflow of our pool. I know they are happy. But alas, I am not a bird. Or I should just pet our dogs (we have six now) and see that they just live in the moment. And alas I am not a dog either. But what if watching the birds, hearing them chirp or petting each of our six dogs is not enough to calm me down? Does that mean that I have a weak personality? Does that mean that I am not using my free will wisely?

And I would hear my own mind saying I shouldn’t judge myself, I should be gentle on myself. Sometimes I think that’s a whole load of horse s*^t. Hehe. Sorry. Just saying.

I guess this is what it comes down to: sometimes, I can’t will myself to be positive and I can’t will myself to be happy and I can’t will myself to calm down. And I should just be with myself being that, being negative, being sad, being worked up. And it’s okay. And so what if I am that way every now and then? It’s not like I am going to die in an hour or two. Should we always change how we are if what we feel is something we label as “negative”? And those of us who are religiously and/or spiritually devout, is being “not well” a sign of lack of faith or belief in the God we have faith in? Perhaps the one we call God is with us in our negativity, in our sadness, in our getting all worked up. My favorite line in The Lord’s Prayer is “Hallowed be Thy Name”. I’ve decided I like the word “Hallowed” rather than “Holy”. I honestly don’t understand what Holy means. But “hallowed” that’s deep, man! It’s like that space that God makes in Him/Herself to accommodate more; a space within Him/Herself for me in my sadness, in my anything-ness. It doesn’t matter what but for me it is meaningful that God “Hallows” Him/Herself.

Going back to free will. Is there really such a thing? We are born with our parents, we are born in a certain time and place. Did we choose our parents? Did we choose to be born in this time and place? All these, though they are not our choosing, affects us. If I didn’t choose it, then who did? I like that line in the ABBA song “The Winner Takes It All”.

The gods may throw the dice
Their hearts as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear.

I am sorry to sound blasphemous. But these lines make me think. These lines strike me in an intensely profound way.

Yet in the end, all I say here are just musings. Don’t take me too seriously. I don’t! Here’s one thing I can do at will, I can smile, I can laugh. I don’t have to have a reason. I can do it just because.

No pictures this time. If a picture paints a thousand words then maybe a thousand words can paint a picture in you.

Thanks for reading through the end. Until next time.

P.S. You motivated me to write today. Thank you! You know who you are.

I was looking at one of our durian trees at the side of the house. It looked ….!But before I continue with that trend of...
05/01/2022

I was looking at one of our durian trees at the side of the house. It looked ….!

But before I continue with that trend of thought, let me back-track a little bit and just put this in context. When we bought this land to build our house on 7 years ago, there were already many fruit trees in this property. There were durian, mangosteen, coconut, rambutan, and langka all over the place. Since we were building, we knew that there would be a lot that had to be cut. It broke my heart to do this but what can I do?

There were a few that were not cut down that we thought will survive. But alas after months of construction, a number of them withered away and died. Construction stress, I guess. The durian is called The King Of Fruits probably because it needed to be protected in order for it to thrive.

I remember this particular tree. It was fruiting as construction was winding down 5 years ago. A good friend who is not a local and therefore at that time was not yet a convert to the pleasures of the palate that durian offers, tried the fruit from this tree. OMG, hands down this was the most luscious fruit she had ever tasted! And so she became a full-blooded Durian convert! When construction was done, this particular tree got beat up. Sometime there would be fruit but they were rotten or they just wouldn’t go into maturity. Its leaves were so sparse there were times we were not sure if it was dead or alive. Through the next few years that we had lived here, Larry continuously fed it with his various home-grown organic fertilizers. Slowly more leaves started to grow and we knew it would survive.

Today I was staring at the fruits of this tree. But aside from the healthy looking fruits that sprouted from this traumatized tree, there are a boat-load of air plants thriving on it’s branches! There are native orchids, small stag horns and just leaves sprouting out from its branches that are not Durian leaves. They are all just living off the tree! It became an eco-system by itself! A Durian tree as an eco-system…what a concept!

I am just always amazed how LIFE just wants to thrive. There are no cry-babies in nature! Like this durian tree, it wants to live, it wants to bear fruit, it wants to be . . . well a durian tree, right? And a durian tree it is, not just standing on its own and bearing fruit but being a setting for other plants to grow, being the “house” where other air plants can flourish. Life begets life. That’s what it’s all about.

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