06/08/2023
NEVER MINE
CHAPTER 3
They say love is blind and indeed I was blinded by his love. I had fallen in too deep there was no coming out. I had never loved anyone the way I loved Thomas. Thinking about him made me smile like a crazy person. I don’t know how it was possible to love a person so much. I still don’t understand how Thomas was the only thing I could think about. It is as if my life now revolved around him. It is as if I couldn’t breathe without him.
I was going crazy. I wanted to always be around him. I started lying at home just so I can see him. He was like a drug, my drug. I wanted to see him always. I always wanted to be in his arms. I wasn’t the only one crazy in love, he also loved me back. He told me he loved me and he proved he loved me.
“What’s wrong?” Thomas asked. We were at our regular meeting place, the big rock behind his house.
“Ten days until schools open.”
“What’s wrong with schools opening?” he asked, clueless of why it made me sad that schools were opening.
“Schools are opening meaning you have to go back to the city.” I didn’t want him to go. I knew he was going to forget about me as soon as he saw the beautiful city girls again.
He answered wearing a smile, “I will call you all the time and visit every weekend.”
“How are you going to call me when I don’t have a phone?”
He stroked my face with his fingers, “I’m going to get you a phone.”
“My mother would kill me if she finds it, where do I say I got it from?”
“Your mother doesn’t need to know about the phone. You will have to hide it,” he said.
“So you are going to buy me a phone?”
He smiled, “I would buy anything for you, my heart.”
Thomas knew how to make me happy. He just knew what to say and what to do. Phones were very expensive at the time but he was going to buy me one. I was one lucky girl and many girls in the village wished they were me. Even my friends Thando and Ayanda couldn’t believe the things I told them about Thomas. They thought I was making it up.
Later that day Nokuthaba came to call me from Thomas’s house. She also mentioned that Mother was back from the meeting that was held at the river. A meeting about digging boreholes around the village.
“You and your Thomas are starting to annoy me,” Nokuthaba uttered sullenly, “Can’t he bring you home on time?”
“How is that Thomas’s fault? I left home on my own.”
“He is making you lose your mind and I don’t like it. He seems to be the only thing that matters to you these days.”
“He is,” I mumbled.
“Ntombie schools are opening soon and your-so-literate Thomas should be helping you study instead of spending the whole day kissing you.”
“Why are you so angry today?”
She answered, “I am angry at you. You are spending too much time with him and you’re not doing your chores Ntombie. I am tired of covering for you.”
My sister was right, I was spending too much time with Thomas. Love makes one do the stupidest things and at the time one doesn’t see it because they will be blinded by love. I was starting to spend less time at home and more time with Thomas. My mother was starting to notice because I came back late from the river and sometimes I would miss supper.
I remember one day I went back home when it was a little dark and my mother hit the living hell out of me. My mother didn’t care how old one is, she believed in disciplining a child with a belt. And no matter how much she hit me I still denied that I had a boyfriend and the more she hit me the more I fell in love with Thomas. The more she told me to stay away from him the more I wanted to be close to him.
“Hey baby,” Thomas hugged me from behind and I flinched in pain. I had gone to see him when the previous day my mother had hit me and made me promise to stay away from him. “Are you okay?” he asked sounding very worried. “Don’t tell me your mum hit you again?”
“It’s nothing, I can handle it.”
He cupped my face, “I don’t like seeing you in pain.”
“It’s worth it. You are worth it.”
“You should go home early today, don’t want you getting in trouble because of me,” he said.
“My parents went to the city so we are good.”
“Still you should go home, you look like you’re in pain.”
I was in pain. My mother gave a good hiding for someone in her late fifties. Thomas carried me on his back all the way home. When I got home I found Nokuthaba sitting by the fire with Thando and Ayanda.
“Finally, she decides to come home,” said Ayanda.
“Hello, Ayanda. Hi Thando,” I sat next to Nokuthaba.
“The city boy’s girlfriend,” Thando laughed.
“His name is Thomas.”
“We know, you even call his name in his sleep. I bet you are going to die if he goes back to the city,” said Nokuthaba.
“Jokes on you, he said he will visit on the weekends and he’s going to buy me a phone. I brought chocolates so you better be nice to me.”
“I also want a boyfriend like Thomas,” Ayanda shifted closer to get the chocolates.
My parent were going to be gone for four days and they asked the neighbor to watch over us while they are away. I didn’t see a need because I was 18 and Nokuthaba was 15, we were old enough to take care of ourselves.
“I promise I’ll be back in no time,” I said to Nokuthaba after begging her for about half an hour to let me go see Thomas.
“We both know you say in no time then take hours. You can’t leave me by myself. Mother said you must watch me.”
I locked my palms together, “I promise today I will be back sooner. Tell me what you want and I will bring it.”
“I want chocolates and Simba chips.”
I replied, “Consider it done! I will tell Thomas and you know he always has the nice stuff.”
“Don’t take long you know that old lady from next door is going to come to check on us.”
“I will be back before it’s dark,” I even swore on Mother.
I quickly fixed myself and then rushed out. Thomas was already waiting for me about two houses away from mine. I hugged him when I got closer. I enjoyed his hugs. Every hug felt like the first.
“I like your hoodie,” I said to Thomas. I loved everything he wore. I loved everything about him.
“This old thing but also one of my favorites.”
I said, “It’s pretty.”
“Do you want it? I can give it to you.”
He was just full of surprises, “If you want to give it to me I can’t say no.”
“Let’s go to my place so I can find another jacket then give you this one.”
We walked to his house which was not that far from mine. He invited me in but I insisted on staying outside. He told me that his parents were not around and that he was just going to get another jacket then we leave. I was scared that his parents might find me in their home but he assured me that they were not around and were not coming back anytime soon. I agreed.
He took my hand and led me to some room I assumed was his. Everything was neatly organized, the bed was neatly done and the whole room smelled like him.
“You can sit,” he said and I looked around but there was no chair. “You can sit on the bed, my love.”
I sat on the bed as uncomfortable as I felt. He opened one of the drawers and pulled out something then threw it on the bed. He then removed the hoodie that he was wearing leaving him with a vest that he eventually took off and I looked away.
He chuckled, “Come on don’t be shy.”
“We should go.”
“What’s the rush, we’ve only been here for less than two minutes,” he said walking to the door and I heard it lock.
“Don’t worry I am locking it so that no one can just walk in,”
“Thomas we should go.”
“I won’t do anything to you, Ntombie,” he promised.
He sat next to me, took my hand, and kissed it. I looked at him and faked a smile. I wanted to leave. I wasn’t comfortable and I had a bad feeling about being in his room.
“Relax, I won’t hurt you,” he whispered then lifted my chin and kissed me. ‘He won’t hurt me, he loves me’ is what my inner voice chanted as we were kissing. I could feel his hand rushing up my back. I was wearing a denim jumpsuit with a zipper at the back and the moment he touched the zipper I jumped.
“I promised I will be gentle,” he said.
“Gentle with what? Please don’t tell me it is what I think it is. I am not ready.”
He said, “Ntombie we are not kids.”
“Thomas I want to save myself. I can’t do this, I am sorry but I can’t.”
He stood in front of me and cupped my face, “You love me right? If you love me then prove it. I won’t hurt you Ntombie and I will be gentle. Please let me have you. I need something to remember you by when I go to the city.”
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CHAPTER 3
They say love is blind and indeed I was blinded by his love. I had fallen in too deep there was no coming out. I had never loved anyone the way I loved Thomas. Thinking about him made me smile like a crazy person. I don’t know how it was possible to love a person so much. I still don’t understand how Thomas was the only thing I could think about. It is as if my life now revolved around him. It is as if I couldn’t breathe without him.
I was going crazy. I wanted to always be around him. I started lying at home just so I can see him. He was like a drug, my drug. I wanted to see him always. I always wanted to be in his arms. I wasn’t the only one crazy in love, he also loved me back. He told me he loved me and he proved he loved me.
“What’s wrong?” Thomas asked. We were at our regular meeting place, the big rock behind his house.
“Ten days until schools open.”
“What’s wrong with schools opening?” he asked, clueless of why it made me sad that schools were opening.
“Schools are opening meaning you have to go back to the city.” I didn’t want him to go. I knew he was going to forget about me as soon as he saw the beautiful city girls again.
He answered wearing a smile, “I will call you all the time and visit every weekend.”
“How are you going to call me when I don’t have a phone?”
He stroked my face with his fingers, “I’m going to get you a phone.”
“My mother would kill me if she finds it, where do I say I got it from?”
“Your mother doesn’t need to know about the phone. You will have to hide it,” he said.
“So you are going to buy me a phone?”
He smiled, “I would buy anything for you, my heart.”
Thomas knew how to make me happy. He just knew what to say and what to do. Phones were very expensive at the time but he was going to buy me one. I was one lucky girl and many girls in the village wished they were me. Even my friends Thando and Ayanda couldn’t believe the things I told them about Thomas. They thought I was making it up.
Later that day Nokuthaba came to call me from Thomas’s house. She also mentioned that Mother was back from the meeting that was held at the river. A meeting about digging boreholes around the village.
“You and your Thomas are starting to annoy me,” Nokuthaba uttered sullenly, “Can’t he bring you home on time?”
“How is that Thomas’s fault? I left home on my own.”
“He is making you lose your mind and I don’t like it. He seems to be the only thing that matters to you these days.”
“He is,” I mumbled.
“Ntombie schools are opening soon and your-so-literate Thomas should be helping you study instead of spending the whole day kissing you.”
“Why are you so angry today?”
She answered, “I am angry at you. You are spending too much time with him and you’re not doing your chores Ntombie. I am tired of covering for you.”
My sister was right, I was spending too much time with Thomas. Love makes one do the stupidest things and at the time one doesn’t see it because they will be blinded by love. I was starting to spend less time at home and more time with Thomas. My mother was starting to notice because I came back late from the river and sometimes I would miss supper.
I remember one day I went back home when it was a little dark and my mother hit the living hell out of me. My mother didn’t care how old one is, she believed in disciplining a child with a belt. And no matter how much she hit me I still denied that I had a boyfriend and the more she hit me the more I fell in love with Thomas. The more she told me to stay away from him the more I wanted to be close to him.
“Hey baby,” Thomas hugged me from behind and I flinched in pain. I had gone to see him when the previous day my mother had hit me and made me promise to stay away from him. “Are you okay?” he asked sounding very worried. “Don’t tell me your mum hit you again?”
“It’s nothing, I can handle it.”
He cupped my face, “I don’t like seeing you in pain.”
“It’s worth it. You are worth it.”
“You should go home early today, don’t want you getting in trouble because of me,” he said.
“My parents went to the city so we are good.”
“Still you should go home, you look like you’re in pain.”
I was in pain. My mother gave a good hiding for someone in her late fifties. Thomas carried me on his back all the way home. When I got home I found Nokuthaba sitting by the fire with Thando and Ayanda.
“Finally, she decides to come home,” said Ayanda.
“Hello, Ayanda. Hi Thando,” I sat next to Nokuthaba.
“The city boy’s girlfriend,” Thando laughed.
“His name is Thomas.”
“We know, you even call his name in his sleep. I bet you are going to die if he goes back to the city,” said Nokuthaba.
“Jokes on you, he said he will visit on the weekends and he’s going to buy me a phone. I brought chocolates so you better be nice to me.”
“I also want a boyfriend like Thomas,” Ayanda shifted closer to get the chocolates.
My parent were going to be gone for four days and they asked the neighbor to watch over us while they are away. I didn’t see a need because I was 18 and Nokuthaba was 15, we were old enough to take care of ourselves.
“I promise I’ll be back in no time,” I said to Nokuthaba after begging her for about half an hour to let me go see Thomas.
“We both know you say in no time then take hours. You can’t leave me by myself. Mother said you must watch me.”
I locked my palms together, “I promise today I will be back sooner. Tell me what you want and I will bring it.”
“I want chocolates and Simba chips.”
I replied, “Consider it done! I will tell Thomas and you know he always has the nice stuff.”
“Don’t take long you know that old lady from next door is going to come to check on us.”
“I will be back before it’s dark,” I even swore on Mother.
I quickly fixed myself and then rushed out. Thomas was already waiting for me about two houses away from mine. I hugged him when I got closer. I enjoyed his hugs. Every hug felt like the first.
“I like your hoodie,” I said to Thomas. I loved everything he wore. I loved everything about him.
“This old thing but also one of my favorites.”
I said, “It’s pretty.”
“Do you want it? I can give it to you.”
He was just full of surprises, “If you want to give it to me I can’t say no.”
“Let’s go to my place so I can find another jacket then give you this one.”
We walked to his house which was not that far from mine. He invited me in but I insisted on staying outside. He told me that his parents were not around and that he was just going to get another jacket then we leave. I was scared that his parents might find me in their home but he assured me that they were not around and were not coming back anytime soon. I agreed.
He took my hand and led me to some room I assumed was his. Everything was neatly organized, the bed was neatly done and the whole room smelled like him.
“You can sit,” he said and I looked around but there was no chair. “You can sit on the bed, my love.”
I sat on the bed as uncomfortable as I felt. He opened one of the drawers and pulled out something then threw it on the bed. He then removed the hoodie that he was wearing leaving him with a vest that he eventually took off and I looked away.
He chuckled, “Come on don’t be shy.”
“We should go.”
“What’s the rush, we’ve only been here for less than two minutes,” he said walking to the door and I heard it lock.
“Don’t worry I am locking it so that no one can just walk in,”
“Thomas we should go.”
“I won’t do anything to you, Ntombie,” he promised.
He sat next to me, took my hand, and kissed it. I looked at him and faked a smile. I wanted to leave. I wasn’t comfortable and I had a bad feeling about being in his room.
“Relax, I won’t hurt you,” he whispered then lifted my chin and kissed me. ‘He won’t hurt me, he loves me’ is what my inner voice chanted as we were kissing. I could feel his hand rushing up my back. I was wearing a denim jumpsuit with a zipper at the back and the moment he touched the zipper I jumped.
“I promised I will be gentle,” he said.
“Gentle with what? Please don’t tell me it is what I think it is. I am not ready.”
He said, “Ntombie we are not kids.”
“Thomas I want to save myself. I can’t do this, I am sorry but I can’t.”
He stood in front of me and cupped my face, “You love me right? If you love me then prove it. I won’t hurt you Ntombie and I will be gentle. Please let me have you. I need something to remember you by when I go to the city.”
