23/03/2021
𝗕𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗠𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗟𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗥𝗼𝗼𝗺
Ever walked into a room or gathering filled with strangers and discover a particular person that everybody seemed to like?
I'm sure you answered yes to that.
A couple of months before the pandemic, I attended an exhibition. This exhibition consisted of university delegates from different countries around the world. It was my first time being there, I knew nobody.
The room was rowdy as everyone was trying to get noticed by these delegates and other influential people. The officials had an attention span as short as the time it took to switch a tv channel. I needed to be attended to and the crowd that day dwindled my luck.
What did I do?
I unleashed my 'secret charms' and at whatever stand I went to, I was attended to first, before the others. In fact, everyone wanted to start a friendly conversation with me and I sure made a lot of friends before I left the exhibition that day! This wasn't the only experience — I've received such warm and friendly treatments in countless other cases.
Now, I'm sure you've come across certain people that happen to be different, and impossible not to like. I happen to know a few and trust me, there aren't many of us.
So, I'll be sharing a few secrets that helped - and continue to help me become different and irresistible in any gathering I find myself.
𝟭. 𝗦𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗲
The power of a smile can not be overemphasized. It's magical and has boundless effects. I once had to choose between two groups in a class, that I would love to join.
Both of the groups were learning the same thing and had the same number of persons. But after a brief look, I chose a class and happily walked into it.
The leader of the first group spoke exuberantly but lacked an alluring smile which the other group's leader showcased lavishly.
I was drawn by her smile and walked straight into her group like a brainwashed monkey! On getting there, she welcomed me with a warm and more ravishing smile; like she was glad to see me. She gained my attention immediately!
Now, the next time you walk into a gathering or meeting, have that warm, welcoming smile. Let it spring genuinely from your heart. It shows you have an agreeable personality.
“𝐸𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑏𝑒𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑤𝑒 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑘, 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑜𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑛, 𝑤𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑚𝑛𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑟 𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑.” - 𝐷𝑎𝑙𝑒 𝐶𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑒𝑔𝑖𝑒
Make smiling a habit. Do it consciously and with time, it seeps into your subconsciousness. Smile when you walk into a meeting. Smile while listening to others. Accompany that greeting with a genuine smile and watch the magic it performs.
𝟮. 𝗕𝗲 𝗘𝗻𝘁𝗵𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰, 𝗚𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻
Gestures are acts or motions that put more emphasis on what you're saying. Words only do fifty percent of the job, but words with the right expressions, accomplish a hundred percent. In order to be a really likable person, enthusiasm and charisma need to be added to your words and actions.
You can express yourself and drive your point home by gesturing. Your gesture should be a very personal thing. It should be as unique and different as you.
There's no standard pattern of gesturing. It's not something you memorize from a book or try to put on at will. It's something you do naturally, like cupping your hand to your mouth when you clear your throat in the middle of the conversation.
Many great speakers and influencers had their unique expressions born out of their own impulses. Your gestures are only worth it if they are done out your heart, out of your genuine intent to make others see as you see.
When you're required to speak to people, demonstrate what you really want to pass across through facial and body expressions. The best gestures are those done in a spur of the moment.
Also, as much as possible, avoid being too formal while relating with others. I mean, you want to have a personal impact on people around, don't you?
𝟯. 𝗕𝗲 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗗𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱
Where I come from, the elders would always say, "how you dress is how you'll be addressed. "
Now, I'll ask you, how do you want to be addressed?
I was invited to a friend's occasion as a guest, some years ago. I didn't imagine it to be a big one so I just wore a rumpled T-shirt on my casual jeans and floored it all with my pam (a casual Nigerian slippers). When I got to the event, I was halted by the security at the entrance and not allowed to go in, while other guests were freely given access.
I did all I could to explain that I was invited to the occasion but they wouldn't listen and insisted that I wait outside. I got furious so I phoned my friend, who was hosting the occasion and told him I wasn't being allowed into the place. He came minutes later, apologized and allowed me in. I was shocked at how odd I looked in the place. Everyone was well dressed. Ironed clothes and neat trousers. I wasn't given much attention in the place and I left feeling bad. I also left with a big lesson learned.
Your first impression is given even before you open your mouth to speak, and is dependent on how you dress. The consciousness of being well dressed boosts one's self-confidence and respect. Dress as the occasion demands.
Overdressing is really bad and so is underdressing. Keep your dressings as moderate as possible.
𝟰. 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝗣𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗣𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗥𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗸𝘀
Research has found positive people to be more likable than negative ones. This is because everyone wants to be with someone who radiates hope and positive energy, and not someone who constantly brings to view the sad and unfavorable part of life.
I can't overemphasize the power of positivity. To become a very likable person, you have to be a very positive person.
In social gatherings, let your positivity shine through by giving positive comments and opinions. I try to avoid being pessimistic most times, especially when I want to really influence people positively.
Below are some positive remarks you can use in social gatherings or discussions:
• "I like that..." rather than "The problem with that is…"
• "Keep talking, you're on track…" Rather than saying, "No way it will work here…"
• "I agree!…" rather than, "Let's be practical…"
• "It's gonna be a beautiful day today…" rather than 'Today's gonna be a bad day…"
And the list continues. Filling your speech and also, actions with positiveness create a sense of confidence around you and help others know you've got their backs. Do not ridicule a person's opinion in a social gathering, rather, welcome it and give ideas to make the opinion a better one. Nobody likes a jerk.
𝟱. 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻, 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻
Communication has to do with sending and receiving information. So, you see, sending is only half the process. Receiving makes up the other half. So, at reasonable times, we have to stop sending and be ready to receive. Sharply put, we have to shut up and listen!
I wrote an article some days ago on 'Becoming a Better Listener'. It shows us how to really listen when others speak. The ability to listen to an extremely likable quality.
Everyone likes being around people that listen to them. And to tell you the truth, when you listen to people, you learn something new from them.
I've discovered that the more I listen to others, the more they listen to me also. So, you want to build influence and become even more likable? Then, you've really got to start listening. Really listening.
Another strategy is to stop being angry and jumping into conclusions. Keep your cool. If you find something the other person said offensive, tell them, and listen intently. Don't always look to start a fight. Be a peacemaker instead.
Now, while there are lots of other things you can do to make people like you instantly, these five clues remain major and easy to achieve regardless of your temperament or personality.
•Smile
•Be Enthusiastic
•Be Well Dressed
•Stay Positive and Make Positive Remarks
•Listen, Really Listen
To quote Dale Carnegie:
"𝐴 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝒉𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑒𝑛𝑣𝑖𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑠 𝑒𝑥𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑑𝑖𝑓𝑓𝑖𝑐𝑢𝑙𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑎𝑙𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑜𝑟 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑣𝑒. 𝑌𝑒𝑡, 𝑤𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑏𝑦 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝒉𝑜𝑢𝑔𝒉𝑡, 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑡𝒉𝑒𝑛 𝑖𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑢𝑐𝒉 𝑒𝑥𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒𝑓𝑢𝑙, 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒."
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