Teens' Corner

Teens' Corner We're here to answer every conceivably question Teens might have & help parents view their world!☺

Hello guys!Pheeewww! It's been a long while here. How have you been? You've missed our 'gists', have you not?Questions T...
15/07/2024

Hello guys!

Pheeewww! It's been a long while here. How have you been? You've missed our 'gists', have you not?

Questions Teenagers Ask! Here's Season 2. Let's do it this way – one question at a time! Good? Let's dive in, then.

QTA, S2_E1
Q1: My parents are always fighting. Is it okay to get involved in order to help them stop? Or how do I help them, really? It's physically and emotionally draining watching them fight. (F)

Coach Trisha: Hmmmmn! I can understand the emotional and physical drain you experience watching your parents fight and then not just once, but seeing it happen over and over. So, the thing is, much as you want to help your parents settle whatever differences they may have, you cannot get involved in any physical way to make them stop fighting. One, you are a product of their marriage, not a part of it. This means that your mum and your dad are married exclusive of you. They decided to get married to each other even before you came on the scene. Or did they ask your permission to be married? You get the picture now.

Plus, marriage can only happen between two people – a man and a woman. So, much as you want to see them have peace in their marriage, that decision is not really up to you. It is for your parents to decide to have peace between each other. Two, whatever the cause of their fights, you don't know. And trust me, you are not the cause. If anything is making you feel guilty about the misunderstandings they frequently have, knock it off. Your parents are adults and are responsible for their decisions. They can stop fighting.

Now, you might want to ask, 'But Coach Trisha, don't I have a little part to play in helping them maintain peace?' Erhhhmm, maybe a little. You can pray for them, but that's about all you can do by yourself. And prayer works all the time. Like I mentioned already, your parents are responsible for their reality. It is sad that some things are not working as they should such that there is almost always a conflict between them.

For your sanity, here are a few things I'd need you to do.
Pray for them in Jesus name, if you are a believer. Tell GOD about this challenge you are having. GOD always wants to help us but we have to ask His help. He will not force Himself on us. He cannot force anything on us, much as He would want us to have them. Now that you want peace between your parents, tell GOD about it. It's simple. Just say, "Father I understand that you designed marriage and everything you have created is good. Please make my parents' marriage good. Let it be pleasing to you. Let them have peace between themselves and with each other. Put your love in their hearts for each other. Help them be the right examples to us in Jesus name...AMEN!

It's that simple. You don't have to be sanctimonious or extremely careful about it. You can actually pray for your parents anytime and anywhere, just make it frequent – as frequently as possible, until you begin to see the results you want.

Next, when your parents are beginning to disagree, get out of the way. You can go to your room and find something productive to do. Now, that's going to be difficult, trust me. The distractions, the noise, the hateful words – all of these will get in the way. Just get yourself some place to stay that is peaceful so that you won't get hurt. The reason? When you keep seeing that kind of a situation, it disturbs your mind. When the heat has cooled off and everyone is all sweet again, you can talk with your parents about it separately. Start with the person you're closer to. Let them know how it really makes you feel watching them fight over and over. Pour your heart to them and don't play the blame game. Don't try to make them feel terrible or whatever. As much as you can, show them love. Much as you do not understand what is going on between the two of them, they are your parents and you should love them and want them to enjoy their marriage. Now, don't expect it to be easy. It won't. But it is possible.

If you have younger siblings, try to protect them from the scene. If you have older siblings, you can work together to talk with your parents. Make them see they can actually have peace if they want to, it's up to them to decide. But don't get in the way physically and don't become hateful or hurtful.

Don't discuss your parents' marriage with your friends either. It's dishonourable. It can be hard, especially when you honestly want to talk with someone. Not your friends, please. They cannot help you – that's why.

Third, if you must talk with someone about it, which I think you should, while praying for them, you can talk with your pastor, if you're a believer and attend church. Or a trustworthy counsellor or person that they both regard. Do not go to a male counsellor alone. For both yours and his safety. Is there anybody your parents submit or listen to? That's another person you can reach out to. If their fights are becoming uncontrollable and physically abusive, go talk with this person. People might not really know what is happening in your home. So you find that one person or that family that your parents would listen to, and explain the situation of things as calmly as you can to them. Then take everything back to GOD as you pray for your parents, okay? This means, if anybody can talk to your parents, it has to be someone they are accountable to. I hope they have such person(s) in their lives. I trust this helps!

Can I pray with you?
So, Father I pray for your child right now and ask that you intervene in the relationship of her parents and help them have peace. Put love in the hearts of her parents for each other in the name of Jesus...AMEN!

Teens, The teen years are that part of your development that happens once in a lifetime. There are no two chances to bei...
01/03/2023

Teens,
The teen years are that part of your development that happens once in a lifetime. There are no two chances to being a teen. Now is the time – make the most of it. What you want to do with yourself is discover you! That's nothing to be scared of. Learn new skills, develop healthy habits, create your value system, develop a healthy image.

GOD made you and blessed you with so much. You simply find them out as you mature. Trust me when I tell you I understand the emotional rollercoaster. But if you asked me, it makes this phase all the more beautiful. It's basically about what you choose to believe and accept as true.

You don't have to step on the same landmines the adults stepped on – that's why you have them all around you as parents, siblings, teachers and even books. 😊

Make the most of these phase. You have questions? Let's talk about them.

Love,
Coach TRISHA

@3

28/02/2022

5 things Pat has discovered talking actively with Teens for 2 years now. Grab a 🖊️. 🥰

What we do on Teens' Corner? Talk! Talk about their Questions. And tons have been discussed. Slide up up up and you find...
28/02/2022

What we do on Teens' Corner? Talk! Talk about their Questions.

And tons have been discussed. Slide up up up and you find them.😊

Oh, yes, the adults have been following. Hear their thoughts...







Teens' Corner is 2, bless GOD. 🤗Until you listen to these great minds, you have no idea what they have to deal with. The...
28/02/2022

Teens' Corner is 2, bless GOD. 🤗

Until you listen to these great minds, you have no idea what they have to deal with.

These 2 years of attending to their questions have been eye-opening. Please, never hush a teen.

Now, hear what they have to say. 👇






13/02/2022

Girls, boys have deep emotional sides. They don't show it because they think it's a weakness. Every careless touch drives sensation to their brains. To help them preserve their s*xual sanity, be careful the drama you play around them. Keep your hands on your waist; and if you have pockets, tuck them inside.

Boys, one way to attain emotional stability is to recognise that you have emotions – you are emotional too. This knowledge positions you to understand yourself and drive the kind of balance you need as a person.

*xualpurity




10/02/2022

You're a Unique Person.

Until you realise you're different and understand how really different you are, you'll always be faced with the temptation to flow with the crowd.

Teens, you're in no competition with anyone. Do not be pressured to impress anyone. Enjoy your uniqueness and make the most of your development.



Family is that single important gift GOD has given to us for love, closure, safety and connection. A billion dollars can...
30/12/2021

Family is that single important gift GOD has given to us for love, closure, safety and connection. A billion dollars cannot equate it.
Patricia Igarama.

Q96 – I want to cut a particular hairstyle but my parents hate it and my friends always abuse me about it. What can I do? (m)

Miss Trisha: Hmmmmnn... If I told you that hairstyle you want to cut isn't really the problem, would you believe me? The real challenge is how you feel about it because your friends think you're a 'mummy's boy' who cannot take care of himself. So you're not happy with your parents as a result because they won't let you do what you want. Is this true? Now let me ask: have you stopped to wonder why your parents don't want you to have that particular haircut? Did you listen to their explanation? Do you feel bad because they said 'no, you can't have that style' or because your friends are booing at you? Or because it makes you feel you're not old enough to make your decisions like your friends seemingly are – and that puts you down?

The third and fourth situations look more like it, don't they? This is it: your parents, right now, are 100% responsible for you. That responsibility requires that they make almost all of your choices and scrutinise your decisions for correctness as you grow older until you can eventually make healthy and wise decisions for yourself. That's the reason they can ask you to not do just anything you want or feel like doing. It's hard, I know. Especially with that desire to keep up with friends and trends. You know what the challenge is, those friends and trends will fly through the window when you make the first poor choice that endangers them and you. What's more? Trends don't know you and some friends don't really care, at least not as much as you think they do. But your parents? They owe you an obligation to be responsible for you and keep you safe, it's just natural. I know you think you know what's best for you but hear this, every time our parents give us instructions or withhold permission for something we want, they are mostly thinking of us, not themselves. In their heads, several questions are joggling turns: Is this good for him? Will she be safe with that boy hanging around her like that? Are his friends the right set? What does she do when she's not around us? Tons and tons of questions. YOU fill their head. And that's because they love you and wouldn't want you to make silly mistakes that'd impair your chances at success.

One way to make them relax their grip on you is winning their trust. No, don't try to deceive them. If you try to play 'nice guy' and they think you're becoming responsible, give you some little space and you blow it, you're going to be grounded – most privileges you'd even enjoyed before will be lifted. You'll feel hurt, but more than that, lose their faith in you and break their hearts. Why not take it easy. All of this explanation is just to let you know that it's not the haircut at all.

So, back to the question: have you wondered why your parents don't want you to have that particular haircut? Does that haircut make you look the best of yourself, responsible, in-charge, polite or razz ("razz" here would mean crazy – My definition)? (Smiles) I kind of feel you like the 'razz' thing, but 'razz' isn't such a nice word by my definition; and it sure doesn't work with the older people who love us dearly.
Over the years I've come to realise that if only we had a better rapport with our parents, our childhood would have been nothing short of beautiful. Of course, that isn't lost, some of us are having that now because someone is being deliberate (whether the child or the parents). But some things we get involved in, some mistakes we make, wrong peers, poor grades, low self-esteem, abuse...would all have been avoided. Don't worry so much about the haircut okay. It doesn't make you less of a 'mhen' (chuckles). Pay attention to your parents and what you share with them and watch what beauty will come out of your relationship and development. Learn to share with your parents, too. Talk with them. You'd be surprised by the results you'd see.

Q97 – Ma'am, I fell in love with a corps member in my school and my mum got to know about it and I was disgraced and lashed at the school and home. She reported me to a family friend, thinking I will be counselled. Meanwhile, the person she had reported me to had tried to r**e me a couple of months back so he couldn't talk to me because of guilt. Instead of counselling, he instigated his wife against me and became really cold to me (he is quite elderly and respected – my mum respects him too). Ma'am, the said man tried severally to r**e me a couple of times I was sent to their house on an errand. I don't know how to go about it because there are no solid pieces of evidence since all this happened when I was without a phone. And my mum might not believe me because of his status. What do I do? (f)

Miss Trisha: Wow! Wow! Let's talk about the attempted r**e incident first. Now, whether or not your mum believes you, she has to know. It's for your safety. It can be difficult getting her to trust you after the first situation you described, I know. But all this doesn't count where your safety is concerned. Tell her, anyway. If you're so concerned, then we must get someone she listens to and get that person to inform her. Some man trying to mo**st a female teen is a crime. If there's no one around, then find your way to the police station. I know you'll need pieces of evidence, yes, but right now isn't the time for formalities with the several attempts already made. You're still in danger of an assault if the said man has access to you. You report here that your mother sends you over to their place on errands. Well, right now the errands stop automatically. GET SOMEONE TO TELL YOUR MUM WHAT'S HAPPENING.

Then, I sort of wonder: how were you able to shove him off on the first few attempts? Whatever you did, that was brave. But don't go near him ever again. To think your mum took you to the same person for counselling is appalling. And his wife, don't worry about her attitude. Whatever impression her husband may have given her about you is not important now. What I need you to do is get as far away from them as you can. I know, this status thing can be deceptive sometimes, but someone has to see him for who he is especially when he's not stopping this evil act.
Right now, it's just your word against his. And from your story, he has his wife's support, almost unarguably. Of course, not in the r**e attempts, but in the fact that he is a 'well respected elderly' man.

Who does your mum listen to? Go tell that person. It could be a neighbour, someone at church, your school's counsellor...anyone who can bring this to light – preferably a woman, please. Sadly, your mum thinks so poorly of you. I hope your relationship takes a better turn with time.

Then, with the crush. Did you say you had a crush on a corps member or fell in love with him? I just checked – fell in love with him. Erhmmmn, I'm contemplating how best to approach this discussion. If you could see me, you probably would be able to interpret the look on my face better than the words here. 'Fall in love' is a very abstract term to describe whatever feeling you thought you had for this guy. Or do I say too serious a term? Love is big, okay. It's really big; And never a question of falling. I do not doubt that you liked this corps member for some reason, and it's totally normal. I wouldn't know if the attraction was mutual; that's a topic for another day, though, because love is big, love is huge. It is more than feelings.

Love is not just a feeling you feel when you feel you're feeling a feeling you feel you have never felt before, okay. So, what I'll need you to do is not fan this feeling. Plus, you should know that you're going to have such feelings for different guys at different times. A lot of times the force of attraction would be something physical or an attribute you admire in the other person, and you're going to like different persons for different reasons. That does not necessarily make it love. So don't feed the feelings. Be in charge of your emotions. The first way to do that is understanding your emotions – how your feelings work themselves in your head so that you will be able to define and direct them. This way, you'd know when to turn what off and what to promote.

If you asked me, for now, just step on the brake pads with the feelings. Now is not the time to get involved with boys.
Dating, for me, isn't some casual stunt you pull because you feel excited about some guy. Creating room for a member of the opposite s*x in your life would mean you're ready for a lifelong commitment (contemplating marriage). This may not be a popular opinion, but who says it has to be popular! Don't encourage any feeling for the opposite s*x, right now, please. Practice general friendships (if you want to know and understand the opposite s*x better). Plus, there are healthy books around the subject that will help you to understand boys and appreciate the difference. Start studying! Love is a lot! It requires a great deal of commitment. It is not something you can just deal in and out; first, understand yourself and your emotions. Your hormones are going to talk a lot to you at this time; your part is to be stable enough to drive your feelings and respond correctly to them.

Q98 – Ma'am, what does a boyfriend or girlfriend really mean? (f)
Miss Trisha: Literally speaking, a boyfriend is a boy or man involved in an unmarried romantic relationship and a girlfriend is a girl or woman (do I say a lady now – whatever works for you) in an unmarried romantic relationship. Put another way, the boyfriend and girlfriend deal works with singles, with little or no expectations of a commitment to each other whatsoever, if that's the right word! Then, the dictionary goes further to say 'a significant other'. I'm asking myself right now what's significant in this "other" where everything is without definition and commitment, with little or no boundaries.

If your question is, is having a boyfriend or a girlfriend synonymous with s*x? Not necessarily. Sadly, however, over 90% of teenage relationships end in s*x. The reason is simple – it is unguarded and the persons involved are grossly immature.
I can tell you're asking this question right now because you have seen this practice on the hike in this current dispensation. It feels like every girl around your age has a boyfriend (since you're female), or every other person is expected to have a boyfriend. Everywhere you turn, it appears girls and boys are 'hooking' up. And being the exception feels odd, doesn't it?
I remember I had to speak with a group of teenagers about a year ago and I asked the question "why do you think you have to be in a relationship right now, at this age?" Then, I went from teenager to teenager with 'Do you have a boyfriend?' 'Do you have a girlfriend?' 'Why?' 'Why not?' (Trust me to be practical).😀 Most said they did. Those who didn't, confessed they did not feel good about it. It goes to show that a lot of teenagers think this boyfriend and girlfriend thing is just one important factor that marks growing up and spells maturity, but that's not true.

The discussion progressed. I asked, "Why aren't you comfortable because you're not dating?" Some of them were bold enough to reveal they felt out of place when they could not flow with the crowd – when they realised they were the exception. Sadly, nobody ever told them, "Being the exception isn't bad at all – there are good exceptions". "When my friends talk about what they do with their boyfriends or girlfriends and I have nothing to say because I don't have one yet, it kind of feels awkward. The pressure is just so much", they explained. I can tell it's so much because that's what colours the bulk of the discussions you engage in when you get together (romance, dating, boys, girls...). So, if you're not involved in this stunt, you feel like the odd one. Well, who says it's wrong to be the odd one? A good odd one, I mean.

I understand the pressure, trust me. The question you should ask yourself, though, is, what this is really about. Why do you have to have a boyfriend? Pressure? Interest? Need? (I should mention here that a boyfriend can never be a need at this stage of your development. So, scrap that out). Some teenagers tell me they need to unburden – like someone to talk to, someone who'd understand and not be judgemental or domineering; and a mate can be that person – you share similar experiences. The imbalance, however, is in the fact that they cannot help you overcome your concerns or attain the stability you want, because they are in the same fog that you're in. It means you need someone who has walked the path you're currently on and recorded some degree of success, and that person doesn't have to be a man. Matter of fact, that person shouldn't be a man if you're female, and not a girl, if you're male.

I know that a lot of times you want to turn to mum and dad, but Mum and Dad are just being Mum and Dad – instructions, restrictions, reprimands, corrections... You won't blame them, they are responsible for us 100% right now and they are ensuring our security and safety to the best of their ability. And older siblings seem too busy to have our time. But you're not helpless. If your siblings won't make the first move in asking to know how growing up has been for you, why not initiate it? When you're the first child, that'd be a little different. I want to believe some cousins can help – just reach out.

Then, mums can be chatty, hope you know that? Dads too....it's just, sometimes they give us the impression "I've got a lot on my desk", which is usually true, but they care. And who knows, if you'd just initiate it, you might get the listening ears you desire. And trust me, our parents are not old fashioned; they can understand. Another thing, you can pray to GOD to send someone you can talk to. He will, yes He will. And that person might just be close by. Plus, TEENS' CORNER is here.😊😊😊😊 Just reach out. We'd be glad to talk about your concerns and questions.
You do not need a boyfriend to unburden. If you get involved with a guy right now, there's a huge possibility you'd get physical (touches, romance, kisses, s*x). And what's wrong with that Miss Trisha? Oh my darling, everything is wrong with that. Ask me in the next episode.

Q99 – How do I discover myself in terms of passion and talents? (m)

Miss Trisha: Passion and talent! First thing I need you to remember: Discovering a passion is never sudden, especially for a person around your age who still hasn’t experienced many facets of life.
Finding your talents is an excellent way of eventually discovering your passion and long term career path. And mentorship can provide that.

Having a mentor is extremely important for determining the nuances of your purpose or passion. While finding a general purpose or area of interest can happen alone, working with a mentor can help you determine a specific path. A mentor can help you grow in your specific path and that'll enable you to learn faster than you would on your own. Mentorship is another good way to identify and hone your strengths. You may not know you're excellent at something until someone points it out to you.

You do not have to look too far for a mentor. You remember who a mentor is, don't you? A person who counsels or teaches you deliberately on particular areas of life, areas you account to them, is your mentor. They can instruct and guide you on the whats, whys and hows of success in these areas. They show you how to cross the t's and dot the i's. It may be in a particular aspect like business, relationships or career, or the long term life mentorship that concerns every aspect of your life. As a teen, this person isn't in London or Asia if you're in Nigeria. No, it's not the movie star or successful entrepreneur you saw on TV last week. They are right where you are. It could be an older sibling, a neighbour, a teacher at school, a cousin or even your parents. At your age, it's safer when this person is family. One thing stands out though, the one who can mentor you has to be someone that is trusted. And you must have access to them.

One other thing you'd want to do is observe yourself. What are those things that come easy for you? What are those things you enjoy doing? There's another side to it though. What are those things that turn you off? Yes! Sometimes those things that turn us off are subtle pointers to things we want different – things we want to change. And if we pay attention to these signals, we realise that, somewhere in us, is a capacity to effect that change we want in that particular area. Just be a little more deliberate with yourself. You'd realise things become clearer and your growth more defined. Does this help? ☺

Q100 – Is it okay for a teenager of 17 to have a boyfriend/girlfriend? (f)

Miss Trisha: No, it's not okay. Do you feel bad? Please don't. I'll tell you why.
Teens your age are naturally curious about s*x. If they do not get the information they need or want, they seek it out themselves. That's the reason the temptation to explore gets stronger with a member of the opposite s*x so close and sharing intimate discussions. You're prone to s*xual temptations you cannot successfully manage when you have a boyfriend at 17.
At teenage, your s*xual drive is fighting hard for expression. As a girl, you might not experience such strong urges, but the boy? It can be really hard. Their libido is on a wild goose chase. It is only safe you give them some space.

Research shows that boys experience their strongest s*x drive between the ages of 16 and 21. The last thing they need at that age is exposure to s*xually igniting information or relationships. If you get too close to a boy at your age without boundaries, his desires stand a huge chance to override his sense of better judgement. He may not intend to abuse you but with no restraints, he may not be able to help himself. So, help him. Stay away. No intimate conversations or hangouts. Keep your interactions with boys plain and simple – within boundaries.

S*x can change your life and relationships. Having s*x may affect the way you feel about yourself or how others feel about you. Having a boyfriend isn't synonymous with s*x but it is hard to separate the two with no boundaries.
"Miss Trisha, you mean no boyfriends, no s*x?" Yes, my darling – no boyfriends, no s*x. We should talk about what s*x is for in subsequent episodes.

There's nothing wrong if you decide to wait. Not every teen has a boyfriend. Not everyone is having s*x. And that's the truth. If you decide to wait, stick with your decision. Plan how you are going to say "no" so you are clearly understood.

Dating at teenage is creating that situation that can lead to s*x. It's normal for teens to have strong s*xual feelings, but it doesn't always mean you have to act on them.
I know you want to be cared for and loved. But believe me when I tell you random dating can never bring that.

TRISHA'S WALL
Hey, smart ones! It's been ages, hasn't it? Miss Trisha apologises for the long silence. Is she forgiven?

I'll try to make this brief. It's Christmas. The New Year is a few days away. Add one thing to your list of goals for the New Year, 'knowing my parents and siblings better, loving and appreciating them 'more'. And make it one of the top things on your list. Yes, read on the subject if you have to. The priority is one thing – PAYING ATTENTION TO FAMILY.

And no, don't have too many goals. It can make your direction foggy. Just a few will serve. Then, be deliberate about them. Know why you want to achieve those, know how to achieve them, then start moving.

One more thing, get gifts for family and friends in this season and leave a little 'thank you for being the best dad/mum/brother/sister/friend', with it.

Hey, GOD is the ultimate Father. Never leave Him out of your lives. He loves you, He does care, and He wants to help.

The new year is going to be super blessed. Pay attention to your development okay. Don't leave it to chance. Remember: family is important. Give it your time and space.

Loads of Love,
Patricia Igarama.


#291221



30/12/2021

TRISHA'S WALL
When parents and kids begin to lose touch, hazards are very near.

Mum, Dad, protect your teens.

Teens, your parents love you and want to help. Please don't shut them out.





You'll be better at being you when you know who you are – who GOD says you are.                                     ~ Pa...
02/09/2021

You'll be better at being you when you know who you are – who GOD says you are.
~ Patricia Igarama.

Q91 – Good day ma'am. I am 17, a female. I'm having a family issue. I never get to do anything myself...I have two step sisters who are twins, age 2. The challenge is, my mum is using the upkeep of her kids to disturb me...I get to sit at home most school days because of my kid sisters, which has really affected me a lot and I am getting frustrated and planning on leaving home. What should I do?

Miss Trisha: You're 17...and you have twin step sisters, age 2 and you have to babysit them, if I got your question correctly...this is affecting your studies, hence frustrating...

A few questions I'll like to ask:
1. How about your dad? If they are step sisters, it would mean that they are fathered by some other person...you don't share paternity with them. So, where's your dad? And where's their father?
2. Do you stay with your mum and your step father or it's just you, your mum and the girls?
3. What's your mum's occupation?
4. Have you tried talking with her about it? What was her reaction like?

Leaving home IS NOT a part of the options (at least not yet). Some facts have to be determined.
If you're going to leave home, where are you leaving to? To stay with some relative or a friend?

I know this is tough...but listen, a lot of times, the challenge isn't what happens to us (situations and circumstances), it is how we respond to what happens to us. First, let's be sure that you're not beginning to put up odd behavioural patterns. I know you're not happy with your mum for all the stress she's putting you through...but trust me, she is also having it tough. I'm not sure any mother would want her child to fail or suffer some form of setback. I'm sure she's doing what she can to remedy the disturbances you're experiencing. She may not be able to communicate everything to you, but just know that she's trying to work things out.
If your dad isn't in the picture, it means she's solely responsible for your upkeep and upbringing. If this is the situation, believe me, it's really hard on her...really hard on her.

I wouldn't know if she and your dad divorced or are separated for some reason...remember that she's not just a mother to you, she's also trying to be a wife to some other man. Single parenting isn't pleasant at all.
So, if she's trying to be both a dad and mum to you, and still trying to work her marriage with your step father and sisters, there'll be some friction somewhere until she gets help.

This is what you will do:
1. We're going to pray for her, of course. (If you've been following the articles, you must have observed that GOD is a serious deal in our existence. So, we're going to bring Him in. And trust me, if the situation goes out of our hands, it cannot go out of His hands). And right now we pray for you and her...Father GOD, we commit this child of yours and her mum into your loving arms. We're so sure you love them. Please, come through for them and help them solve whatever difficulty they are experiencing right now as you teach their hearts to trust you...in Jesus name...AMEN!

2. You're going to try to speak with her. Now don't be disrespectful. You're simply and honestly going to let her know how difficult babysitting the girls have been for you...talk to her about your studies and make her see the lapses that skipping classes are producing. Hey dear, this is a conversation, not an argument. Be respectful.
Before you do this, however, let's think of ways you can actually help her in making raising the girls interesting and less burdensome....
If money is no challenge, is there a creche the girls can be taken to (at least until they start schooling)? Financial challenges? How about a home they can be kept at (a family friend that can be trusted)?

If you attend church, you may want to talk with someone that can be of some help (of course, church is family). So, while the girls are at the creche or with a family friend, you could attend classes and concentrate on school work. And when you get back, you could assist mummy in taking care of the girls (remember, they are your sisters too).

If these options aren't feasible, how about enrolling them in a school? At 2, they should be able to adapt conveniently to a learning environment. This would give mummy time to work or run her business while you also focus on your academics and development. Or, what do you think? (smiles)

With these suggestions in mind, you can go on to initiate a conversation with your mum and expect the best outcome. See, pray to GOD, tell Him honestly what the challenge is and what you want, He'll drop ideas in your head and strategies to promote them (even people to talk with). GOD is interested in every detail of your life...please don't leave Him at the door.
Until you've exhausted all of your options, leaving home is a NO NO, my darling.
I know it's hard, trust me, but you're going to be fine. Some persons have encountered worse situations and came out better and stronger. You too can.

Q92 – I have a crush on someone but don't know how to go about it? (m)

Miss Trisha: Hmmmmmn...a crush! So, you're saying that a girl is tickling your emotions and you cannot contain it, you just have to respond? (Smiles) Trust me dear, I can understand the feeling and it is completely normal. But, can we talk a bit more about this 'crush'? Great! When you say you don't know how to go about it, do you mean you do not know how to manage these feelings that are cropping up on you OR you're saying you want to explore the excitements and go for some experiment? (Smiles). What you're going to do is address the feelings and get them straightened out, 'there ain't gonno be no exploration naah', (winks). Now that's not proper English, so SKIP.

Let's get this straight though: This crush, what does it feel like? I know it's a feeling, of course it has to be a feeling, one that is beginning to translate into a desire, am I correct? So, what is this feeling like? Have you been friends with this girl for a while, you talk a lot, you enjoy her company; she looks so perfect you want to spend more time with her; you want to talk more about personal things and all of that? Is this what your 'crush' feels like? If this is what you mean, let's get some facts straightened out – one, it is a feeling and subject to change, which means this feeling will definitely change. So you're not going to tie yourself around a particular excitement that comes and goes. Plus, you must also understand that this feeling (do I say 'crush' now) is subjective – determined by the object of your fancy. In other words, today you might have a crush on girl one and tomorrow you have a crush on girl two; the day after, you have a crush on girl three and like that. The reason is simple: whatever is getting you attracted to this girl is going to change when you see another girl who has a quality you feel is 'more', and you admire (usually physical).

Then, you're going to encounter different amazing girls as you grow older, and if you spend quite some time together, or see features in them that make you feel fly, you'll just keep on 'crushing'. It's just like that. So, imagine that you 'like' Betty for example, for some reason, and sometime later Freda comes along and you like this particular thing about her – she 'blows your mind' and crushing happens, then, after a while Tina comes around, then you realise 'Oh boy, Tina is just my spec', she's dark-skinned, tall...blah blah blah. That's how the crushing spree continues. Crushing never has depths, it is ALWAYS physical. You're drawn to that girl because of some physical attribute and whatever the force of attraction, my dear, it is shallow. It will wane. So, don't fan those desires please.

Remember, you are still teenagers – your parents or guardians are still responsible for you and you're accountable to them. At this age, you cannot make certain decisions for yourself because you can't handle the repercussions – so whatever poor or wrong decision you make will become a family burden as you do not have the capacity to manage anything effectively all by yourself right now. Try to pause your feelings for that girl and think – 'to what end is all of this crushing young man?' What good does it hold for me and for the object of my affection?

Don't put a dent on future possibilities and satisfaction for a present gratification that's but for a moment. I'm not sure you can bear the effect. Feelings are subject to change.
Then, you should also know that anybody you spend quality time talking with frequently, you get attracted to over time, except you're disciplined enough to define it and understand the red signals. It is natural. This means that you're going to like different girls at different points of your life, however, you cannot swear your allegiance to all of them – it has to be just one – the one who will want to get married to. I remember talking with some teenager a while back who was amused (or do I say angry now), when I mentioned that he could not keep a girlfriend until he was old enough to contemplate marriage. This might not be popular, it's just the reality – the safest reality where dating is concerned. And if you're going to do otherwise, be prepared to face the consequences of that poor decision. If you don't want premarital s*x, the demands of an uncontrolled s*xual passion, or even get a girl pregnant...deflate those feelings now. And, expect to be attracted to girls. But, never allow your feelings define your direction. The kind of man you want to be, what sort of husband and father you want to be will keep you disciplined and committed to your development at this stage of your life. S*xual drives are strong, I know, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide a balanced and fulfilling s*xual life in a world of s*xual disorder. Please, preserve your s*xual sanity – keep your feelings in check.

Q93 – What counsel will you give to an asthmatic patient on how to manage the disease?

Miss Trisha: Oh! Okay...Miss Trisha isn't a medical personnel, however, a professional in the medical field has brooded over your question. The next voice you hear is his!
Med. Physiologist Emmanuel Igue: For a patient who is asthmatic, whether male or female, the management is same. It is not gender based. First thing to remember: what are your known triggers? Have you identified them? Known triggers could be smoke, pungent smell, dust, particles in the air that can cause allergies, exercises or stuffs that increase oxygen demands. These are triggers for an asthmatic attack. You will have to avoid all these things – strenuous exercises, frying in a stuffy environment, inhaling dust, etc. Avoid stuffy areas. You should always keep an inhaler close in case of emergencies. You might need an inhaler to prevent emergency attacks, in order to open up the airways again for easy breathing. There are various kinds of inhalers. There's that one you can use daily, and another you use for emergencies. When you go to a pharmacy, you'd be educated on the different types.

Medically, asthma cannot be cured but can be managed, such that a person can live a normal life despite the condition. There are persons who have it as a long term challenge, in the sense that the attacks are frequent. For such persons, it is advisable that they always go about their normal activities with their inhalers. But if your attacks only come when there are triggers, you should have your inhaler, of course. However, it is advisable that if it is something that is really a big issue, you could be on medications. There are several medications that can be taken like aventolin tablets, aminophylin tablets. These are taken daily just for prevention. Remember: tablets are not for emergencies, you use an inhaler for emergencies. These are some basic information you'll need on the management of asthma.

One more thing: avoid exposing yourself to cold. When the weather is cold, cover up properly. Focus area is the chest. Exposure to cold can trigger an attack. When you expose the body to cold, especially the chest, it can cause broachatis and when this occurs, it compresses the lungs and narrows the airways such that breathing becomes difficult. One starts to have whizzing breaths. It isn't something to be afraid of. Just know what your triggers are and avoid them, keep an inhaler close. You may also want to visit a pharmacy for more information. I hope this helps.
Miss Trisha: Big big thank you to our guest on this episode– Med. Physiologist Emmanuel Igue. We really appreciate your time and professional counsel. Dear teen, I'm sure that the question has been properly attended to. Let me sat this, you don't have to define yourself by the challenge you're currently experiencing. You're a unique person and there's no limit to your success. You'll win.

Q94 – Is there a particular age a girl must attain to have a boyfriend? (f)

Miss Trisha: Hmmmmn, there are butterflies already singing a love song in your stomach, right? 😁 To your question, there isn't one easy answer that fits everyone, since you may have strict parents, or a unique cultural or religious background. You'll need to ask yourself some questions as well as ask the advice of people you trust to help you decide if it's time to have a boyfriend. I do not know you so well, I just know you're a teen. So this is how I'm going to answer your question.

Of course, there is, but it's not a figure. So, I'm not going to say 19 or 20 or 23. I'll ask a few questions, just follow the cue, you'd see the answer for yourself.

Here's the first question, are you ready for one? At what age do you think you'll be mature enough to start a home? Make a house into a home with a man? Have you ever thought of it? I guess you already know what constitutes a healthy relationship. You don't? Really? Can you be responsible for another person? Right now, would you be able to share the burden of another successfully? Your physical development does not equate your emotional development. And trust me, dating requires a good dose of emotional stability and intelligence for fulfilling interactions with your partner. Would you say that you're emotional mature? To be emotionally mature means your feelings do not dictate your direction, a good sense of judgement does. Some persons are as good as mature at 18 while some can still be babies at 22. We mature differently you see.

Teenage relationships can gather steam quickly. That's the reason you must be mature enough to know how far is too far and what brakes to apply. Place your own mental and emotional development ahead of getting involved with another person.
Two, why do you want to have a boyfriend? (Whether now or later) Whatever your age, knowing why you want a boyfriend is important. You should think about it really. It will guide how you do your relationship.

Companionship and a partner to share life with are good reasons for wanting to seriously date one specific person...and this one person should be for marriage. This is not a popular opinion, but I don't need it to be popular to sound it. Why would you want to share your life with someone who doesn't think you good enough to be his wife? If you feel unhappy or incomplete, keep in mind that a person can't fulfill that for you.

Three, what's dating to you? Your ideas about dating will affect how you treat a boyfriend. If you want to get married (I'm sure you do😇), you will expect more loyalty and long-term plans out of a boyfriend than if you just wanted to date a lot of guys and weren't worried about being too serious. And the latter is a NO NO! You're not a piece of specimen for some laboratory experiment. You're not for sampling. So, do not sell yourself cheap.

If you don't know why, you'll abuse it and expose yourself to avoidable hurts. I realise that some folks cannot tolerate their siblings, people they grew up with and saw practically everyday. How easy do you think it'll be to tolerate someone you barely know because you think you love them? I know that what most young people call love is what they feel for that member of the opposite s*x. What happens when the feelings go away? Yes, they do. The feelings take a break evey once in a while, what do you do then? Having a boyfriend is going to take a whole lot of your time. Successful relationships are built intentionally, they don't fall on your laps because you love a person. It is necessary work. Are you this person right now?

My candid advice: don't date yet. As a teenager, don't get emotionally attached to a guy yet. One thing you can do right now is learn what constitutes a healthy relationship. There are books on the subject. Plus, there should be a couple around you really admire. Have you learnt their secret? You may also want to learn about boys. But you don't need a boyfriend to do that. Practice general friendships. One on one time with a boy can be daunting and can also invite physical temptations, so you may want to start going on dates with a boy in a group with friends.You should have siblings, friends, classmates or neighbours that are boys. Observe them, study them...Just avoid emotional attachments. This will prepare you to effectively build a relationship when you start one because you would have understood the peculiarities of boys and applaud them. One more thing: determine what your personal goals and dreams are. It will define the kind of man you want to spend/share your life with.
'But the boys keep coming Miss Trisha. How do I deal with that? That's totally normal...you're a girl, you're attractive..., the boys will keep coming. Lemme share a little story. I had quite a number of boys as friends as a teenager. Matter-of-fact, I kept more of boys as friends than I did girls. And most of them liked me and wanted me to be their girlfriend. Before now though, I had decided I wasn't going to date anyone. That already took care of my responses to the guys when they showed up with their rhymes.😅 Of course, there were some I really liked, but I had schooled myself too much on the subject of emotional attachments to allow my feelings drive me. Plus, I made almost all of my male friends come home. So, mummy knew who I was walking with or visiting. I should say this helped my emotional sanity as a growing girl. Take a moment to ponder the kind of woman you want to be.

Q95 – I cannot read well and I'm already done with secondary school. This is shameful and I don't know how to go about it? (m)

Miss Trisha: Oh Oh! Now don't feel embarrassed. I can understand how feels. But trust me, you don't have to feel inadequate. I frequently remind myself there's always a way (and there'll always be a way for me). It's good to know that you know you need help here and want to be helped. Don't blame anyone for your current condition okay, that'd only hurt you more. If you wrote this question yourself, it means you're not so bad. So, this is what you'll do:

Get story books – kids story books with non-complex words. Start reading. Commit time to it daily. Keep a dictionary close so you can look up seemingly difficult words. And don't be passive about it. This will not only improve your reading skill, it will also add to your word-bank. You don't have to be ashamed of this. It's brave to want to be better at reading, knowing the challenge you have. In addition to story books, if it's really difficult for you to recognise and pronounce words, pick up Queen Primer and start to practice. The words are non-complex. If you can make sense of two and three letter words, practice will come easy.
See another trick, complex words are derived from shorter words. So, when you see a word, break it into bits and pronounce one bit at a time. These are called syllables. Pronunciation doesn't have to be so much of a headache. But you have to be diligent to create the change you want. Every worthwhile change requires discipline. And you have to be patient with yourself and the process to command any change. Now, this takes time, but you can.

Another thing you might want to do is look around you for someone who can help. Now, don't stall your processes. Keep making moves towards academic growth but don't ignore this challenge. Give yourself a target and set timelines. Don't be shy to talk to someone you know can help. 'Hello friend, I really need some help. Reading fluently is quite taxing for me. I lose my confidence when I have to read, especially before a crowd, because I don't trust my skill. Can you help me polish up a bit, please. I want to be accountable to someone.' I'm sure if that person is in a position to help, they won't turn you down.

Then, if you think you require a coach, talk with your parents or guardians about it and engage the services of one. Then, do what is required of you. Success is the progressive realisation of a worthy ideal, Earl Nightingale points out. And it is true. Anyone can become successful at anything they give their time, energy and attention to. Remember: Reading isn't just one skill, it is an activity made up of several different skills. One of which is knowing what letters make which sounds (phonemic awareness), fluency, vocabulary, then developing the mechanical system for identifying words. The parts of the reading system grow together.

Another important point: read out loud when you read. No, don't read in your mind, read with your mouth. Let your ears hear what your mouth is saying and your mind interpret it. You'll be able to spot frequently made mistakes, identify the sounds the letters make and similar sounding letters, and improve your cognitive speed. Accountability makes you responsible. Be accountable to someone who can really watch out for your growth. They may be age mates, younger or older persons, be sure that it's someone that can hold you accountable.

TRISHA'S WALL
Keeping your head above water isn't simple. It isn't something that happens because you wish it to happen. My darlings, please remember this one important lesson, never go with the crowd. Yes, it can be lonely and scary, but it's okay. You'd realise overtime that choosing to find your own rhythm will position you for stability, balance and fulfilment. Don't mindlessly do everything everyone is doing.
Teenage is a beautiful time. Quite a number of persons come into know of who they want to be and what they want of life in this phase. Please don't be casual with it. I know there's a lot of pressure. What with trying to keep up with school work, improve your grades, win the admiration of your peers and get your parents to give you some break from the rules. It can be overwhelming. But I want to ask you (I think I did some time ago): what kind of a woman or man would you want to be when you become an adult?

The little deliberate things you do with yourself right now will make all the difference. You don't have to go through life confused, your vision can be clear. Start with questioning your intentions and impulses, then defining your value. Have you ever heard to write the vision and make it plain upon tablets, that he may run that reads it? For me, I want to be someone that inspires people, not just by what I say or do, but with who I am. Did you attend the ValueDriven Teen Seminar? It's fine if you didn't. But one thing one of the speakers said really stood out to me: 'Value to me is what is said of me when I leave a room. It is what I bring with me when I enter a space. It is what the people who know me best say about me'.
What I bring with me when I enter a space! This is so thought provoking. You're not too young to know what you want in life and why. Start now. And get GOD in the picture. It's really important. Because of what Jesus has done, GOD is now Father to us. And trust me, He wants to help you all the way, please don't shut him out.

I look forward to talking more with you and getting your questions. Be free to use the handles to connect with us, okay.
Love,
Patricia.



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,2021.

{Patricia Igarama}
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