Lily's stories

19/12/2024

12/12/2024

THE DANGEROUS BLURRY LINE BETWEEN MONEY AND GRADUALLY LOOSING YOUR LIGHT AND FACING THE FLAMES OF HURT, PAIN AND NEVER ENDING REGRET

I remember walking down the street from church in the middle of the night and saw a group of girls wearing skimpy clothing beckoning on whoever that was passing by to come engage them in a 2 mins s*xual encounter. Their whistling felt loud and if you are weak, it had a tempting sound to it.

Then I had a glimpse of life in my tongue, I felt it's taste and I understood certain things. But now am much older I see clearly how much of a trap it is. Am not talking about trapping men, am referring to how the women whistling and beckoning to men for an encounter are trapped.

Imagine after 2 minute encounter, you get your money, maybe enough to fend for your child at home who is sick, but you deal with the pain of being a tool. You can never scratch that of your skin. The reality that you are a tool, and cannot be loved. That harsh reality that you a woman, would only be known for that. Few months ago, after doing my hair, in a different location I saw a much younger group in a corner, wearing similar skimpy clothes and beckoning to men to come in and dine. I remember standing there and looking at them, girls that could have been my sisters, taking a sip out of a cigarette, to prepare them mentally for a tool defining act. I was crushed by it. It gripped me deeply to understand that money can send you into the depths of hell and cage you there and beat you till your insides bleed, but somehow you would still be reaching out for more money.

They could have been my sisters, my friends, I can imagine how they sleep. Maybe they would be crying their eyes out at night, confronted by the weight of many bodies and scratching their skin to get the scent of men of it. The harsh reality that you will only be known and treated as a tool for satisfaction, not a precious jewel but only for money and pleasure.

And men, boys, oh poor them. Men struggling with their identity, caged in the society's hyper s*xual scent, would want to use a broken girl for their lust in exchange for money. Boys trapped in peer pressure, wanting to repeat what they see among their friends, in tvs, in songs and movies would handle a broken girl in form of a pr******te for his own satisfaction. After which he would clean his mouth and wear his pants and walk out the door feeling fulfilled.
Saying to himself " I have done well, I have scratched the itch, I have leaned in to my demons, I have become a man".

Such a sad reality. Imagine a man caged by his lust, and a girl born in a harsh society out of greed or perhaps need, both intertwined in a cage and fed lust and money but they don't realize they are both caged and their lights ripped out. They are both knifed down and their life stolen from them.

Oh society, Nigerian society, any society when will you wake up to see our young people. When will you cry out for it to stop. I remember walking away after looking at one of them with a red short top and a mini skirt I believe and I groaned within myself. I have tasted life's pain in my own path of life, but to watch that young girl taste money in exchange for s*x killed me on the inside. It ripped me. I can already imagine looking in her eyes and seeing a broken, lost girl but on the outside seeing a smoker and a whistler for men.

I watched a documentary of how an orphan found herself in prostitution. Poor, uneducated and unaccounted for, got pimped out, used as a tool for pleasure, some men would even beat her after the encounter, spit on her and give her half the money. She would lay on a mat in the bush for the act to be done. That's the money she would use to fend for herself. I watched another documentary where a mother introduced her daughter into prostitution. But now prostitution has evolved. Greed now births prostitution, peer pressure now births prostitution, rejection now leads to prostitution.

Men are seen as beasts, women are seen as toys for pleasure. The cycle of a wounded society has rapidly spread. I can scent the smell of many tears and bloods that have cried out for help.

Oh, such a devasting world we live in. The war of pain, hurt and wounds. The war that people are yet to wake up too. Money being a bait for a future of wounds that never heal.

Wake up people. Wake up.

-Lily Membu

09/12/2024

TELL YOUR STORY NOW BEFORE YOU DIE SLOWLY

This is to the girls and women now. Society will stare at you and be confused. People that know you in your gatherings would walk away. People wouldn't understand you speaking out. People wouldn't get the vision or the purpose.

Fear has killed many women. You are carrying pain in your heart and you have allowed WHAT PEOPLE WOULD SAY keep your mouth shut.

You have been wounded and can save a life from your experiences, you say no oo, I don't want to talk so that people in my church would not look at me somehow. Ahhh!!

You say, oh Lily, you would not understand. My family people would say am airing sensitive things outside, that a woman's mouth should be shut. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

So generations won't receive healing from your lips or post because of how people would see you.

So it's people that will determine your assignment? God given assignment? You think the assignment is for people to stand by you? The assignment is actually to divide your audience. For separation. People that are called your audience would understand the vision. Those that don't would develop a resistance and judgement for it.

Let me tell you something, that silence you are holding dear for out of fear would slowly tear you up inside. That fake smile you are carrying with closed tongue would be the one that would rip your heart too shreds. That scar that you have allowed to unheal would transcend down to generations if you don't confront the darkness. You must stand in your assignment.
For some it might be a stage, others might just be a post, the rest might be quietly in their families, prayer closet, or serving in different posts etc. Every assignment is different.

Let friends walk away, let people think you are nuts. Let them clear road as you are passing. Keep your shoulders back, stand tall and speak the TRUTH. People think the truth is something sweet and rosy.

The TRUTH has a two edged sword, it cuts and tears and divides. The truth confronts and shouts on the roof tops and screams out.

It's not a baby voice or a quiet voice. When you speak truth in your prayer closet, you are not binding the devil with soft quiet voice. You are bolding rebuking, confronting him with the truth without sparing him. So is it for standing up for your assignment in whatever form.

That's why when I talk about trauma here. Am not playing games. Am not in the mood for soft, calm, sweet sister lily. I don't have time for that. The war has started long ago already. Families are crumbing, youths are deep in despair and their faces don't show a spec of it. Generations of families have passed down trauma, pain and scars. Girls are left broken, men don't even know their identity. This is not the time for Lily Membu to be sweet so that they can say God bless you nicely. No oo. This is the time to challenge the war beyond. Look at the society deeply. Look at the state of our people. Observe and think deeply.

You must take your sword and participate in the war ongoing. If you want to retreat and say the war doesn't affect you, I hope somehow that mentality suits you long term. I pray it does, because ignorance and acting like a problem doesn't exist is one way the enemy defeats you already.

So my dear women and to the girls reading. If you are a man and you find this valuable, God bless you. When an assignment is given, stand in your assignment,do not fear. SPEAK OUT. Do not desire a stage. Seek wisdom rooted in character and boldly, fearlessly speak THE TRUTH. Let people eyeroll and stare, make sure you are humble and you are seeking validation from the one above not applause from people in church, school, or your friends.

Stand for the truth no matter how bitter, ugly and unpleasant it seems. I don talk oo. Make I waka dey go🚶🚶🚶.

05/12/2024

THE LACK OF SAFETY IN MARRIAGES

Obviously, some individuals would kick against this because quote on quote, "I am not qualified to speak on this matter".

But, I happen to have a good sense of my path.
And my path doesn't involve fitting into people's qualified boxes. It's quite the opposite of that actually.

In the news there was an outbreak of women who went outside their matrimonial homes to dwell with a renowned man who was married and it was captured on video. The women were disgraced, shamed while the man in question was praised for keeping photos of horrific acts. I kept wondering to myself why women would step out of their matrimonial home to another man, I thought to myself, is it that whatever the problem is they can't discuss or communicate it out in a way that love and understanding get it done? Or have they explored that option and hit a wall each time that they choose to step out, which is worse, horrific and bad. Just bad, stepping out is like tearing up a wound that is fresh. Our women are so broken and distorted. I wish I could explain in clear terms what is happening in our society .

It's almost like we are breeding brokenness and procreating wounds and trauma on a fast scale.
While I was practicing as a clinical social worker I saw first hand the lack of safety in marriages in Nigeria. I have been on the phone calling husbands to show some empathy to their wives in the hospital, I have handled cases where women were left abandoned by their families and husband.

Infact it got to a point where there have been cases where I just wondered to myself so this is the reality of marriages?
Like this is it? No safety for vulnerability, no love, no depth, no family dream!!!
Wives don't feel loved and safe around their husbands, husbands don't trust nor love their wives and children are caught in the middle witnessing mother in law and husbands ganging up against wife.

Sometimes when I handle cases, am just left to wonder, why has our society come to this?
Marriage that is supposed to be the bedrock of society has crumbled. So what exactly do we have to fall back on? Children are growing up in dysfunction, women are awakened to the reality that there is no love and safety in marriage to the point they take up a broken theory of men and men likewise see women from a broken lens. Men loose interest after wives get pregnant. This is not some theory, these are things that I have handled that just blowed my mind.

What I saw just shook me to my core, especially when a young 3 months old baby was intertwined. This baby was left in the hospital for dead while the man left the young unemployed wife for dry. The baby struggled with hospital fees plus malnourishment. No money, nothing. Just left and abandoned.

I can see why people are divorcing, women are more hardened, men are more hardened, and children are wounded. Now I understand why women are being told to get educated and get a job to avoid such pain. My head is so full with the state of our society at the grass root level that sometimes I don't think we as people, we realize what is going on.

We are living in a cycle of trauma that is deep rooted. We are walking amongst broken men and women.

03/12/2024

03/12/2024

30/11/2024

POVERTY AND SU***DE

We have another situation of the state of our society.
Where a man with two beautiful children committed su***de because of his inability to cater for his masters degree, wife and children.

Business at the time seemed not to be working and it just seemed the best option was to buy an insecticide liquid. Drink it and swallow it up.

And he left behind his children and wife.
Yes, he died.

You see, the popular notion now will be, but why. He could have found other options, true. He could have.

But, you see , our economy has been so wired in such a way where, it becomes very familiar to suffer.
Am not all for a life of ease as that can lead to behavioral traits that are harmful, however it's important to note that there is a very destructive way of leadership present in the economy of Nigeria.

Where lack of resources and opportunities leads to theft, murder, prostitution, financial crime and su***de.

We have made our economy so ripe for destruction and pain to thrive in. And the target is for many people including young people to walk down that dreadful path of darkness and be consumed by it.

I don't know if someone reading is understanding what am saying.

Nigeria has forgotten leadership is to garden and steward the people's individualism and talents and groom it to become a full blown harvest.

You know the other side of poverty: teenage pregnancy, abuse cycle, broken homes and worse displaced individuals carrying trauma in their hearts and minds.

How many have died because there was no resources to access for lack of funds?

How many have jumped into rivers, consumed insecticides?

There is no burden at all in our society. People are dying. People are suffering, people are grieving, people are hurt and broken.

Those two children now will grow up fatherless, while the wife will be wondering "Why". Her grief would be deepened.

Government thinks investing in the future is just policies. I laugh.

You can't implement a policy and the grass root issues are growing and spreading rapidly.

Families are poor, children are malnourished, people are broken and lost and worse we are cultivating a wounded future.

Nigeria, when are we going to start having real conversations on the state of the economy in terms of lives of our citizens?

When are we going to start that?

26/11/2024

GIRL ON GIRL SEXUAL ABUSE.

As a little girl growing up in Liberia around 7, 8, I was molested by a bigger girl who was in her late teens. She was the daughter of a distant relative of my mother who happens to live next door us. This girl was a very wilt child whose father use to beat her a lot for being a community's child. Having boyfriends here and there. My mother being a good woman will take her in every time her father put her out she will stay in our house for days until her parents take her back. At some point my mother gave her the task of giving me evening baths because my mom use to work very late and she use to bath me and stay with me in the room until my mother comes back. Sometimes my mother will be home sitting outside at night just talking with the other neighbors and this girl will be in the room with me doing lot of evil things, i called it evil things. It's just so hard to explain. She will threaten me if I dare tell my mother she will beat me. I didn't even know it was evil until grew up. I couldn't bring myself to tell my mom about those things until i was around 31 years old. Now I'm 36. Please watch out for the house helps too around your kids. Be it women or men, girls or boys. I have friends, men now, who were introduced to adult things when they boys by their house help too around.

My take 👇

Nigerians are not ready for this conversation.
That's why am very adamant about my beliefs.

I sometimes wonder the irony of how we train our girls to stay away from men.

But somehow we end up not being aware of the dangers that lurk within a fellow girl.

Cousins, relatives, friends, even members of the church.

House helps and worse family members.

Neighbours too.

We have this theory in Nigeria that as long as you KEEP QUIET, you are wise. And as long as you don't say a word, you are a Good person.

But if you EXPOSE it, everybody would run away from you and stay away from you. They would even see you in places, and look at you with anger and even eye-roll because you are talking about the truth on social media.

You see, am very used to eye roll, and stares.
But it's not going to stop me from Telling it as it is.

The way trauma and abuse has infected us humans, we are now going around with infections in our hearts and bodies and infecting other people with the same abuse.

We humans we are wired in such a way we have to be connected even if it means spreading abuse and infecting society. We just have to spread it. We can't retain evil and keep it hidden, it has to come out and unleash its wrath.

Young girls have evolved from girl on girl abuse to full blown divorce. From girl on girl abuse to promiscuity with no stable mindset or heart.

From girl on girl abuse to su***de.

From girl in girl abuse to becoming a monster infecting others, being caged and chained to the point you derive joy and pleasure in watching others get violated and touched.

This is not a game. You are not fighting a s*xual abuse fight. You are fighting a war. This is war. War against humanity, against innocence, against sanity, against families, against girls and boys.

And unfortunately people don't know that we are actively in a war. We are all pretending like this is some kind of peaceful living where we are in fantasy land .

We are so caged in a world of fantasy that we don't even see the society up in flames.

And then we destroy our daughters with Cain because they are arrogant not knowing they were violated and the violation has evolved into anger and wrath.

Am not fighting for an abuse cause. What am doing on Facebook is taking my sword and fighting back and participating in the war.

I have left the fantasy box world we are living in and I have decided to put on my loins and straddle to ride my horses and point my sword to the war beyond.

If you don't understand what am saying, then you need to wake up.

You have to wake up and open your eyes.

20/11/2024

HOW R**E AFFECTS MARRIAGE INTIMACY

Recently watched an in-depth glimpse into how r**e affected a marriage.
Affected the intimacy aspect, affected the connection and in some ways has a crack hold on the bond.

She highlighted how her r**e experience at 14, led her to the gate of lesbianism.
Led her to the gate of hating men
Led her to the gate of almost becoming promiscuous.
Led her to smoking ci******es as a way to calm herself from emotions. She smoked the cigrates for 6 years.
The r**e experience almost led her to forfeit her purpose and align herself with a man that demanded she changes to fit his standard unless marriage is not in the picture. And she was willing to conform.

I hope someone is reading with deep insight to see the track record of trauma. It doesn't just happen to you and leave you and go.
It sticks it's dirt on you. And then the dirt fuses with your behavior, your world view, your mind and your actions.

It's not just me coming on Facebook to talk about something irrelevant. It's me pinpointing you to a sickness that Nigerians are yet to wake up to. They are looking at it and grabbing a sofa and sitting in silence. Making the trauma fuse more with the society and various personalities even more.

Thankfully God saved her from entering into such a marriage and she met a good Christian man. Now she is with a Christain man and she hates the idea of intimacy. She doesn't feel anything when it comes to intimacy. She becomes numb. She has gone to conferences, gatherings, doctors and more. And nothing seems to work.

The r**e incident has fused with her being. She even jerks and shakes the moment she remembers the incident. She is now a walking wounded heart. To the extent that they have been married for few years and yet intimacy to her is pure hatred.

Many incidents like hers have ended up in divorce and religion and people would bash you and stigmatize you for divorce without understanding what goes on behind the scenes .
*I am not celebrating divorce*.

Thankfully her husband is trying his best to walk with her down the path of healing as they want to embark on therapy and counselling sessions.

I keep on speaking up over these incidents, there are thousands of men and women who have suffered the consequences of trauma. They are walking in the world with broken wounded souls. Some are struggling to find their way out. Some ended in su***de. Others in the streets of prostitution. Others have been grieved so much that their heart has twisted from a wounded soul to a brutal monster. These events have affected marriages, families, friendships, careers, life in general. This is not a game.

Some have even died from brutal crime as a result of the track record and imprint trauma leaves behind.

I fear for our future if we don't catch a burden for our society. Counselling is frowned upon in Nigeria. It's not even considered at all in religion. What terrifies me is that opening up to talk about these events is even worse than keeping your mouth shut. Which I find very harmful.

We are harming each other by the way we do things. We have created a culture of hurt and wounds to progress, evolve, grow and multiply.
I watched closely and I wondered to myself, why the interviewer was surprised she smoked ci******es for many years to suppress her emotions. Perhaps she was a woman that's why. So the idea of smoking for a woman is too extreme. I guess that's the taboo we have.

Trauma makes you take up various coping mechanisms to deal with the intensity of what happened to you.

But the coping mechanism isn't a fixer. It's like a garden burnt severely by fire. But instead of fixing the soil, starting a fresh to heal the ground. You gather fake garden like accessories and place on the ashes and then present it as a beautiful scenery.

That's what we humans do when we cope with our trauma using different outlets.

Am still on the series. Still will be continuing the evaluation of the book on trauma on Lily Membu .

16/11/2024

Marriage cannot be a coping mechanism for trauma.
Relationships cannot be a coping mechanism for trauma.
Friendships cannot be a coping mechanism for trauma.
Drinking and smoking cannot be a coping mechanism for trauma.
Eating lots of food cannot be a coping mechanism for trauma.
Outdoor activities cannot be a coping mechanism for trauma.
Movies, singing, high level career achievements cannot be a coping mechanism for trauma.
Family members cannot be a coping mechanism for trauma.
Church people and activities cannot be a coping mechanism for trauma.
People pleasing and being the perfect person cannot be the coping mechanism for trauma.

At some point, you have to face your demons. You must stand alone in the dirt of your turmoil and look at the broken pieces left and face it.
You must confront the darkness within.
You must take your loins and stand even if you fall again and again.

You must face your broken self and wounds.
You cannot have a fracture and pretend it doesn't exist.
You must look at it and treat it and make sure it heals for you to function.
You must walk through the valley of the shadow of death alone and confront the void there and face it with the Help of God.

This journey has to be you and God.
At some point people can be intertwined in the healing journey.

But the pivotal point of healing starts with you alone with God.

That's how it is with trauma.
Our society has not even tasted the awakening of healing.
We have not even grasped the concept of trauma as a phenomenon.
We are still hiding behind closed doors of silence and pretence.

We all need to wake up.
Wake up people .

15/11/2024

-The weaponization of beauty among women.
My analysis.

11/11/2024

My wish for you
Is that you continue
Continue
To be who and how you are
To astonish a mean world
With your acts of kindness
Continue
To allow humor to lighten the burden
Of your tender heart
Continue
In a society dark with cruelty
To let the people hear the grandeur
Of God in the peals of your laughter
Continue
To let your eloquence
Elevate the people to heights
They had only imagined
Continue
To remind the people that
Each is as good as the other
And that no one is beneath
Nor above you
Continue
To remember your own young years
And look with favor upon the lost
And the least and the lonely
Continue
To put the mantle of your protection
Around the bodies of
The young and defenseless
Continue
To take the hand of the despised
And diseased and walk proudly with them
In the high street
Some might see you and
Be encouraged to do likewise
Continue
To plant a public kiss of concern
On the cheek of the sick
And the aged and infirm
And count that as a
Natural action to be expected
Continue
To let gratitude be the pillow
Upon which you kneel to
Say your nightly prayer
And let faith be the bridge
You build to overcome evil
And welcome good
Continue
To ignore no vision
Which comes to enlarge your range
And increase your spirit
Continue
To dare to love deeply
And risk everything
For the good thing
Continue
To float
Happily in the sea of infinite substance
Which set aside riches for you
Before you had a name
Continue
And by doing so
You and your work
Will be able to continue
Eternally.

(Book: Even the Stars Look Lonesome
~Maya Angelou

Credit : Philo Thoughts

02/11/2024

Trauma can transcend into addiction and evolve into a broken marriage.
The cycle seems to be a very cage like activity of keeping you bound. Wake up people.

31/10/2024

Reading more on the book concerning trauma and am discovering how trauma damages the brain fight or flight response. Would go live again. Watch out for that.

I mean, psychologist have done profound work in identifying symptoms, brain damage and worse health challenges that can affect an individual.

Don't roll your eyes and think trauma has not shaped our world on many levels. Worse, don't even believe the idea that trauma hasn't damaged our family system.

This is not some theory of ...why are you bringing scientist, or psychologist or masters degree people. This is highlighting our world, Our society, our children, you and I.

Just look at the state of the economy and how people have been impacted. Look carefully and really see. Aren't you seeing the trace of trauma. The footsteps of hurt, pain and suffering. If you are not seeing it. Then I hope you really see. You have to see. You have too.

Part 2 Facebook live would perhaps be tomorrow. I urge you to see.
Make sure to check out the live on my personal page Lily Membu

29/10/2024