Laugh A Minute With John Flourish

20/09/2020

Forget about a chicken with chicks, have angry turkey ever pursued you before? That thing can turn someone into a motorcycle.
Thanks for reading

19/09/2020

08/05/2020

Why is monday so far from friday, and friday so close to monday.

08/05/2020

Very soon Mtn and Airtel idea will be like do you know there are people in your villiage that don't want you to succeed?
Quickly text "thunder fire them" to 33505.

07/05/2020

If your Woman catches you looking at another Woman, turn to her and say "sweetheart, i am glad you don't dress like that!

07/05/2020

New ways of crossing roads in Nigeria, check side ways for motors and look up for plane crash, and look down for bomb, and look back for kidnappers then now run zig-zag to dodge bullets.

13/04/2020

Will you send me Card or should blow that powder Baba gave me.

13/04/2020

Whenever it's my turn to cook at home they buy bread. i don't know why.

13/04/2020

Imagine you dodged your mum's slap and it landed on your dad's face.

07/04/2020

A man was angry with his wife, so he sends a message to the father-in-law.
"Your product is not matching my reqirements" the father in-law replies
"Warrantee expired"
Manufacturer is not responsible after seal is breaken.
"Who wins?

07/04/2020

I will never close my eye whne kissing again, i lost my money yesterday again.

07/04/2020

I need a girl who will look into my eye and say "babe you have suffered so much, use me for ritual...

07/04/2020

You think you know all different ways of stealing until you get to Ojuelegba, Lagos state here where they will steal your phone but you earpiece will continue playing music until you get home...

07/04/2020

Immediately you start savings small money.
BOOM!!!!
You will get a call from the village that your grandmother has swallowed cutlass.
You be like "AHH" village pipu y na.

07/04/2020

Some parent use to write BEWARE OF DOGS on there gate when their daughter is 18-22yrs if you know you know

07/04/2020

So instead of learning how to cook, every girl is now learning how to make-up...
My sister, don't worry, your mother in-law is waiting for you...

07/04/2020

Last year April 1st, someone told me, see your money on the floor, i replied i know it is April fool, until i got home i found out i lost my 2k

07/04/2020

Happy Lockdown my people

19/02/2020

Fruitfulness in my nature, I will never wither🙌

19/02/2020

📽📽📽 behind the scene

02/02/2020

Huuuuunnnnn!

02/02/2020

Do such girls still exist...

15/01/2020

15/01/2020

ANOTHER BANGER
1..Salute To All Those Girl's Who Visit Their Boyfriend And Put Their Phone On Airplane Mood, Miss Pilot, One Day Ur Plane will Crash
2..I slept at my girlfriend house and in the morning she didn't give me money for transport.. I don't understand
3..Have u been so hungry that after eating biscuits u start to read the ingredients
4..Even when I don't go to church i know Dat jonah swallow fish
5..U gave her money for postinor after s*x & she buys data and posted "MOTHER TO BE" Devil blood day hot
6..I told u someone is related to me and u are asking me if it's by blood no its by juice
7..DEAR legends D rain Dat beat u today sha wash ur car tomorrow
8..As a kid the only time mama let me lie in peace is when I sang that rhyme
""I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A SOLDIER
9..Samsung users can take risks ooh how can u be using phone Dat the screen is expensive than de phone it self
11..I remember in a school debate when I supported "education is better than money" money please forgive me i was a child
12..GIVE THE BIKE MAN PHONE,,,,
Only legends will understand
13..Chaii
My Ex celebrated her boyfriend's birthday with all the money she took from me
Biko, who knows a powerful native doctor here
14..I will never watch futball with my mum again. Which one is Messi I command u to score in Jesus name
15..*Men want s*x
*Men like s*x
*Men can't do without s*x
Potiphar's wife that want to r**e Joseph, is she a man?
16..When a woman loves, she loves 4real
When a man loves, he.. .he.. .I mean he...
oh no dis my phone have started hanging again
17..God of bank alert,
Omini western union,
Omini money grand ,
Omini mistake transfer, visit ur children this 2020
Reading without commenting, oh god of thunder visit their phone screen
I don tire for allof una wey dey call me bros for comment
Oshayyyyy I made u smile drop that number that made it happen
I REMAIN dah cute Guy

15/01/2020

1-100 joke
1.My father is a driver,
He doesn't have a car but he had motor.
I am planing to sell the motor and buy him a bicycle, becus I am tired of pushing motor every morning..
2.My landlord gave me the best Tennant award yesterday,
Look at him oo!
Me that is planing of impregnate his only daughter that just got admitted in uniport and run away!
3. When I was in secondary school,
My dream was to be
A movie producer.
Journalist.
A very popular comedian/M.c.
An International news editor etc.
Now look at me a common Facebook poster with 3likes and 2comments ..
4. One advantage of dating Izekor Osato is Becus you will never involve in a car accident Becus Izekor Osato doesn't hav a car yet.5.Girls please wear Bra when fetching water
in the morning
My landlord fell inside gutter again this morning
6) I can still remember during my
secondary school era,
I wil es**rt
her back home and
still trek back to my
own house under the
sun
7) Mr Mark Zuckerberg
we need a emoji for
TUFIAKWA in case if we
see a post we don't like...
8) Dating two guys is good and nice until one wnt ur p***y shaved and the other one wnt it hairy,
aunty na punk u go barb las las
9) I used Facebook free mode for more than seven
months but I was flabergested when MTN SmS
me “DEAR CUSTOMER ARE YOU NOT ASHAMED OF YOURSELF"
10) YAWA is when a Army man punished u finish,
And release u make
u dey go, u com climb ur bike and say OGA
THUNDER FIRE U
and ur bike no gree start""
11) I never knew am this handsome until 4 ladies
started dragging my
hand in the market yesterday "FINE BOY!! FINE
BOY!! PLEASE COME AND BUY FUFU".
12) illiteracy no good oo. my Neighbor's girlfriend just asked my friend, WHO BE" ALARM"
and why is she calling you by 6:30 in the morning
13) The greatest mistake you will make
in a movie is when you are rich and PETE
EDOCHIE is your elder brother. I pity you
14) DEAR FAT PEOPLE.... apart from
snoring,
which other instrument can you play??
15) Imagine Nigeria without Enugu state, Kogi state,
where will all the
ashawo's come from??
16) All my life I thought
air is free until I decided to bought a bag of
minimie chin chin
17) TYPE OF FOOTBALL DISPLAYED IN ENGLAND
Liver pool - Counter Attack
Man City - Spreading Attack
Man united - Pressuring Attack
Spur - Quick Passing Attack
Chelsea - spiritual Attack
Arsenal aka (super eagles) - Heart Attack
18) Dear age mates please stop getting married
My parents are looking at me Somehow
19) Itz only in 9ja that you will be seeing somebody watching a movie and start shouting at
the actor .....MUMU, WALK FAST THEY
ARE COMING..
20) I've gotten to a stage of my life
where I no longer have time to argue with
people
If you tell me 2×2 is 222 I'll just agree with
you
21) if Satan is sharing money ...
you will see some Nigeria ladies calling him with
romantic voice.."
SATIBOO,"...." SATILOVE.." SATIMOO
22) I had to open my eyes wen I heard one
gal in church praying to God to increase her Facebook likes
chai.....Ntua!!
23) This life ehhn
Ebuka at the age 15, “I WANT TO BE A DOCTOR”
At the age 20, “SCIENCE IS VERY DIFFICULT ABEG”
At the age of 27, “ITS YOUR BOY DJ EBUSKY MAKE
SOME NOISE”.
24) We are slowly losing our culture o,
yoruba girls are now bathing twice a
week. instead of once in a month
Lemme mind my business joor
25) Imagine marrying a woman dat loves
watching zee world.
My broda ur food will be burning extraordinary everyday
26) Friends please pray
for me, i think am
getting weak. imagine,
i couldn't finish 4 wraps of fufu
27) NEPA is the Major cause of unwanted
Pregnancy in Nigeria
Becuz Everythng starts when she Enters the Room to
Charge Her Phone
28) Its only in Nigeria a guy will visit a girl in
her house and still gives her transport-fare
29) Who still remembers this code
787898 ??
Indomie generation step aside
30) # Dear_Women .....
Seduce your husband with s*xy pants and
Bra. Stop walking around the house with APC
wrapper and Adieu papa polo*
31) nigerians can make colour oooo
which one is
,coconut pink, bread yellow, akpu white, crayfish
brown, okro green....
32) Shaving is old fashion,
just boil hot water & do it d way u do 2
chicken .
Thank me later
33) DEAR LADIES....., stop viewing our profile pictures before replying our chats, some of us hav ugly pictures wit handsome bank account
34) Girls who answer NANCY, do you know your full name is PREGNANCY.??? I bet you didn't know..
35) I think, Police will start arresting ladies for deceiving the public. You cannot be looking like NICKI MINAJ on Instagram,
BEYONCE on Facebook and EMMANUELLA in real life.
36) Nigerians will neva stop amazing me.... Even
during holy communion in church dey will still collect it twice, some will even
come with nylon bag.. Can u imagine
37) Naira Marley was
arrested # Boom !! he became Legendary,
I pray for you reading dis post.. You will be
the next person to be arrested
38) The problem with a tall boy dating
a short girl is that he can't do 69
39) Glo is very useless so if I don't remove my
sim and lick it,,,network won't come up
40) That moment your village people are
ready for you, they will just make you put on
MTN t- shirt while going for Glo
interview.
41) Imagine renting a lodge, 2bedroom flat and 4toilet...
Biko!! Did i come to this world to s**t only??.
42) My dog is very stupid
and useless... Imagine we were both
chased by another dog.
43) Help me thank GOD I now have a property
abroad.
My friend traveled to Canada with my
earphone and charger.
44) Its like my landlord daughter has joined cult
if not why will she be wearing red pant &
red bra all d time...
45) I don't understand people who don't like
my posts.
is everything okay at home?
46) Snoring is a gift not everybody
can sing while sleeping...
47) Na money be fine bobo
OBASANJO,OSHIOMOLE, MR IBU,NGOLO KANTE wer get
money. Them fine??
48) Am sitting next to my crush in a bus right
now, someone should please call me I want to
speak English.
49) Some men always complain that girls are after
their money, my brother do u want her to be after ur life?
50) ladies if any guy lied
to you that he's different
don't mind him ooo we are all the
same
51) Some men can be stingy,,
REBECCA:- John am pregnant give me the money
for abortion.?
JOHN:- ok how much is the money?
REBECCA:- Just 60k my babe..
JOHN:- Born the baby...I go kill am myself..
52) 99% of girls that post ''GOD BLESS THE MAN BEHIND MY SMILE'' Are single
You know yourself
I can see you are smiling..
53) quick...money.. Believe it worked
for me perfectly..
Make 1 Million Naira With Just 1k
Within 2 Days.No Referal Is
Required.No Stress!
All U Av 2 Do Is Just Send Ur
Name,address Nd fone Numba,so Dat
I Will 4ward It 2 D EFCC Bcos U Are
A Criminal...look at ur face..
54) Everyone wants to study in UK,
Everyone wants to work in Dubai,
Everyone wants to be celebrated in USA,
Everyone wants medical attention from India,
But when they die they want to be buried in
Naija
Is Nigeria a cemetery Mtcheww?
55) JOHN LEGEND is a big liar,
my head under water but am breathing fine,
what rubbish Is that
I tried that s**t dis morning nd almost die
56) I hate it when my neighbours play music and
keep skipping the songs as if it is only them
that
are listening to the songs
57) I said we should meet
in FRONT of the restaurant & you're already INSIDE
reading memu?
Finish reading & come outside!
58) If you see what girls do in campus,
MY BROTHER, you will never marry a
graduate
59) That moment he unclipped your bra and
suddenly the #200 you hide from him for
transportation fell on the bed
60) If your intro-tech teacher doesn't know
how to flog, that means you didn't attend
secondary school in Nigeria
Mine, I will never forgive dat man in Odoro ikot Secondary school..
61) Finally, Even if GLO has a church There
still won't be service.
62) I think we Broke guys should start
wearing leggings. I mean, what do we need
pocket for?
63) Even God loves dreadlocks that's why he
gave it to Samson but unfortunately Delilah
was working for SARS.
# Plz_Forgive_Me_for_I_do_not_kn
ow_what_Am_Typing...
64) I am Sure If Judas Iscariot 's Girlfriend didn't ask Him For
Money, He Wouldn't have Sold Jesus..
65) DEAR NIGERIANS?
Who told you people that SIM 1 must be MTN?
66) Women will always tell you
that men can cheat and tell lies,
but they seem to forgeting that
"What a man can do, a woman
can do better"... Guys are you
with me??
67) Jamb board has decided to add 40
Marks to those that scored below 180.. To
confirm, send JARA TO 55019
68) FINALLY....God has done it again,i just
bought a brand new 2019 KJV bible for myself...hmmmm
satan u don finish.....
69) Knock! Knock! ( # kpo !! Kpo!!! Kpo!!!)
Udeme umoh : yes who dey knock?
JW : it is us, Jehovah witness
Udeme umoh : nobody dey house
JW : but you just answered
Udeme umoh : i say nobody dey house, na me their dog bingo dey talk.
70) A day before yesterday, I Wanted To Kill My Self, But the conundrum is that I'm Scared Of
Going To Jail...
71) CHEAPEST WAY TO ABORT A CHILD
-Drink 5L Of Water The Babey Will Drown..
72) very soon, Im going to change my Facebook name to BENEFITS. So that when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: YOU ARE NOW FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS.
73) imagine Marrying An Old Man For His Money
And You Die First.
74) Being single is a choice for women ,
there's no such thing as she can't get a man .
A man is the easiest thing to get.
75) If you think China products are all fake
why don't you try their poison
76) Is hard to be a guy. No makeup, No weaves. If u
ugly u ugly
77) A bus full of housewives going on a
picnic crashed with no survivors. Each
husband cried for a week, but one
husband udeme umoh continued crying for more than two weeks
One day, the neighbors asked why he was stil mourning.....
and He replied miserably... "MY DEAR NEIGHBORS, AM STILL MOURNING BECUZ MY WIFE
MISSED THE BUS "
78) If hard work is your weapon then success will be
your slave. So stop blaming others for your
failure and work hard to attain success.
79) Those of you who react on my posts , you
guys will eat double takeaway with extra meat
on my wedding day
Don't worry It's coming very soon..
80) wife was busy packing her clothes.
Udeme umoh: And where are you going ?
WIFE: I'm moving to my mother.
Husband also starts packing.
WIFE: And where do you think your going ?
HUSBAND: I'm also moving to my mother .
WIFE: And what about the kids ?
HUSBAND: Well if you are moving to your
mother and I'm moving to my mother then
I guess they must also move to their mother
81) The class teacher asks students to name an
animal that begins with an “E ”. Wreezy says,
“Elephant .”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins
with a “T”. Phiri stood-up and says, “TWO ELEPHANTS
The teacher was so angry that he sent phiri out of the class...
After that he asks for an animal beginning with “M
Phiri shouted from the other side of the
wall : “MAYBE AN ELEPHANT !”
82) AFRICAN PARENTS can be so annoying! They will wake you from your sweet sleep only for them to ask you if you are sleeping???
83) I post a hot joke Then someone comes and say "FIRST TO COMMENT" LIKE BACK" NYEM FREE JUICE...
Are you okay?
84) Being dumped by a girl who's always asking for
money is like being released from prison, infact
it's a miracle
85) girls with deep voices dont moan
during s*x they roar
86) If ur man hold ur legs up during s*x just knw dat he's ready to be a father Bcuz dats how they
change baby's pampers
87) My girl: ALL PU***ES TASTE THE SAME SO WHAT ARE U CHEATING FOR?
Me : ..
88) Women: Communication is the key!
Men: What's wrong babe?
Women: Nothing GOODNIGHT!
89) Let me teach you something,
there's no such thing as a 3 month anniversary.
The "ann" in anniversary is short for annual.
Annual means a year. A year means 12 months.
Stop it
90) If she can't cook my brother dnt lobola her.just save the lobola money for
takeaways
91) English is so fu**ed up
how can you drink a drink
But you can't food a food
92) When things go wrong…
When sadness fills up your heart…
When tears roll down your eyes…
Please inform me…
Because my friend sells tissues
BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE!
93) Your girlfriend meets a rich man , you call her a
gold digger ,
Your sister meets a rich man you call it a
blessing from God ...
Trust me, Even The devil can't explain how evil you are my brother
94) Have you ever been so broke that you ask your
girlfriend if she has another boyfriend so he can
lend you some money?
95) EVERY GUY HAS THAT EVIL FRIEND
WHO ENCOURAGES HIM TO CHEAT
???
96) Women must stop accusing other women for
taking their boyfriends, its we guys who
approach them and tell them we are single.
97) Whenever I find the key to success, someone
changes the lock.
98) Hello Friends
I Have Kidnapped Myself
Please Deposit 2000k Into My first bank Account Or I Will Never Come Back to post..
Acc No : 3110043567
Please Save My Life I don't wanna
die young.
99) DEAR MEN, be very mindful in choosing a wife becuz Some Friends Can Laugh At Your Wife till You Say..... SHE IS NOT MY WIFE I WAS JUST JOKING....
100) I break the record in the history of Facebook to type 100 jokes...
Oyaa give me my like and comment be4 I call thunder...
@

15/01/2020

Imagine having a boyfriend who tell his frnds dat u are his everything nt Just a frnd....a guy dah texts you at 3am Just to know if u are okay , a guy dah takes u to meet his mum and not his bed a guy dah won't use u a guy dah won't hide u , a guy dah won't cheat ,a guy dah is not perfect buh loyal and faithful .....
a guy dah won't give u tissue to wipe yr tears whenever u are crying buh will wipe dem for you wit his hands
a guy dah will kiss u on a rainy day and make u wet twice ......a guy dah brings u breakfast in bed
a guy dah plays wrestling wit u and let u win , a guy dah sings for u even though he's bad at singing , a guy dah hug you from the back in front of yr ex just to show him how we happily in love , a guy dah buy u food
wen you're hungry and cuddle u wen you're cold , a guy dah reply fast to yr texts
,a guy dah plays wit yr hair and polish yr nails , a guy dah give u his jacket Just to keep u warm
A guy like that do they still exist ??

15/01/2020

15/01/2020

Laug out loud
1)*When some ladies hear; "I am based abroad", their ni***es will stand up while their Senses sleep.Anty shine ur eyes oo GHANA sef na abroad..*
2)You failed Geography but you know the right weather for s*x, You see your life
3)D only time I am ever serious with my life is when I am counting de number of zero in money I want 2 transfer
4)Do u know that some people are so jealous even when u buy a private jet they will still say its not even d latest ode
5)dating a slim girl is ro antic when shes pregnant she will look like snake that allowed a goat
6)When a short girl wave at you is called microwave
7)I hate s*x even if I marry I wont have s*x till all my children finishes school Dating a village guy is fun but neva tell her to wish you good night which one be "bby sleep tyt ay your soul rest in peace
9)If you don't know how to speak English just speak pidgin which one be version 2020
10)Normal person: make I knock Rema: make I kpom make I kpom kpom kpom
11)Public disgrace is when you see your boy friend or girl friend dancing in the market to win indomie
12)*Don't always wait for your boyfriend to ask you for s*x learn to r**e him*
13)*I'm not a wizard not a prophet, buh I can boldly say, you're still using last year brush to clean your teeth*
14)*One day the trumpet will sound the whole world will go for* *Judgement, only Nigeria* *will not hear because of* *generator sound........* Not my hand writing oh
15)*If you invite her for a date and she come with her friend, just focus on her friend she won’t repeat that nonsense again*
16)A million in the hospital, a billion in the grave, a million in prisons, GRACE has made it possible for u and I to see TODAY. Let's thank HIM for HIS GRACE

15/01/2020

THE THINGS I HATE ABOUT FACEBOOK.....
1 A girl will post "i wanna sleep naked on bed who want to join me??.sharp sharp you will see 1,534 likes and 1,201 comments..not only that o.!!
2 A girl will post that "am transferring my love and heart to anyone who care?? so who want to receive it? voom you will see 2,348likes and 5,261 comments...na dis one con make me angry pass...
3 A girl would post "am feeling h***y who want to join me?? na then you will now see 4,442likes and 3,356 comments BUT
if someone post that "pls just use two minutes to thank God for your life'' then you will now be seeing 18likes and 24comments...
NOW the let me prove that wrong
oya use just 2sec of your time to like and comment that "i will not loose any of my love ones this year''

15/01/2020

1)A slay queen at my back during lectures 2day shouted we can't see ur voice sir pls be loudspeaker
2)Just bcos u opened ur pure bliss biscuit & I throw away my chewing gum doesn't mean I want to beg you but pls give me small nah
3)Stealing meat frm Okro soup is very risky
bcos the line can follow you to another geographical location
4)I have a feeling dat Vry soon am gonna own banana island, I have brought banana remaining island.
Small small am making it in life .
5)9ja police be lyk, Oga why is ur school bag open..... Ok u want to steal somebody laptop nd put it inside ur bag abii, you are under arrest 4 attempting broaday robbery
6)Imagine having s*x in ur room,then u hear sm one saying behind ur open window, dis video go trend wella .
7)Men's without beards, what's ur mission in dis life, to grow horns, were do u scratch when u are thinking like a man .
8)Is only in 9ja church u will see girls falling under anointing but will never 4get to cover their legs .
9)That awkward moment when you are chilling with ur crush nd u wanted to laugh & a big Cather just runs down from ur nose .
10)Sex is sweet but have u tasted hot bread dat just left bakery .
Fada lord nah me be dis .
11)Hustle oooo make rat no come ur kitchen hiss commot .
12) You are driving Benz but you have Eczema all over ur body.
Welldone o Mr BENZEMA .
13)I went to her inbox to say" Hi" only to realize dat another "Hi" and
"Hello " has been there since 2009.
14) You sent me a frend request & I accepted & u are still asking me can be friends .......... No come nd be my personal lord & Savior in Christ Jesus .
15) I wonder how sm pple take my words so serious Me dat dnt have sence...... Some times I talk to Cups & preach the Word of God to our Cupboard in kitchen .

Appreciate 4 more.

15/01/2020

What's your experience so war with Nigeria rice

14/01/2020

Exactly 1year ago. History was made. God’s name became glorified. hits the cinemas and it became a MEGA HIT. 2020 is coming with something bigger!!!!. we are about to make MAGIC

10/01/2020

Good morning fan's