Couples Arena

27/04/2024

"My wife gives me her complete salary. It is from her salary that I give her a monthly allowance and take care of the bills.

This was my story before I got a job.

Two weeks into our wedding, I lost my job and my wife automatically became the breadwinner.

I was so down that I could not get a new job immediately, so we survived on her income.

At the end of every month when she collected her salary, she would transfer all the money to my account.

I would be the one to send her some money for her upkeep and some for the home bills.

I would take some of the money and save it. For 2 years, she has been doing that until I finally got a new job.

Never once have we ever quarreled because of money.
Even though I am mostly at home, she still comes back to assist with house chores.

Sometimes I would insist that she should not bother, but she always said she couldn't watch me do all those things.

She always tells me that had it has been I was the one working and she was doing nothing, she was sure I was going to take care of her.

So she still does the house chores.

Throughout that moment, she has never once disrespected me because I was not able to provide for her.

My best moment was when she said, "God gave me this job for both of you, therefore it is our money."

Today, I work with one of the best institutions in Africa, and she is a signatory to all my bank accounts.

Money has never been a problem for us.

It is always "Our Money."

I LEARNED A LOT FROM THIS.

A story you should learn from.

As a lady, can you do this?



I I MOSES

27/04/2024

19 WAYS TO FIX YOUR WIFE - WHEN SHE IS FALLING APART!

Your wife can be dying in silence while still performing her wifely duties. You will need to know her to know when she needs to be fixed. When a woman is always moody, cries a lot, yells on children, can easily sleep or sleeps a lot, she may be battling with something you are not careful enough to see.

A real man will not allow his wife to fall apart without fixing her and making her better and happy. If you discover your wife is falling apart, watch out and fix the following:

1. CHECK IF YOU ARE THE PROBLEM
You might be her problem, but out of her respect and love for you, she may not tell you. Ask, let her talk sincerely.

2. BE AWARE OF HER RESPONSIBILITIES
Get to know how her work load is killing her. Regardless of whether she stays at home or goes to work, do you know what she does all day? If you don’t, ask her. Her to-do list is probably overflowing with tasks that far outweighs her time and energy.

3. BE APPRECIATIVE
Be mindful of her needs and appreciative of her sacrifices. The work a woman does at home can be too common that nobody will appreciate her for them, this can be killing her. Appreciate your wife.

4. GET INVOLVED BEFORE SHE BURNS OUT
Don’t just be appreciative, but get involved. The best time to begin helping your wife is now. Don’t wait until she breaks down to offer a helping hand.

5. GET MACHINE
Get all the machines needed for her work at home (the ones you can afford). Dish washer, gas cooker, refrigerator, oven, laundry machine, etc.

6. BE AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT
Be totally involved at home, stop delegating parenting and family life. Don’t be a “visiting Professor”, be an active partner in this business of your life. It takes two to parent. It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes two to run a household. Be fully involved in every aspect of your family life.

7. HOLD HER
Hold her like a lover and a friend. Place your hands on her shoulder, her laps, hold her hands, just hold her and let her feel you.

8. JUST LISTEN
Men are known to be good talkers but very bad listeners. At times what your wife needs is for you to just listen. Do not interrupt, let her unburden, let her talk. Sometimes the best way for a woman to reset is by getting all of her thoughts out. Let your wife talk through her feelings and problems. Show empathy. Listen carefully. Ask questions. Be fully engaged in the conversation.

9. BE A PARTNER NOT A TEACHER
Most men do fall into the “Teaching trap” when they are supposed to be a partner, showing love and consideration. Do not blame, just be there for her. Just listen. That’s all you need to do. And if she wants you to offer solutions, she’ll ask for them.

10. GIVE HER HOPE
No matter what happens, don’t ever raise up your hands in surrender. Giving up, crying or weeping will hurt your wife more. Encourage her. Let her know what you love about her. Help her see the good in any situation. Avoid being overly critical or negative. When she hits rock bottom, be the man who lifts her up, and brings light and hope back into her life.

11. BE SENSITIVE
Get to know her mood, get to know her needs, get to know what is needed to be done at home and do them without prompting.
Learn the art of looking around the house and finding things that need to get done. Are there dishes in the sink? What is broken that needs to be fixed? Don’t wait to be asked. Just do it!

12. PRAY FOR HER
Take your time off to pray for her, hand her over to her maker who knows the deepest need of her heart . Let God fix her, you can’t do it all alone. Let God know what you appreciate about her. Ask for his help. Ask him to tell you how you can be a better spouse to her. Ask him to comfort her and help her see herself as He sees her.

13. PRAY WITH HER
Don’t just pray for your wife, find time to pray with her, hug her as you pray together, hold her hands, just talk to your maker together.

14. ASK HER HOW YOU CAN BE OF HELP
Your wife knows what you can do to help her reset, so just ask her. She will open up to you, it may not be what you think, so don’t speculate. Ask, he’ll appreciate it more than you will ever know.

15. HELP AROUND THE HOUSE
Give a helping hand around the house. Give her a kitchen holiday for some days, do all the cooking or hire somebody to do it for you. Let her just sit, eat and rest, this may be all she needs.

17. TAKE HER OUT
Take her out, eat out, go to the cinema, go to wherever she will love to go, not just where you want, just follow her.

18. ALLOW HER TO CRY, IF SHE MUST
“Stop crying, are you a baby?, will you be crying about this little thing?” Just no. If she feels like crying, hold her to yourself and let her do the crying while you pat her on the back. It’s a great way to fix the problem.

19. LET HER GO ON HOLIDAY
Taking a break from her daily routine and spend some time away might do trick. This might be all you need to ever do in order to fix your wife, when she's really really down.

Obianuju Lynda Onyekamike

25/04/2024

25/04/2024

THE HARDEST PART OF MARRIAGE YOU WON'T BE TOLD

Marriage is sweet when you examine it from afar, of those who have successful marriage or the lovey-dovey of newlyweds, but when you enter into, you will discover that what is behind number six is more than number seven.

Many prepare so well for the romantic aspects of marriage, but very few groom themselves for the realities in marriage. Do you know that the hardest part of marriage plays a dominant role in marriage than the romantic moments?

However, what breaks marriage isn't the lack of romance, but the couple's inability to withstand the hardest part of marriage.

There are some hard things about marriage that you are not likely to be told, but I will only share 5 of them with you.

1. Staying faithful

It's easy to abstain from s*x as singles if you have not tasted how sweet s*x is, but it's very difficult to stay faithful in marriage when you are denied s*x for no just reason.

The temptation to commit adultery is greater than the temptation to fornicate as singles.

Because you now know how s*x taste, seduction would come from those who are willing to give you or have a fling with you. In some cases, when your spouse becomes cold on s*x matters, there are several others who want to give you a hot and sizzling s*x.

You need more discipline to stay faithful in marriage to your spouse emotionally, and s*xually especially in this age when cheating has become a norm.

If you have not been faithful to stay s*xually pure now that you are single, it will be very difficult for you to master it when you are married.

Marriage doesn't cure adultery, self control does!

2. Sexual Issues

See, it is wise that you keep yourself s*xually pure till marriage - purity in thoughts, action and word. All those who are deceiving you that who virginity epp only want to destroy you.

One of the hardest part about marriage which many cannot come by is on the issue of s*x. One partner is a novice while the other is an Emeritus professor in lo******ng; one has a high s*xual libido while the other can stay for months without it and still feel sane.

Virginity helps you to be s*xually discipline, it prevents you from undue and ungodly exposure to s*x that could either make you hate it with perfect hatred or make you a maniac in it.

3. Money matters

Since it's said that money answers all things, money also destroys many things. As money can spice up love in marriages, it can also ruin it.

What is your perception about money?

Can you pull your purse together or separately?

As a woman, do you have the warped mentality of my money is my money, but your money is our money?

As a man, are you ready to work and earn a living or you want to live on your wife's income while dictating how the money will be spent without bringing anything to the table?

Can you open up to your partner about your financial life without secretly building an estate in the village while you feed on his or her money like a parasite?

Until you two resolve this before marriage and in marriage, it is hard enough to crack the nut of your marital bliss.

4. Unmet expectations

If you have been dreaming of having her remain a slim shady, but eventually after pregnancy, she became a size 15, how would you cope?

If he had been the romantic and available man, but after marriage, the quest for green pasture took him miles away, can you survive this?

It is wise and better to prepare for the toughest part of marriage so that you can cope with them when they come, surely they will come. As much as you prepare for sunshine, don't forget to prepare for storms when they come before rain falls.

5. Handling differences

Whether you agree or not, handling differences is one of the leading causes of divorce in marriage. Many marriages fail due to irreconcilable differences.

How do you plan to reconcile your differences in marriage should they come?

If he presses the toothpaste from the middle, and she had been raised to be meticulous by pressing it neatly from the base, can you tolerate this?

If she likes the food cold or warm, and you prefer it hot with steaming heat, can you adjust?

These and many others are the toughest part of marriage that you must brace up for. Wedding is just a day or two event but marriage is a lifetime journey.

More than the excitement of the married life, more than the grandeur wedding ceremony, have you been transformed by the renewing of your mind to face any challenge in marriage when they come?

Delay in child bearing, loss of job, relocation, in law issues, financial crisis, trying times or spiritual issues may come; you need to be prepared for whichever one life throws at you so you don't chicken out when they come.

Marriage is hard, I'm not scaring you; it's just one of those truths you might not likely be told or you don't want to hear. Finding the right person to marry is hard, but staying married is the hardest in the face of life's realities.

24/04/2024

WHO PAYS THE BILLS IN MARRIAGE?

Both of you pay the bills! Or whoever has the financial capacity fix bills. In a good marriage based on deep friendship and partnership, there is no gender role.

Anybody can wash the plates and change the diapers! Anyone, either the husband or wife!

Anyone can cook!

Anyone can mow the lawn!

Anyone can clear house rent, school fees and buy the groceries!

Whosoever has the capacity and enjoys doing what should do the do!

Tradition is the reason many wives don't assist husbands financially and many husbands won't lift a pin in the house!

The man wants to be the man by fire, by thunder by force! He slaves day and night to the point of exhaustion and will never ask the wife for financial assistance when she can obviously help!

Old wives fables is the reason a wife will hide her money or refuse to work and become a slave to the kitchen while burying her gifts and talents.

The Lord who created marriage called you a HELP-MEET. Help each other to meet your needs, that's why you get married!

That is how to build real friendship and intimacy! That is how to develop good self esteem and respect each other in marriage!

No one should abuse this privilege though! Some men stop paying bills completely and leave the whole financial burden on the wife because she chose to assist!

Some wives become lazy and dump all house chores on their husbands because he is assisting domestically.

Learn to respect each other. Understand boundaries. Understand limitations. Know when your spouse has reached their limits and can't go beyond that point, then take over!

Be there for each other always!

Be friends! Be allies! Be each other's help-meet! Be their life support and life wire!

May your marriage blossom!


© Seun Oladele, 2023; reposted, 2024

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