Shuga's lounge

13/06/2024

8 Cures For A Boring Marriage...✍🏾
About 2 months ago, I read a story a guy shared about his friend that just got married. This his friend confided in him that he's tired of his marriage and wife.

This is just a six months old marriage that they are supposed to be on fire, still consummating their marriage to maximum satisfaction but he's already tired. I'm sure the wife too is tired.

This is the point in marriage where people begin to think that they've made a mistake, that they've married the wrong person, or that their once upon a time guy who used to be fun to be with is no longer fun etc.

This is also the point in marriage where the possibility of cheating can set in if the couple is not careful. The husband will begin to look for a new experience in the bosom of another lady.

The wife too will begin to give in to some of shameless guys that have been disturbing her even though they knew she's married. And this is how they will continue until their marriage fails.

This is the point where loving becomes hard, more of a decision than feelings. I often define love as strong feeling for someone and also a decision to stick with the person.

Usually, at the beginning the feeling is there but it will get to a point where it seems to vanish into the thin air. This is the point where decision to stick with the person in spite of lack of feeling comes to play. What are the causes of this tiredness in marriage?

1. See Finish
This is a situation where the value, love, satisfaction, attraction, and excitement you used to have for or derive from your partner tends to reduce over time because there's nothing more to it, there's nothing new again.

You've seen and done almost everything. You've seen your partner's nakedness, curves, contours, shape and size, spots and wrinkles etc., and have even done almost everything with your partner, you've s*xed, kissed, hugged, romanced etc. So, nothing eye never see and hand never touch, that kind of feeling.

2. The Law Of Diminishing Marginal Utility
This is an economic term and it it states that the more and more you consume a particular product, the satisfaction you get from consuming that product will increase at first, but it will get to a point that, as you continue to consume more and more of that product, the level of satisfaction you get, will reduce.

When people newly get married, they're on fire, they can't get enough of each other, they look forward to a great s*x time but a year or more down the line, the fire begins to go down. This is the law that's at work.

Maybe you are at this point in your marriage or relationship, just like the guy above, there's hope for you. Here's things to to do to rekindle that fire again..

1. Give Each Other Space
For your partner not to so get used to you that your presence doesn't make any much difference to him or her again, for you not choke him or her up with your presence you must learn to give each other space. Take time to be alone as often as possible.

You have a personal goals you want to achieve, take time at times to give them attention. Hang out with your friends, spend the weekend at times in your respective families. Just give each other space, a breathing space.

2. Miss Each Other
It's not all the time you should call, visit, text, or chat Sometimes, make your partner to miss you. Scarcity creates value. Surplus brings down the value of goods.

3. Cover up
As a wife, learn to cover up at times. Leave some things for your husband to imagine. Let him imagine what the size and shape of your body are like. Don't walk around naked all the time. Get varieties of hot stay at home clothes that will drive him nuts. Don't be the type that wears wrapper up and down. You and who is doing that one? This also applies to the husband.

4. Start All Over Again
After you guys have settled down to start marriage proper, start all over again. Date each other again. Court each other again. Woo and toast your wife again. Play hard to get again. Do the stuff you guys use to do while unmarried. Eat out. Hang out. Attend functions together. Go to cinema, beach etc.

5. Spice Up Your S*x Life
S*x doesn't have to be in one location, bedroom nor one position, missionary. Spice it up. Different locations, sitting room, bathroom, passage, dining table, kitchen and different position, doddy, catty, horssy, etc. You know what I'm talking about.

6. Make A Decision To Stick With Your Partner
Like I said before, love is not all about having great feelings, but a decision too. When the feelings are no longer there, that's when you need to make a decision to keep loving. Marriage is an act of the will for any meaningful to happen in it, you must intentional about it.

7. Go On A Vacation If You Can.
Go and experience something new together with your partner. It helps. Vacation doesn't have to be outside the country, it can be in another state within the country. Visit some recreational centers to unwind with your partner.

8. Pray For Fresh Wine In Your Marriage.
People cheats mostly because they're tired of their marriages and partners. Nothing is new again. Nothing excites them. No love, attraction, excitement for their partner again.

In time like this, you need to pray for a new wine in your marriage. Father, let the love, attraction, excitement be rekindled again in my marriage! Pray!

Let me stop here, in whatever you do, don't over do and don't under do. Too much of everything is not good. In all you do, make your marriage work!

01/06/2024

THE 14 NEEDS OF A WIFE

1. THE NEED TO BE PURSUED
She needs her husband to desire her, to miss her, to look for her, to hunt for her, to make advances towards her. It makes her feel treasured

2. THE NEED FOR INFORMATION
She would love for him to voluntarily give information, to be accountable to her. This gives her clarity and makes her feel involved

3. THE NEED FOR SECURITY
Security is about being certain that he is committed to her, that he has a vision that involves her. The confidence that what they have is long term

4. THE NEED FOR COMPANIONSHIP
She doesn't just want the husband-wife title, she needs a companion, a best friend. Someone to talk to about anything. Someone emotionally present

5. THE S*XUAL NEED
Yes, women have s*xual desires too. She doesn't want to be starved, to train her body to do without s*x. She needs sweet love making that services her good

6. THE NEED FOR COMPLIMENTS
She needs her beauty and attractiveness noticed and crowned by her man. It celebrates her femininity

7. THE NEED TO BE SUPPORTED
As she is his helper, she needs her dreams supported too. She needs his support in raising the children, handling challenges and finding solutions

8. THE NEED TO BE STUDIED
She loves it when he shows interest in her, when he asks loving questions to find her out. "How was your day?", "Are you OK Love?", "What happened to your arm, I notice you have a mark?", "I see these days you are learning a lot about economics, good stuff". It makes her feel important

9. THE NEED TO BE TREATED SPECIAL
She needs him to keep her as his priority. To be faithful. To call her by special names, to show honour to her, to take care of her in public and private

10. THE NEED TO BE TREATED WITH GENTLENESS
She needs him not to handle her as if she is a fellow man, but to speak to her with care

11. THE NEED TO BE THOUGHT OF
She loves it when he considers her in making decisions, when he sees something along his path and buys for her, when he does something she likes even when it is not his cup of tea

12. THE NEED TO BE PAMPERED
She loves it when she is soothed, when she is showered with affection, when she is having a bad day and he makes her smile, when she acts a bit stubborn and he wins her over with his charm

13. THE NEED TO BE ASSURED
She will have moments of doubt, of insecurities, of feeling low. She needs him to assure her how much she means to him

14. THE NEED TO BE APPRECIATED
For all the good she does, she needs him to appreciate her. It inspires her to do more and sacrifice more

Dayan Masinde

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30/05/2024

10 TECHNIQUES OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION

1. THE SLEEP AND LET'S TALK TOMORROW TECHNIQUE
This is when a couple choose to sleep and talk in the morning when they wake up. Sometimes sleep a healer

2. THE HUG AND TALK TECHNIQUE
This is when you notice you have hurt your spouse and you hug him/her as you apologize and address the issue. This will make your spouse find it difficult to resist your warmth

3. THE SURPRISE LETTER TECHNIQUE
This is when you write a letter to express assurance of love and acknowledge the issue and apologize. This can put a smile on your spouse's face

4. THE "LET'S TALK" TECHNIQUE
This is when you tell your spouse to make time to talk. It allows you both to prepare and focus on the conversation

5. THE AFTER LOVE MAKING TECHNIQUE
Sometimes even when there is a dispute there is still s*xual tension, the couple makes love then get to talk about the issue after getting a high. Love making can be an ice breaker

6. THE CHAT TECHNIQUE
Some people find it difficult to talk about a serious issue face to face, they prefer chatting over phone messages where they can measure their words and think before they respond

7. THE CHILD MESSENGER TECHNIQUE
This is when you send your child a message to your spouse to tell him/her of your love

8. THE DATE TECHNIQUE
This is when you take your spouse out on a date to remind him/her and you two reconcile over a good time

9. THE GIFT TECHNIQUE
This is when you give your spouse a gift offering of something special or flowers to appease your spouse as a demonstration that you are serious about building the love

10. THE WALK AWAY AND CALM DOWN TECHNIQUE
This is when you two have a disagreement and you know if you speak at that moment, you will say something you will regret, so you walk away to calm down and talk things out

Remember: The successful marriage used many techniques, and the best foundation of those techniques are Patience, trust and LOVE. Hopefully to win a marriage life, these techniques will help us to build a happy and healthy relationship..God bless us all

29/05/2024

24/05/2024

It doesn’t matter whether you are single or married, if a man “with game” decides to come after you, you’d fall before you have even realised what’s going on.

Many women will say this cannot happen to them without realising this mindset is the very thing that lets them drop their guard and trust where they should completely avoid.

1. Coincidences are rare, a man approaching you comes with a predefined intention, game plan backed by some knowledge of you. To you, the meet or introduction just happened whereas it most likely was planned.

2. He’d not come rushing in and would appear patient and harmless at first to get access.

3. He’d be very attentive to detail, gather more information on you; likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses and needs.

4. He’d time things right and usually be available when you are most vulnerable e.g a sore point in your marriage.

5. He’d come across as a giver that doesn’t need anything or much from you.

6. You fall without even realising it.

7. He makes moves to strengthen the hold on you by doing things you cannot tell e.g s*x.

8. You’re hooked with nobody to talk to except him and this strengthens the hold on you.

Unfortunately, this is the point you begin to break your own standards e.g reckless messages and s*x.

This is also the point you become boring to him and he begins to interact less. It’s the point you get desperate and begin to throw yourself and even money, whatever you’ve got, at him.

If you are already at this point, know that the next point is where everything explodes. You do not want this.

Take a step back and seek professional help. Of course, the person with a grip on you doesn’t want this grip broken. You have a lot at stake, will you be able to do the needful?

Time is now.

23/05/2024

Here's what you'll do for the rest of this year.

1. Invest in Self Development.
That's all forms of personal development that aligns with your vision.

2. Grow.
Every 3months of your life should not meet you where it left you. Let there be at least one visible improvement in your life.

3. Evolve.
Be the better you, Or rather the best you. Don't settle for instant gratification and don't give up without a fight.

4. Learn the art of great communication.
With this, Certain doors will open for you. Communication is a great skill for meaningful transactions.

5. Read.
Take it personal. This helps you gain clarity on issues that bothers you and helps you pick the brains of people you'd want to be like or model their path.

6. Reduce your circle to those who are going your direction.
Every way should not be your way. Don't be found constantly in the midst of people going south when your destination is north.

Then Build a LOTS OF

Boundaries
Discipline
Self love
Patience
Take risks
Be happy
Pray.

Let me reteriate, Find who you are, And follow through.

Until your opinion counts, You're running a wild goose chase.

Like I'll always say, Everyone is absolutely responsible for their own lives.

JUNE CHINO

21/05/2024

WHAT YOU MUST DO BEFORE YOUR RELATIONSHIP CAN WORK!

1. FINANCIAL AGREEMENT.

You need to agree on mode of communication and how to make most of the calls and chats each other.

I suggest the call and chatting should be balanced.

Empty pocket won't buy Airtime and subscribe for data.

If you are the only one who initiates all the calls, chats or visit, then your relationship cannot work.

If you don't have money, you are not qualified to be in a relationship except your partner is ready to bear all the expenses without complain.

Don't be like a lazy man whose financee was sending monthly stipend while he refused to work.

2. GENOTYPE AGREEMENT.

I have seen several who have lost their relationship because of genotype incompatibility.

For your relationship to work or to avoid heartbreak, you must know your genotype before you accept proposal from him or before you propose to her.

Before your relationship can work, you must know your genotype.

3. SPIRITUAL AGREEMENT.

Before your relationship can work, you must believe in same spiritual things.

A brother who believes a lady should never wear trousers, attachment, ear rings that went into a relationship with a lady who does that, their relationship can never work.

A brother who believes in speaking in tongues and ministry of the Holy Spirit while the lady does not believe, the relationship cannot work.

I always recommend orthodox should be in a relationship with orthodox and pentecostal with pentecostal.

4. ACADEMIC AGREEMENT.

If you are literate and you go into a relationship with an illiterate, the relationship may not work unless you decide to make it work because of your love for each other. Mental compatibility is very important

5. S*XUAL AGREEMENT.

If you believe in s*xual purity and virginity till marriage but you go into a relationship with someone who doesn't believe in such, the relationship cannot work.

Ask before accepting to be in a relationship with him, What's your view about premarital s*x or romance? Whatever he says will determine if you would go into relationship with him. If he says he can't be in a relationship without s*x or romance, then you don't need to accept the proposal.

6. TEMPERAMENT AGREEMENT.

You need to discover your temperament.

Are you sanguine, choleric, melancholy, phlegmatic? Know your combination and that of your partner will help you manage your relationship.

The book 📙 " why you act the way you do by Tim LaHaye" will make you understand temperament.

7. ACCOUNTABILITY AGREEMENT.

If your relationship will work, you may need to have a Mentor or spiritual leader you are accountable to.

You need to have someone you can report your partner to in case of intensive, protracted and serious disagreement.

If your relationship will work, you must be in a relationship with someone who has someone who can call him or her to order when your partner misbehave.

If you don't have someone you are accountable to, your partner can just opt out of the relationship at any time.
Henry Jack 🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️

21/05/2024

The truth about a man.

Just because you get thousands of likes on your profile picture will not keep a man.

Being honest about things in your past will not keep a man.

Being faithful and loyal since day one doesn't keep a man.

Treating a man better than he's ever been treated before doesn't keep a man.

Making an effort every single day to make sure he knows you truly care will not keep a man.

Giving him all of your time that you can spare, doesn't keep a man.

You could have the best intentions in the world and could have the most sincere feelings, and you could be the most perfect woman in existence and you still wouldn't be able to keep a man.

The only way to keep a man is if that man wants to be kept by you.

With a man, you can tell he wants to be kept when the relationship gets very hard and he does everything to fight for you.

A man only fights for a woman he wants to belong to, so if he isn't fighting for you when things get hard, then that means he doesn't want to be kept by you anymore.

Don't hold on to a man who doesn't want to be kept by you.

You're not giving up on him. It's quite the opposite.

It's him who gave up on you, and it's you who shouldn't waste any more of your time than you already have.

Know when it's time to let go, know when it's time to walk away, and know when it's time for him to be unkept.

~ Cody Bret

12/05/2024

So I saw this lies.. And decided to share while stating it clearly kpe..
Dear. Men,
(Especially the Jaye Jaye ones that love to sleep with many women) .. Don't mind this writer oo or forgive his ignorance🙏. He dinor know what Jaye Jaye means ni.. If he know kpe there is oyin in sleeping with many women he we nor talk all these.. So therefore don't listen oo.. Continue dey enjoy ur sleeping around.. There is gain in it o jare... Carry go😂

DEAR MEN,

A man who can control his s*xual urge is a man who can
live many years on earth. Men don't know that some of
their failures are caused by multiple girlfriends Not all girls
have good spirit. Some are demons, others have venom
between their legs.
Some women are destiny destroyers, beware.
Pay close attention:
1. A real man only has one woman in his life.
2. Don't obey your Er****on at all times. Most er****ons
mislead you Control your er****on if you don't want to have
few days on earth with much poverty in you.
3. Don't date a lady because she has curves, b***s and a
s*xy shape. These things are simply misleading avoid
such, don't fall for what is called social media irony.
4. Not everything you see under skirt you must work to
eat, some skirts contain snakes that bite you and make you
uncomfortable. control your s*xual urge Self control and
abstinence pays a lot in most cases.
5. Marrying a woman doesn't mean she owns you. Treat
her with respect Make her your queen, love, honor her and
give her reasons to treat you the same.
6. Having many girlfriends doesn't make you a man. It only
makes you a womanizer, a cheater and a boy.
7. Just because you're good in bed doesn't make you a
man. A real man is a man who does not run away from his
responsibility but faces it squarely.
8. Respect any woman who loves you Yes, is not easy for a
lady to throw her love on you and support your future.
9. The world celebrates successful men No one will
celebrate you for having many girlfriends. So what's the
point tho? Waste of energy, money & wasted s***m.
Remember, being honest, loyal and faithful, is the
trademark of a real man.

Always remember that….

EYA Oliver Uchenna®️

10/05/2024

10 AWESOME RELATIONSHIP NUGGETS

1. Never date your ex,(s)he became your ex for a reason. Your ex belongs to your past, move on.

2. Never hope on marrying someone when almost 70% of their family members don’t like you. The probability of the marriage not lasting is very high and you're probably not going to enjoy the relationship.

3. There is a distinct difference between dating for love and dating for s*x. Always understand the main reason why you’re venturing into a relationship.

4. Never fall in love when you are lonely, the consequences are going to be a harsh one.

5. As long as it is still a relationship, never reveal your full potential or secrets to whoever you are dating.

6. Your personal development should come first before relationships. People who you are in relationships with can still leave you but you can never leave yourself, meaning never compromise your adventures and dreams for anyone.

7. Avoid relationships that seems to be too good to be true at the beginning. When the other person is rushing things too fast, don’t get carried away with romance and s*x. Slow down and be careful because this is how people get hooked on to narcissistic partners.

8. Never date someone that gives commands and doesn’t respect you. The probability of emotional abuse is very high.

9. Never date anybody that doesn’t know how to give but knows only how to take.

10. Never date anyone with the mindset of changing their character, attitude, and behaviours. Remember, you can never raise an adult!

If you get it then Type 💯.
Silas Kwagh-hange

01/05/2024

Well.. Our visitor today is Mide kuti the cobra😊.. Don't miss out guys..🤞 Let's do this.. Shall we..¿

Keep it locked 105.3 fm as it is going to be an interesting drive with Lanre Adediwura of Wura series on Gbogbo Irawo with Ilumoka Presenter tommorrow, by 8pm.

30/04/2024

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE TAKING YOUR PARTNER FOR GRANTED

1. YOU DON'T APOLOGIZE
If you care about your partner, it will hurt you when you hurt your partner. Doing wrong and not caring is a sign you take your partner for granted.

2. YOU DON'T FORGIVE
If you value your partner it will be easy to forgive, make up and get back to loving. The longer you allow a wrong to drag the more it shows you take your remorseful partner for granted and value more your pain. True partners hate fights, they reconcile quickly

3. YOU INSULT
You cannot hurl insults at someone you value

4. YOU MAKE FUN OF YOUR PARTNER
When you take your partner for granted you make him/her the subject of your jokes and make fun of your partner's body, mistakes, shortcomings and thoughts without caring how much it hurts

5. YOU CONSTANTLY COME HOME LATE
If you deny your partner the most intimate moment of your time, constantly staying away from your own home to spend time with friends shows you take your partner for granted and detest your partner's presence

6. YOU HEARTLESSLY BREAK PROMISES
If you go against your word and it's not a big deal to you, you take your partner for granted

7. YOU DON'T LOOK YOUR SPOUSE IN THE EYE
One of the easiest ways we naturally behave when we despise our partner is suddenly avoiding eye contact showing that partner is not worthy of attention

8. YOU DON'T RETURN YOUR PARTNER'S MISSED PHONE CALLS
If you really cared to know what your partner wanted to say you would call back or make contact as soon as you can

9. YOU MOCK YOUR PARTNER IN PUBLIC
When we undervalue our partner we join the public in laughing at our partner

10. YOU DON'T BOTHER TO CHANGE
If you cared about your partner's feelings you would change, become better and stop doing things that hurt or unsettle your partner

11. YOU FIND IT HARD TO SAY "I LOVE YOU"
Saying I love you is easy when the relationship is at its peak but as you progresively start to take your partner for granted you say I love you less, you find it difficult to say those three words or even don't say them at all. Your partner tells you I love you and you don't say it back

12. YOU ONLY PLEASE YOUR PARTNER WHEN YOU WANT S*X
If the only time you are good to your partner is when you want s*x, then you're taking your partner for granted and being an opportunist, using your partner to meet your s*xual need

13. YOU NO LONGER MAKE TIME
When you find yourself avoiding your partner, or planning it that you spend less time with your partner, you are taking your partner for granted

14. YOU DON'T BOTHER ABOUT WHAT BOTHERS YOUR PARTNER
When you value your partner you are concerned about things that affect your partner, you care what your partner cares for

15. YOU NO LONGER SAY "THANK YOU"
You are taking your partner for granted if you are no longer grateful because you expect your partner to do the things he/she does

16. YOU GOSSIP ABOUT YOUR PARTNER
Talking ill about your partner with others is a sign you no longer respect your partner

17. YOU DON'T SEEK YOUR PARTNER'S OPINION
If you respect your partner you will work with your partner in decision making

18. YOU USE THE KIDS TO FIGHT YOUR PARTNER
When you take your partner for granted you use anything to fight your partner, even your children

19. YOU WISH YOUR PARTNER HARM
Have you stopped wishing your partner well, no longer are you happy for him/her?

20. YOU ARE CONSTANTLY SEEKING WRONG OR BLAME
If you are always on the look out for mistakes your partner commits, magnifying your partner's wrong, then you are taking your partner for granted. Love doesn't keep a record of wrongs

21. YOU PHYSICALLY ABUSE YOUR PARTNER
Valuing your partner means no physical harm

22. YOU FORGET SPECIAL DATES
If you forget the Anniversary, your partner's birthday or a day that means alot to your partner you are taking your partner for granted. What is important you remember

23. YOU EASILY CANCEL ON YOUR PARTNER
If you easily change plans you made with your partner and cancel so casually, you are losing respect for your partner

24. YOU END CALLS TOO CASUALLY
If you no longer end a phone call with your partner in a way that shows care, warmth and evokes smiles, check how you view your partner

25. YOU LIE
A lying tongue is a sign you no longer hold your partner in high esteem

26. YOU CHEAT
This is the greatest sign you take your partner for granted. You've lowered the value of your partner to the point you betray and have an affair

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30/04/2024

15 PRAYERS TO PRAY FOR YOUR HOME

1. Lord, You are not a visitor in this house; You are the center of it

2. Lord, we invite You to move in this home. Have Your way. We make this home Your altar

3. Lord, keep me from making my spouse feel unwanted in this house. May my spouse and I find it easy to come and stay at home

4. Lord, we pray for the land on which this house is built and the location of this home. We pray against any evil spirit that has been operating in this location or scheming to cause havoc in this location. We break any ungodly connection attached to this area

5. Lord, we pray for our children. That this house will not be a place of trauma for them; but an incubation center where they will find joy, mentorship, assurance, fun and pleasant memories

6. Lord, we ask You to steer the conversations that will be held in this home. Our speech will be well seasoned. Hold our tongue when we are about to speak something harmful

7. Lord, we pray for every room and corner of this home. Let it be a Godly place that ministers to us. Ministry begins at home

8. Lord, we dedicate this home to be a place of healing. When my spouse and I plus our children have a bad day; may we come home to a place where we will find emotional, mental, physical and spiritual healing... strength to face another day

9. Lord, make our home a garden in which You prune us and work on my spouse and children so that we may bear fruit

10. Lord, may this house be the epicenter where my spouse and I strategize how we will win more for You and how together we will touch lives outside

11. Lord, we pray against any accidents or incidents. Help us and our children not to be reckless. No gas or electric accidents, no falling down, no sliding in the bathroom, no hitting ourselves. No harm shall befall us

12. Lord, we pray against robbery and attacks. Secure our home. We pray against any scheme to steal, kill or destroy what is ours

13. Lord, we pray for the visitors who will enter this house; our friends, relatives and in-laws... They will experience us and declare we are blessed; they will be blessed here and leave a blessing. We pray against visitors coming and shaking our marriage; our relatives will not cause friction between us when they visit

14. Lord, we pray for our intimacy in this house. As a couple, we will enjoy emotional, physical and s*xual intimacy in our home. Our marriage bed will remain honoured

15. Lord, we pray for the means to stay in and maintain this house. Provide for the resources needed to keep this home running

© Dayan Masinde

In the new book, MY PRAYER STRATEGY, Akello and I provide 60 daily prayers, 60 daily discussion points, 60 daily reflections on marriage and 60 worship songs to minister to your spirit as you two pray as a couple. This book is for couples who value prayer and also those struggling or don't know how to pray.

To purchase the book MY PRAYER STRATEGY, a 60 day prayer guide for couples that daily helps couples to pray for their marriage, written by Akello Oliech and Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 400 to 0721590954, then text the word PRAYER and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address or WhatsApp for you to download and read on your phone or computer