Soulfully Unique

17/03/2023

Things start getting real when you start setting boundaries and owning your truth. However you lose everyone who is not for your highest good. Now that's a hard lesson to learn because the people you thought were supposed to be in your life the people who said they loved you or they got you, hid or left you alone to drown in your pain unbeknownst to them because you hold everything inside until you finally can't take it anymore, then you explode....learning how to react differently than what you normally do is a challenge and you must stay calm to pass that test.
It gets ugly when your alone to fight your darkness. You struggle with wanting to die or stay alive. Oh! Did I go there? Are we not supposed to talk about those kind of things, Oh my bad, sorry not sorry... Because when a loved one was battling cancer and cried out for help she was thrown under the bus and buried and forgot about by most..Oh but I didn't....when she wanted to die to end the pain all she wanted was someone to listen, not say a word, just sit and listen.... That's not so hard right?
Because when we can't "talk" , about things that are hurting us where do people expect us to go? To a doctor, a counselor right? When you have done all that but it doesn't fill the emptiness inside then what? When you reach out to those you actually love only for them to turn their backs on you then what? That's right, that's why so many people commit su***de it's their last hope.
Why do we hold it all inside because in my generation we are told, We Don't Talk About That Stuff".
Weather it's depression, a hidden illness, suicidal thoughts, spiritual warfare, r**e, addiction, anything that is emotional we should feel safe to talk about it.
I have battled many trials in my life on my own because I felt it was no use talking about it. Now I'm owning my truth. When a loved one reaches out to me I'll be there the best that I can, I may not have all the answers and maybe my presence will hopefully be enough. I can only hope that my love and kindness, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen and a hug to hold you for a moment, will at least give you some comfort.
Being alone has really helped me to understand a few things that the more present you are the more aware you become. It's a long hard dark road but you have to travel through your own darkness to finally reach your light and the brighter you shine the better you and everyone around you will be....Netta

21/01/2023

There isn't a day that goes by that Im not pondering my life, my choices, all the time I wasted on some really s**tty people and I've done my best not to become one myself.
I have put myself through so much bu****it it's ridiculous. Always doing ,doing ,doing for others just to get sh***ed on in the end and left alone to fend for myself.
However where others thought they broke me little did they know I was learning....
With each hit I took in life I turned it around I became defiant to the abuse and wicked opinions of others....
With each set back, with each loss, with each judgment I swallowed...
I was learning
Learning my worth
Learning to walk away
Learning to love myself
I was a fighter coming into this world
Wasn't meant to be controlled or conditioned
Or to conform to the beliefs of others
I was and still am curious about life and I'm always learning.
I am living proof that coal eventually becomes a diamond and that's what I am a diamond carved and shaped into the person I am meant to become .....
Never again will I set my worth down to be trampled on. It will be held high away from greedy hands and small mindedness.
Don't take my kindness for weakness. I am far from weak ....
Love Netta

13/01/2023

13/01/2023

13/01/2023

You got this 💯

12/01/2023

I look back at all the heartache and pain
no more tears rolling down my face
nothing but lessons learned and wisdom to gain
these emotions I will sit with and embrace

stepping into my power one day at a time
Like a phoenix, I'll spread my wings and rise
each treacherous mountain I will climb
my soul tribe hears my battle cries

Nothing can withstand the tests of life
shaping and molding me into my truth
the light that pours through me as sharp as a knife
my life path is my living proof…

Soulfully Unique
© Annetta Brown

Image by M. Maggs from Pixabay

17/12/2022

Shattered

My heart has been broken a time or two
nothing like this an ongoing pain
no vice will ever fill

Everyone tells me things will work out,
give it time, move on, let go, you'll be ok,
your not the only one going through it

I don't wish this pain on no one,
a pain so unbearable at times that
the voices in my mind tell me to quit
but the voice in my soul
tells me to hold on …...

No matter the time that passes by my heart aches
I want to change things I want to go back and try to do things different
Been in and out of relationships my entire life
all because of words said to me that I believed
afraid their coming true for me
but I'm not dead yet

Survived this far on my own
in and out of love wondering where I went wrong or what's wrong with me
that even the people I love the most have abandoned me
to force yourself to keep living day in and day out knowing you can live without them
but why, what happened to this world.....

I meet new people just to push them away
scared to try scared to love scared just scared
trying not to care what people think
knowing the people who broke me
are laughing and making jokes

Life is short too short to be holding onto grudges
not forgiving one another,
One day I won't be here,
What does that matter right....
Don't cry for me once I'm gone,
just know that I loved with ALL of my heart
I did what I could in life, to the best of my ability

I did my best raising my kids,
Everyone tried to interfere with everything I was trying to do for them
Thinking I was an abusive parent, which I wasn't
I just didn't know how to communicate so I yelled a lot,
I was always working doing what I had to do for them
trying to live my life the best that I could
yes, I made many mistakes, but the pain of
losing them because of all the mistakes I've made
and then losing my grandbabies too
all I wanted was to be the best grandparent I could be.....

There is so much on my heart to say
but fear it won't be understood, or it would be ridiculed
time won't heal this pain..........
My little family was all I had......
all the love in the world will never compare to the love I have for them
there is not a day, a minute, an hour, a second that
they are not on my mind,
I always find myself in between love and anger
but never hate,,,,,

I forgave all who hurt me,
the pain of it all still lingers,
Just know that I am truly sorry,
for everything and that I will always love you all.

Love Netta

03/05/2022

03/05/2022

15/02/2022

I will never listen to someone who will say, you can't succeed in life because of who you are or where you came from because I've been told that a million times, and this time I won't believe it this time I will fly..Netta

04/02/2022

Still my most favorite poem I have ever written.

This piece speaks for itself...Netta

~The Rose and Her Thorns~

She is encased in her armored protection
then is buried into the deep dark cold
yearning for acceptance, love, and connection
waiting for her battle story to be told

Her shell is shocked into a frigid waking
watering, nourishing, arousing her to grow
she shivers and shakes her will power breaking
giving in to life letting it flow

The Earth quakes her armor cracks in two
battling through the darkness she ascends
how much further if only she knew
her long slender fragile stem extends

She breaks through the Earth with all her might
uncertain of what she would find
she felt warmth and saw that the world was bright
but in such a small space she felt confined

As she branched out and started to bloom
she worried about her protection and went to sleep
she felt that her beauty would be her doom
and her existence would be buried into the earth to keep

She was startled out of her protected slumber
for when she woke she felt pain and started weeping
for she had grown thorns to many to number
she realized the pain of her thorns was a price worth keeping.

⌐Annetta Brown

10/01/2022

The brisk air of winter
lays the world bare
for insecurities
not able to protect its self
from breaches of controversy
⌐Annetta Brown

10/01/2022

We live
We all live by what we see….
What we hear…
Sometimes it’s hard to come to terms..
To bear….
Some of us are brought up with
Indifference…with fear….
Some of us are brought up with
Confidence….parents near….
How do we know what’s right?
What’s true?
Honest people are far between..
Are few….
The truth of our lives…
If only we knew...
©2010 Annetta Martinez

06/01/2022

~I Dream of....

I dream of the ocean under golden sunsets
candlelight bubble baths in claw foot tubs
drinking wine on a porch swing, as a gentle breeze blows my hair, and the warm Sun kisses my cheeks.

I dream of peaceful flowing waterfalls
watching butterflies dance across fields of flowers, and the birds chirping in the trees.

I dream of long drives down bumpy, muddy country roads, and sitting on a truck tailgate drinking beer, until nightfall and the stars come out.

I dream of the mountains I want to climb, the lakes I want to fish in, and the warmth of a campfire as the cold starts to set in, and reading a book in a window seat as the snow falls in winter.

I dream of a life void of time.......

Soulfully Unique Jan 2022

12/11/2021

I struggle on a daily basis on how to speak the words I want to say when it comes to my life and my boundaries to people who pretty much do not give a s**t.

Why is it that I can write out a poem to express my inner struggle but can't seem to find the words to say when I need to say them out loud?

Why is it when it comes to confronting these things outright without losing one's head in the process because you are so blatantly upset it's ridiculous? However, you do not want or even welcome the confrontation?

In my mind I see myself walking away from all of it but in my heart, I want to stay and try and fix the issue however knowing for a fact the issue won't be fixed no matter how hard I try.

Why is it I care about others' feelings when they show me they do not care about mine?

Do I have to become a raging lunatic to set boundaries, speak my mind, and defend myself?

I do not get some people's ways of thinking that they can get away with what they do and make you out to be the monster only because you are doing your best to keep it all together but the bu****it just keeps piling up.

I am sure many can relate with me on some of these matters.

How does one cope with the world of today?

The Random Thoughts of Netta...................

11/11/2021

It's kinda a Cliche I am wearing my, "Never Give Up", T-shirt today, nobody will ever know how many times throughout my lifetime that I have wanted nothing more than to, "Give Up". People tend to take me wrong when I say this though. I am not talking about taking my life giving up although in honesty I have tried.
I am talking about the old ways of conditioning that I grew up with and continued...

I am talking about mindset, the mindset that if you don't try hard enough you'll fail, the mindset that if you don't stay working at that job you'll fail or you'll lose everything you fought so hard to obtain, the mindset of you have to do it this way, you have to do it that way. Giving up on the mindset of lack and the scrutiny of what others say or think.

I am talking about setting yourself free from the world, standing up for yourself no matter what you believe in, and not letting others dictate to you how they think it should be. There are many opinions out there in this world, but do you ever listen to your own? Or do you reluctantly live by those opinions of others?

I am talking about stepping outside your comfort zone, putting your thoughts to the test, telling yourself that you are your own person you are the vessel of your soul nobody else is so why do you follow the leader? Why not become the leader? There is so much going on in our world right now and many of you are caught up in the old ways of life that you are too busy to realize that life is passing you by because of the old ways of thinking and it's only going to burden you later on when life hits you so hard in the face and forces you to actually WAKE UP!!!!

This is where I am at this very moment in my life, I am tired of playing on the treadmill of life and going nowhere because I think I have to do things a certain way, I want to take risks, I'm tired of letting others dictate to me how life should be when they do not even remotely understand me or even give me the time of day to sit down and really get to know me. Instead, they want a rise out of me. They want to wake up the beast in me that I buried years ago. Am I not my own person? Am I not allowed to change my life?

I am enough I always have been enough I am not you and you are not me. I accept you for who you are, but do you accept me for who I am? My love for others will never die no matter the outcome. But is your love for others only based on conditions of what they can do for you? I have no hidden agendas I love unconditionally but that doesn't make me a rug that you can walk all over that doesn't make me a tool that you can use until I am depleted of all energy.

Its time to rethink how you think.......

The Random Thoughts of....Netta

28/10/2021

THOUGHTS

I lay in bed most nights not able to sleep. I like to think I have control so much that I force myself to think empty thoughts. My body is so exhausted that my mind won't settle with the notion that it is empty, so it claws and naw's its way through forcing me to acknowledge that hey you need to do this, you need to do that, that doesn't matter, do it this way and that.

I toss and I turn, get tangled in my mountain of blankets. I'm hot I'm cold I can't seem to shake it. I tell my mind to ignore the sudden bodily chaos but it knows' how, I do not know, it knows it's being lied to. Like a swinging door thoughts kept coming through.

I give in to the revolving door of thoughts as they rushed in. I pulled the blankets up to my chin. I let them thoughts take control as I battled the war within. I fight with these thoughts, like so many nights before. I'm thinking, I thought I won this battle, I swore.

I finally gave myself a good hard mental shake. I told myself to get a grip, and take these demons and show them who's the boss. That everything I worked so hard for was at stake, that if I let my guard down one inch it would be a total loss.

@ Annetta Brown
Soulfully Unique
October 2021

picture credit: Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay

19/10/2021

This poem was written with the intention of stepping out of my comfort zone of rhyme and into a different type of poem. I do feel that it is a little dark however it does fit with the season and my emotions at the time of writing it. What do you think?

Rescue Me

Rescue me from the same old past teachings
Save me from the false and the unconscious
I'm sitting on the edge of my destiny
waiting to take flight into the depths of my mind

My attention is blurred and out of focus
I crave nature, love, and inspiration
Guide me through the maze of the unknown
to the prohibited topics nobody openly discusses
only whispers echoed in the depths of darkness

Fill my awareness with intimate profound details
my dreams are observed as fantasies turning real
teach my mind, heart, and body what it is capable
learning new forgotten, hidden truths is my virtue.

Holding onto their secrets like a vice
being breathless in the arms of a lover's grasp
teach me to fly to let go of my heavy rusted chains
to release all of my burdens, nightmares, and torment
to bring to life the fires of my imprisoned passions.....

©Annetta Brown (Soulfully Unique)(NettaB)
October 2021

Image credit: Pete Linforth from Pixabay

06/10/2021

Suffering In Awakening
Throughout your entire life
your soul is kindled in an everlasting fire
a fire that is fed according to your love or strife
a neverending test of enduring the worlds liar
Many nights spent on your knees in prayer
awakening to your soul's life mission
nightmares of being thrown into the lion's lair
distorting your faiths work and minds vision
Playing tug-a-war with your childhood beliefs
uncovering the worlds lies and it's truths
crying out for a merciful and divine release
shouting prayers and frustrations from the roofs
Your hearts pain and suffering is temporary
for you have been created, molded, and shaped
into the soul needed for His cause to carry
Suffering in awakening the perils you have escaped.
⌐Annetta Brown
Image Credit: Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay

I have been finally able to put my thoughts together these last 2 weeks. I had an issue with focusing on how I wanted to write it. My poetry is written from my experiences including my own spiritual warfare.

Suffering In Awakening

Throughout your entire life
your soul is kindled in an everlasting fire
a fire that is fed according to your love or strife
a neverending test of enduring the worlds liar

Many nights spent on your knees in prayer
awakening to your soul's life mission
nightmares of being thrown into the lion's lair
distorting your faiths work and minds vision

Playing tug-a-war with your childhood beliefs
uncovering the worlds lies and it's truths
crying out for a merciful and divine release
shouting prayers and frustrations from the roofs

Your hearts pain and suffering is temporary
for you have been created, molded, and shaped
into the soul needed for His cause to carry
Suffering in awakening the perils you have escaped.

⌐Annetta Brown

Image Credit: Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay

06/10/2021

The Words You Speak
Your tongue has the power for life and death
words you speak have strength in every breath
Choose wisely the thoughts you bring to life
Use them for love and healing but not strife
Your tongue is small but yet full of pride
deceit rolls from it like an ocean tide
guard your words with every thought
in doing this your tongue is caught
If you find yourself in a dispute
stop to think and take a different route
it's better to stop and listen first
before you get the urge to outburst
Let the words you speak always be true
even if it's your point of view
sometimes you are not always right
the words you say may start a fight.
⌐Annetta Brown
Photo Credit: Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay

I wrote this poem from my very own experiences and how I learned to think before I spoke.

The Words You Speak

Your tongue has the power for life and death
words you speak have strength in every breath
Choose wisely the thoughts you bring to life
Use them for love and healing but not strife

Your tongue is small but yet full of pride
deceit rolls from it like an ocean tide
guard your words with every thought
in doing this your tongue is caught

If you find yourself in a dispute
stop to think and take a different route
it's better to stop and listen first
before you get the urge to outburst

Let the words you speak always be true
even if it's your point of view
sometimes you are not always right
the words you say may start a fight.

⌐Annetta Brown

Photo Credit: Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay

06/10/2021

Another blast from my past...I want you all to know that if you are depressed and ever feel like you can not go on...believe when I say life does get better you have to trust yourself that you are going to overcome it eventually.

Cryin
Every crack of my heart is filled with my tears
My heart is filled with endless fears
every thought is filled with punishment and pain
My soul reaps from endless nights of prayers in vain
I'm at the end of my rope my chains
my pain my agony is screaming through my veins
does anyone hear me, see me, even care?
this is just too hard for me to bear!
Please I'm crying but I don't know what's wrong!
I get this sense I just don't belong!
Why oh why can't I get this right! I fear oh I fear I just can't see the light!

⌐Annetta Brown

Image by Karen Nadine from Pixabay

06/10/2021

I write about my experiences and what I see going on in the world around me. This poem will be put up on my youtube channel eventually. Read by yours truly. I have been feeling the call to write again and the words just flow from mind to paper I feel I am guided to do this. Posters can be ordered for any poem I create.
Based on: 2 Thessalonians 2:11
Strong-Delusion
Will mankind be able to withstand the coming strong delusion?
The one sent from above because of all of the material influence.
As Lawlessness abounds the minds of man become full of confusion.
Open their minds to believe in love and truth that will save them.
Wickedness has taken over mankind by all the world's false illusions.
The puppeteers do tricks and turn everything right to be wrong.
They make the world believe a lie and turn it into a nuclear fusion.
Wars between the nations, cities, and towns, the hate runs strong.
Time is running short the majestic hourglass is running out
soon all of the cries and prayers of the world will be unanswered
because mankind's delusion filled minds are full of doubt
and do not believe that all of their debts are spiritually canceled.
⌐Annetta Brown

06/10/2021

Quiet your mind into a peaceful bliss
where no one is around without a sound
outside where the breeze is but a subtle kiss
Go somewhere where you cant be found
Here you can put to rest your spoken word
and listen to your subconscious voices
You will find many options in order to be heard
let them guide you into making better choices
The answers that you seek are in the silence
and what it has in store to tell,
even if it's a mere whisper use it as guidance
You must learn to use this knowledge well
Quiet creates a sense of inner knowing
and gives you a chance to keep all these lessons flowing
it opens up your mind and gives it space
that no sound can ever replace.
By: ⌐NettaB 2021
Soulfully Unique
Photo Credit:
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Quiet your mind into a peaceful bliss
where no one is around without a sound
outside where the breeze is but a subtle kiss
Go somewhere where you cant be found

Here you can put to rest your spoken word
and listen to your subconscious voices
You will find many options in order to be heard
let them guide you into making better choices

The answers that you seek are in the silence
and what it has in store to tell,
even if it's a mere whisper use it as guidance
You must learn to use this knowledge well

Quiet creates a sense of inner knowing
and gives you a chance to keep all these lessons flowing
it opens up your mind and gives it space
that no sound can ever replace.
By: ⌐NettaB 2021
Soulfully Unique

Photo Credit:
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

06/10/2021

Autumn Leaves and Changes

The Autumn leaves are gracefully falling from the sky
in vibrant colors of golds, yellows, oranges, and reds
the brisk morning breeze pushing them to fly
into the abandoned Spring garden beds

Garden scarecrows looming out of the leaf-covered ground
with black as night crows resting on their wooden arms
the harvest of pumpkin patches delivered to farm barns
purchased for homemade pumpkin pie by the pound

Chilly cold weather-ready for hoodies, sweaters, and campfires
telling scary tales and roasting fluffy marshmallows
friends drive up in their pickup trucks leaves crunching under the tires
children running outside kicking up piles of leaves bursting in colorful reds and yellows

The cold months of October, November, and December are at last here
traditions playing out through Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Halloween
Witches, goblins, monsters, and ghosts are nothing to fear
oven baked Christmas sugar cookies embellished in red and green.

© Annetta Brown 2021
Soulfully Unique

Photo Credit: Pixabay

20/09/2021

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10/09/2021

Quiet your mind into a peaceful bliss
where no one is around without a sound
outside where the breeze is but a subtle kiss
Go somewhere where you cant be found

Here you can put to rest your spoken word
and listen to your subconscious voices
You will find many options in order to be heard
let them guide you into making better choices

The answers that you seek are in the silence
and what it has in store to tell,
even if it's a mere whisper use it as guidance
You must learn to use this knowledge well

Quiet creates a sense of inner knowing
and gives you a chance to keep all these lessons flowing
it opens up your mind and gives it space
that no sound can ever replace.
By: ⌐NettaB 2021
Soulfully Unique

Photo Credit:
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay