Goal-Oriented Communication
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00:03:40 In Aristotle's time, Oration was an honored art and tradition
00:04:00 Ethos
00:06:26 Pathos
00:12:25 Cairos
00:20:29 Workplace Communication Etiquette
00:32:16 The Seven C's of Effective Workplace Communication
00:38:16 Summary
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• Persuasion is about trying to change or influence someone’s mind, and it rests on knowing what that person’s values, perspectives, and needs are so you can address them directly.
• According to Aristotle, the four main modes of persuasion are ethos (appeal to authority), pathos (appeal to emotion), logos (appeal to reason), and kairos (making an argument at the right time and place). Good oration and rhetoric are not about which mode fits you or your message best, but knowing how to put your message in a form that the audience is most likely to hear.
• To speak to pathos, be vulnerable or share a personal experience or even a secret. To speak to logos, use hard data and evidence or a deductive or inductive argument. To speak to ethos, share genuine and relevant credentials. In all cases, try to understand your audience’s emotional state, their perspective, and their most pressing need, then present your message in terms that will appeal to them most.
• Workplace communication runs on all the same communication rules, but we have to consider the bigger role that written and electronic communication plays, too. Professional communication is more about appropriateness, politeness, custom, convention, and formality.
• We need to consider the goal, content, and medium to the message, as well as the audience. First, clarify the reason for communication and let that decide the most appropriate medium. Factor in your company’s unique communication culture and be mindful of your tone.
• Professional communication should follow the seven Cs: It should be clear
The Art Of Compassion...REAL Compassion
00:01:42 Pleasing others becomes a transaction or a deal
00:02:44 Mindfulness Meditation for People-Pleasers
00:06:09 1. Sit somewhere comfortably, slow your breathing, and relax.
00:06:16 2. If worries, concerns, and anxious thoughts pop up, say hello to them but set them aside.
00:06:26 3. Focus calmly on your breathing
00:06:37 4. When distracting thoughts pop up again, set them aside again and come back to your breath.
00:09:02 Loving-Kindness Meditation for People-Pleasers
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• Kindness and compassion are wonderful if they are genuine. People-pleasers need to learn to develop the skill of genuine kindness rather than acting out of fear, obligation, or a sense of transaction. Mindfulness and loving-kindness practice are two ways to help rescue genuine compassion from the need to please.
• Mindfulness meditation is about presence and being aware of the present moment without judgment or grasping. Go calm and quiet within, setting aside thoughts as they arrive and accepting what is without trying too hard to achieve any particular end.
• Loving-kindness meditation practices generating warm, accepting, and loving attention and extending it to others as well as to yourself. Visualize kindness flowing to the people you love, then progressively to others, and finally to yourself. Compassion does not mean agreement or forgiveness, only that we can acknowledge that as human beings, we all have worth since we are part of what is.
#Boundary #Compassion #Lovingkindness #LovingKindnessMeditation #Meditation #Mindfulness #MindfulnessMeditation #Peoplepleasers #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #StopPleasingOthers
Plugging Into The Energy Source Of Self-Validation
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00:05:11 Step 1: Be Aware of What You Feel
00:09:47 Step 2: Normalize
00:11:52 Step 3: Tell the Truth
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• When we engage in people-pleasing, we are trying to extract validation, approval, and liking from other people. However, self-validation is the ability to provide all these things for ourselves.
• We create self-validation when we acknowledge and accept how we feel without judgment, normalize that feeling, then speak the truth about it.
#Boundary #Normalize #Peoplepleasing #Selfvalidation #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #StopPleasingOthers
How To Drop The People-Pleaser’s Worst Habit
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• People-pleasers often engage in self-sabotaging behavior: over-apologizing. This happens for many reasons, most commonly low self-esteem, the desire to please others, awkwardness and discomfort, conflict avoidance, anxiety, and perfectionism.
• To overcome over-apologizing, try to practice simply staying silent or expressing concern and compassion in different ways. You could also train out the “sorry habit” by expressing what you really mean to express—for example, gratitude. Don’t apologize for being imperfect, and reframe your idea of politeness so that it includes plain, honest, clear speech, which is always more truthful and assertive. Finally, don’t apologize for things that are outside your control.
#Apologizing #Politeness #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #StopPleasingOthers
Cold Reading: A Look Behind The Curtain
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00:07:45 Technique One Shotgun Statements
00:09:09 Technique Two Barnum Statements
00:11:45 Technique Three ignoring the misses
00:14:38 Technique Four passing off failures as successes
00:17:11 Technique Five Keeping It Vague
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• We can improve our information extraction skills by following some of the techniques used by fake psychics when they do “cold reading.”
• General principles for cold reading include being subtle, open-ended, and allowing the other person to guide you—without them realizing that you are not doing anything magical but merely working with the information that they provide.
• Shotgun statements are random statements made in order to see what response you get so you can follow it up on what sticks.
• Barnum statements are those that are likely to be perceived as relevant to individuals, even though they apply to almost everyone. Barnum statements are broad guesses that look specific but actually have a high probability of being on the mark.
• When using shotgun or Barnum statements, a cold reader can also ignore their misses and focus on their hits, concealing the fact that they are guessing.
• Another way to mask misses is to pass them off as successes retroactively, or rework your claim to make it seem as though you were right all along.
• Cold readers deliberately keep things vague to start with, and then fine tune their approach according to the feedback they receive. They begin with a non-committal, low-stakes guess and then, by degree, inch closer to the truth using their audience’s response or lack of it.
• A key principle in cold reading is to pay attention to reactions of all kinds, including nonverbal ones.
• Expert cold reading combines all of these techniques seamlessly and swiftly to give the impression that the “psychic” has plucked accurate info
Tools of the Charming
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00:01:34 Talk WITH people and not TO them.
00:03:07 Dr. Karl Albrecht in Psychology Today
00:15:53 Sustain Conversations with Conversational Threading and Useful Acronyms
00:22:50 Useful Conversational Acronyms The acronym HPM
00:25:17 Another useful acronym is EDR
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• Having charm and charisma is not about you. It’s about the other person and making them feel heard, liked, and supported.
• Dr. Albrecht explains that conversations contain three elements: declaratives, questions, and qualifiers. The rule of three tells us that we should not have three declarative statements in a row and should instead mix it up with a question or a qualifier.
• It’s not really about the content of what you say but the emotional implications and the energy in how you say it.
• Conversational threading is a technique that will help you ensure you never run out of things to say. Listen to what the other person says, pick out a few noteworthy threads, then run with one of them. When the conversation dries up, return to these threads and pick up another one and follow that instead. Be patient, ask open-ended questions, and listen for emotions.
• Being a good everyday conversationalist is about being open-minded, spontaneous, and genuine. Keep things flowing!
#Albrecht #CasualConversation #Communication #ConversationalAcronyms #ConversationalNarcissist #ConversationalThreading #DeclarativeStatements #DepthTechniques #DrKarlAlbrecht #EDR #EmotionDetailRestatement #EverydayConversations #HPM #RhetoricalQuestions #SkilledConversationalists #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching
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