Effective Parenting

27/07/2024

20/07/2024

"Unschooled: Raising Curious, Well-Educated Children Outside the Conventional Classroom" by Kerry McDonald challenges traditional views on education and advocates for alternative, child-centered approaches to learning.

Here are ten lessons from the book:

1. Learning Through Life: Education doesn't need to be confined to a classroom. Everyday experiences and interactions can be rich learning opportunities, fostering curiosity and practical knowledge.

2. Child-Led Learning: Children are naturally curious and capable of directing their own learning. Allowing them to follow their interests can lead to deeper and more meaningful educational experiences.

3. Flexibility and Freedom: Flexibility in learning schedules and environments can enhance creativity and engagement. Rigid structures are not necessary for effective education.

4. Trust in Children’s Abilities: Trusting children to take charge of their education empowers them and builds confidence. Believing in their abilities encourages independence and self-motivation.

5. Importance of Play: Play is a vital component of learning, especially for young children. It promotes cognitive, social, and emotional development in a natural and enjoyable way.

6. Community as a Classroom: The community can provide diverse learning opportunities. Engaging with different people, places, and activities outside the home enriches a child's educational experience.

7. Individualized Learning: Each child learns at their own pace and in their own way. Personalized approaches to education respect and accommodate these differences, leading to better outcomes.

8. Critical Thinking and Problem-Solving: Encouraging children to think critically and solve problems on their own fosters resilience and adaptability. These skills are crucial for lifelong learning and success.

9. Lifelong Learning: Education is a lifelong journey, not limited to childhood or adolescence. Instilling a love for learning helps children continue to seek knowledge and growth throughout their lives.

10. Parental Involvement and Support: Parents play a key role in facilitating and supporting their children's education. Active involvement and encouragement can greatly enhance the learning experience.

"Unschooled" advocates for a more holistic, child-centered approach to education, emphasizing the importance of curiosity, flexibility, and trust in the learning process.

10/07/2024

The reason why Your child is not listening to You.

27/06/2024

"How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success" by Julie Lythcott-Haims provides practical advice on how to foster independence and resilience in children. Here are ten elaborate lessons from the book:

1. Avoid Overparenting: Overparenting, or helicopter parenting, hinders children's development of self-efficacy and independence. Parents should resist the urge to micromanage their children’s lives, allowing them to take risks and learn from their experiences.

2. Foster Independence: Encourage children to take on age-appropriate responsibilities. This includes tasks like making their own bed, preparing simple meals, or handling school assignments on their own. These responsibilities help children build confidence and self-reliance.

3. Embrace Failure: Allow children to experience failure and learn from their mistakes. Shielding them from failure deprives them of important learning opportunities and the resilience needed to overcome challenges.

4. Teach Problem-Solving Skills: Instead of solving problems for your children, teach them how to find solutions on their own. Ask guiding questions and encourage them to think critically about how to address issues they encounter.

5. Promote Unstructured Play: Unstructured playtime is crucial for developing creativity, problem-solving skills, and social interactions. Ensure your child has ample time for free play without adult interference.

6. Encourage Grit and Perseverance: Teach your children the value of hard work and perseverance. Encourage them to stick with challenging tasks, emphasizing the importance of effort and determination over immediate success.

7. Model Healthy Behavior: Children learn by observing their parents. Model behaviors you want your children to adopt, such as healthy communication, stress management, and a balanced approach to work and leisure.

8. Focus on Life Skills: Prioritize teaching life skills that will prepare your child for adulthood. This includes financial literacy, time management, basic cooking, and cleaning skills, as well as interpersonal skills like empathy and conflict resolution.

9. Build a Growth Mindset: Encourage a growth mindset by praising effort rather than inherent talent. Help your child understand that abilities can be developed through hard work, dedication, and learning from mistakes.

10. Create a Supportive Environment: Provide a supportive environment that balances guidance and autonomy. Be available for advice and support, but allow your child the space to make their own decisions and learn from the outcomes.

11/06/2024

May you never be the reason why your daughter, who loves wearing colorful and sparkly outfits with dreams of being in fashion, now wears plain clothes.

Or why your son, who loves dancing and singing, never takes the stage by storm again.

Or why your daughter who always spoke so excitedly about her dreams, is now silent and on a path that makes more sense for a career.

Or why your son who loves soccer quits to focus on something more practical.

There is no need to kill your children’s dreams before they have even had a chance to form fully.
A few discouraging words are all it takes to sway your kids away from something that gives them joy.

So, let them dream and be who they are.
Build them up. Support them.
Encourage them. Guide them.
And help them when they need.

Never dim your child’s light.

Your job as their parent
is to make them shine brighter.

livingfullaftered.

15/05/2024

"The truth is, the most effective way to inculcate in our daughters a fighting chance at life-long self-love and empowerment is not in the books we read to them, or the workshops we send them to, or the media we do or do not expose them to, or even the things we tell them, rather it is in the reflection of self-love and empowerment they see in us, their mothers.

The model of our own empowerment gives our daughters permission to be powerful. Of course, culture and societal norms mold our view of ourselves as women, but the beliefs and behaviors of our mothers are far more influential."
~ Melia Keeton-Digby, The Heroines Club: A Mother-Daughter Empowerment Circle.

15/05/2024

Arthur is obsessed with fire 🔥.
He has his own small jiko that he lights on weekends to cook stuff. When we went to his grandma's place over the weekend,the only thing he wanted was to light the fire with firewood. He was struggling with it so his dad stepped in to help. On our way home,we started talking about his obsession and it's that moment that the dad remembered how obsessed he was too with fire but his mum would punish him for it. On further inquiry, it turned out his dad loved fire too.

When it comes to effective parenting,the focus is not just on behavior but also on trying to understand the root cause of the behavior. Sometimes,we punish children for things that are beyond their control but when we pause to ask why the behavior,we can extend grace to our children.

It will take just one generation choosing gentle, compassionate, respectful parenting to change the world for all future generations. This is our time. Our chance is now. Let's do our part to change the world, one little heart at a time.

01/05/2024

The parent is the reference point.

30/04/2024

Break that yoke of poverty.
Fight that spirit of abuse.
Break that chain of addiction and lies telling. You know why? The things you do today isn't for you but for your generation unborn.

That is why many are so comfortable in their bad attitude and dirty habits cos to them, as long as they aren't seeing any consequences, then it's okay. Little did you know that It is most likely for children to follow the steps of their root which is their parents. They may grow to continue in that same circle, to become like their parents.

That is why life makes you feel so safe and happy doing the things you do cos it has a better way of making you pay for it.

Children grow up to suffer the sins and mistakes of their parents. They grow to dwell in the past decisions of their clan.

Do you know some of us are spiritually backed up today cos of the sacrifices and decisions our forefathers made to protect the generation after them?

Do you know some of us are naturally favored wherever we go and blessed in whatever we touch because our forefathers passed on that glory to us? That gift of prosperity and Goodluck?

Many have had children today and are yet to make out where they picked up certain traits from cos they sure do not behave that way. Well, it could be an ancestral circle. From the root of their family tree.

So dear young boys and girls. Dear parents. You life choices today is for your generation and not just for you. The decision you make today will affect them most. This is what many refer to today as "generational curse".

So always think it through before you do that thing you plan to do. Very important.

Cos it's either you live to suffer the consequences of your actions by seeing your children and grandchildren act same say if not worse than you (the attitude they took from you), or die and see your spirit live to regret it.( the things you shouldn't have done).

19/04/2024

Children are always looking to us asking:
"Who am I . . ? Am I worthy . . ? Am I loveable . . ? Am I enough?"
Know your words and actions will define those answers and lay the foundation for their self worth over their lifetime.
Be intentional about the words you speak.

11/04/2024

"The Awakened Family" by Shefali Tsabary is a guidebook for parents seeking to cultivate deeper connections and more conscious relationships with their children.

Here are some key lessons from the book

1. Mindful Parenting: Tsabary advocates for mindful parenting, which involves being present, attentive, and non-judgmental in our interactions with our children. By practicing mindfulness, parents can develop greater awareness of their own thoughts, emotions, and reactions, enabling them to respond to their children with greater empathy and understanding.

2. Self-Reflection and Awareness: The book emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and self-awareness for parents. Tsabary encourages parents to examine their own upbringing, beliefs, and conditioning, and to identify and work through any unresolved issues or traumas that may impact their parenting.

3. Embracing Imperfection: Tsabary challenges the notion of the "perfect" parent and encourages parents to embrace imperfection. By letting go of unrealistic expectations and accepting themselves and their children as they are, parents can create a more nurturing and authentic family dynamic.

4. Building Emotional Resilience: The book explores ways to build emotional resilience in both parents and children. Tsabary teaches parents how to validate and empathize with their children's emotions, while also teaching children how to regulate their own emotions and cope with challenges effectively.

5. Fostering Independence and Autonomy: Tsabary emphasizes the importance of fostering independence and autonomy in children. By encouraging children to express themselves, make their own choices, and learn from their mistakes, parents can empower them to become confident, self-reliant individuals.

6. Creating Connection and Trust: The book offers strategies for creating deeper connections and building trust between parents and children. Tsabary emphasizes the importance of active listening, open communication, and genuine empathy in nurturing healthy, loving relationships.

7. Parenting with Purpose and Intention: Tsabary encourages parents to parent with purpose and intention, rather than reacting impulsively or relying on outdated parenting techniques. By setting clear intentions and values for their family, parents can make conscious choices that align with their goals and values.

8. Cultivating Conscious Discipline: Tsabary introduces the concept of conscious discipline, which involves setting limits and boundaries with love and empathy. By disciplining children in a respectful and mindful manner, parents can teach them important life skills while preserving their sense of dignity and self-worth.

9. Practicing Self-Care: The book highlights the importance of self-care for parents. Tsabary encourages parents to prioritize their own well-being and to make time for self-care activities that nourish their body, mind, and spirit.

10. Embracing the Journey: "The Awakened Family" reminds parents that parenting is a journey of growth and self-discovery. Tsabary encourages parents to embrace the challenges and joys of parenthood with curiosity, compassion, and a sense of adventure.

07/04/2024

Thinking of what skills to teach your child?
Here are some ideas by Christina.

04/04/2024

“Teach the children. We don’t matter so much, but the children do. Show them daisies and the pale hepatica. Teach them the taste of sassafras and wintergreen. The lives of the blue sailors, mallow, sunbursts, the moccasin-flowers. And the frisky ones–inkberry, lamb’s-quarters, blueberries. And the aromatic ones–rosemary, oregano. Give them peppermint to put in their pockets as they go to school. Give them the fields and the woods and the possibility of the world salvaged from the lords of profit. Stand them in the stream, head them upstream, rejoice as they learn to love this green space they live in, its sticks and leaves and then the silent, beautiful blossoms. Attention is the beginning of devotion.”
- Mary Oliver

17/03/2024

Here are 10 key lessons you can learn from Paul Tough's book "How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character":

1. IQ Isn't Everything: Success goes beyond just being smart. The book argues that character traits like grit, perseverance, and curiosity are more important predictors of achievement.

2. Early Experiences Matter: Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) can hinder a child's development. Supportive environments and early interventions can help build resilience and positive character traits.

3. Focus on Non-Cognitive Skills: Develop a child's "soft skills" like self-control, motivation, and growth mindset. These can be learned and strengthened over time.

4. The Power of "Grit": Grit, the passion and perseverance to keep pursuing long-term goals, is a crucial factor in success.

5. Curiosity Fuels Learning: A child's natural curiosity can be nurtured to foster a love of learning and exploration.

6. The Importance of "Growth Mindset": Believing that intelligence and abilities can be developed through effort is key to overcoming challenges.

7. The Role of Family: Supportive families that provide encouragement, structure, and opportunities for growth significantly impact a child's development.

8. The Power of Relationships: Strong, positive relationships with teachers, mentors, and peers can contribute to a child's social and emotional well-being and build character.

9. Learning from Mistakes: Mistakes are opportunities for growth. Fostering a "fail-forward" mentality helps children learn and persevere.

10. Character Can Be Developed: The good news is that character traits like grit and curiosity can be nurtured and strengthened through experience and deliberate effort.

13/03/2024

Alice Miller's "The Drama of the Gifted Child" challenges the traditional view of "giftedness." Instead of focusing on exceptional talent, it explores how children with a strong capacity for empathy and emotional intelligence can adapt and survive in emotionally unhealthy environments. The book suggests that this adaptation often comes at a cost, leading to repressed emotions, a false self, and a struggle for authenticity. "The Drama of the Gifted Child" offers hope for healing by encouraging readers to confront their past, embrace self-compassion, and break free from unhealthy patterns.

Here are 10 potential lessons the book offers:

1. Repressed Childhood Emotions: Many adults unknowingly carry suppressed emotions and memories from their childhood. These can manifest in various ways later in life, such as anxiety, depression, or destructive behaviors.

2. False Self vs. True Self: Children in emotionally unhealthy environments may develop a "false self" to appease their parents and gain approval. This disconnects them from their authentic needs and desires. The book explores the importance of uncovering and nurturing the "true self."

3. High Expectations and Low Self-Esteem: Children raised with unrealistic expectations may internalize pressure to succeed, leading to low self-esteem and a constant sense of inadequacy.

4. Transgenerational Trauma: Unaddressed childhood trauma can be passed down through generations. Parents who haven't healed their own wounds may unconsciously repeat unhealthy patterns with their children.

5. Importance of Unconditional Love: Every child deserves to be loved unconditionally, for who they are, not for what they achieve. The book emphasizes the damaging effects of love based on performance or conditional affection.

6. Breaking the Cycle: Adults who recognize the impact of their childhood experiences can break the cycle of unhealthy patterns. By acknowledging past hurts and practicing self-compassion, they can heal and build healthier relationships.

7. Importance of Boundaries: Healthy boundaries are crucial to protect ourselves from emotional manipulation or abuse. The book encourages readers to identify and set boundaries in their lives.

8. Authenticity and Personal Truth: Living authentically requires connecting with your true self and expressing your genuine needs and desires. The book guides readers toward uncovering their personal truth.

9. Self-Discovery and Healing: Healing from emotional wounds is a journey of self-discovery. The book encourages readers to explore their emotions, understand their past, and practice self-compassion.

10. Empowerment and Transformation: By acknowledging their past experiences and practicing self-acceptance, individuals can heal and empower themselves. This can lead to more fulfilling relationships and a more authentic life.

13/03/2024

✍️📌

09/03/2024

"The Self-Driven Child" by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson provides valuable insights into fostering motivation, resilience, and independence in children.

Here are 10 lessons from the book:

1. Autonomy Leads to Motivation: Encourage autonomy in your child's decision-making processes. When children have a sense of control over their lives, they are more likely to be motivated and engaged.

2. Focus on Intrinsic Motivation: Foster intrinsic motivation by helping your child find meaning and enjoyment in their activities rather than relying solely on external rewards or punishments.

3. Embrace Failure as Learning: Teach your child that failure is a natural part of the learning process and an opportunity for growth. Encourage them to view setbacks as valuable learning experiences rather than personal shortcomings.

4. Promote Healthy Habits: Prioritize habits that support overall well-being, such as regular sleep, physical activity, and balanced nutrition. These habits are essential for cognitive functioning and emotional resilience.

5. Encourage Curiosity and Exploration: Nurture your child's natural curiosity by providing opportunities for exploration and discovery. Support their interests and encourage them to pursue new experiences.

6. Teach Self-Regulation: Help your child develop self-regulation skills, such as managing emotions, resisting impulses, and staying focused on tasks. These skills are crucial for academic success and emotional well-being.

7. Create a Supportive Environment: Foster a supportive and nurturing environment at home where your child feels safe to express themselves and take risks. Offer encouragement and guidance without overbearing control.

8. Model Self-Reflection: Model self-reflection and growth mindset in your own behavior. Demonstrate how to learn from mistakes, adapt to challenges, and set realistic goals.

9. Encourage Balanced Expectations: Set realistic expectations for your child based on their individual strengths, interests, and abilities. Avoid placing undue pressure on them to meet arbitrary standards of success.

10. Promote Lifelong Learning: Cultivate a love of learning in your child by emphasizing the importance of intellectual curiosity and lifelong education. Encourage them to pursue their interests and continue learning outside of formal schooling.

These lessons emphasize the importance of fostering intrinsic motivation, resilience, and autonomy in children to help them become self-driven individuals capable of navigating life's challenges with confidence and determination.

10/02/2024

"No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind" by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson offers practical strategies for disciplining children while fostering empathy, understanding, and emotional intelligence.

Here are 10 key lessons from the book:

1. Connect before you correct: Before addressing misbehavior, take the time to connect with your child emotionally. Establishing a strong parent-child relationship built on trust and understanding lays the foundation for effective discipline.

2. Understand the developing brain: Recognize that children's brains are still developing, and they may not always have the cognitive abilities to regulate their emotions or behaviors effectively. Understanding brain development can help parents respond to misbehavior with empathy and patience.

3. Use discipline as an opportunity for teaching and learning: Discipline should be about teaching children appropriate behavior and helping them learn from their mistakes, rather than simply punishing them for wrongdoing. Approach discipline as a constructive learning opportunity for both parent and child.

4. Set clear, consistent limits: Clearly communicate expectations and boundaries to your child, and be consistent in enforcing them. Consistency helps children understand what is expected of them and reduces confusion and frustration.

5. Embrace empathy: Practice empathy by acknowledging and validating your child's emotions, even when you disagree with their behavior. Empathy fosters emotional connection and helps children feel understood and supported.

6. Focus on solutions, not punishments: Instead of focusing solely on punishing children for their misbehavior, work together to find constructive solutions to problems. Encourage children to brainstorm ideas and take ownership of their actions.

7. Stay calm and regulated: Model emotional regulation by staying calm and composed when addressing misbehavior. Responding with anger or frustration can escalate conflicts and undermine the effectiveness of discipline.

8. Use redirection and distraction: Redirecting children's attention or offering alternative activities can be an effective way to prevent or diffuse conflicts. Provide engaging and age-appropriate alternatives to undesirable behaviors.

9. Encourage reflection and problem-solving: Help children develop self-awareness and problem-solving skills by encouraging them to reflect on their actions and consider the consequences of their behavior. Guide them in finding solutions that align with their values and goals.

10. Celebrate progress and effort: Recognize and praise your child's efforts and progress, even if they haven't achieved perfection. Positive reinforcement helps build confidence and motivation to continue learning and growing.

These lessons from "No-Drama Discipline" offer valuable insights and practical strategies for parents seeking to discipline their children in a way that promotes emotional connection, empathy, and positive behavior change.

04/02/2024

Seven Anchors in the Parenting Storm

Picture this: you're in the heart of a hurricane, waves of doubt crashing against your resolve, the relentless wind of "Am I doing enough?" howling in your ears. This, my friends, is the universal storm of parenthood. But what if, amidst the chaos, there were anchors, sturdy truths to cling to and navigate by? This is the promise of Andy and Sandra Stanley's "Parenting: Getting It Right" – a beacon in the tempest, offering seven empowering lessons that can transform your approach to raising tiny humans.

1. There's no "one size fits all" manual. Forget rigid formulas and societal pressures. This book celebrates the beautiful messiness of individuality, reminding us that our children, and our families, are unique constellations, not cookie-cutter creations.

2. Embrace the four stages, not the finish line. The constant pressure to "get it right" melts away when we understand that parenting is a journey, not a destination. From dependence to independence, each stage holds its own magic, its own challenges, and its own opportunities for connection.

3. Love with intention, not perfection. This is the mantra that silenced the inner critic in me. We're not aiming for flawless parenting, but for intentional love – showing up, listening deeply, and nurturing the little souls entrusted to us, imperfections and all.

4. Discipline is guidance, not punishment. The book reframes discipline from a punitive measure to a loving act of guidance. It's about shaping character, not crushing spirits, and cultivating self-control through clear expectations and open communication.

5. Connection is the compass. In the whirlwind of responsibilities, it's easy to lose sight of the most important thing: the bond with our children. "Getting It Right" reminds us that connection is the oxygen of healthy development, the fuel that propels them through life's storms.

6. Embrace your "it" factor. This unique "it" – your values, passions, and strengths – is the rudder that steers your family. The book encourages us to not only nurture our own "it" but also help our children discover theirs, creating a family symphony where each instrument shines.

7. There's beauty in the detours. Let's face it, parenting is rarely a straight road. The Stanleys remind us that even the stumbles and missteps hold valuable lessons. Each detour is an opportunity to learn, to adjust, and to grow, together.

31/01/2024

Let's begin,
Parenting 101.

25/01/2024

"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish is a classic parenting book that provides practical communication strategies for building positive relationships with children.

Here are 10 lessons from the book:

1. Acknowledge Feelings:
Encourage open communication by acknowledging and validating your child's feelings. When children feel heard and understood, it creates a foundation for positive interaction.

2. Avoid Denial of Feelings:
Instead of dismissing a child's emotions, the book advises acknowledging and accepting their feelings. Denying feelings can lead to frustration and communication breakdowns.

3. Give Information in Manageable Parts:
Break down information into manageable parts to help children better understand and process. This approach can make instructions or explanations more accessible and effective.

4. Use Alternatives to Punishment:
The book advocates for using alternatives to punishment, such as acknowledging feelings, offering choices, and problem-solving together. This helps children learn from their experiences without feeling punitive.

5. Offer Choices:
Providing children with choices empowers them and encourages a sense of autonomy. It also helps prevent power struggles and fosters cooperation.

6. Describe, Don't Label:
Instead of labeling a child with negative terms, describe their behavior or actions. This approach helps avoid a defensive reaction and encourages positive change.

7. Use "I" Statements:
Express your own feelings and needs using "I" statements. This helps prevent blaming and fosters a collaborative atmosphere where both parent and child can share their perspectives.

8. Encourage Autonomy:
Support your child's growing independence by giving them opportunities to make decisions and solve problems. This builds their confidence and decision-making skills.

9. Engage in Active Listening:
Practice active listening by fully focusing on what your child is saying without interrupting. This demonstrates respect and encourages children to share their thoughts and feelings more openly.

10. Problem-Solve Together:
Instead of imposing solutions, involve children in the problem-solving process. Collaborative problem-solving teaches valuable skills and helps children feel more in control of their lives.

These lessons from "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" provide a foundation for effective and respectful communication between parents and children. Applying these principles can contribute to building positive relationships and fostering a supportive family environment.

11/01/2024

Raising children with love and Respect.