14/08/2021
QRYATIVE TALK PODCAST
Hi and Welcome to another episode of Qryative Talk,
Have your realized how time flies when you are busy, …it has been a little over a month since the last episode and it has been one crazy time for me, with running a business and raising a child and fighting the cold, coz my human blanket decided I should make use of the hot water bottle while they are busy with the hustle.. anyway how have you been mi amigos, I have missed you guys , I have missed reading your feedback on the issues we discuss on the Podcast and I appreciate some of you threating to come force me to record an episode sooner coz I am taking too long,(you don’t have to threaten me by the way) I am pushing myself already as it is. Thank you again and again and again for the support and for always listening to the Qryative Talk Podcast, you guys absolutely rock.
So, my , today’s episode is about what we perceive as being loved right, the year being 2021 and putting into consideration the stress levels that have been brought upon us by the Covid 19 pandemic, and the effect it has had on our economy basically straining our resources and in some cases striping away our sources of livelihood, we still have been seeing and hearing as well as reading a lot of romantic related deaths ( I am not even sure if that is how I should refer to them) but I hope you have not been turning a blind eye to the cases that are constantly being aired in the local T.V stations and radio stations as well and the newspapers and on social media platforms, cases of young men ending the lives of young women simply because another man said hi to the lady , or young women ending the lives or even maiming young men simply because she saw a text in his phone from another lady, that probably did not mean anything. And we have seen Young couples getting married and separating in a year or two or even three basically showing that marriages no longer last as they used to before, and it could be for various reasons, some of those reasons being very valid ones but today I want us to talk about what we mean when we say “I want a man or a woman who will love me right”. Is there a formula to being loved or to loving right?
What does it mean to be loved right for both men and women, It could of course mean different things to different people and that is why I want us to start by pointing out the different love languages that exist and just try to help each other in identifying where each of us is placed in terms of love language and in the long run communicate the same to our life partners or future life partners and avoid a lot of misunderstandings and a lot of hurt, because I believe if we can identify what it means for us to be loved right, then we can stop making each other surfer in relationships.
And of course this goes without saying that over and above the whole concept of being loved right, basic human decency and respect is the fast thing that should be expected and upheld.
So let us get right on it,
Love languages,
According to my research and observations there are 5 love languages, namely
One – Words of affirmation
Two – Receiving Gifts
Three –Acts of service
Four – Quality Time
Five –Physical Touch
I will give examples of each just to try and give an idea of what they mean, but in case you would like to learn more and go deeper on the topic of Love languages, look for a book Titled, 5Love languages, but for now let’s start by giving simple examples of each, then we can discuss on how not knowing your Love language and your partners Love language has affected relationships in this day and age, and maybe just maybe you, yes you my darling listener can find the answers you have been looking for on why you don’t feel like your partner shows you enough love. It could simply be because both of you don’t know what your Love languages are.
So on to number
1. Words of Affirmation.
This is where you encourage your partner, affirm them, appreciate them by actually saying that you appreciate them and empathize with them.
And to flip it, if this is your love language, then you feel most loved when your partner affirms you and encourages you , and tells you that they appreciate you and they empathize with you as well as actively listen to you.
This can be done by sending an encouraging text message once in a while or writing a beautiful message on a special card, or leaving a small note for your partner somewhere in the house for them to find or better yet just telling your partner face to face how much you care and appreciate them or are proud of them…and that could just be it. That could be the key to making your partner feel loved in the relationship.
No. Two
2. Receiving Gifts
This is where your partner appreciates you buying him or her thoughtful gifts,
A gift that says I noticed or I know what you like. A thoughtful gift doesn’t have to be expensive or out of this world. Well of course sometimes it depends on what your partners taste is like, but I have come to notice most times it is the simple thoughtful gifts that matter, you know a pair of nice sunglasses coz you the sun irritates his eyes when he drives or walks …a set of those cooking pots she has been praising for the last 3months ….you know thoughtful says more and speaks more than expensive.
And of course if we flip it, then you feel more appreciated when your partner goes out of their way to gift you and you value that he or she is thoughtful in picking out the gift that says that he or she understands your likings.
And onto no. three
3. Acts of service
This is where you let your partner know that you want to do things for them, help them lighten their load in matters life, and when opportunity presents itself do the deed. Make them breakfast or their favourite meal, fix something in the house that has been needing to be fixed for a while, give them a massage when they get home from a long hectic day at work. Whatever it is that you know your partner would appreciate being done for them, show them that you are willing to do it and actually do it when you are able to or when you can make time to.
Then of course we flip it and if you appreciate acts of service more, and it makes feel especially loved then let your partner know that it would make you very happy if they would do such and such a thing for you… You probably smile when you find your partner has made the bed and you didn’t have to ask and when you think of the time they rubbed your back with scented oils and massaged the fatigue right out of neck , you smile and feel all warm inside then that my fellow earth mate could be your love language. The fact that your partner goes out of their way to do certain things for you and he or she is keen to the details of what you prefer then both of you have learnt what your love language is, and you are an inspiration to many.
And no. 4
4. Quality Time
This where your partner really appreciates when you spend an un-interrupted time together and they probably keeping requesting for this time if you are keen to notice. And this does not include bedroom time, lest you mistake the two. This quality time is where you sit and have conversations or take walks or take a vacation that does not include either of you going to the phone or computer to check on work, basically intentionally setting time aside to spend with your partner doing nothing else other that enjoying each other’s company and catching on each other. And it could as simple as going for a coffee date at a spot that is away from all that is familiar, or taking a vacation on a yatch all depends on what your tastes are and your budget, but what really matters is achieving that quality time together,
Of course we gots to flip it and say , if you feel some time of way when your partner sets aside time, out of his or her crazy busy schedule to spend it with you uninterrupted and coitus is not involved then Quality time is your love language and you should mention the same to your partner. I must admit it does feel kind of nice when someone sets time for you two to just chill or watch a movie or even play a game together and have silly memorable moments together, it says they value you, You as the person not your resources not your skill set in certain things, Just you …the Crazy but soft bomb person you are, and I guess that’s my love language my fellow earth mates ( I still want the gifts though ) wink wink.
And let’s move on to no. 5 which is
5. Physical Touch
This is where your partner Finds reassurance in the touch. It could be them insisting on a hug each time they leave for work and come back home or the constant holding of hands when you are out on a walk or even just making sure they put their feet or head on your lap when watching a movie. Basically nothing too outrageous just a subtle touch here and there makes them smile, if you see that then do it more often for them coz it probably is their love language.
And to flip, if you are always craving his or her touch always feel the need to move closer to your partner when seated or even when sleeping and you feel absolutely content when your partner places their arms around you, then you my fellow earth mate could have Physical touch as your love language.
Now I would like to know, do you resonate with any of the 5 Love languages, have you identified any that once triggered a feeling of being loved and or deeply cared for?
If you have, then good for you, now the next step is to communicate the same to your partner, and be very wise on how you go about communicating to your partner. Don’t go making unreasonable demands, or making your partner feel inadequate the key is to communicate with Love, And well if you haven’t resonated with any of the 5 love languages then continue with some deep soul searching, you will eventually find It. Of course you can do some of the tests available online, but whatever your Love language is, It is important to be very mindful of each other. Don’t just focus on what makes you feel happy and loved, get to know the same of your partner then discuss on how you can achieve that for one another.
And so going back to our initial question what do we perceive as being loved right , if someone, your partner in this case does one or two of the things amongst the 5 love languages does that count as being loved right for you? Let us for a minute forget about those high expectations we place on partners or futures partners, if you did some soul searching and a man or lady learns to speak your love language will that count as being loved right, or will you still be holding on to the unrealistic expectation of Handsome for the girls and drop dead gorgeous for the guys, financially stable, with no baggage, defender of dignity, church going but freaky in bed, with an amazing sense of humor and no female or male friends, spends every waking minute with me but very hardworking , gives me my space but never leaves my side.
Coz y’all are busy looking for perfect humans to be your perfect partners and yet in reality no one is perfect we are all flawed in one way or another. And that is why most young people when they get into a relationship with someone they thought was perfect and they will “love them right’’ then they find out this person has their own issues, and instead of learning from each other on how best you can be there for one another, you start never ending fights that most times end tragically. And so there is no grace towards each other anymore, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news but there is no universal way to being loved right.
But I will tell you this, if you know or discover what makes you smile more and feel all warm and fuzzy inside and you communicate the same to your partner and they go out of their way to achieve even half of it genuinely and they respect you and honor what you two have then try and work it out with that human, nyumba kubwa na gari can always come in later in life Coz aint no princess charming coming for you sister and you my brother stop waiting for Princess Jasmin, be realistic when looking for your life partner na k**a hai work please wachana na mtoto wa wenyewe , na kila mtu aende zake please.
Now I do have to mention that Love languages are not just about romantic relationships. Platonic relationships, as well as family members need to discover what works for the other.
A mother and father should know each of their children’s love language.
Parents for example should be able to tell that their 1st child loves to be gifted a lot, no matter how many times you guys hug them they will truly jump for joy if you buy them their favourite sports gear. And probably the 2nd child always asks to go for bike rides at the park with dad or mum , which means they appreciate quality time , that is how they connect with you guys. So parents be on the lookout for your children’s Love languages.
Friends, Best friends, brothers, sisters , cousins and work mates as well.If you care for someone try and learn what their love language is, you could watch and see what they appreciate more or you could ask, and while at it communicate yours as well.
This might reduce the constant messy breakups we keep seeing and hearing about, it is not the ultimate solution I acknowledge there is a lot of work that needs to be done especially for those that have an issue with handling rejection , this happens to be the next topic I want us to discuss but for now for today let us learn what our love languages are and once we do we communicate the same to our partners and work on how that can be integrated in your relationship.
For me my fellow earth mates I appreciate all the love languages but I value Quality time and I don’t mind being gifted once in a while, I love the soft life. But I understand I can’t have it all, so cheers to Cold nights and beautiful items.
Speaking of beautiful things and gifts, you guys I just made my hair and whaaat… I love it this my gift from me to me
Follow me on my social Media my Insta and Facebook handle is Qryative Talk ..That is Q.R.Y.A.T.I.V.E T.A.L.K , and Talk to me about your love language, let us meet on instagram for that convo but for now , i wanna thank you for always keeping it Qryativetalk.
OOH and i have a youtube channel where you can listen to this and more episodes as well..Link - QRYATIVE TALK PODCAST
Hi and Welcome to another episode of Qryative Talk,
Have your realized how time flies when you are busy, …it has been a little over a month since the last episode and it has been one crazy time for me, with running a business and raising a child and fighting the cold, coz my human blanket decided I should make use of the hot water bottle while they are busy with the hustle.. anyway how have you been mi amigos, I have missed you guys , I have missed reading your feedback on the issues we discuss on the Podcast and I appreciate some of you threating to come force me to record an episode sooner coz I am taking too long,(you don’t have to threaten me by the way) I am pushing myself already as it is. Thank you again and again and again for the support and for always listening to the Qryative Talk Podcast, you guys absolutely rock.
So, my , today’s episode is about what we perceive as being loved right, the year being 2021 and putting into consideration the stress levels that have been brought upon us by the Covid 19 pandemic, and the effect it has had on our economy basically straining our resources and in some cases striping away our sources of livelihood, we still have been seeing and hearing as well as reading a lot of romantic related deaths ( I am not even sure if that is how I should refer to them) but I hope you have not been turning a blind eye to the cases that are constantly being aired in the local T.V stations and radio stations as well and the newspapers and on social media platforms, cases of young men ending the lives of young women simply because another man said hi to the lady , or young women ending the lives or even maiming young men simply because she saw a text in his phone from another lady, that probably did not mean anything. And we have seen Young couples getting married and separating in a year or two or even three basically showing that marriages no longer last as they used to before, and it could be for various reasons, some of those reasons being very valid ones but today I want us to talk about what we mean when we say “I want a man or a woman who will love me right”. Is there a formula to being loved or to loving right?
What does it mean to be loved right for both men and women, It could of course mean different things to different people and that is why I want us to start by pointing out the different love languages that exist and just try to help each other in identifying where each of us is placed in terms of love language and in the long run communicate the same to our life partners or future life partners and avoid a lot of misunderstandings and a lot of hurt, because I believe if we can identify what it means for us to be loved right, then we can stop making each other surfer in relationships.
And of course this goes without saying that over and above the whole concept of being loved right, basic human decency and respect is the fast thing that should be expected and upheld.
So let us get right on it,
Love languages,
According to my research and observations there are 5 love languages, namely
One – Words of affirmation
Two – Receiving Gifts
Three –Acts of service
Four – Quality Time
Five –Physical Touch
I will give examples of each just to try and give an idea of what they mean, but in case you would like to learn more and go deeper on the topic of Love languages, look for a book Titled, 5Love languages, but for now let’s start by giving simple examples of each, then we can discuss on how not knowing your Love language and your partners Love language has affected relationships in this day and age, and maybe just maybe you, yes you my darling listener can find the answers you have been looking for on why you don’t feel like your partner shows you enough love. It could simply be because both of you don’t know what your Love languages are.
So on to number
1. Words of Affirmation.
This is where you encourage your partner, affirm them, appreciate them by actually saying that you appreciate them and empathize with them.
And to flip it, if this is your love language, then you feel most loved when your partner affirms you and encourages you , and tells you that they appreciate you and they empathize with you as well as actively listen to you.
This can be done by sending an encouraging text message once in a while or writing a beautiful message on a special card, or leaving a small note for your partner somewhere in the house for them to find or better yet just telling your partner face to face how much you care and appreciate them or are proud of them…and that could just be it. That could be the key to making your partner feel loved in the relationship.
No. Two
2. Receiving Gifts
This is where your partner appreciates you buying him or her thoughtful gifts,
A gift that says I noticed or I know what you like. A thoughtful gift doesn’t have to be expensive or out of this world. Well of course sometimes it depends on what your partners taste is like, but I have come to notice most times it is the simple thoughtful gifts that matter, you know a pair of nice sunglasses coz you the sun irritates his eyes when he drives or walks …a set of those cooking pots she has been praising for the last 3months ….you know thoughtful says more and speaks more than expensive.
And of course if we flip it, then you feel more appreciated when your partner goes out of their way to gift you and you value that he or she is thoughtful in picking out the gift that says that he or she understands your likings.
And onto no. three
3. Acts of service
This is where you let your partner know that you want to do things for them, help them lighten their load in matters life, and when opportunity presents itself do the deed. Make them breakfast or their favourite meal, fix something in the house that has been needing to be fixed for a while, give them a massage when they get home from a long hectic day at work. Whatever it is that you know your partner would appreciate being done for them, show them that you are willing to do it and actually do it when you are able to or when you can make time to.
Then of course we flip it and if you appreciate acts of service more, and it makes feel especially loved then let your partner know that it would make you very happy if they would do such and such a thing for you… You probably smile when you find your partner has made the bed and you didn’t have to ask and when you think of the time they rubbed your back with scented oils and massaged the fatigue right out of neck , you smile and feel all warm inside then that my fellow earth mate could be your love language. The fact that your partner goes out of their way to do certain things for you and he or she is keen to the details of what you prefer then both of you have learnt what your love language is, and you are an inspiration to many.
And no. 4
4. Quality Time
This where your partner really appreciates when you spend an un-interrupted time together and they probably keeping requesting for this time if you are keen to notice. And this does not include bedroom time, lest you mistake the two. This quality time is where you sit and have conversations or take walks or take a vacation that does not include either of you going to the phone or computer to check on work, basically intentionally setting time aside to spend with your partner doing nothing else other that enjoying each other’s company and catching on each other. And it could as simple as going for a coffee date at a spot that is away from all that is familiar, or taking a vacation on a yatch all depends on what your tastes are and your budget, but what really matters is achieving that quality time together,
Of course we gots to flip it and say , if you feel some time of way when your partner sets aside time, out of his or her crazy busy schedule to spend it with you uninterrupted and coitus is not involved then Quality time is your love language and you should mention the same to your partner. I must admit it does feel kind of nice when someone sets time for you two to just chill or watch a movie or even play a game together and have silly memorable moments together, it says they value you, You as the person not your resources not your skill set in certain things, Just you …the Crazy but soft bomb person you are, and I guess that’s my love language my fellow earth mates ( I still want the gifts though ) wink wink.
And let’s move on to no. 5 which is
5. Physical Touch
This is where your partner Finds reassurance in the touch. It could be them insisting on a hug each time they leave for work and come back home or the constant holding of hands when you are out on a walk or even just making sure they put their feet or head on your lap when watching a movie. Basically nothing too outrageous just a subtle touch here and there makes them smile, if you see that then do it more often for them coz it probably is their love language.
And to flip, if you are always craving his or her touch always feel the need to move closer to your partner when seated or even when sleeping and you feel absolutely content when your partner places their arms around you, then you my fellow earth mate could have Physical touch as your love language.
Now I would like to know, do you resonate with any of the 5 Love languages, have you identified any that once triggered a feeling of being loved and or deeply cared for?
If you have, then good for you, now the next step is to communicate the same to your partner, and be very wise on how you go about communicating to your partner. Don’t go making unreasonable demands, or making your partner feel inadequate the key is to communicate with Love, And well if you haven’t resonated with any of the 5 love languages then continue with some deep soul searching, you will eventually find It. Of course you can do some of the tests available online, but whatever your Love language is, It is important to be very mindful of each other. Don’t just focus on what makes you feel happy and loved, get to know the same of your partner then discuss on how you can achieve that for one another.
And so going back to our initial question what do we perceive as being loved right , if someone, your partner in this case does one or two of the things amongst the 5 love languages does that count as being loved right for you? Let us for a minute forget about those high expectations we place on partners or futures partners, if you did some soul searching and a man or lady learns to speak your love language will that count as being loved right, or will you still be holding on to the unrealistic expectation of Handsome for the girls and drop dead gorgeous for the guys, financially stable, with no baggage, defender of dignity, church going but freaky in bed, with an amazing sense of humor and no female or male friends, spends every waking minute with me but very hardworking , gives me my space but never leaves my side.
Coz y’all are busy looking for perfect humans to be your perfect partners and yet in reality no one is perfect we are all flawed in one way or another. And that is why most young people when they get into a relationship with someone they thought was perfect and they will “love them right’’ then they find out this person has their own issues, and instead of learning from each other on how best you can be there for one another, you start never ending fights that most times end tragically. And so there is no grace towards each other anymore, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news but there is no universal way to being loved right.
But I will tell you this, if you know or discover what makes you smile more and feel all warm and fuzzy inside and you communicate the same to your partner and they go out of their way to achieve even half of it genuinely and they respect you and honor what you two have then try and work it out with that human, nyumba kubwa na gari can always come in later in life Coz aint no princess charming coming for you sister and you my brother stop waiting for Princess Jasmin, be realistic when looking for your life partner na k**a hai work please wachana na mtoto wa wenyewe , na kila mtu aende zake please.
Now I do have to mention that Love languages are not just about romantic relationships. Platonic relationships, as well as family members need to discover what works for the other.
A mother and father should know each of their children’s love language.
Parents for example should be able to tell that their 1st child loves to be gifted a lot, no matter how many times you guys hug them they will truly jump for joy if you buy them their favourite sports gear. And probably the 2nd child always asks to go for bike rides at the park with dad or mum , which means they appreciate quality time , that is how they connect with you guys. So parents be on the lookout for your children’s Love languages.
Friends, Best friends, brothers, sisters , cousins and work mates as well.If you care for someone try and learn what their love language is, you could watch and see what they appreciate more or you could ask, and while at it communicate yours as well.
This might reduce the constant messy breakups we keep seeing and hearing about, it is not the ultimate solution I acknowledge there is a lot of work that needs to be done especially for those that have an issue with handling rejection , this happens to be the next topic I want us to discuss but for now for today let us learn what our love languages are and once we do we communicate the same to our partners and work on how that can be integrated in your relationship.
For me my fellow earth mates I appreciate all the love languages but I value Quality time and I don’t mind being gifted once in a while, I love the soft life. But I understand I can’t have it all, so cheers to Cold nights and beautiful items.
Speaking of beautiful things and gifts, you guys I just made my hair and whaaat… I love it this my gift from me to me
Follow me on my social Media my Insta and Facebook handle is Qryative Talk ..That is Q.R.Y.A.T.I.V.E T.A.L.K , and Talk to me about your love language, let us meet on instagram for that convo but for now , i wanna thank you for always keeping it Qryativetalk.
OOH and i have a youtube channel where you can listen to this and more episodes as well....link in bio.
