27/04/2015
Dear Mr. Dean,
I found your name on the cover page
of some green book she carried home. I
believe you are the Headteacher over
there at Main Campus University. I’ve
decided to write you this letter, I am
Mama Atieno.
Bwana Dean, since Atieno closed for
her 1st year holiday, she has been
behaving different. A lot has changed
in her. The whole village knows my
daughter is back from the University.
Bwana Dean, Atieno nags a lot when I
send her to the kitchen. She no longer
wants to light the jiko outside, all she
sings is “COIL”. Bwana Dean, what is
coil? My daughter only wants to cook on
coil. She praises it every day.
Dean I tell you. Atieno is acting
strange. Atis nowadays falls on
everyone’s chest. She calls it “aag”,
“hag” or I don’t know “hurg”? Yes,
hug! Today she fell on her father’s
chest after returning from the
market. Bwana Dean that is a taboo
here! She’s even falling on boys’
chests, including her brothers too; hug
here, hug there! Yawa! Nyathini biro
kelo CHIRA e dalani. She will bring
ancestral curses to this home.
Mr. Dean (I hope you are Mr/Mrs).
What is “PIRATING” and “EXILE”? Atis
is spoiling the heads of my children.
She talks a lot about those two books. I
don’t know whether they are books
anyway, but she praises them a lot and
always says she’s involved in them.
Lastly, she talks too much about
somebody called HELB. This guy called
HELB is spoiling my daughter. Helb
himself has bought for her a WOOFER,
CARPET, LAPTOP and gikmakamago!
Courtesy of Helb, Atieno is now anti-
social; she’s always glued to that
phone that does not have buttons. She
constantly wipes the screen, touches it
a lot and says she’s on WHATSAPP!
Whatsapp manade to nyathini owinjo
bed ni ruo nyuka nyathi ma
godhiambo! Nkt!
Ne! Iwinjo Bwana Dean, that boy
called Helb will know me when I come
there. Whatever his name is, HELB
KAMAU, or HELB WAFULA or HELB
ODHIAMBO, I’m coming. Let me finish
with the preparations for Obama’s
home coming kwanza.
I didn’t tell you that the same boy,
Helb, has bought Atieno some clothes
which embarrass me every day. Atieno
wears very long black socks that extend
to her thighs and goes to the market
with it. She calls it fashion. This tight
thing she calls “tights” has made all
sorts of boys hover around my fence
every evening; they all want to see
Atieno.
Manyna wuoyi miluongo ni Helb no, ka
koro mar oyuma kamano!
Regards,
Lelo Nyachula
1st Wife Dala Kobwanda
(Mama Atieno)
😹😹😂😂🙈🙈🙊🙊helb thooooooooo
