07/09/2021
I was told I was worthless enough, that I believed it.
I was told I was ugly, crazy, fat, dramaticโฆ that *I* was the reason for my abuse.
*I* caused them to hit me
*I* was wrong
*I* made it all up
It was me.
The ones who were supposed to love & protect me did the opposite. That had to be from something wrong with me, right?
Well, in my child mind, I needed justification. So I started hating myself, too.
It impacted my entire life.
Long into my teen & young adult years, I missed out on opportunities because I was afraid of being wrong, of being seen as crazy to the rest of the world. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin that Iโd hide away. Numb.
I didnโt follow my heart. Or listen to my own needs, wants, desires.
Instead- I became a chameleon. A chameleon could be loved. A chameleon was accepted. A chameleon was safe.
But eventually, I got tired of living like a shell of a person, easily manipulated by the next one. I decided to start working on finding myself & loving who I was.
It took years (& consistent hard work + therapy) but I can finally say I donโt believe what I was told. And I love & accept me for me! Everything changed after that โจ
I was not the problem. My abuser was. Generational trauma was. Emotional immaturity & instability in the household was.
If you resonate with any bit of this story, please know there is hope in healing. And you are never ever alone.
I opened up a bit more about some of my journey and how I overcame certain obstacles in the most recent podcast episode (out now)
If I could go back, Iโd give that little girl a hug, some noise canceling headphones, and remind her that sheโs amazing as she is โจ
Remember, we are all unique and have a beautiful light to shine on the world. It needs us. And it starts with loving ourselves - regardless of othersโ opinions. Life can be beautiful, regardless of our past experiences. We can heal & grow.
Thanks for listening
Tae ๐