Queen of the Desert - Writer

18/02/2025

It's been a minute. Kimuyu writes !

15/02/2025

Alliance Girls High School

14/02/2025

Bado unatumia ile simu ukitoka nje uichungulie unaona giza? You end up picking calls you didn't want to?

Ukitoka nje uingie ndani inakuchoma macho ni k**a it wants to turn you blind? You can do better my loves. Talk to that man who woke up to send you paragraphs at 6 am.

Get yourself a phone that can automatically adjust itself.

Happy valentines My loves.

03/02/2025

Friendship + Love = Great ?

31/01/2025

🤍💛

29/01/2025

Early morning work

27/01/2025

Nothing challenges me like kugonga mayai haijapikwa 🤦‍♀️
That sh*t messes me up all the time.

26/01/2025

Photos that never made it to the internet ✨️ And yaas, I look good in white 💞😍

24/01/2025

Tinder chronicles.

After matching with this white dude, we moved to WhatsApp pretty fast.

He said he was European and mentioned that he had been to Kenya before, when i said I’m a Kenyan. This made us have kind of instant connection. We had a video chat. I moved outside where there was too much light not to be called an imposter again. Shortly, we got talking about the education system in Kenya.

He said he was surprised to learn that learners attend classes from morning to evening here in Kenya. I told him that’s how it is back here. He said in his country, classes begin at 8 and end at 1pm. Others start at 1pm to 5pm and one can choose between morning and afternoon classes.
He insisted it is too much work how we do it here, that even in exams, their learners are provided with multiple choices unlike here. I told him with the introduction of CBC, even younger learners have to write what they know, no multiple choices. He insisted it is too much work and it’s not necessary- just tiresome. I argued that Kenyans have got brains and they don't see any problem with that, that’s why their people hire Kenyans to do college assignments for them and earn untaxed money, cause they can’t .

After finishing my statement, I could see man struggle with pain. The pain i injected went straight to his heart. I could see him struggle not to wail. He only shouted “wachaa” and hung up immediately.

Ladies n gentlemen, that was the end of my attempt to find love.

Anyway, I was avenging what these maafakas did to our ancestors. A round of applause for me.

22/01/2025

Silas Gisiora Nyanchwani since unajifanya hujaona hii post

There's a tall dude here who keeps beating his chest how he can't join dating apps. Look at him now, disguising as sijui deno, claiming to be even younger....! can you see him?!

21/01/2025

Md. T.o.D, H.o.D

21/01/2025

There's a tall dude here who keeps beating his chest how he can't join dating apps. Look at him now, disguising as sijui deno, claiming to be even younger....! can you see him?!

18/01/2025

When was the last time you hit the road like this

17/01/2025

You know a girl's expensive if she wears tweed 🥰

16/01/2025

Kuna mtu anaficha mpira hii timeline. Mnamjua?

15/01/2025

I am those people who used to write topic with green pen, sub topic red, notes blue and examples with black. Only that I do it differently now.

15/01/2025

My tinder experience when I had the other kaphone.

Fitst of all, that kathing refused to support some big apps like tiktok, insta..

I had tinder mostly to keep me busy. I thought it wasn’t bad to insult some white here and there men and bruise their ego..

Okay. Before I had someone to insult there’s this whit man I had matched and we quickly moved to WhatsApp. The dude insisted on video calls and after giving a heap of excuses, I agreed. I said if bad bad, after all kwani ni nini? He was not someone special.

The mzungu called and I answered. But surprisingly, the mzungu couldn’t see me. Or, I don’t know what he saw on the other end. A silhouette, or total darkness. Maybe. Or, if my eyes did me a bit of justice, he then saw two things shoot on the screen enough to confirm I was a human. Ooh, I was speaking. So he heard me.
But after a few hellos, he hung up and insults started streaming in my inbox.

He called me a fraudster, an imposter, a con and everything bad. He couldn't give me a break to explain that it was not my fault but my camera. I couldn’t tell him that the phone I had used to take the photos I had posted on tinder had been stolen and I had not replaced it yet. That I was using a certain kamkebe as I wait to buy another good phone.

The mzungu couldn’t stop with the insults. I was not irritated you know, maybe it was my fault. So I watched as messages of frustration streamed in. But at least I remembered not to pour all the mtama wote. I run to tinder to unmatch him before he reported me. It wasn’t easy. Dust everywhere.
Next,

14/01/2025

Being on periods I the ghetto.

It was in the morning and this kastomach that sends you to the office urgently to release loads of loads caught me. I run. Then I entered the toilet (latrine sorry).

I started my business and soon started to feel relieved. I was not in a hurry since it wasn’t break time. The students were not outside to set a timer for me to see how long I’d last in there. I didn’t have lesson neither, so it was kuzikwenda kuzikwenda.

As I went on with my business, something caught my eyes. There was a dudu at the corner of the room and it was on some nasty business with its legs. Ama tuliambiwa miguu za insects zinaitwaje huko kindergarten? Like it was trying to crack its legs? So, I kept my eyes locked on the big dudu and my other side was busy offloading. I got busy there till I forgot I was supposed to get out. Aah, mi nikakaa tu. Nikakaa nikakaa then nikaskia ni k**a hakuna kitu inatoka tena. I cleaned my sim 2 then majestically I stepped outside like a king does. You know that feeling; you cleared your stomach so much that you feel like you’re no longer bleeding.

Immediately I stepped out, this is where the problem was guys, I looked right ahead of me and I saw two people standing there - the deputy p and the informer. You see that mushene that ‘catches’ especially if you’re sengenyaring your fellow worker or matters institution and it can’t be done in the office? That one! It had pushed them to the corner of the compound, next to the toilet, when Brenda was inside.

Immediately, my eyes locked with those of the DP, they became suspicious and I began walking towards him, wanting to explain myself without being asked. On the other side, he looked at me the same way, surprised…and for him, he couldn’t hold it longer. He shot,

“The way we’ve been standing here for long, seeing someone walk out of that room is the last thing we could expect.”

“Why?” I asked surprised pretending not to know what he was talking about.

“Do you know we have been standing here fore like seventeen, 17! Minutes!”

“What!”

“Actually more than.”

The surprise on my face. Fake surprise…
At this moment I felt ashamed and the only thing I wanted to do was to explain.

“Boss, it’s that time of the month. It’s not my wish.” I looked up to him with eyes of pity.

He only stared at me. He said nothing. I proceeded with my journey to the office.

Immediately after lunch I carried my bag to his office.

“Boss,”

“Enda.”
A very short conversation it was.

I run. I run Brenda.

At least that was the only time I could ask for permission without explaining or feeling guilty that I was lying. Gosh! Pregnancy is the ghetto. Ooh sorry, periods.

Also, kunuka k**a kichinjio si rahisi!