Patrick Oduor Otillah

21/11/2023

Surround yourself with people who push you to be your greatest self.

20/11/2023

Kindly help me vote for this friend of mine. Ukishavote send number nikutumie credit. Thank you. Send screenshot too!

Who will be featured in NewBeauty magazine, take home $40,000, and experience the spa-cation of a lifetime?

20/11/2023

Kindly help me vote for this friend of mine. Ukishavote send number nikutumie credit. Thank you.

Who will be featured in NewBeauty magazine, take home $40,000, and experience the spa-cation of a lifetime?

20/11/2023

20/11/2023

I just wanted to remind you that yesterday was International Men's Day.

20/11/2023

Haiya basi we are through na bet ya Leo!

20/11/2023

Haiya Seychelles kazi kwenu sisi tushafanya ile kitu 😋

20/11/2023

No matter what is said about men being vulnerable to their women, remember she's not your therapist.

If you're constantly telling her your problems, you will definitely lose her because she'll begin to lose attraction for you. And it's not even debatable.

No woman wants a cry baby for a man. She already got a p***y & won't be needing another.

She wants a father in a man, not a son.

Take heed!

19/11/2023

Yaani Mens day & World's Toilets day ziko Siku moja!
do you want to say we s**t?

19/11/2023

Women should have kids at tender age. Issue of giving birth at 40s hapana. Kwani utaenjoy s*x periods gani?

19/11/2023

Mimi sijawishiwa happy men's day but ni sawa ama mnadhani sina dick? Mon chendo😭 😭😭 😭

19/11/2023

Exactly!

19/11/2023

DP Rigathi Gachagua at MPs Eric Wamumbi and Betty Maina ruracio.
😂😂😂

VAR

19/11/2023

Nairobi hakuna bibi ya mtu, ukimtext akushow ati ako married, bro huyo hana githaa zako kanyaga kubwa kubwa💔🤣🤣

19/11/2023

Today mom is travelling to Naivasha and she is sad that I sent her exact fare. Lakini mine be kare theko k**ae. Ati sijatuma ya kununua kitu kwa njia na safari ni ya three hours. Anyway help me wish my mummy safe journey halafu punguzeni calls today it is me and mummy jioni. Aliniambia atanibebea avocado, njugu kod gweno. Thank you.

19/11/2023

You all wonder why Nairobi women have that extra energy in bed. Those women do eat donkey's meat and we all know a donkey has a lot of energy. Mimi dame anakaa Nairobi haweziniringia na anakula punda aki 😢

18/11/2023

Where can I get these chains? Someone's daughter must see fuaya hivi karibuni. Anyway nani ako ready we do s*x savage? I mean ile yenye nakufunga na kamba ama chains halafu nabaki na p***y hapo katikati....en mana drilling after drilling 😢 😭

18/11/2023

Wueh! Stolen s*x sometimes slaps different. I mean you eat it as if you are dying tomorrow. I remember some years back I was dating this young girl. She was a first year by then. I was a second year heading third year. I mean mwenyeji.

That fine day I was at the MESS taking boiled eggs and tea. The whole breakfast costed me a paltry Ksh. 25 Bob. By then 25 was money I tell you. Wachana na wakati huu Ksh. 1000 is nolonger money.

So this young girl travelled home for some family issues and told me she was to be back after one week or so. I was to send her fare so I was sure I would be safe.

Back to this story, a certain lady just came and sat in front of me.

After some five minutes or so, I gained that first courage to start the doubting conversation. I knew well that the worst that could happen was either she muted or responded.

"Hello, do you take eggs?" I asked, looking at her DIRECTLY.

She looked at me then agreed. Two eggs were brought forward. Now she was eating eggs bana. You know eggs in campus were part of luxurious foods.

We exchanged the number after that though she was kinda uninterested. Lakini maybe zangu hazingeenda bure. Ikuss ilikuwa lazima igulwe kiasi.

So I texted her on Saturday. She declined to respond. I called her but my call went unsuccessful. My girlfriend let me call her PETRONILA (Not her real name coz she is my follower here on Facebook though ex as at now) was remaining with only three days to come. Again I was sure she had to ask for fare before coming.

Sunday Sheila (the one who ate my eggs) called me. She said that she couldn't make it on Saturday and promised to help me with a hole to drill later in the evening. However, she was reluctant to visit me at my bedsitter in delta hostels. We actually agreed to meet at a certain lodging.

She had to make an arrangement. While she was heading to Chuka Town, I dashed into the bathroom, and started taking shower. Then I heard someone getting in but I thought huenda hiyo mlango ni ha jirani kumbe petronila was back.

While still at the bathroom, I heard my phone vibrating. That was a message.

"You have a message babe," she politely said.

Mimi ndio huyo natoka na sabuni kwa kichwa na mwili kusoma message.

Yawa Sheila just said alishafika guest house nimwambie k**a naenda ama siendi. Hapo tu ndipo nilijua kimeumana. I was shocked beyond words 😢 😭

So petronila gave me a hot slap and started shouting 😒.

"Kwani mimi sina nini ama p***y yangu haikutoshi!" Bwana she shouted kwa hostel. Sasa I tried kumcool lakini wapi. Kwani wakamba mnakuanga aje surely 😠

So I went outside with towel, half naked and grabbed her back in the room. I begged that poor girl to stop shouting 😒 akakataa 😢

Kuna kasmall crowd kalianza kuform kwa mlango. A whole patty has been promised a Rift Valley in the guest room next to magunas supermarket.

"And now twende wote kwa hiyo lodging tunaenda th*****me!" She retorted.

Safari ndio hiyo tunaenda Chuka Town.........

Eish! Sinimepitia shida kwenye mapenzi? 😢 😭

18/11/2023

Shimo hujui kimo lake usinyime mtu 😔

18/11/2023

Goodmorning Kenyans

18/11/2023

Wueh! Hii baridi karibu nidhani dick imepotea. Imagine living without dick lol. Baridi inachapa hii kitu mpaka inaloose turgidity. Sai nikipewa siwezihata amsha

18/11/2023

If I ever wished you happy birthday without sending you cash kindly send your number. I hate wishing you dry dry.

18/11/2023

Ni nini sijaiona kwa hii dunia surely 😢 😢 😭

Aki there was a time I went for burial. Someone close to us...I mean our neighbour died. The lady was cute and beautiful. In fact when she was taken to the morgue, the attendant asked what killed her and later on he was shedding real tears.

"Such a beauty," he said as he shed tears 😢 😭

By then I was untrained lecturer (unqualified) in Technical University of Mombasa (Tum). That's some years back.

The lady was a mtaita and her husband who paid her dowry ( she had many btw) was a Chonyi.

The Chonyi guy was living in Kwale. Ero day ya burial tuliondoka kwanza kuendea mwili mochari. As a good neighbour I was leading the WhatsApp contributions. I mean as a good neighbour. This was a beautiful lady that had promised me ikuss maybe if the husband could be away but the worst happened. The husband became a good close friend of mine and the lady too. Bana kukula dame wa beste ni kitu nilisema siwezifanya. So I was friend zoned just like that 😢 aisuru!

Okay we began our journey at around 9am heading to the morgue to pick our neighbour. Mimi nae matatu I don't use tukipeleka matanga. So ndio huyo mimi, hired a nice Nissan Note.

We arrived at Makadara morgue at around 10.15am. There was no much jam kwa hii Road ya Mtwapa to Mombasa highway. I hope by now all of you mnajua That's where I do stay.

The first thing, bwana husband was late with some errands bado tu za burial and the morgue attendant called some of us to take our deceased woman since alikuwa na jam pia yeye wakufi walikuwa wengi. And btw the rate at which people are dying in Coastal region is alarming.

So tukiwa pale ndani tukaanza kupull every draw tukiangalia. Wueh! I pulled ya kwanza si yeye. Ya pili si yeye, ya tatu si yeye. Yani nimeshaona wakufi watatu na si yeye 😢 😢 😭

Okay I gained some courage. I pulled ya nne! It was her. Maybe! It was kinda her. She was smiling and her eyes opened.

I pushed it back. Ndani ya moyo najiuliza mbona mkufi anafungua macho na anasmile 😃

I called another friend to give me psychological support. We pulled tukiwa pamoja. Eish, she was not smiling. Her eyes closed. Hapa sasa nikajua kuna shida. Yani her white teeth was closed and the lower lips and upper lips 💋 closed. Her eyes were closed too.

I felt like there was a problem. Yani mbona mkufi ananismilia na vile aliniacha na hamu? Eish yawa wuod otillah hapo baridi ikaniingilia yet the temperature was reading 37°C.

By goodluck, the husband of mkufi arrived at the mochari bana. He came directly to the site we were standing and some women who were to dress the mkufi. Kumbe hata mkufi was still naked. Lakini kwani hawa attendant hawavakishi wakufi nguo? How can you attend on a naked body? Seeing her trimmed p***y as you apply chemical on her body? Ama wanakula hawa wakufi?

Okay we were told to move out kidogo. Left the women to do their things inside. And funny enough even make up artists wawili walikuwa hapo. Mrembo alirembeshwa kweli kweli. Poda kapakwa kapika. Lips kawekwa gloss sijui mnaita nini. Eyes brows kaslight make up. Eish, hata hungejua she was dead. What shocked me....walirudi na vifaa vyao after kumalizia mkufi wetu. So in short, nyinyi mkienda kwa beauty parlour, mnashare vitu na wakufi? Sad 😔

Haiya sasa tumepewa our beautiful neighbour. Safari ishaanza. Tunaelekea FERRY. Yani Likoni. Pale kwa ferry hakukuwa na shida. Mat ilikuwa na watu wakaingia kwenye Ferry. Mimi nae na kagari kangu hired tuko pia kwa mlolongo.

After kupita Ferry, tufika place mat ya coffin likaharibika. Eish driver akaanza kufungua hapa na pale. Mimi the only thing najua kwa gari ni kuendesha. I just hope siku moja sitapatana na mechanical issues nikiwa kwa janga.

So after trying for like two hours, wakadecide waweke mkufi kwa another mat. We had six mats. Okay ile ikabaki na dere. We restarted our journey.

Kidogo kidogo safari ikawa mbaya tena. Three mats got issues. The body was transferred to another mat. Now we are in a mlolongo of 3 vehicles yet we started the journey with 7.

While we are at halfway, another Mat broke down. Bwana hapa ndio nikaanza kuchich. Kwani shida ni nini. In fact the mat just went cold. Very cold. Hata kurerestart ikawa ni shida. Burial tulikuwa tufanye na all those people tumebaki na watu less than 20.

Sasa tumebaki na mat imebeba watu wa familia na hii yangu ka Nissan Note. Yani kashape ya noah. Then ile sanduku ya likakataa kutolewaa kwa ile mat limeharibika. Hapa ndio nikajua mkufi hataki kuenda kuzikwa kwa kina bwana. Yani kule Chonyi land.

Okay I tried my best. Called the husband of the neighbour. I asked him if had paid dowry of which akasema hajailipa ndio alikuwa ameplan kulipa. Nikamshow alipe dowry tuone k**a mambo yatakuwa sawa. Haiya ile pesa tulichanga WhatsApp was around ksh. 250k. Ilikuwa isimamie financial issues kule home but some had been used kiasi. So we remained with around 200k hapo and since I was trusted, nilikuwa nayo kwa mpesa bado.

So the familia ya dame na bwana wakaitana. Wakakaa kando ya barabara. Dowry negotiations zikaanza. The father of this cute babe said he wanted kitu 300k as dowry 😢

The mother demanded kitu 400k. Yawa!

Sasa mimi niko pande ya the guy. Bwana we are now busy negotiating hapa na hata sijui cultures za hawa watu. kumbe karembo kamefungwa na hii familia yao hadi mahari ilipwe. Lakini watu wa coast nyinyi!

Hakuna mkate mgumu mbele ya chai. Nikasema we are having 150k. That's all we can afford at the moment. Let me tell you Maina, hawa familia ya dame wakaanza kunitusi. Wueh 😢

"Ati msichana wetu mrembo mnaona tu ni 150k. We can't allow that!" One man retorted.

So I told them, if the couldn't accept our side of that negotiation, we were to leave them with their daughter kwa hiyo barabara. Wueh, the father of the daughter aliamka na kunikemea. hapo tu ndio nilidhani nauliwa pia mimi.

Lakini mimi ni nani. I Said we had only 150k. So after two hours of insulting me, they accepted. I sent the money to the mother's phone number.

Hapo tu ndio Gari likawa sawa. Hata the ones we left behind wakapiga simu wako on their way coming. Lakini kumbe wataita pia kuna wachawi.

At around 5pm we were almost home. We waited for the rest since we wanted to move as a mlolongo.

6pm Shap we were at home. Now the familia said time ya burial ilishapita. lazima mkufi alale azikwe next day. Ile mbu ilinikula kwale wacha tu.

Haiya next day was on Saturday. We started process ya kupatia mkufi nyumba yake ya permanent I mean kumzika. ikafika time ya kumchungulia for the last time ndio tumweke ndani ya kaburi. Bwana bado kananismailia tu. Eish awuoro.

So after burial , I asked baba mkufi mbona her daughter was smiling at me yet she was dead.

Hapo ndio nikaambiwa she was happy with Mr kukuwa kwa huo mlolongo.

Wait.....how now?

Do you know I regretted being friendzoned na dame msupu? That's why nikiona dame anataka kunifriendzone mi hujitoa mapema.

18/11/2023

Find yourself a man that gets hard by just looking at you,
Sio wale wa "Babe cheza nayo pole pole... itaamka tu"

You deserve the best mummy!

17/11/2023

Lakini goat wives wako na macho sana. Yani slayqueens wanamark territory, hao wanakuja k**a wanamake use of their shoes used for marking those territories

17/11/2023

Dating a partner who understands that not always lovers will be talking is the highest form of maturity. Lovers should concentrate on improving on their welfare, creation of wealth, fu***ng every now and then plus siring kids. The rest wachana nayo.

17/11/2023

Your partner is supposed to be your safe space, not another battle in your life.

16/11/2023

Men, kindly, stop unnecessary HI in dms. A man sending HI in a man's DM is kinda gayish.

16/11/2023

😔

16/11/2023

Mtununulie maboxer basi 😃 sorry basi

15/11/2023

Missing Person: 27-year-old Euticus Mutuma Michael went missing on Sunday, September 10, 2023, at around 9 pm.

Mutuma was working at a wine and spirit shop near Roast House in Nairobi. That was where he was last seen.

If you have any information on his whereabouts, call Anabel Muthoni on 0790931133 or report the matter to the nearest police station.

share this post widely so that Euticus Mutuma can be found.

15/11/2023

If you think you are marking territories..... 😃 😀

15/11/2023

Murang'a resident was caught yesterday with a van full of donkey meat destined for Kayole.

15/11/2023

Wueh

15/11/2023

Her: Lakini Patty unajua sipendi ndizi ni vile tu kuna baridi
Me: Smiling as she eats her banana 😃 😀 😄 😁

15/11/2023

So I have just woken up and found this neighbour of mine airing all her inner pants using the cloth line next to my door. I mean immediate cloth line. She doesn't care at all. Mbona uanike panties kwa mlango yangu surely? I bet stuff like these huwa zinawekwa kwa washroom zikaukie huko?

Then hii baridi, yeye ananishow kifuniko cha asali? Halafu nikimwangalia na jicho moja closed atasema namuongo Rift Valley.....Wueh women are small devols!

The best thing is to buy something like this and make use of it.

15/11/2023

Women are ruto!

14/11/2023

Never fish where your master fishes✍️