Derickdark

21/07/2023

UKALI WA NJOKI (PART 1)

HAPA KILIUMANA 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sharly: Jana nilikuona mahali, Njoki alikuwa amekushika mkono😒

Paul: Ni asubuhi, hata hujanisalimia, we unaanza kunigombanisha tu, You would have even greeted me first.

Sharly: We Kijana niambie mlikuwa mnaenda wapi ni make decision yangu.

Paul: Si ukuwe mpole. She is my sister.

Sharly: Your sister? Uko na 3 sisters and nawajua wote. Since when Njoki akakuwa sistako. Njoki si ni wa akina Allan Hadi sisi ni neighbours.

Paul: Ohkey, Baba ya akina Allan ndio alipea mamangu mimba akazaa Njoki. How can I call Njoki for that reason ndio usiseme nakudanganya.

Sharly: Sa sistako unaenda nayo lodging surely, I have some pics alishare na Mimi.

Paul: Hizo pics ni aina gani

Sharly: Mko uchi na mkipigana mabusu

Paul: Hizo pics tulichukua wakati tulizaliwa. Because we were born together. Umrudishie Kisha undelete.

Sharly: Do you think am a child Paul? Mbona unabehave hivi surely?

Paul: To cut the story short, Njoki is my girlfriend alafu wewe ni ya emergency.

Sharly: After all this long surely, Why would you do this.

Paul: I did it because you deserved it.

Sharly: I didn't deserve this, But remember, I have something that I'll tell you, sitakwambia sahii, nitakwambia baadaye. Na ukiiskia you'll regret it your whole life.

FOLLOW FOR PART 2. USKIE KITU ATAAMBIWA.

Part 2 dropping soon

20/07/2023

Kiliumana hapa🤣🤣🤣🤣

Msichana wa kazi aliomba bwana mwenye nyumba apandishe mshahara wake. Mwenye nyumba akamwambia atoe sababu 3 kwanini anahitaji mshahara wake upandishwe.
MSICHANA WA KAZI: Ninaweza kupika vizuri kuliko wewe.
MWENYE NYUMBA: Ni nani aliyekwambia hivyo?
MSICHANA WA KAZI: Mumeo aliniambia.
MWENYE NYUMBA: Sawa, sababu ya pili...!
MSICHANA WA KAZI: Ninaweza kusafisha nguo vizuri kuliko wewe.
MWENYE NYUMBA: Ni nani aliyekwambia hivyo?
MSICHANA WA KAZI: Mumeo aliniambia.
MWENYE NYUMBA: Sawa, sababu ya mwisho.
MSICHANA WA KAZI: Pia mimi ni bora kuliko wewe kitandani
(Mwenye nyumba alikasirika, akachukua kipande cha kuni kukipasua kichwa chake)
MWENYE NYUMBA: Je, mume wangu amesema hivyo?
MSICHANA WA KAZI: HAPANA, dereva aliniambia kuwa mimi ni bora kuliko wewe kitandani.
MWENYE NYUMBA: Shhhh! Punguza sauti tafadhali! Nitapandisha mshahara wako mara moja. Wewe ni msichana mzuri sana wa kazi 😂😂 😂😂😂

Asubuhi njema 🌄 wadau 🙏🏾 natumai mnakuwa na siku nzuri na wiki nzuri inayofuata. Riba zinakam kwampigo.

Invite your friends to follow my page please

04/07/2023

MSICHANA WA LANDLORD...part 5

Nilijua sasa mambo yamebadilika.... nkakumbuka vile niliingia kwa hotel na kiburi, vile nliambia waitor sitaki kusaidiwa, vile nlisema nipewe chapo kwa bill yangu😔😔kidogo nikaona waitor akikuja kwangu😳

Waitor=oyah bro ebu tusaidie na pesa zako kwanza.tena unakaa mgeni huku hatukujui,kuna watu huwa wanakula food wanamaliza alafu wanajipa shughuli bila kulipa...
Me=(kwani huyu jamaa ameniona aje,na hapa ndani kuna watu wengi wamemaliza food na bado hawajalipa, ama sura yangu inakaa ya mkora🤔 ama amenishuku sina pesa🥴....nilikimya kiasi ..alafu sasa hapa itabidi nimwambie ukweli na hapo kando kuna kaden kamekaa kananiangalia lakini nkikaangalia kanajifanya kako busy na phone 📱sema kujionea aibu😔)bro nlikua na pesa lakini zimepotea n k**a nimeibiwa😰
Waitor=(akishaut)ati nini😂hui ukora tumezoea,wacha kuzingisia ety umeibiwa kijana leta pesa(akitoa phone kwa mfuko)
Me=si unipatie basi kazi hata ya kuchonga viazi nifanye tumalizane...mimi najua kuchonga viazi sana hata kwetu tunakuanga hodari kw.....
Waitor=shut up!!! Mmezoea ety mnapewa kazi baada ya kukula food bila pesa...hapa si hivo wewe ninakuitia police 👩‍✈️ (uku akidial namba fulani)
Me=(kusikia story na police 👩‍✈️ sema kutokwa na machozi... vile nlikua nimesikia story mbaya mbaya za jela) walai nisamehe mimi si mkora n vile nmepoteza doo😭😭😭

Kidogo hivi yule dem alikua hapo ndani akasimama akaanza kuja mahali tulikua.alikua na funguu za gari kwa mkono

Dem=usimuitie police wacha tu nitamlipia...deni yake ni ngapi?
Waitor = eti bill...ya huyu mkora(ona sasa already nmeitwa mkora)ni 150

Huyo demu akalipa..
Me= thank you aki mungu akubariki🙏
Dem=am Joy na wewe unaitwa(akaniuliza)
Me= am Benson
Joy=oooh nice to me you
Me=nice tu me you too
Joy= be careful Ben(akatoka akismile 😊)

Mimi huyo sasa nkimwangilia akienda ..sema urembo😋shape nayo ...k**a hiyo yako sister 😀...sasa nkageuka nkaangalia huyu waitor namina hii👉😏😏😏 nkaclick nikatoka...bado mambo.... part 6..

03/07/2023

MSICHANA WA LANDLORD.... Part 4
Jamaa nililala usingizi but sikulala Kwa Amani😂kumbuka kutolala Kwa Amani ni ule usingizi mtu hulala after dakika tano unaamka👀...Nilikua na wasiwasi plus uoga juu imagine hatak**a ni wewe umelala Kwa nyumba unfinished yenye haina Milango wala madirisha utalala Kwa Amani kweli🙄🤔?So me nililala nikishtuka shtuka.👀...

Pia nilikua naumwa umwa na wadudu pale chini😬😣...nilikua nimechoka Sana juu ya kuzura town mchana plus nilitravel usiku so nilijikaza Tu nikavumilia na kulazimisha usingizi huku nikiomba Tu Mungu Asubuhi ifike...na Kwa Bahati Poa nikashikwa na usingizi ule serious Sasa 💤💤...Jamaa nililala Nikashtuka Asubuhi👀😱..I think zilikua around saa Kumi na moja Asubuhi .Niliamka pale chini juu pia nilikua nimelemewa na baridi Sana😩😩..so niliamuka nikachukua hizo nguo nilikua nimetandika nikarudisha Kwa bag then nikaweka pale Kwa corner kisha nikachukua pesa zangu nikaweka Kwa mfuko nikatoka..

Nilienda hiyo Asubuhi Hadi town Kwa hotel Fulani pale nikaamua kukunywa chai Kwanza atlist nitoe kabaridi😩😣...So nikiitisha chai kaamua kuulizia k**a kuna ugali hata yenye ilibaki Jana 😂..
Me==Hello waitor 😚..
Waitor==Yes tukusaidie aje??
Me==eti kusaidia🤔🙄me sihitaji msaada ..nimekuja kukula Kwa pesa zangu🤨..
Waitor==Ok utakula nini bro??
Me=Niletee chai...

Waitor aliniletea chai kisha nikaamua kuniambia polepole watu wasisikie😂""

Me=waitor plz ..naweza pata hata ugali ulibaki Jana mnisaidie nikunywe na hii chai plz...
Waitor=(akishout)ash😂hakuna ugali ulibaki bro..Sisi pia tuko na familia na wanahitaji chakula..so hakuna siku chakula hulala hapa..unless Ile haiwezi haribika na siku moja k**a maandazi..
Me=Sasa mbona unaongea na nguvu na nilikua najoke Tu🙄..hata sikukua serious 😞.

Waitor=pole bro😂
Me=Me Niko na pesa bro..nisiombe ugali mudhani sina pesa..juu ya hiyo story Niletee Chapo Tatu Kwa bill yangu😎..

Jamaa nlikula chapo nk**aliza alafu kutafuta pesa hakuna 🙆 nikajua mambo yamebadilika....TO BE CONTINUED

03/07/2023

MSICHANA WA LANDLORD part 3

Wooooii nakufa 😰 huku nmeshika shingo kea mkono moja ,mkono mwingine umeshikilia piece ya mandazi (hata ninyongwe siwezi achilia mandazi yangu🤣🤣)yule mathe alikimbia kuja kwangu akaniuliza kuna nini?(sasa huyu anataka nmujibu aje na nimenyongwa kwani haoni😳😂)akajaribu kunipigapiga mangumi kwa mgongo lakini wapi.. ilibidi sasa aitane ...kukakuja kijana mwingine alikua ameunga💪sema kukula mangumi mzito mzito kwa mgongo 😰wooi karibu nkufe(mm nlidhani wataniletea hata chai hata kasoda unisaidie kuteremusha🥴kumbe huku n NAIROBI) zile makofi ziliteremsha mandazi ilikua imekwama...

Sasa wakaniuliza ninakaa wapi ..ndo nliwambia mimi n mgeni but kuna mtu namngoja ,nlitegea kiasi tu alafu nkatoka kurandaranda kwa mastreat ...nilirandaranda kujionea magorofa hata sikukumbuka nkihisi njaa ... kurandaranda tu nikashtukia kagiza kameanza kuingia...kupiga hesabu mahali pa kulala na nko na pesa isiyosidi 1450 hapa kwa lodging siwezi ilibidi nisurure kutafuta mahali pa kujieka...hapo ndo nliona manyumba zimejengwa lakini haziko complete hazina mlango walai madirisha .. ilibidi niingie huko ndani ,nlitandika baadhi ya nguo zangu ili nilalie alafu nikajimba kashimo hapo kando nkaweka pesa zangu ndani then nkafunika na mchanga(mnajua nairobi vile ilivyo zingeweza kijiekea ndo kwa mfuko)

Sasa nliaza kufikilia vile nimeanza maisha ya shoes nairobi (sijui nitakua chokora,nitakua mwizi,nitakua nkikula nini, mahali pa kulala) wuehbona nmetoka nyumbani lakini...mkururo wa mawazo hadi usingizi ukanichukua , nlilala lakini si kwa amani (kukosa amani ile unalala for three minutes then anashtuka😂😂)nlilala nlishutuka hadi asubuhi .......TO BE CONTINUED

Endelea kuniekea kalike nkikuletea part 4

03/07/2023

MSICHANA WA LANDLORD part 2

Si ikafika sàa moja jioni sasa n time ya kusafiri(ilibidi nitegee supper kwanza juu doo ya kubuy sina😂)ilibidi sasa niwaage nikatoka...it was areal sad moment kutoka nyumbani kuenda place sijui baada ya kutemea wazazi for that long time (imagine kufanya form four nikiwa na 28yrs) sasa itabidi kung'ang'ane na life coz mimi n mtu mwanaume sasa.

Nlifika stage nkakata ticket nkaingia ndani ya gari uko kitu cha nyuma.nlilala kana kwamba nko kwa bed yangu ya nyumbani 😂 nlikuja kushutuka kitu k**a sàa kumi.nliuliza mama alikua karibu na mm mahali tumefika akaniambia tuko karibu kufika nairobi.Gari hiyo ikafika NAIROBI sàa kumi na mbili.mimi huyo nkatoka kwa gari.kwa mfuko nko na 1500 tu..nko na njaa,mahali nlipo sipajui, sipaelewi sijui mtu hapo ,sina hata simu hata nba ya mtu hata mmoja...
Nikiwa nmeng'etia tu hapo kwa stage maboyz wawili wa madread wakakuja wanisalimia alafu wakaniuliza nmetoka wapi coz ninaonekana mgeni...nkawajibu enyewe mm n mgeni na nmetoka kilifi.hspi ndo waliniambia niache kusimama hivo coz watu watagundua mimi n mgeni waniibie.wakaniambie wanionyeshe mahali nitakaa nipumusike (enyewe pia mimi nlikua nataka mahali pa kuketi kiasi ndo niendelee na safari yangu)
Kijana mmoja akachukua bag yangu sasa wanionyeshe mahali nitakaa nipumusike kiasi.nlikua nmeogoba coz hawa watu wa madread si watu wa kuaminika (si watu wa kanisa🤣🤣)wanipeleka mahali kulikua na bench karibu na mahali mama fulani alikua akicho mandazi....juu nlikua njaa nlihisi kununua mandazi nkule lakini nlingoja wale vijanaa waende kwanza(si eti mimi ni mchoyo si mnanielewa tu 😹) baada ya vijanaa kuenda nlinunua mandazi ya 30 bob.kumbe huyo mathe hakua na chai ...ilibidi nikule mandazi hivo.... kukula mandazi ya mwisho ikakwama kwa food pipe... wooooii nakufa 😰.....

Part 3 loading.....niachie kalike atleast ukingoja next episode 😀😀

03/07/2023

MSICHANA WA LANDLORD part 1

Manze let me tell you life huku nche ni ngumu sana.Si baada ya kumalizia form four alafu results ndo hizo nimepata E yangu safi(sijui niite safi ama chafu🥴 ) anyway...si nikaboeka, juu ya aibu nikaamua nihame kijiji atleast.Huku nikipark nguo zangu sita tu kwa bag nkitokwa na machozi 😭mum akakuja akaanza kuniuliza nalia nini.nkamuambia nalia juu ya kudisapoint 💔na vile amekua akishugulika kutafuta fee.alafu akaniambia niache kulia eti next nkirudi nijaribu tena maybe I will make him proud..mm kusikia hivo na vile nlikua nmezeekea high (niwaambie nilifanya kcse nkiwa na 28 years)nkamwambie zii sirudi tena shule...sasa hapo ndo akaniuliza ninapark nguo nlienda wapi..nkamwambia naenda City yaani NAIROBI (na hapo sijui naenda nairobi kwa nani na vile sina hata relative aki Nairobi 😔😔)si mimi huyo nk**aliza kupark nguo zangu nitoke ndo nkakumbuka tuko na jogoo wawili.niliamua kutulia kiasi mum atoke ndo niwachue niwauze(imagine sikuwa hata na ona sasa hata sijui k**a ni fair ama fare😂😂)baada ya kuwauza nikaamua kutoka...

Part 2 dropping 🔥najua you are a good friend hutapita bila kuacha kalike ukingoja part 2

18/06/2023

Mi ni msee wa boda....,,,,, 🚴so kuna day Nilitoka job nikiwa nimechoka😣nikaingia kwa hao at least nipate something ya kudish😞
Nikapumzika for 5minutes, nikaamua niende kuoga 😃(though mnatuchomea hatuogi😢) kufika nikapaka sabuni kwa kichwa😠nikaona haishiki😲
Nikamwaga maji bado sifeel🙆 aaii nikajua imekua serious, but nikarudia Mara ya mwisho ndio niwe sure😉nikajimwagia tena bado sifeel maji😱😱
Nikapiga nduru uuuuuuwiiiiii watuuuuu nimerogwa 😰😲😲si watu wakajaa🙆wakaniuliza nini mbaya.....nikawaambia kichwa yangu haishiki sabuni na maji😢😓 zile ngoto nilipigwa 😢😢😰😰😓😓sitawai sahau
Kumbe sikua nimetoa helmet kwa kichwa😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😉

17/06/2023

Akili kili kili ²,,bush baby bush baby,,happy happy hippo
Little lion little lion😂😂😂😂😂😂
Msijifanye hamjui😳

13/06/2023

USITAKE VITU KUBWA MIDIUM ATLEAST....

Wakuu si ilikua last week sato usiku, tukaenda kuwatch game ya man city na inter milan tulienda mimi,kevoh na Brayo. Unajua nn😀game ukiwa second half hapo hata bado goal haijafungwa ,ndo hawa police 👩‍✈️👩‍✈️👩‍✈️....kumbe phone yangu haina tuemoji tea police wanaume niwawekee🤣🤣🤣 achana nayo...sasa si watu wore wakaenda mbio lakini sisi watatu tukasundwa 😔wacha tufike ndani alafu tuambiwe tulale kwa floor hadi kesho,na vile ni baridi 😀 alafu hiyo kesho sasa ikafika , si police 👩‍✈️akatuambia tutoke nche kila mtu atafute matunda sita sita turudi nayo...mm kutoka nkakutana na mapera🍏 alafu kevoh akapata tulemon tudogo🍋turudi ndani ...si police akatuambia tumese sikiwa full ndo atuachilie 😀😀mm nani mapera yangu yote nk**aliza,alafu kevoh naye akaanza lemon zake ak**aliza tano, kupick ya sita akaanza kucheka 🤣🤣🤣akipoint side moja ,nikashangaa ni nini mbaya kumbe Brayo amerudi na water melon🍉 niendelee ama niache🤣🤣🤣....

05/02/2023

03/02/2023

Umepewa makende ya mbuzi na babako mzazi umchomee,je ikiiva utamwambiaje😃🤭🙈😃😃

03/02/2023

Landlord mkamba buana anakutumia Majin zikukumbushe kua hujelipa Rent 😂😂Mamayoo

01/02/2023

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12/01/2023

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20/12/2022

What is that wïckedness you have done to an animal before

Me: forced an egg back inside the nyash of a chicken
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