Kamaa

08/11/2023

KAMAA'S DIARIES

THIKA: PART 1

Ajez wazito… it’s been long since I last posted but today my mind went for a flashback to the year 2019, Jan hivo…

I remember nilikuwa in my barbershop nikinyoa watoi…ilikuwa back to school after midterm ya kwanza so wera ilikuwa mob.

In that process there comes a certain ninja called Kim. Kim is that kind of guy who can sell u anything, ni broker wa mahustler, ukitaka stove anajua mani anauza… ukidai kunyanyua bottom bro-code applies he can rent you his kaself confused room...

So mraiya tells me kuna beste yake ako na kaissue flani na anadai kasoft loan au auze kameko na woofer. Me am like “Kim unajua sipendi hizo biz tangu Mustafaa ashikwe na gate ya wenyewe imeng'olewa, alafu hiyo meko na woofer anadaisha ngapi?” I ask pretending sitaki hizo biz.

“Thao mbili, meko ya 6kg ya Pro Gas na woofer ndogo” he says.

Am like this deal sounds sweet. "Mshow nitampa 1700," I bargain.

“K**aa fikisha 2k, mimi nikule hata k**a ni rwabe,” he insisted.

Finally we reach to a conclusion, 1860. Sikujua 60 bob ni za nini... And off he goes promising to return with the merchandise, namlipa deposit ya thao, balance ni akifikisha bidhaa ile njaro ya ile movie ya Transporter.

Kitu 7pm Kim anafikisha mali , meko ni complete hata uko na uchafu ya ugali. But woofer haina external speaker moja but nampatia the balance n it’s deal done.

Bidhaa narusha kwa store narudi job.

The following day on a Monday, nakumbuka sana. Kwa kioo ya kinyozi nacheki morio wangu Kim amefunganishwa pingu na kajamaa flani hukula miraa sana huitwa Bayano, kalidropia Form 2, ni kamugodi kabaya sana.
The AP policemen nawajua wote wawili Muchiri na Senior. They point at my kinyozi. Am like "kwisha mimi." I think of running but sina nguvu.

Kim anawekelewa nyahunyo mbili anasema ni mimi aliuzia woofer na meko. Kusikia hivyo naruka vile matop huruka from one bottom to another... narukia Kim na teke pretending vile nimekasirika kuharibiwa jina.

Kim anahepa teke yangu inalima, Bayano kwa tumbo.

Kushtukia naskia nyahunyo mbili moto kwa mgongo, manzee hawa majegee sijui walisomea nini pale Kiganjo. Senior ananiwekelea mbili hot alafu Muchiri ananifinya mbavu karibu angowee zote, amesahau Adam alipea Eve akabaki na kumi na kitu...

“K**aa ongea tu ukweli, si nilikuletea jana usiku ukazirusha kwa store?” Kim shouts.

Already we have created an afro cinema happy kwa center, a crowd of onlookers has started gathering. Kumbe anyone can be a thief achomwe na tyre woooiiiiiiiiiii.

“Fungua store,” Muchiri commands.

“Si basi muniwachilie nichukue keys,” I beg him.

He leaves me then follows me inside the shop, store ni mlango ya next room. I open the store and evidence is all there... meko na woofer...

"Bayano kuja hapa, hizi vitu unazijua?" Senior asks him alafu anamnyeshea a very heavy slap hadi anaona stars.

"Eeeeh nazijua, ndizo nilibeba kutoka home nikapea Kim aziuze," Bayano says.

“Hivyo wewe K**aa ndiye hununua stolen goods eeeeeeeeeeh?” Senior replies then knocks me kwa kisogo na matako ya G3, special machine gun. Sijui more about guns but hiyo bunduki ilikuwa ile mrefu, lemmi not describe the gun nisitafutwe nipeane hiyo mucene napeana hapa.

Continues.

06/11/2023

K**aa is here...

24/10/2023

KAMAA'S CLINIC

Alikunywa dawa. Let's help.

24/10/2023

WORIA

Kwa wale tumewahi ishi kwa kijiji, mnaelewa ile umoja inakuanga kwa plot za mabati. Niliitiwa kazi kwa muhindi hapo Lower Kabete, sa ilibidi nitafute kakeja cheap hapo Ndumboini. Niliangukia plot imejaa woria. Nililipa 1800, kanyumba kalikuwa kadogo.

Thao zangu kumi nilipewa k**a salary ya first month nilimake sure niko na bed hata k**a ilikuwa na drawers hapa mbele 😂 Nilijiskia mimi ni ndume sasa niko kwangu, considering ni 5 months since I deffered my course apo KU due to lack of fees. Nilimalizia Form 4 Kisii county hapo Ogembo.

Hiyo plot ilikua na mijulus mingi kuliko nunu. Kulikuwa kumejaa ma hotcake, kumbe hizi kanzu zimeficha vitu mrefu mrefu mti ya kuroll chapati.

Moha is his real name alikuwa amekufa na mimi mbaya sanaa hata nikifungua mlango alikuwa lazima anichungulie na kasmile tamu k**a ka mkikuyu akiona unatoa wallet. Jamaa mwenzake mwenye walikuwa wanaishi pamoja alikuwa wale woria wa sheria kali, since niingie hiyo plot sijawahi ona smile yake hata kidogo.

So hii job ilikuwa mpaka na night shift. Ilibidi nianzie kuingia usiku, morning niko kwa plot.... hapo ndo nilikuwa narudi kutesa mtaa. Nilikuwa napendwa na Moha sanaa juu nilikuwa namuokolea kathao ivi, soo tano time ingine wakati wamekaukiwa.

Mabeshte wake pia walikuwa wananitambua akiwemo Hassan, na mwingine alikuwa anaitwa Fahad. Mohaa alikuwa anapenda mchezo sana. Alikuwa ananitime wakati wa kulala, kausingizi kamekuja kidogo anasukuma mlango yangu polepole, anakuja na kuvuruta duvet yangu ya 1300, ananifunua na anatoroka mbio akicheka. Nilimuonya hii mchezo anacheza ni hatari na hakuniskia. Hii ilikuwa tabia amezoea sana. Siku moja nikampigia timing.

Sasa juu nilikua nimechoka na hii utotology niliweka mtego hapo kwa mlango, K**a kawaida kitu 8 morning nikaingia kwa duvet yangu. Round hii niko rada ya Mohaa hajui nimekua na dry spell ya 1 week since ninyanduliwe na Mrefu.

Saa hiyo morning nilikuwa nishafanyisha mjulus mazoezi nikaona iko rada, mazoezi ni kuchukua maji kwa kikombe, unaiweka kwa mjulus imesimama hapo kwa kichwa ijibebee yenyewe.

Kidogo nikajifanya nang'orota nikaskia mlango ikifunguliwa pole pole nikasema leo ndo ile siku utotology huisha na heshima kudumu.

Nikajiweka ready juu huyu Mohaa huchomoka mbio hata huwezi mshika. Before ashike duvet yangu mimi huyo pap! Nikashika mkono wake,akabaki na zile woyieeee.

After kumkwamilia mkono nikamvuta mbaka kwa kitanda. Then nikamlakia kwa kifua, nikateremsha mkono mbaka kwa bulge, nikashika mzigo.

Leo lazima ass yake itameza huo kitu yangu.

Aki Mohaa alinipiga busu moto k**a jua ya Kitengela, nikamvuta kanzu huku akinitoa vest nikabaki na kinyasa pekee. Mohaa alikuwana kitu nono k**a ngwashe za Kisii.Niliishika huku akitetemeka k**a generator ya Wasafi.

Mohaa aliwhisper in my ear "f**k me, f**k meeeeeeeee K**aa, fuuuuuuckk me..." Nilimkulia vako nikateremka mpaka hapo chini nikaanza kunyonya mjulus. Mohaa alipiga kelele plot mzima nikasema k**a mbaya mbaya, wacha katambe.

Nilishika mudhongi yangu sawasawa nikaipaka mafuta ya salad ilikuwa tu hapo next kwa gas. Nilipata kiasi kwa as***le alafu nikaanza kuingia polepole.

Ilipofika nusu alinisukuma nyuma na kuniambia nisipitishe hapo. Nilimwambia pole but nikaanza kumdara nikiendelea kuingia tu mosmos. Nikiendelea till akanimeza yote na nikaanza ruthm ya ndani na nje.

But alikuwa ananyamba tuu. Makdnde yangu inamgonga "paahh!" Shimo yake inajibu "puuuuuurrrrr!" "Paahh!" anajibu "puuuuuurrrrr!"

Mohaa alipagawa nikasikia ameanza kuniita "Osamaa! Osamamaaaa!Osamaaaaaa! Unanibomoa huku ndani!!" Niliisukuma ndani na nje k**a mara thate fae hivi.

Nilisikia bulletszangu zinakuja, kale kafeeling nilisikia si unajua. Nilimhold for like 10 minutes. Hio time hakuna mtu anaongelesha mwingine. Niliamka polepole nikasoma nikamwangaliavile amepanuka shimo imefunguka k**a shimo ya termites.

Na vile Mohaa hujifanya mjeuri na hizo ndevu zake amedye. Alikaa kiti 10 more minutes ndo akaamka na kujizoa polepole akavaa kanzu yake na kunipiga kiss. Aliniambia hajawahi jua watu husika poa hivyo. Kufungua mlango Mama Mwende kasuku wa plot alikuwa anaswerp hapo nje. Huyu mama anafikiria sijui huwa ananyamduliwa na yule kijana Mkisii fundi wa stima.

Mohaa alitoka nje akaenda kwa choo k**a kawaida ukimaliza shot.

It was a good morning.

22/10/2023

ALIPONEA

Mrefu alikuwa akinyandua kijana wa Landlord huyu wetu kwao. Kwao imagine! All of a sudden huyo boy akakufa.

Initially Mrefu hakujua Maina amekufa, alifikiria he was silently enjoying the game.

"Maina si uko msweet, umenyamaza poa, na uzuri budako hayuko na tenants hawatasikia tukijienjoy." Mrefu akawhisper kwa masikio ya Maina as he passionately continued thrusting in and out. Maina hakurespond.

"Umetulia aje au budako ako? Siwezi taka atusikie," he continued.

"Maish, Maish, Maish, husemi.kitu!" Mrefu akawhisper polepole but Maina hakumove.

"Ai,kwani nini inaendelea?" he asked as he withdrew his msolokombo from Maina huku akimshika shoulder na mkono mmoja.

"Hii ni prank? Nini inaendelea Maisha? Amka joh, sipendi prank kaa hizi." He started tapping him but Maina never responded.

"Aaaaaaiii," Mrefu akaweka masikio kwa chest ya Maina na akarealize Maina hapumui anymore.

"Waaaaah!!!! Ghai!!!!" Akaanza kulia. He was in shock, his heart began to beat fast and heavily.

“Maish, please wake up, please say something” alipiga magoti pleading Maina to wake up but nothing changed.

Alienda kitchen, akachukua kikombe na maji na akasplash kwa uso ya Maish, alafu akampress chest gently... akajaribu hadi kufanya mouth resuscitation but Maina hakuamka.

"Ghai, Mungu nisaidie, huyu ni son wa Landlord!" His eyes got wide na akashika kichwa yake in regret.

“Ooh no, no, no, it can't be what I’m thinking. Maish amka pliz. Wacha jokes. Nihurumie tu. I swear sitawahi kuguza tena. Nitakupea doh ile utataka..." he pleaded machozi zikitoka uncontrollably.

"Aki ukiamka sitawahi kulana nje nitatosheka na K**aa . God, I beg you nisamehe." Alikuwa still amepiga magoti akilia.

"Nifanye nini sasa?" he started thinking.

Alifungua mlango faster, but hakukuwa na mtu kwa plot.

Alirudi kwa room akaanza kufikiria what to do.

Few minutes later akasikia mtu akiitana,"Mrefu! Mrefu"

Kumbe ni mimi nilikuwa namwamsha, leo ameoversleep.

"Amka beb utachelewa kwenda job," I told him.

Aliamka but he was happy it was a dream. Ebu nimpee breakfast leo ako off, tutashinda tu indoors. Tuongee baadaye watu wangu.

***************

Aki nahitaji friends on my account K**aa Dennis

21/10/2023

Naitwa Mokaya Junior.

20/10/2023

Can someone talk to Mrefu for me. Nimetoka kwa choo nikapata 10 missed calls, kupiga line busy... kidogo kidogo napata text ati "enjoy your life with your new bae" 🤔🤔 sasa mimi na choo surely tunapelekana wapi?😂😂😂

20/10/2023

KAMAA'S DIARIES

MREFU THE MAN: PART 4

"....me and you won't make it to be lovers..." this statement ilizidi kujirudia kwa mind yangu. Sikutaka kuamini those words are from Mrefu. "What will i do... should i give up?.....No! I won't give up that easy"

It wasn't easy to give up on a guy like him. His picture, smile, biceps... vyote vilizidi kutawala mawazo yangu. He was someone's son, hawa ndio wale unaskianga God aliwacreate akiwa hana speed, ama waliteremshwa from heaven? He was every kuchu's dream.

Story za kumsahau hazikuwa kwa akili yangu. That night was too long kwangu, just thinking about him. Niliconclude that lazima nimeet naye anishow hivo face to face. It's not easy to loose someone you love virahisi hivo.

Next day kitu 3.p.m nililipia nduthi hadi side za kwao, though sikujua kwao specific. Nilipelekwa mpaka Jogoo estate... nikajiuliza, yes nimefika but nitampata aje? Nikajaribu kucall but number yake haikuenda through. Nikajua baaas kwisha mimi, bahati sina maskini mie. Lakini kidogo hivi, nikiwa nataka kurudi kwetu, naye kumbe ndio anaingia akiwa amesindikizwa na morio fulani. Hanioni bado. Bila aibu, huyo jamaa akampea hug ingine tight hadi nikaudhika. After that wakaagana, so akawa anataka kuingia boma fulani, then boom nikamuita. Hakufikiria naweza fika hapo juu hata kwao sikua najua.

Mrefu: Ni wewe tena?

Me: Yes, ni mimi...

Mrefu: Umefuata nini sasa?

Me: Just you...

Mrefu: Me? Nilikuambia akuna day tutamingle... na hakuna siku nitakufikiria

Me: Usifikirie ukiongea mbaya unanihurt. Infact nafeel poa. Na acha nikwambie, you see these guys wenye wanakudrop home, they don't love you, wako kwako kutumia and to tarnish your future, there is only one person who truly loves you, and sio mwingine, ni mimi K**aa!

After kumwambia hivo nikajikata, nilifeel vibaya sana, sikutaka kuamini anweza niambia hivo live.

Next day morning, nilistuka kuget his three missed calls. "Anaweza kuwa alitaka kuniambia nini?" Nilianza kuwaza. Before hata nimuulize, text ikaingia kutoka kwake saying that, "I'm sorry kwa vile nilireact vibaya...plz lets meet place tulimeet first time"

Sasa anaweza kuwa anataka kunishow nini... ama ni madharau anataka kunionyesha tena... should I go... wait, and if ni trap ama set up? Woreva, niliamua liwe liwalo, I love him... I want him, so I must accomplish my mission to win and have him.

Kitu saa tisa, nilijiprepare nikapiga luku yangu safi, nikalipia nduthi one on one hadi place tuliagree kumeet. Kufika nikafika ndio, but sikumpata, nikawait, nikangoja, nikangoja, nikawait for almost an hour hadi nikawa karibu kulose hope. Sasa ndio nini hizi... text hareply, simu hashiki...is it a set up? ...ama amechange mind? For sure nilikuwa confused, sikujua ni kwa nini aniambie tumeet, na mbona up to now mbona hajashow up.

I was about to loose hope, when suddenly he appeared smiling. Kumwona tu, hasira nilikuwa nazo zote zikadisappear, na vile nilikuwa nimekalishwa hapo for more than hour, morio nilijipata nikismile back. Hakika love ni sweet ukipata the one you love.

Mrefu: (smiling) Hi mambo

Me: Poa sana. Uko vipi?

Mrefu: Freshii tu... Bytha am sorry kwa kureact vibaya last time. Nilireact hivo to test if you truly love me, I wanted to be sure if kweli unanipenda... all what I did was an exam... hata time ulinicall nikakata, then ukatuma text nikajibu vibaya, ilikuwa exam bado

Me: Exam tena?

Mrefu: Ofcourse, hata ule boy nilihug time ulikam hadi kwetu ni my cousin, pia hiyo ilikuwa exam kwako, i wanted to see if unaeza nidumb that easy......

Mimi I was out of words, nimekondoa tu macho nikimwangia if he was serious. He continued:

Hata sai don't think that nimefika late kumeet, nilifika hii place earlier than you, nilikuwa just around watching you. I wanted to see if unaweza nivumilia, nilikuwa natest your patience...

To cut the long story short that's how we started our love, our relationship.

Aliniambia twende kwao.

Tulifika but kukaanza kudrizzle and before long mvua ikakuwa heavy. Kwa room ya Mrefu ni bed tu, na baridi imejaa. He suggested niingie kwa blanketi nisishikwe na pneumonia

Lakini mimi chuma ilikuwa imestand still uku ikipiga pia teke inadai kutoka nje. Mrefu aliingia bed alafu mimi kitu ilinishangaza ni alileta mkono to my waist alafu akaanza kufungua zip ya trouser yangu akitaka achomoe my net worth before irarue boxer na ma press ups.

Kwani anataka kunikula huyu ama.

Continues.

👇👇

19/10/2023

HAPPY MASHUJAA DAY

NIKIKUMBUKA TUKISHOUT HASORAAA 😭😭😭 HAIDHURU

Ati mnasemaaaajeeeee....

Tuinue uchumi kwanzia chini kwenda juu

Yaani bottom up?

Wangapi wanakubaliana na mimi?

Hasora: Yaani Bottooom
Us: Up!!
Hasora: Bottooooom
Us: Up!!

Wangapi wanasema hawa mabepari wafunge virago waende nyumbani,wasituletee lukumba lukumba ala!

Salaaaaaaaaala, yaani mnasema tuwekeleee hii watu kwa wheelbarrow?

Tusukume mpaka bei ya mafuta iende chini, bei ya stima iende chini eee?

Tumesema cabinet itakuwa wamama 50% na hii watu ingine 50%

DJ behind the tent: (anascratch kile kisauti) Wiuwiuwiuwiu 🎶 🎵

Hawa watu wakwende bwanaaaaa sisi tuko na mpango na plan, ndani ya siku mia moja kila mkenya atakuwa na bima ya afya, ndani ya siku mia moja bei ya unga itakuwa mia moja na ishirini, bei ya gas itakuwa chini.

Nyinyi mnanielewa au hamunielewi, hatupangwingwi! Serikali inayokuja ni ya mama mboga, jamaaa wa mkokoteni na boda boda.

Turi hamwe?

Mwathani agocwo?

Salaaaaaaala.

Jeremiah 20 verse 11 inasema

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Nyinyi mnajua hiyo?

Dj behind the tent: Hae hae haeee mmmmmm tumeuona mkono wake bwaaaaaana.....tumeuona mkono wake bwaaaaana... 🎵 🎶 🎵

Uhuru Kenyatta na hii mtu yake ya kitendawili waaambiwe tumejipanga.

**********

Let me be thinned by mine 😭

19/10/2023

RANDOM THOUGHTS

WACHA HIZI TIME YA MECHI

1. Kushinda ukiangalia saa kila saa mkiendelea na mechi mpaka your partner anafeel as if hes wasting your time.

2. Kukaa k**a umeboeka ati juu partner wako amekunyandua vilivyo na hamwagi haraka.

3. Unamwaga then you just leave your bottom apo without caring k**a anafaa amwage pia. Alafu tabia ya kuwank bottom ukimnyandua anamwaga mbele yako then he gets bored au anafeel uncomfortable wacha.

4. Kusneeze au kukohoa on your partner's face. Sasa mbona umnyeshee na mamate na especially vile sneeze hunuka mbaya? Ata ukisema excuse me harufu iko tu.

5. Kupeana reference ati mjaribu style fulani ex wako alikuwa anakufanyia. That's an unhealthy comparison. K**a unafeel hupewi vile ungetaka, address your partner without making references.

6. Faking unaenjoy mechi, kufanya all types of dramatic movements, dramatic moans etc. hadi mtu anajua tu you are faking.

7. Kukuwa too silent until partner wako anafeel like ako na maiti. Atleast make a small sound ukifeel poa.

8. Kukaa ndeeee ukiexpect partner wako afanye everything for you. Mpaka your guy anaanza kufeel like a doctor operating a patient juu lazima ugeuzwe hivi na vile, uinuliwe miguu, udarwe, ukiwa tu hapo ndeeee.

9. Kufanya dissaproval faces k**a hujakuwa satisfied. Ambia partner yako kuna vile, yeye sio malaika ajue hujatosheka alaar.

11. Huambii your guy kuna kitu mpya ungetaka mjaribu. Mnafika kwa bed unaanza kufanya vitu weird maybe ata ni kujiweka vidole au unamwambia akuweke ngumi kwa ass then your partner anaboeka na hio stori. Seek approval before kufanya weird stuff time ya mechi.

12. Calling out the wrong name time pleasure is at the peak. That is a total deal breaker. Mtaachana tu don't even try this.

13. Kukataa kiss. Kiss ni poa but brush meno both of you. Teach each other to kiss sio kupakana mate na kunyonya mtu lip k**a ndama karibu uing'oe. Na wacha kulamba mtu from head to toe unampaka mamate mwili mzima in the name of romance, unamwacha tu na maharufu.

14. Pushing someone’s head towards your your msolokombo juu unadai head. Kuna mtu labda hapendi kufanya oral. So usiforce.

15. Kufanya foreplay ya 2 seconds ati ni venye nyege zimekujaa ati sijui ulikuwa dryspell sijui ulikuwa na kutu. Take time to romance bana.

16. Kunyamba during mechi then unakaa tu normal as if nothing happened. Ama unacheka. Na probably it's worse than a skunk.

18. Kujifanya umejam juu partner wako amecommunicate time ya mechi. Communication itawasaidia nyote to perfect game, so take positively feedback yeyote utapata during mechi.

19/10/2023

KAMAA'S CLINIC

This is what we call a love triangle.

19/10/2023

Dear Kenya Power Care

For more than 10 hours I have tried buying tokens in vain. Kenya Power do you know some of us get our daily bread from being active at night?

Ni mawhat these now? Its not funny at all. A big organization like you can't even issue a statement or respond to complains. Mumemea pembe sana.

I bought tokens at 7pm last night and the purchase went through but you haven't returned my token SMS. This morning your system is not accepting any more purchases.

Mnaboo sana. I grew up using mafuta taa now when I can manage to buy a bulb you decide better nirudie mafuta taa, yenye pia imepandishwa bei like nonsense.

Hii Kenya it's frustration after frustration.

Dear Kenya Power, I would have wished you a bright day ahead but then again what do you know about brightness, you agents of kuna nduru gizani?

18/10/2023

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I WILL NEVER CHEAT AGAIN

Niliattempt kucheat after Mrefu ameenda job leo morning. Mimi huyooooo, nikaenda Kibra kwa boy fulani. Kufika nikakuwa msick. Lakini tumeachana na my new catch. Sitaki. Sikumwacha kwa ubaya, hata k**a ni wewe unaeza endelea kudate bottom anaitisha msolokombo hata ukiwa msick? I had to leave him juu wueeeh, siwezi taka kuwa mkufi. Sasa mtu ako na guts za kuuliza "hey K**aa unakula hii kitu ama hutaki nipelekee Johnte?"

Nimekuwa nikimuomba ass and he's been like, "wanaume wengine huko nje wanapanga kuiba bank, na wewe hapa unalilia mattercore."

Lakini leo wakati yeye anataka sasa, unaskia tu, "unanipea ama nijisort na cucumber?"

Naliamua kumpea, wakati naingiza tu akashout "indaa!" Tukiendelea na mechi ndo huyo tena: "gongaaa hii kitu bana K**aa, unapembeleza kwani mimi ni wenu?"

Sasa ile wakati nakaribia kumwaga nilisikia tu "nipige makofi kwa mattercore!" nikamgonga, "Pwah! Pwah! Pwah!" nikimuuliza ni nini anadai slaps za nyash na vile nasikia zimekuja kabisa nitamwaga nikasikia ati, "si ata kisiagi inagongweko ndio itoe unga yote!" ...wacha nikae na Mrefu. Sitaki mipango ya kando.

18/10/2023

KAMAA'S CLINIC

Pumua. Exhale. Get it off your chest.

18/10/2023

KAMAAS DIARIES

MREFU THE MAN: PART 3

Mrefu alisikia commotion nje akaamka,kuangalia simu akapata nilimtexf but hakuwa amereply. So akareply.

Me: Basi niambie...

Mrefu: Bytha sijui niseme aje, si aty huwa nakulenga... nakuanga nimekukufia but ni ile huwa nashindwa kukuambia na kuku-approach

Me: Aiiii, hiyo tu?

Mrefu: Imagne... bytha me nilikupenda kitambo sana, and for real nakutaka

Me: Mmmh... How will i believe you? Unaweza kuwa unataka tu kunitumia then utoroke

Mrefu: Niamini plz I won't hurt you....nipee this chance and am sure utapenda... Uko na mtu?

Me: Past tense

Mrefu: Meaning?

Me: Nilikuwa naye but tulibreak up a month ago

Mrefu: Ok. Fine

Me: And you... uko na boyfriend?

Mrefu: Mmmh.... yes, but kuna vile nadai kubreak up naye, he's not my type

Sikureply hio.

Mrefu: Will you agree having me as your lover? I promise i won't let you down

Me: Lets meet first then I'lll answer you...

Mrefu: Uko wapi

Me: Kisii

Mrefu: Ok fine me too naishi hapa Jogoo... so tumeet wapi

Me: Dont worry nitakushtua kesho

Kidume kilibambika, opportunity k**a hii hukuja once in a lifetime, hawezi taka kumess nayo. That night ilikuwa long kwangu, nikiomba morning ifike haraka niende kumeet this mysterious Mrefu.

This is my true story, chenye nilipitia last year, ilikuwa hurting, so heart breaking.

The following day kitu 3.p.m nikamtext, "Hi, lets meet hapa Stadium, hapo tu kwa gate". Uweeh, Mrefu kutense nayo. Alikuwa ashajiprepare so alitoka tu. It wasn't far, ilikuwa tu place pa kuenda na nduthi.

Alifika na akanipata. I was wearing a grey toja and a white tshirt.

Mrefu: (greeting me) Mambo...ukoje?

Me: Niko poa

Mrefu: Unakaa fiti K**aa

Me: Thanks

Mrefu: My pleasure. Nakufeel, unasemaje nikuwe your guy

Me: Usijali... I'll think about it then nitakujibu this night...

Mrefu: Thanks in advance am waiting

Me: And pliz nisikupee moyo wangu then baadaye uniheart break, hapo sitakuelewa

Mrefu: I promise i won't hurt you

Me: Fine, tutaongea, me nawahi home

Mrefu: Sasa, bye and take care

Akanihug. Siwezi wadanganya aki nilisikia bulge yake ikinipress during the hug.

Later that night kitu saa tatu, message ikaingia. Na vile nilikuwa nimengoja sana. Kuangalia, shenzi sana kumbe ni Safaricom. Hawa watu nao huboo, nimengojea text ya Mrefu na wao ni kunisumbua na tu-message twao.

For sure nilingoja nikangonja, nikawait nikawait hadi 10.30 bila kuget text yake. Nikaona hapana, ama nimtext mwenyewe. Nikaona ngoja kwanza nicall maybe anaweza kuwa mteja. Kuenda kucall kumbe hata credo sina. Kujaribu kuokoa ikakataa, kucheck M-pesa balance iko 0.00, na ni usiku, alafu shida ya huku shagz shops hufungwa mapema. Ghai hizi ni gani sasa? Nikaboeka.

Kidogo nikakumbuka nakuanga na line ya Airtel. Nikasaka place nakuanga nimeiweka faster,na nikaipata. K**a hujawahi tumia line ya Airtel huwezi niambia kitu ama kunipa advice, hizi line huokolea bana. Shida unapewanga free 100 mins alafu unatumia 80 mins kuuliza mtu k**a anakuskia.

Mimi nikafixed line kwa simu faster, nikatoka nje kutafuta network. Nikascroll number yake haraka, and bahati nzuri ikaingia.

Me: Hello Mrefu

Mrefu: Hello... Ni nani?

Me: Ni K**aa

Mrefu: K**aa? Yupi?

Me: Mmoja tu mwenye ulimeet na yeye leo... Hello... Hello... Helloooo...

Kumbe already ashakata simu. Oooh shiet, saa hizi ni gani, mbona akate fone yangu? Nikaamua acha nimtext nijue whats up, juu sikuelewa ni kwa nini akate simu.

"Hi wats up...mbona umekataa simu kighafla hivo?"

"Sorry to tell you this...me and you won't make it to be lovers"

"What?...nini mbaya...nimekukosea?"

"Sitaki maswali...jua hivo!!!"

Oooh my God, what will I do now, nilifeel kuburst into pieces.

Kumbe ni k**a Mrefu after tuliachana Kisii town alienda kuonana na wale maboy aliwatengenezea gari. Na ni k**a time nampiga alikuwa juu akipewa all styles.

Uncle ya Mrefu na yeye aliamua lazima aangamize hii familia, wakati ni sasa.

Continues.

17/10/2023

KUCHU LIFE

WHAT TYPE OF BOTTOMS ARE THESE NOW

Lakini these type of bottoms sijui tuwasaidie aje.

🙄 The ones that want it but they don't know how to ask for it. Some will be there and be pressing their phone, saying "aki beb ikifika 4:30 naishia."

🙄 The ones that will be shouting harder baby!! harder bitch!! but if you ask them to climb on top they will ride for 40 secs, come down and be breathing heavily k**a tractor imeisha mafuta. They think it's easy

🙄 The ones that will watch you remove their tshirt, remove their trousers, saa hio amenyamaza k**a highschooler ameoga siku mbili mfululizo and as you are about to remove their boxer they will be like "unafanya nini sasa?" My brother, I want to wash it.

🙄 The ones that will start feeling bad about the whole thing and be like "Sasa umepata chenye ulikuwa unataka hope umefurahi sasa" Na hio mtu ametoka kukupanulia 180° akikuandalia

🙄 The ones that don't even know whether you they are in a relationship with you or not. So after sieks they will be like "so what are we now?" Brayo we are children of God.

🙄 The ones that once you guys start kissing they will use their hands to weigh the size of the cassava as to prepare their mind on what they are about to take in.
You will see them breathing heavily when the lipunda is big

🙄 And then, there is you. You are having a crush on K**aa but you don't wanna admit it. Infact unakam inbox and you freak out juu ya Mrefu. Come ooooooon...

16/10/2023

RANDOM THOUGHTS

USITISHIKE KUITWA MTARO ALAAAAR!

These so called mtaro are very nice. We real men swim in boreholes, oceans, lakes... etc. Tight as***les are for the weak boys. Kwanza hii mtaro upate bottom ako na haga big, tho ata maflat screen hukuwa tu sawa. Unachukua tu pillow unaiwekea hapo chini kwa kinyambis, alafu mguu mmoja yake unaiweka kwa bega na mwingine unanyorosha uwe straight, alafu unashika Mr Dickson sasa unamwingiza anaslide tu pole pole, walai hiyo shimo hushika chuma yako ikiwa ndani unafeel ni k**a unanyonga na super glue. Hio time unamwaga hadi dhambi za ukoo 💦💦

Alafu how do you know that a bottom amekulwa more than 10 times, is it written on the forehead, or is there rubber stamb left their after the act? Me hushangaa.

Am reporting direct from borehole headquarters. Back to you in studio.

16/10/2023

KAMAA'S DIARIES

MREFU THE MAN: PART 2

Mrefu alimwangalia Josh akiishia hapo kwa madaha, vis*xy yaani. Nyash akidondosha vilivyo. Kwanza vile alikuwa amebeba, exactly k**a yangu 😂😂.

Waliingia gari na wakaishia. Mrefu aliwachwa tu amezubaa. Yani Josh alikuwa sawa hakuna kitu ingine Mrefu alikuwa anafikiria kwa akili... Alikuwa tu zile za "such a cute boy, uyu naweza mkula hadi bone marrow"

But for real ukiweza ona huyu boy, you start feeling like kids are jumping inside your balls as they praise his handsomeness, wakidai baaaas, hapo sasa daddy, we want to be deep inside his ass.

That evening Mrefu alikuwa kwa simu akizurura FB. Na mimi nilikuwa tu Kisii home back then. Mrefu aikuwa just an FB friend ata hatukuwa tumechat. Lakini sikuwa najua ni yeye juu alikuwa anatumia pseudo ya ukuchu. Nikiwa pale nikibrowse PrideRoomKe.🏳️‍🌈 group, nikatumiwa message na ile pseudo.

Pseudo: Hi

Me: Hi too

Pseudo: How is you

Me: Am gud what about you

Pseudo: Am also gud. Naitwa Mrefu

Me: Naitwa K**aa

The pseudo proceeded by sending me his pic. Nilikataa kureply kwanza but nilijua hapa nitacheza tu kimimi, nimeishi kutaka partner for long sana, sasa opportunity imejileta. Hii ndio unaskianga kukabidhi hyena butchery.

LATER THAT NIGHT:

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrighta, ni nyakati za mausiku usiku, beshi ndugu bratha mpenzi msomaji, tukuje kumpata brother ya babake Mrefu. Anaitwa Mr Maina, the enemy. Mtu hataki kuona Mrefu akipata kazi, mtu hataki kuona hiyo familia ikimove on. He was their enemy of progress. Unajiuliza sana ni kwa nini, tulia my love, mambo bado.

Aliamka zile nyakati za usiku, alaf polepole akaingia in one of the rooms kwa nyumba yake. Huko ndani kulikuwa na giza kabisa, but the time alidunda ndani tu hivi, mwangaza ukakuja tu from nowhere. It wasn't a normal room. The room was full of pots, a human skull and bones.

Kidogo kidogoh mzee akaanza kutoa nguo one by one hadi akabaki uchi. Hapo chini kulikuwa kumetandikwa a red carpet. Mr Maina akachukua mkia fulani, exactly k**a ile huwanga unapigwa nayo kwa kinyozi ati ni kupanguzwa. Manze hiyo ni uganga 😂😂, na ndio kwa sababu hujaomoka hadi saii 😂😂

After kuchukua, akajilaza flat on thered carpet. Alafu akaanza kusema "Raakul... Raaaakul... Raaaakuuuul. Then akaanza kuamka taratibu akijiambia, "I sacrificed my younger brother to get my wealth. And that's why am making sure familia yake haitapata amani ama raha. Nikifanya hivyo, nayo mali yangu na siku za kuishi duniani zinaongezeka.

Mr Maina alitoka,naakaenda direct hadi kwa boma ya kina Mrefu.

Maskini wa Mungu Mrefu alikuwa amelala.

Alianza uganga na uchawi. Alianza kuzunguka mara tano kakeja kenye Mrefu alikuwa amedoz ndani, aliigonga gonga na ile mkia. Then akaondoka backwards bila kuangalia nyuma.

Continues.

15/10/2023

NISAIDIE KUPIGA NDURU

So a certain pasi follower hapa ako ndani juu ya wa Primary. A couple of weeks ago Krishna Mwangi and I did a post on what the law says.

Payuka kabisa online vile unadai vitu tight sijui za highschool ukijificha kwa pseudo account. Hio account haitakusaidia infact itakuweka ndani more. So stop mambo ya watoi. Kwanza wa Primary ata k**a.

I repeat again stop. Juu sasa nitakusaidia aje na ni wewe ulifanya ukiwa na 5 common senses. Usiongozwe na makagarry tumia akili. Wewe ndio ulimwaga ndani na wewe ndo ulimdanganya. Mamessage uliandika zimekondoa macho ivi 👀 Yani evidence yote imekuangalia sawasawa.

So usijiweke kwa lawama then uniambie nikusaidie on issues za minors juu hapo nayo there's nothing I can do. Chorea mambo ya watoi. Its just wrong. Wacha please.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=290627873741325&id=100083823420550&mibextid=Nif5oz

KUCHU LIFE

THE LAW VILE INASEMA

Hii stori ya "natafuta wale wa highschool" "highschool t***ks DM" "Vitu tight za highschool inbox" Hizi ndo vitu zitafanya ufungwe. Just stop na k**a already uko kwa relationship k**a hio stop. Wacha tu. Sheria ukikushika hutapenda. Haina haja ushikwe. Krishna Mwangi tusisitizie hii mpaka tusikie.

Kushare nudes, a**l s*x, kissing, rim jobs, blow jobs, thigh s*x, wanking, etc zote zinaweza kupea 18 years and more in prison.

In 2020 jamaa alishikwa Naivasha juu ya kuhave s*x na underage boys wa 14years. Handed 18 years.

Naye Pastor Philip Njoroge, aged 38, alisentensiwa life imprisonment juu ya kucause trauma and pain on April 27 huko Matura village in Nyandarua.

Nyahururu Resident Magistrate alisema the offence ni very serious. Pastor Njoroge alidanganya uyo boy ati waende forest wakahunt dush na sungura. Neighbour alikuwa akilishanngombe within ndoa alisikia mayowe juu it was painful.

This year Garissa in July director wa shule fulani private alipewa 35 years juu ya kusodomise kijana wa 17 years wa highschool.

Kuna kijana alikuwa anaishi na mwalimu pia Mwingi, kijana alikuwa Form 2. Walipofunga shule kijanaaliendakwao na mwalimu akaenda ushago pia. Immediately kijana alianza STI symptoms na after aliambia mzazi hasikii poa,walienda hizi only to be told Ni herpes. Mzazi kudig in kijana akapeana stori yote vile wanafanyanga na mwalimu. Mwalimu sai anaserve 25 years.

So fikiria sana before engaging a minor, huyo unaita t***k au mali tight. Its wrong. Wacha tu bro. Tiga. Stop.

Soma what the law states here:

SEXUAL OFFENSES ACT 2006

Section 8

A.
A person who commits an act which causes pe*******on with a child is guilty of an offense termed defilement.

B.
A person who commits an offense of defilement with a child aged eleven years or less shall upon conviction be sentenced to an imprisonment for life .

C.
A person who commits an offense with a child between age twelve and fifteen years is a liable upon conviction to imprisonment for a term not less than twenty years.

D.
A person who commits an offense of defilement with a child of between sixteen and eighteen is liable upon conviction to an imprisonment for a term not less than fifteen years.

E.
It is a defence to a charge under this section if;
* It is proved that such child, deceived the accused into believing that he/she was over 18 years at the time alleged commission to the offence and
* The accused reasonably believed the child was over 18 years.

Section 11 prohibits all indecent acts with children.

Narudia tena kushare nudes, a**l s*x, kissing, rim jobs, blow jobs, thigh s*x, wanking, etc etc all fall here. Na penalty ni 18 years in prison. Piga hii injili kwa wengine sawasawa pia wachanuke.