14/05/2025
How to rebuild trust in a marriage when you are betrayed?
Two individuals can be in love with each other as married couples, but when trust is broken, it becomes hard for them to move on. However, even though it looks impossible, the choice to rebuild trust in marriage depends on both parties.
Once they have the discipline, patience, and understanding to put in the work, they can rebuild trust to the point where it was in the marriage and even exceed it.
What is trust in a marriage?
Trust means you remain confident in your partner’s ability to make you feel safe with them. This means you are ready to be vulnerable with them because they will not use your belief in them to manipulate you.
Trust is one of the vital building blocks for any marriage to survive and withstand difficult moments.
In this research study by Asniar Khumas and other authors titled Rebuilding trust, you will understand the psychological change that couples experience, especially after an affair. This study is a practical eye-opener to understanding how rebuilding trust.
If your partner betrayed you, you could rebuild trust by voicing your concerns to them. First, you must tell them the depth of hurt you feel because of their betrayal.
Then, if you notice that they are genuine about their apology, you can be sure that they will make rebuilding trust easier for you.
Rebuilding trust after hurting someone
If you hurt someone and they tell you that you’ve broken their trust, the first step is to acknowledge their feelings and avoid being defensive.
Then, you need to communicate openly with them to know what you did and provide a solution to make them heal from the hurt. Next, implement deliberate steps of love and care for the person so they can begin to trust you again.
Here are effective ways to rebuild trust in your marriage
When trust is broken in marriage, it is often difficult to gain back. Trusting your partner could mean your commitment to the relationship and understanding that you can be vulnerable with them and not regret it.
1. Treat the root cause
Anytime there is broken trust in a marriage, and you want to fix it, it is important to understand why it occurred. When you understand the root cause of a problem, it becomes easier to proffer solutions and start the journey to rebuild trust in marriage.
2. Listen and don’t be defensive
You can rebuild trust in marriage when you learn to listen without being defensive. First, you need to understand that broken trust is deeper than it might look on the surface.
Trust is built in very small moments, which I call ‘sliding door’ moments. In any interaction, there is a possibility of connecting with your partner or turning away from your partner, says Dr. John Gottman.
Your partner must have invested everything about themselves into the marriage, and you probably took it for granted. Therefore, listen to what they have to say without defending yourself.
3. Don’t ignore your partner’s pains
If your partner says they are hurt, you should not water down their feelings. Put yourself in their shoes to imagine how hurt they are, and make up your mind to ensure everything gets better.
You should know that the emotional impact that the broken trust had on your spouse cannot be controlled. Be sensitive to their feelings and stand by them while trying to rebuild trust in marriage.
4. Apologize to your partner
After your partner has informed you of how hurt they are due to the broken trust, you need to apologize to them. When you genuinely apologize for putting your partner through a lot, it helps to heal trust issues in marriage.
Similarly, if your partner has a part in the blame, they will also apologize because you have done the right thing by reaching out to them first.
5. Be committed to the process
Another way to rebuild trust in marriage is to make a mental note to be committed to this process. You and your partner need to make this decision and work as a team.
One person should not be left alone to heal the problems caused by the absence of trust. Doing this together makes the marriage worth fighting for.
6. Work on your communication
Modifying your method of communication is a good hack on how to rebuild trust in marriage. However, you need to realize that this phase requires a different type of communication that would prove to your partner that you want to reestablish trust in the marriage.
Therefore, apply a different communication style that would effectively restore trust in marriage.
7. Set new rules in the marriage
Sometimes, it might be that trust was broken because the present rules were not meeting the needs of the marriage.
Therefore, you and your partner need to create or redefine rules to help you rebuild trust in marriage. These rules could contain effective communication, boundaries, etc., preventing future related problems.
8. Learn to appreciate your partner
Looking for more ways to learn how to rebuild trust in a marriage.
You can rebuild trust in marriage when an atmosphere of appreciation is created in your marriage. Unfortunately, many couples do not see the reason to express appreciation for one another, which has a long-term negative effect.
Meaningful Ways
9. Be patient
When trust is broken in a marriage, it takes time to rebuild. This means you should be patient with the process because it cannot be rushed. People have different bandwidths when it comes to learning to trust again.
Your partner might be the person who needs enough time to trust you after a heartbreak. So give them enough time to trust you, and don’t manipulate them into doing things your way.
10. Don’t talk negatively about your partner to others
It is important to show your partner respect, in private and public. This means that you should speak gracefully about your partner to other people when they are not there.
When your partner hears that you always have positive words for them in their absence, they will be happy with you. Doing this helps to rebuild trust in marriage.
11. Create an atmosphere of transparency
When rebuilding trust in a marriage, you should set up an environment that breeds transparency. You need to be plain and open with your partner instead of keeping things from them.
Remember that the present goal is to repair trust in a marriage, and you can make things easier by telling them everything. Cultivating this habit reduces the chances of doing things that will break the trust again.
Relationship
12. Be vulnerable with your partner
Another way to learn how to regain trust in a marriage is to understand the potency of vulnerability and practice it with your partner. It is important to mention that vulnerability and transparency go hand-in-hand.
When you are vulnerable, an emotional safety net is created with your partner, which helps to solidify the bond between the two of you. As a result, you will be able to gradually build a home of trust and intimacy in your marriage.
13. Always assess your questions
There are some questions you would ask your partner that show you don’t trust them. They might feel bad about it because they expected you to know better than asking questions that reveal you don’t have faith in them.
So before you ask questions, ensure they are thoughtful ones. Do not ask questions that look like you are attacking them.
14. Learn to forgive
When trying to learn how to improve trust in a marriage, you and your partner need to learn and practice forgiveness.
This means you are ready to put aside all your partner did and focus on creating a beautiful future for yourselves. When you don’t forgive, it might be hard to move on, and you may not see your partner’s effort in ensuring that you trust them again.
Relationships
15. Show your partner love in their love language
Some partners make the mistake of trying to love their spouse in the best possible way instead of understanding their love language.
You need to find out your partner’s love language so that you can make them happier. Doing this will make it easier to learn how to build back trust in a marriage.
16. Get more romantic with them
While you work on how to build back trust in a marriage, learn to be more romantic with your partner. Remember that you don’t need to put everything on hold because you are trying to rebuild trust.
You need to continue to prove to your partner that you love them and would do anything to make them happy. Remember that little acts of kindness count when dealing with your partner.
17. Go on a vacation together
The essence of going on a vacation as a couple is to unplug from your familiar environment and spend quality time alone in a serene place that boosts your emotional and mental health.
To rebuild trust in marriage, you can make the process easier by going to a pleasant and peaceful place that will allow the both of you to bond well.
18. Put your partner first
Another way to learn how to fix your marriage when trust is broken is to put your partner first. First, you need to show them they are your life’s priority. When they begin to see signs that they come first in your life, restoring trust in the marriage is easier.
19. Fight for your relationship
Fighting to keep your relationship whole is another way to learn how to gain someone’s trust back. It involves defying all odds to ensure that you and your partner remain together.
Therefore, if a conflict is likely to occur, you can be proactive and nip it in the bud. Doing this will also encourage your partner to imbibe the same habit, making your relationship healthier.
20. Get professional help
Sometimes, you might feel that you need someone to talk to, especially when you are not familiar with the person. Then, you can consider getting professional help like a therapist, as it can help in restoring trust in a marriage.
It will become easier to pour out your mind to them and get all the assistance you need to restore trust in your union.
21. Practice empathy and understanding
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to understand their perspective. Show empathy towards their feelings and experiences. By demonstrating understanding and validating their emotions, you can rebuild trust and create a more supportive environment in the marriage.
22. Be consistent and reliable
Rebuilding trust requires consistency and reliability. Follow through on your commitments and promises. Show up for your partner consistently and be reliable in your actions and behavior. This will help your partner see that they can trust you again.
23. Be transparent and honest
Open communication and transparency are essential in rebuilding trust. Be open and honest with your partner about your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Avoid keeping secrets or withholding information. Being transparent helps to create an atmosphere of trust and fosters a deeper connection in the relationship.
Class dismissed
Beyond Horizon
