21/07/2022
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Story of via Abrar Nadim
Illness is a strange thing. It takes the most out of you, rendering you incapable of much except for introspection. I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason but this time it had no reason.
From being a physically fit person with a healthy routine to becoming frail & slender, in just a matter of few months I saw my health crumbled and I have lost 16-18 kgs. That’s how fragile human life is.
I have been ill since February with the presumption of a minor stomach problem. The proper diagnosis started in March with a regular medical checkup when it was suspected by the doctor that it could be something more serious than just a minor illness. He advised to have an endoscopic examination for further clarification.
With two doctors in my own family (sister & sister-in-law), I was pretty sure that I am in good hands and there is nothing much to worry about. A week later, I had my first endoscopy which reported that I was suffering from Pyloric Stenosis; an uncommon condition in infants that blocks food from entering the small intestine. Afterwards, the doctor had a one-on-one conversation with me inquiring about my social status, family background and whether I can afford the treatment. He said that such a disease is usually not found in adults, speculating that it could be cancer and we need to have a CT Scan to eliminate any obscurity before going for treatment.
The next couple of days were spent in thinking; What if I really have cancer? What about all the goals of my life? How can life collapse in a moment? How did it happen and why me? And many more existential questions crop up in my mind to which I had no answers. Usually, I am a person who inspire people but at that moment I was looking for inspiration to get through my days and sleepless nights.
By this time, I started having difficulty in digesting the food with occasional vomiting and as a result, my health was in a gradual decline. I had to leave the gym, cut off some tasks from my daily routine and put Kitaab Dost - An Online Bookstore on hold to preserve my energy. I was simply housebound to look after my health which was deteriorating.
Later on, it was confirmed through CT Scan that I did not have any form of cancer and the doctor suggested to have an endoscopic (non-surgical) treatment for the said disease although he warned about its inefficiency to cure the disease with the possibility of recurrence. The other option was to go for surgical treatment. For that matter, we consulted another specialist doctor to have a second opinion.
The specialist doctor considered earlier report doubtful and prescribed for endoscopic ultrasound along with the treatment. Then I had my second endoscopy (treatment) on 28th April and the third one (ultrasound) at the start of May. The ultrasound gave the impression that I had MALToma; a form of cancer, but we had to wait for the biopsy report before jumping to any conclusions. Then came the Eid holidays, so the wait was prolonged till 19th May for the biopsy report to come.
You can imagine how my eid days would have gone and this time again the report ruled out any cancer and backed up the previous findings that I had the adult variant of Pyloric Stenosis (a disease usually found in infants). Subsequently, I was referred to a general surgeon to go ahead with the surgical treatment. The surgeon discussed all the aspects of my treatment for me to have a clear understanding. In simple words, he told me that it will be a stomach bypass surgery (Gastrojejunostomy and Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass along with vagotomy).
Thereupon, I was given the date of 9th June for my operation by the surgeon with some blood tests to follow. And eventually I was getting closer to the cure of my illness. In the meanwhile, my health was deteriorated to such an extent that my days and nights were disturbed with excessive vomiting. So I had to shift to complete liquid diet which was somehow digest-able but that too often came out through nose at night. It was like if I eat, I am putting myself deliberately into pain so I was better of not eating anything eat all.
At the start of June, my condition was getting unbearable due to blood in vomits so we had to request the doctor for a sooner date which was then pushed back to 5th June. Thereafter, I was admitted in hospital on 3rd June for some pre-op procedures. The doctor asked us to arrange at least 4 pints of blood just in case if it is needed during operation as it was a major surgery according to the doctor. I was not sure of my blood group so I got it checked through a blood test and it came out to be O-ve, which is a rare blood type.
In order to arrange the blood in such a short time, I had to post a message on my WhatsApp story and share it in some WhatsApp groups. With a large social network and friends circle, I was pretty sure that I will arrange it easily as I was relying on Blood Societies, NGOs and some blood activists in my contact list but none of them really helped much apart from a few friends. Around 600 people saw my WhatsApp status till the the time I removed it but only a handful of those cared to inquire about what happened to me and why I am in need of blood. The blood was arranged successfully but what astonished me was the number of people in my network and friends circle who did NOT care. It left me thinking.
4th June was the day of my birthday which I celebrated with doctors, my family and some close friends who came to hospital to pay me a visit. The doctor had already put a nasogastric tube in my nose down into the stomach to clean it of any leftover food because of which I was not able to eat my own birthday cake. I was just happy that I got to live this day and soon I will be fine.
On the morning of 5th June, I was taken into operation theatre with my family outside it praying for me. The expected time of surgery was 2.5 hours but it took almost 5 hours for the doctors due to the complexity of it. Afterwards, I stayed in hospital for a week until my condition was satisfactory enough for the doctors to discharge me. During this time, my family took great care of me at the hospital especially my parents, who were my attendants most of the time. And the recovery period started at home with bed rest.
The stitches were out after 10 days and I was allowed to have semi-solid diet. Over the past six weeks, I have been confined to bed mostly and the recovery period is almost over now. Although, it will take some more time for the wound to entirely heal as I still feel pain and the stomach to function normally. Yesterday I had my first proper meal (which included roti) in well over two months and you can't imagine how much I thanked Allah (SWT) for that.
The main point of sharing the details of this whole experience is not to exaggerate about my illness, get some likes & comments of sympathy from you people but to share what it taught me along the way as the illness proved to be a real blessing in disguise.
Life has its own ways of teaching and I learned these lessons the hard way.
1. Surrender yourself completely to Allah (SWT) because there is nothing in your control and you are not INVINCIBLE.
2. Your family comes above all things and no one can replace the love of a mother.
3. There is something in each day to be grateful for, even on the days you can’t move or the days your pain seems too much to bear.
4. We are finite beings who sometimes can’t see the reason or timing for certain events until much later.
5. Whether you are here or not, no one really cares about you except your family and a handful of close friends. You figure out WHO really matters to you.
6. Some people will use you for their own benefit but they won't be there for you in the time of need. Beware of these people and if possible, distance from them.
7. In friendship, always choose quality over quantity. Some friends will genuinely check in to see how you are doing, while others have only vested interests.
8. Value little things in your life which you take for granted. Having a conversation with a friend, taking a walk in the park, having regular meals, laughing at silly jokes, taking a good nap, being able to work – these are simple pleasures that may seem trivial to you, but they were exactly what I yearned for during my debilitative state.
9. Taking time out of your busy life to check on someone who is sick means a lot to them and this is why it's a sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) to visit the sick.
10. Recognize what’s really important. Things that I thought mattered to me, tasks I thought I needed to to do become glaringly insignificant in the face of bad health.
11. Some acquaintances will prove to be more than your so called friends. Support comes from unexpected places.
12. Social media is a BIG illusion. It has made us inhumane and we have lost the sense of empathy as a society.
13. There are life lessons in every circumstance. Whether it seems fair or not, obstacles present themselves for a reason and the experiences and introspection that these difficulties bring, allow us to evolve.
14. Life is extremely short so start doing meaningful things NOW. If you have hurt someone, apologize. If you love someone, tell them. Don't delay it as you might not get a chance later because the next day you could be gone.
15. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking the world cannot function without you but life will go on just like it has been going on for centuries.
I am back but this time not for people but for my self as I have learned that most people don't care about you as much as you think they care. At the end, I come away with the understanding that everything in life falls into place at its own pace and we plan but Allah decides and He is the best of planners.
