Silent Beads

16/01/2025

I know he is so disappointed in his father. I am very embarrassed to see the pictures myself. I don't even know what to say to my son. I don't want to confront my husband because he might harbour some hatred towards his son. My problem is how do I free my son’s mind from any trauma he might be going through right now?

I have been married for twenty years. My husband and I have four children together. By the grace of God, our eldest son gained admission to the University. He reported …

16/01/2025

I finally did it for the first time over the weekend. My husband struggled, and I was in pain. How long does it usually take before it becomes enjoyable? From what I’ve heard, it’s supposed to be a nice feeling, but all I experienced was intense pain.

16/01/2025

My husband is fond of taking away things I love. He started with my job.

I gave birth two years ago. When my maternity leave was over, he told me not to return to work until our child was four years old and ready to go to school. It was hard to accept, but I agreed to stay home and take care of our child.

It became boring. This stay-at-home wife thing is not for everyone, so I decided to find something to do with my hands. I was home, consuming TikTok every day, so I found something I could do through the app.

I started trading there, little by little. Not just trading—sometimes I would fool around a bit to gain followers. It started working. Just a few posts later, I got my first 1K followers. A few months later, I reached 15K. I was motivated to go all out until my husband found out.

Not that he didn’t know. I had a ring light sitting in the hall. Sometimes he saw me creating content and didn’t say anything. He only spoke up when he realized how much I loved making videos. He warned, “You’re always on your phone. Do you even have time to take care of this child?”

By the time he finished ranting, my ring light had been seized, and I was warned not to go on TikTok again.

I stopped creating and only watched, but it was hard. Still, I tried to be submissive to the wishes of the head of the home. Then he took my phone away from me and gave me a basic phone (a yam phone) because, according to him, he suspected I was doing something secretly with the smartphone.

Now, to use social media, I have to rely on the laptop in the house. It’s not ideal, but it was all I had—until he cut off my access to the Wi-Fi. He only connects me to the Wi-Fi when he’s home so he can monitor what I do with the laptop.

Please tell me, isn’t my whole life this man is taking away from me? I’m not troublesome. I don’t fight back. I don’t talk back. I just agree to everything so we don’t have to fight, but I believe he’s doing all this to me because I don’t express how I feel.

Should I be scared? Is he doing all this for my good or for his selfish interest? Is it time for me to fight back?

16/01/2025

When I met my husband and we started a relationship, nothing suggested we were going to get married. He wasn’t the kind of man to wear his emotions on his sleeve. I found him too stiff to want to settle down, but along the line, he asked me if I would marry him. I was like, “What kind of question is that? Ask me properly, and I’ll answer you.”

I asked why he wanted me to marry him. Of all the reasons he gave me, “Because I love you” wasn’t one—and that was all I wanted to hear.

Throughout our relationship, he avoided the word love as if he’d be charged for using it. He didn’t say he loved me when he proposed. He didn’t say it when I did something he liked. He would write me messages and still not use “I love you” anywhere. Even when I said, “I love you” to him and wanted to hear him say it in return, all he said was, “You know I do too.”

“You know I do too” isn’t the same as “I love you too.”

In our fifth year of marriage, he had a major issue at work. The issue involved money, which eventually led to him losing his job and becoming entangled in a court case. He had to pay the money or risk imprisonment.

We had two kids and other burdens, but we started selling everything we owned just to offset the loss. He sold his car, we sold our building at the lintel level, and we even sold another piece of land, but it still wasn’t enough. We had to turn to friends for help.

Many of them gave us loans—a lot of loans—before we were finally able to settle what my husband owed. Soon, the people we owed started knocking on our door for their money.

Every knock became terrifying because we knew what it meant. My husband would run and hide, and I would face the person at the door. The insults, the abuse, the spitting-on-the-face—I bore it all because there was nothing else I could do. Sometimes my husband would come out of his hiding place with tears in his eyes.

When my dad passed away, he left me an inheritance. The first thing I did was sell the house he left me to help pay off everyone we owed. After good health, the next most underrated blessing is a debt-free life. You don’t realize it until you’re finally out of debt.

We had finished paying off the loans, but every knock on the door still traumatized my husband. If we were inside and heard someone making noise outside, he’d get anxious. One day, someone knocked on the door, and my husband ran out of the hall. Old habits die hard, they say.

One day, there was a knock at the door, and we both turned to look at each other. He smiled, and I smiled back. I went to see who it was. It turned out to be my daughter’s friend, who had come to play with her. When I returned to my seat, my husband, still smiling and looking at me, said, “Do you know I…”

I finished his sentence in my head: “…love you so much.”

But no, he didn’t say that. Instead, he said, “Do you know I’m proud of you? You’re the best decision I’ve ever made.”

Fourteen years and many troubles later, this man still avoids the word love as if saying it would bring him back into debt. But I’m not offended, sad, or disappointed. I’ve come to realize that some people won’t say it but will act it out every day. If you asked me to choose between the one who says it and the one who acts it out, I would choose both if I could. But you know what? Who he is makes me happy, and maybe that’s his way of saying, “I love you.”

16/01/2025

It scared me that I was going down this road so I pulled the brakes. I did some self-introspection and admitted that I didn’t like who I had become. Besides, being with multiple women is stressful. The time, energy, and attention was just too much for me to keep up with. Because of this, I found a way to break up with all my girlfriends. Except Nasiba.

First, there was Amina. I met her when I was assigned to Eastern Region for an assignment. I was only there for a few weeks but it didn’t matter. I …

15/01/2025

I met Jerry back in 2017. He didn’t have much but he seemed like someone who was going places. That was what made me agree to be with him. I kept telling myself, “I will stand by him and push him to realize his potential.” I wanted to be his ride-or-die, you know.

I am not sure I fully understood what I signed up for when I chose this path. I am saying this because I have gotten to the point where I cannot go on anymore. My strength is even failing me.

I wish I could just walk away from him and move on with my life but it’s not that simple. There are kids involved now. Though we never got married, we have three children together.

Jerry doesn’t work. He says he is doing God’s work. So I am the one taking care of him and the children. I did it without complaining at first because I thought eventually he would face the reality of our situation and go out there and get a job that would earn him some income. But I realize that I was wrong.

He is not moved to do anything about his employment status despite the financial struggles we face every day. I do the best I can to keep us afloat but the weight I carry is breaking my back.

Apart from being irresponsible, he lies so effortlessly. He’s never transparent about anything. I put up with all of it for six years but now I am done. I am too exhausted to keep going like this. I want out of this relationship.

My problem now is the kids. They have a good relationship with their father. I don’t want to mess it up for them. Here lies the case where I can’t leave the kids with him and go. So how do I do it? How do I leave without interfering with the bond the kids have with their father?

15/01/2025

He wanted me to talk to him every waking moment of my time. He wanted me to be around him always. It was as if he was afraid if he gave me space for a minute, I would go out there and cheat on him. I tried to help him at first but it got to a point where I started feeling choked. I would see his name on my phone and panic when I should rather feel butterflies and excitement…

I have always had this unfounded fear of falling in love. I didn’t know there was a name for it until I was doing some reading about my fears. I …

15/01/2025

Every girl I’ve dated moves to Accra and finds someone new. Even the one I supported through school and almost married left me after getting there. Please, what’s in Accra? Guys there, how do you do it?

15/01/2025

I accidentally saw the list on his notes app. The first item on the list was: "To f*%k an Ewe chick."

My name is Eyram. My dad is Ewe, and my mom is Ewe too. We’d been dating for three months, but I had known him since Level 100. And yes, we'd already been intimate twice before I found his bucket list.

I showed it to him. As soon as he saw it, he started laughing. "Who am I to you? A girlfriend or just a bucket list item?" I asked him. He said, "Don't take it the wrong way. I wrote it just for fun, but I've always wanted to date an Ewe lady. You're not a list; you're my girlfriend."

I warned him that if he ever tried anything silly, I’d go to my hometown, and by the time I came back, he would see signs and wonders in his life. He insisted he had used the wrong words. He claimed it should have been, "To date an Ewe lady," not what I read.

We are still together, but I feel he’s not being genuine with me. He’s scared. Even when I’m wrong, he can’t handle it like a man should. When we disagree, he lets me win. It’s like he’s playing it safe so I don’t have anything to complain about.

That’s not the kind of relationship I want. I need a strong man to lead and make decisions. Right now, he isn’t acting like that. The truth is, if I stay in love with him when all he ever wanted was to sleep with an Ewe lady, I’ll be the one who loses in the end—stuck with a man who doesn’t truly love me.

Am I overthinking this because of what I saw, or do I have a valid point? Right now, he doesn’t want me to bring up the list in our conversations. He says I should move on and see him for who he really is.

15/01/2025

I’m in a wheelchair. This gentleman helped me at church once, and we became friends. After talking for a while, he expressed interest in me, and I accepted it. I was down for whatever he wanted out of the relationship, so I didn’t have any problems doing things to make him happy.

The first day I went to his house, everything showed he wanted it. I didn’t fight him. I allowed him to have his way the way he wanted. Afterwards, he asked me, “Oh, you’re not a virgin?”

The next thing, he started avoiding me.

I thought hitting a milestone like this would bring us closer, but it didn’t. He wouldn’t pick up my calls or respond to my texts. He would be online posting on his status but wouldn’t text back. When he came to church, he sat far from me. As soon as church ended, he disappeared.

When we finally talked, he said he was shocked that I wasn’t "green and sealed." As in, he was surprised that a girl like me, sitting in a wheelchair, hadn’t stayed untouched but instead had been with someone else.

The fact that I wasn’t who he thought I was shocked him out of the relationship. We lasted only six months.

The thing is, we were friends before love entered the frame. He used to help me get around in church, and I loved it. I’m not asking for too much. I told him, “I will understand if you say it’s over, but must you stop helping me when we come to church?”

Leaving me doesn’t hurt as much as the way he treats me now—so cold, as if we were never friends or anything.

He passes me by even when I’m stuck at the stairs. Yes, sometimes I intentionally stay there and wait for him to see if he would help, but he just passes by as if I don’t exist.

I haven’t been to church for a while now because of the way he treats me. Is it too much to ask for a helping hand from my ex?

15/01/2025

I know myself. I am the kind of person who goes for days without eating when a relationship ends. That’s because I give it my all. So I don’t understand why I don’t care that this guy has left me after everything I have done for him. He even came back to tell me, “You don’t love me. If you did, you wouldn’t have watched me leave. You didn’t even try to fight for me.” Could he be right?

One of my female colleagues introduced me to Cain three months ago. “He has been crushing on you from a distance for a long time because he is shy and …

14/01/2025

We vibed so well that she told me, “Eii madam, you are too beautiful to be a widow.” We all laughed about it and went on to have more interesting conversations. After the visit, the woman called me. “I think my husband likes you,” she said, “he doesn’t go a day without checking up on you.” I know wives tend to read meaning into things even if they had no proof. So I took it as one of those.

Four years ago, I lost my husband when I was pregnant with our first child. It was all so sudden. He didn’t fall sick. It was not an accident. One …

14/01/2025

Guys, how much do you give to your girlfriends on monthly basis? Mine is asking for GHC1,000 because GHC600 is too small.

14/01/2025

We were discussing marriage when I found out I was pregnant. I quickly informed my boyfriend and asked what the way forward would be. At that time, he had lost his job and was home, waiting for another opportunity. When I told him, he suggested we quickly arrange something simple for the meantime so that after the baby was born, we could complete the marriage rites properly.

We did the knocking ceremony, and he promised my family that the marriage would follow right after the baby was born. He made this promise, hoping his situation would improve before the delivery.

Nine months later, the baby arrived, but he still didn’t have a job. I manage a shop—not entirely mine, but I’m currently in charge of it. It's something I’m doing temporarily while waiting to secure a proper job.

When life got harder for my fiancé, he contacted his younger brother for help. His brother, who is abroad and doing well, occasionally sent money when needed. This continued until I delivered. After delivery, when my fiancé needed funds for the naming ceremony and marriage rites, his brother sent money to assist.

My husband is a hardworking man, but life is against him right now. To show appreciation for his brother’s help, he volunteered to oversee work at his brother’s building site. His brother is constructing a large hotel, and my husband is currently managing the project. However, he doesn't receive a consistent salary—his brother decides how much to give him at the end of each month.

He never complains, taking whatever is offered with hope that things will improve. I’m also doing my best with the shop, but since we rely heavily on its income, it's not growing the way I want.

A week ago, I found out I was pregnant again. It should have been joyful news, but it isn't. Before discovering the pregnancy, I asked my husband to request money from his brother to start a business. His brother agreed but asked for more time. While we were waiting, I learned about the pregnancy.

I don't know what they were talking about but somehow my pregnancy came up. His brother became angry and told my husband to ask me to terminate the pregnancy, or else he wouldn’t send the money.

He said, “I can’t support you while all you do is sleep with your wife and get her pregnant. Do you know how hard it is to make money here? You don’t even have a job, yet you’re making babies.”

His brother, who had never called me before, called recently to repeat the same message. “My brother can’t have another child in his situation,” he said. “Let it go, or I’ll wash my hands of you both.”

Out of respect, I told him I would think about it.

Yesterday, my husband came home and said we should do what his brother asked so we could get the money.

I’ve faced many hardships, but nothing has hurt me more than what my husband said. Perhaps it’s not just the words but the fact that he’s so helpless that his younger brother now dictates his life. That’s what breaks me.

I told him I wouldn't do that for any amount of money, and all he said was, “Alright, no problem.”

I know my husband well enough to understand there is a problem whenever he says "no problem."

Nothing will make me let this baby go, but I wonder if I’m being selfish for taking a stand against my helpless husband and his brother, who has been helping us all this time.

14/01/2025

When I asked her why she did it she said, “People advise me to date multiple men alongside you. That way if you complete school and tell me I am not your class, I will have another man to fall on.” My world crumbled. I couldn’t believe she would hurt me because of something might do in future. I got my worst grades that semester.

She couldn’t speak the English language properly when I met her. When it came to writing, she was even worse. Nonetheless, I liked her a lot. I asked her a …

13/01/2025

I have been with my boyfriend for the past two years. Eight months into the relationship, I became pregnant. During this period, I noticed some changes in his behavior.

He used to be so attentive to me but all of a sudden he seemed distracted. This had me paying more attention to him. It didn’t take long before I realized he was constantly talking to a particular woman.

I got suspicions and asked him, “Who is the lady you’ve been spending so much time talking to?” He answered, “Babe, you have nothing to worry about. She is my younger sister.” I hadn’t met everyone in his family so I believed him.

Besides, apart from my curiosity about the lady, he was the perfect boyfriend. I had no reason to doubt him. I was even glad I got to meet his sister though it was virtually. If I was with him when she called, I would extend my greetings to her.

Imagine my shock when I discovered that it was all a lie. After I had the baby, I found out the “supposed “sister” is actually his ex and mother of his child. “I asked you who she was and you lied straight to my face. When were you going to tell me she is the mother of your child and not your sister? Or you thought I would never find out?” I asked as I confronted him.

This guy got defensive. Instead of apologizing, he resorted to anger. “I take care of the child I have with you so I don’t understand what your problem is. What does it matter if I already have a child with another woman?” He went on to say I disrespected him. “I won’t take care of the child anymore because of your behavior,” he threatened.

I wasn’t in the wrong but I apologized for the sake of peace. When he calmed down he said, “I didn’t mean it when I said I won’t take care of our child anymore. I am his father so he is my responsibility,” he assured me.

Despite his promises to send me money regularly for child support, he has consistently failed to follow through on these commitments. This behavior of his started last year. I thought he would come around by now but nothing has changed.

I have spoken to him. I have attempted to reason with him. I have pleaded even. None of it worked. I don’t know what else I can do. He is completely indifferent to the needs and wellbeing of our child and me. How do I get him to be responsible?

13/01/2025

What pained me more than anything was the way I found out. It was our four-year-old son who came running to me with his father’s phone saying; “Mama, look.” I was mortified. The shock of my child seeing his father like that is beyond words. Why would a married man record such a thing and keep it on his phone?

My husband cheated on me when our first child was barely two weeks old. I didn’t see it coming. One moment he was the ever-loving and faithful husband, the next …

13/01/2025

I dated a married woman once, and we were caught. I was in school, and she was selling on campus. I noticed her interest in me anytime I went to buy from her. She would ask how I was doing, inquire about my studies, and sometimes add extra items. Sometimes, she wouldn't even take money from me. "Take it. It's your weekend gift," she would say.

As time went on, it became a friendship. She would call me when she closed and was heading home—often late at night. I would walk her to the station, and we would talk for several minutes before she got into a car and went home.

One night, she asked me, "Do you think I'm too old?" Before I could answer, she said, "I'm not that old. I could even be your age mate. Don't be scared. I married early; that's why."

We kissed in the dark. Days later, we got a room and did it.

She would cook at home and bring it to me. When I was struggling financially, she gave me money to ease my burdens. I came to love her deeply and was always around her. Maybe someone saw us and reported it to her husband, or perhaps her husband noticed her behaviour and started monitoring her.

One night, while we were in our hideout, someone aggressively turned the doorknob. A voice followed with a loud scream, "Open the door before I break it down!"

She said, "My husband. How did he know we are here?"

She started dressing up. I didn't know what to do. She was more composed than I was. She asked me to run as soon as she opened the door. I was ready, but she didn't open it until there were other voices outside. The moment she did, I bolted out, ready to run, but the man grabbed my hand and started punching me.

The guys there restrained him so I could break free and run. The next time I saw the woman, we were both too embarrassed to say much to each other, but I noticed she wasn't wearing her ring. She told me her husband had taken it from her that day. She tried to downplay the incident to make me feel better, but I knew that such encounters couldn't happen again. She wanted us to continue, but I couldn't. I was too scared.

This happened in 2013. I avoided relationships after that incident. When I was ready to try again, every woman who came my way was married. The single ones rejected me without a second thought.

"I love you and want you to be my girlfriend," I would say. They would respond with comments like, "I thought you were my brother," or "Can't we just remain friends without you sleeping with me?"

Those who pitied me and said yes later showed me shege. Three women—Amanda, Erica, and Fafa—all cheated on me. The saddest part was that I caught each of them in the act, the men on top of them. Even after catching Amanda cheating, I begged her not to leave me because I was ready to forgive her. She didn't forgive me for catching her; she left me.

The pattern wasn't normal. It felt like I was paying for my sins. I caught them the same way the married woman's husband caught me. I couldn't fight them, even though the pain was unbearable. I couldn't even shout like the man did. I kept saying, "Eii, Eiii, eiish," until the men disappeared.

I took my prayer life seriously. I confessed to a pastor, and he prayed for me. I fasted for a week, prayed again, and he anointed me with oil, assuring me that the curse was broken.

The girl I'm currently dating, I met in church. She accepted my proposal but later told me her ex was still in the picture. Her ex is a married man. From all indications, she loves him more than she loves me. She talks to me about him but doesn't mention me to him. I'm trying to help her change, but it's an uphill battle. We can pray together one moment, and the next moment, she's with the married man.

If the curse is broken, then why am I suffering like this at the hands of a Christian sister? It feels like nothing has changed. I don't know where that married woman is now, but if I could find her, I would ask if her husband cursed me. I would beg her to take me to him so I could ask for forgiveness. Maybe then, this curse following me will drop off my back, and I will finally be free.