Mums the Word Magazine

14/08/2024

Summer mantra: Wherever you are, be there completely.

Even if it's in the middle of a Lego minefield with very blue language under your breath.

"

14/08/2024

If you or the kids want to immerse yourself in a summery activity, why not get your pens out for a sundae special??

And it's totally okay that it's only Wednesday - boom boom!

(Okay maybe you should stick to writing articles Nik and leave the comedy to the professionals eh??)

Anyhoo - here's some fun to be had - enjoy!

13/08/2024

Curiosity didn't kill the cat - it made it purr with possibilities! What rabbit holes are you down at the moment??
🐰

13/08/2024

"The Fine Art of Doing Nothing"

In a world that glorifies busyness, doing nothing with your kids is practically rebellious.

But here's a secret: it's also magical.

Those moments of shared silence, of simply being together regardless of what you’re doing, are the threads that weave the strongest family bonds.

And the great news is it doesn’t need to be all day (I mean let’s be honest - our kids would be virtually shovelling us out of the room after a while!).

If a few minutes, is all you have, then that's all you have but it makes a huge difference when your kids know they can look forward to that with you.

So c’mon folks - where are my fellow rebels at??

Master the art of doing nada and your kids (and whatever is left of your sanity) will thank you for it.

12/08/2024

When your to-do list and your kids' summer plans have a showdown.

Which one is winning?

"

12/08/2024

This is one of the most under-discussed aspects of invisible disabilities - the reality of being able to do something last week, a few days ago, or even this morning, but right now, you can't go anywhere near it.

This is why many types of neurodivergence are classed as dynamic - they change constantly and it's not always obvious why they change.

Factors like tiredness, overstimulation, and energy hangovers from too much peopling can really throttle our capacity and bandwidth.

Nicola Reekie from The PDA Space has written a fabulous article for Mum's The Word sharing some of her core tips on planning family days out.

Nicola's entire ethos is around understanding what's behind the behaviour of our young people so that we can meet them where they are at. This could include...

💜 Allowing for plans to be flexible enough to change if they need to,

💜 Preparing items and outfits in advance for your child's ease,

💜 Giving your family any additional time you need to meet people etc.

Considering in advance what additional support your child might need, can make a huge difference in how a day out can start, without overwhelm rearing its head to spoil it for them.

You can read Nicola's article in the Mum's The Word mag below (it's free!).

You can also find out more about The PDA Space and the amazing community Nicola has built and the support it offers to parents of neurodivergent children, children with Pathological Demand Avoidance and ND parents too 💕

11/08/2024

If 'Embracing The Art of Doing Nothing' with your kids was a prize, what would yours be? Nobel Prize??

Or Local Fete B***y Prize?? (It's easier said than done isn't it!)

11/08/2024

It's not the 'summer holidays' if we're not stuck inside, on a rainy day, 'resorting' to colouring in and doing puzzles is it??

Well here's the good news! You don't need to wait for the rain, and no need to wait until you've run out of options to pick up the puzzles!

Here's a fab selection of puzzles for mixed ages (yep - the grown-ups are allowed to play too!) to happily while away some time 💕

There's a huge ice cream to colour in too if your taste buds can cope with it without drooling all over your colouring! 🍦

10/08/2024

Screens aren't the enemy - they're a new way to learn and connect and we need to be part of that progress if we want to stay included in what our kids are interested in.

10/08/2024

One of the best ways of getting my picky-eater daughter interested in trying new foods was to get her cooking them.

This was one of her favourite meals for months! The coconut milk is slightly sweeter so it often appeals to younger palates a little more - and what they don't know is that some of the ingredients are REALLY good for them!

(Let's keep that out little secret though eh??)

The additional beauty of making meals like this yourself too is that you can tailor them to different family members' tastes as there was zero chance in our house of finding a meal (besides pizza!) that everyone would eat.

A bit more spice, a bit less onion...

A LOT more chilli for mum ;)

You can find the recipe inside the magazine, as well as a no-freeze ice cream recipe to make with the kids!

Shall we make curry for tea kids? Yes Chef!

09/08/2024

Who decided grown-ups can't have fun? Probably our grown-ups while we were little still TRYING to be kids!

Let's reclaim unadulterated playfulness!
🤪

09/08/2024

"Gaming: A New Love Language in ND Families"

When your child shares their gaming achievements with you, they're inviting you into their world.

When they're telling you the fine details of characters in games, that's their flavour of connecting with you.

Showing interest, even if you don't fully understand, can strengthen your bond hugely.

Yes it seems like a whole other world to you that is SO uninteresting to you that you’d rather do chores and clean out that long overdue fridge than take part in, BUT what you’re saying to them is ‘I’m interested in YOU, and because this interests you, I’m listening.

It's not ever about the game.

They can happily play that without you.

It's about the connection they're trying to create with you in their own way.

08/08/2024

"The Great Summer Expectation Detox"

Ah, summer...

When Instagram tells us we should be having picturesque picnics, but reality serves us burnt hotdogs and ants!

It's time to detox from those picture-perfect expectations goorjusses as it’s all fiction!

Embrace the beautiful chaos of YOUR unique family summer! (it's not 'that' beautiful Nik!)

Except to you, and your kids, it is.

Nobody, anywhere, EVER, has had the same family dynamic as you.

Each child is unique, you're unique and then on top of all that never-before-ness that you're all navigating, shizzle's always changing too!

You're never going to have another summer of 2024 - again.

Whether you're melting one day, and in wellies the next, in a tidy home for 43 seconds per week and an utter tip the rest of the week, it's all superficial.

You don't remember that stuff.

It's YOUR time together that is remembered and yeah - know to do lists and jobs and businesses and food shops and hair cuts and... and... and's are happening.

(Believe me - I'm living that right now decanting my home into a van for us to go off grid for a while!)

But I'm still embracing we're doing it in our way and I couldn't care less that Insta would be horrified!

We all know that the best memories often come from the unplanned moments and the plans that go awol - like for us in the UK, you’ve not been properly camping if you don’t have a camping-with-very-questionable-expertise-and-equipment story to pass down for generations!

On that note, who's up for a spontaneous living room fort party?

Vodka is definitely not encouraged (well not until the LAST week of the hols as hangovers and holidays don’t mix well!)

07/08/2024

School holidays: Where 'Sunday Night Panic-Laundry' takes a holiday but is replaced by All-Week-Everything-Washing. Such joy! 😂

07/08/2024

Multitasking: That pesky myth that steals summer fun!

📣 Attention all multitasking champions! It's time to hang up your cape!

It turns out (with a tiny bit of pretend research that I didn’t actually Google!) that trying to do it all often means we're not fully present for anything.

Or in the room at all.

Or even the same postcode!

No Ship Sherlock! (That's the pre-watershed version!)

How about we let a few of our spinning plates grind to a halt and pretend some of the chores are stranded on desert islands somewhere that Sherlock shipped them off to!)

Maybe try a little dabble with monotasking?

(And no - that’s not the same as forcing enjoyment by sticking at something you’re absolutely hating so you can put the cattle prod down momma!)

But being in the moment - and noticing how often your head is trying to scarper off to plan your next meal, work out your laundry loads and whether you can take early retirement is eye-opening!

It takes some practice but LEARNING to be more present in some of your stolen moments can take memory making to very different depths because you're giving yourself permission to be there fully.

Even if that moment does involve fishing Lego out of the toilet.

Again.

06/08/2024

When your child talks about their games (that if brutally honest, we’re not remotely interested in!), listen anyway. It's their world. It matters to them more than you realise
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06/08/2024

Wish you could get your child outside more? Or off their screens because it's their favourite thing to do?

For some children - especially neurodivergent ones, in-person interaction is just too much, so online friendships are a lifeline to them (and us as their parents).

If I ask my son - a proud and ironically out-loud introvert - if he likes seeing his friends in person he’ll say yes but he enjoys chatting to them more online.

He says in person makes him feel awkward - all of a sudden, even with his closest friends, he can become really self-conscious and then it can escalate into ruminating, negative self-talk and general discomfort.

Online gaming, chatting and friendships offer connection without the overwhelming sensory input of in-person interactions.

And because this is where their kin - their like-minded folk are hanging out - it's no wonder that this is where they make their favourite friends.

We’re so conditioned that outside is best, but to some children - especially if they’ve experienced trauma or are healing in any way - it really isn’t until THEY are ready.

Because the alternative is that in your pursuit of a 'norm' that isn't accessible for them, you might be taking away one of their self-taught coping mechanisms that will help them in their future.

If your child is thriving with online friends, it's hard to let go of how we were raised, but try to celebrate these meaningful connections and in time, the acceptance of their own choices and needs will expand out into trying other things on their own timeline.

05/08/2024

Did you know you can make ice cream without a freezer?? 🍨

Well - you do need some ice cubes but this is a super quick way of making some yummy ice cream to keep you cool in our sunshine!

And the beauty is, because it only takes ten minutes to make, it doesn't matter that our weather can NEVER make its mind up what it's doing! ;)

28/07/2024

Morning goorjusses! It’s the first weekend of the school holidays here but it’s hilarious how staggered our terms all are isn’t it!

No wonder we don’t know if we’re coming or going! 🤪

Anyhoo - if you’d love a read of the latest Mum’s The Word Mag - the Play edition for our summer(ish!) holidays, here she is! ☀️

Not the same as the usual school holiday editions as lots of ideas for introverted children, tips on how to use play to really connect with your kids, and also reclaim your own genius via your playtime 🤩

Parenting magazine sharing all things confusing about parenting! This edition is all about play and how powerful it is to play unaccountably and without conditions! Recipes, indoor summer activities, puzzles, help for neurodivergent families - it's all in here! Enjoy your summer folks!

15/05/2024

If anyone asks us what we REALLY want in life, many of us don't actually know.

Or we'd struggle to give any specifics without giving it some serious thought.

🤔 And how many of us are sitting there like Great Thinkers pondering our lives when we have The Day tapping away at us??

Not many!

What if someone could help?

What if someone qualified in neuroscience-based coaching was ahead of our curves and created a scorecard where you could answer a handful of questions and see EXACTLY where some help or focus would work well?

💗 What if it could help you unpack what your purpose is, what makes your soul happy or maybe on a more simple level - where to go next with your life?

Well...

It just so happens that a marvellous someone did this 😉

I'm so excited that as part of her Find Your Genius magic, Jessica has created her amazing scoreapp to step you through the main areas of your life and give you a summary of what is and isn't lighting you up at the moment.

Want to know what would be best to change 'first' if you know you need an overhaul? Or even just some subtle tweaks can make a huge difference to how much of yourself you're accessing?

Feeling curious?

You can try it out fer fr ee below...

13/05/2024

🥴 Did you forget to pack the PE kit this morning?

🥴 Was it a manic rush to leave the house and everyone was grumpy?

🥴 Have you ZERO time for shopping so it's fish fingers for dinner 'again'??

Parenting is the biggest juggle amidst the most anguish most of us come up against - there is ALWAYS something to worry about.

This image isn't to berate you that you're getting shizzle wrong - it's to remind you that the environment you create for your children sets the tone - not the minutiae that are stacking up in gangs to take you out emotionally.

Not tidy enough, not on time enough, car is a tip please don’t anyone need a lift!

When you're feeling like you're sinking - zoom out.

The bigger picture is far more important than the daily checklist that never ends!

There's an article I wrote in the mag about this - the relief when someone else reminded me that 'the water our children are swimming in' is far more important than the mini judgements I'd focus on when my inner critic was getting vocal!

We teach our kids kindness but we don’t give it to ourselves - if you’re beating yourself up you’re allowed to stop as I promise you, caring THIS much about getting stuff right can only mean you’re doing an amazing job goorjuss 😘

04/05/2024

How far away would you need to go before your tinkles weren't interrupted?? 😂

It won't always be like this - enjoy the mini Jedi's while they're still inhabiting your planet! Happy Star Wars Day!

23/04/2024

When we think of the word genius, it's often associated with a giftedness that is out of reach to many - an exclusive club reserved for the uber-talented.

Jessica is reshaping that belief - she's helping people to shift the lens and find their 'own' inner genius - starting with what makes you happy.

When you really start to look at your life, you can see which parts of it bring you joy and light you up, and which parts are taking you away from your soul's desires.

This time of year with the darker nights behind us for a while, we start looking ahead a little more - planning and purging as we shake off the winter cobwebs.

But we don't always notice what's weighing us down or that we're ignoring what we'd love to be doing on a day-to-day basis.

Maybe your home environment is great but your health and wellbeing needs a little work?

Or relationships need some TLC but money and finances are thriving...

If you'd love a free assessment on where you could be really thriving by looking at 8 core aspects of your life, check out Jessica's article and link.

Her magic is unleashing what's dormant and unlocking that inner calling that's excited to be leading from the front!

Want some real insight??

What are you waiting for?

19/04/2024

We usually have pizza at the weekend, but this week, I've had zero idea what day I'm on anyway so we had pizza last night!

Get me! All rebellious! Anyhoo - I made the quick pizza dough for the bases from the Kid's Kitchen recipe and they were fab!

Little ones will possibly need some help with the kneading as it does make your arms ache slightly but still super easy to do!

Where we then might differ is what you'd put on yours as toppings - my son opted for barbeque sauce and cheese as his base and I went for lime pickle and cheese as mine!

Definitely not the norm but that's the fun part right??

These are going to be regulars on our house now for sure - my son said they were his new favourite! 😍

18/04/2024

When I tell people I run a magazine, they often think it’s quite a glamorous thing.

It isn’t.

When I tell them it’s a parenting thing, I always think people’s minds conjure up a church newsletter stylee thing photocopied too many times onto pale green paper.

It isn’t.

When I show them though, and I tell them it’s free - they ask questions and will say that it’s a crazy amount of work for one person.

It is.

But my ADHD brain is crap at having help as managing the moving parts for two of us at my pace just creates bottlenecks.

So it’s just little old me…

And people always ask when I get into these conversations why I do it.

Because I can’t bear how much struggle there is going on silently for families.

Support systems are utterly broken and under too much strain.

And when I think about it all, it breaks me - so I have to not think about it, I have to do something instead.

L’il me, with my l’il mag is my l’il attempt at helping via some pretty small ripples at the moment.

But ripple they will.

And a collective voice will be created.

And a space will exist for differences to be welcomed not vilified.

All for a little bit of progress…

I’ve been beavering away and here’s the website 😍

I love her.

I used to be more fussy about shizzle but now?

I just want to do stuff that’s accessible.

Good enough is perfect is our new motto.

There’s still stuff to come, loads yet but for the moment - take a look!

❣️ Have a read of the mag.

❣️ From this afternoon, join the FB and WhatsApp community.

❣️ Give us a like

❣️ Check out advertising options

❣️ Spread the word.

Let’s get some ripples rippling goorjusses 💕

12/04/2024

I have to confess, I’m pretty easily pleased BUT this little stat made me do such a happy dance! 🎉

One of my concerns about going digital was that our tendency to doom scroll might mean that people wouldn’t ‘read’ the mag.

I adored Mum’s The Word when she was in print - that excuse to sit down and read it and get useful ideas on what to do with the kids when you had a rare 5 minutes. Everything in one place, literally being put into your hands, just before half term was a winner.

And the feedback was always lovely with advertisers choosing to come back time and time again.

But digital is another ballgame altogether I’d realised this a while ago hence the wait to relaunch her - I researched absolutely everything - from the best sizes from a reading point of view, to optimal magazine lengths, to hosting platforms etc.

So I thought that the read times might be a few minutes at best, and readers might dip back in again.

Last sunday when I shared her - the AVERAGE read time on the mag was 7:17 minutes 😮

The weekend just gone, the average read time was just under 6 minutes.

Even in the week when you’re all crazy busy - the averages are around 3-4 minutes.

That might not seem long - but it’s enough for people to start including it.

And that’s all I want - some articles you’ll love, some you’ll scroll past as not for you.

Some will make you smile as it feels like your life in a nutshell, others will feel alien or irrelevant.

And it’s all okay.

What’s even more okay is that I’m on the right track if people are reading for this long!

There’s a lot of work goes into this - I was copied years ago and that’s always a concern but now? Go for your life because you’ve gotta be committed to a pretty long term gain and it’s like another tricky child demanding your time - the people that copied last time lasted a few editions befriend they changed to something else that was easier for them 😂

I don’t create this mag as a money spinner, it’s because children’s self advocacy and mental health are the drums I’ll bang until my last breath.

And it appears a fair few of us are on the same page - very literally 🥰

Life’s a collaboration - the only sentiment I want us to have is that we’re in this together.

Messy houses, tidy houses, clean kids, little mud-grubs, tears and grins - this little mag is our reminder that you’re not on your own regardless of what’s going on.

I don’t care if it’s corny - isolation is far worse.

Have a little read too and watch this space for the MTW group and community coming later 😉

11/04/2024

🤔 What would your child do if you told them to do something that put them in danger?

They'd question you, wouldn't they?

🤔 What if they could see a threat that you couldn't, that puts them at risk?

They'd explain it to you.

🤔 What if you weren't listening?

They'd push back, kick off, or behave in a way that didn't make sense to you if you still didn't know about the threat.

Now imagine that it's a perceived threat...

You can't see it, it makes zero sense at all why this behaviour is presenting when all you want them to do is take their plate to the kitchen.

They can't explain why they can't do it - it just feels all manner of wrong so their emotions escalate, your emotions escalate too and it's now a situation.

This is how Pathological Demand Avoidance feels to some people. For many, simple requests wouldn't be noticed, let alone feel threatening to someone's entire being.

To someone with PDA, the scenario playing out for you, most definitely isn't what's going on for them. They're possibly in full fight or flight, not feeling safe, their ability to be rational and think logically has been thrown out altogether and they probably can't explain this in a way that would make sense to a person who has never experienced PDA.

Their ability to diffuse the situation doesn't exist in that moment.

And these requests are lurking everywhere during a waking day.

It's such a complex topic and Nicola Reekie has done an amazing job, creating her 5th annual summit which this year has FORTY ONE speakers! That's absolutely phenomenal!

The theme is ‘Looking Behind Behaviour’ and it’s jaw dropping how many things we might not be realising is ‘actually’ going on for our young people.

Just to be clear, you or your child don't need to have PDA or neurodivergent to benefit from this free summit.

During the weekend of 26th to 28th April while the summit is running, amongst many others, you'll hear talks on...

- Nervous system regulating,
- Language therapy and understanding expressive language.
- Cortisol and its impact on wellbeing,
- Using flexibility to manage potential issues in advance and being proactive,
- How behaviour impacts learning

The PDA Space was set up by Nicola when she had to start looking 'behind' the behaviour of her son - you can read all about it in the mag and register for the summit on her page too.

I've learnt so much in the short time Nic and I have been working together because there's absolutely loads of gold here in her summit that help us make sense of what ELSE might be going on for us or our children.

I genuinely can’t wait to learn more as it’s already helped me see behaviour in our household differently.

Read her article on how you can make requests to your children feel less of a threat and more of a trusted collaboration...

10/04/2024

Confession time...

I love being a parent BUT one of the jobs that we're 'blessed' with that could easily reduce me to a weeping heap in the middle of my kitchen is picking the meals.

On loop.

Over and over again.

Luckily I don't feel that way about picking recipes for you guys though!

This is our dinner tonight - some chicken, some spuds, a bit of soy sauce, mustard and honey and you're good to go.

Giving you some time to do a puzzle or two while it cooks....

Yeah right! What it 'probably' gives you time for is a wee (but not in peace), unpacking the dreaded contents of school bags and actually booking that dentist appointment that's been haunting your to do list for weeks.

The puzzles are still there anyway though ;)

09/04/2024

Lots of children are going back to school this week after two weeks off and my feed has been full of friends asking if anyone else’s children have dreaded going back too.

Or if any other parents are the ones dreading it because the absence of school runs and school requirements has been lovely for them.

It’s no secret that I home-educate, but I had to COMPLETELY rebuild my entire life to do this so I rarely go to that as my first suggestion to others who have children struggling in school.

Not everyone was saying their youngsters hate school - some were just saying that the break has been lovely and its ending is what the only issue is.

Some were saying they definitely aren’t okay - at all. I’m in some groups - one is nearly 60k strong, and it’s a constant feed every day of the many issues their children who are not ok in school are seriously struggling to battle.

It’s heartbreaking as it feels so defeatist - it’s a massive problem on the rise and I don’t have any solutions to that side of it.

But I wrote an article in the mag about the water we’re swimming in.

This is the entire ethos behind the mag (and my attempt at parenting too!) - that it doesn’t matter what’s going on in life, it’s about the water you’re swimming in together. The environment you create for your kids.

This ethos has been my true north when I’ve been struggling myself - whenever I’ve felt I’m not up to the job.

Jasper has a tricky situation he’s currently navigating and we talk about it often at the moment as I need to make sure that when he’s making choices, he considers himself and his needs ‘first’ and then looks at how that impacts on others.

Without this step, he’s going to people please his way through life as that’s a huge trait of ADHDers, and we’ve worked hard to let go of that.

He keeps thinking of others first and feels selfish if he’s honest - who taught our kids this??

Probably us as we’re cattle prodded into being ‘seen’ to be good and wholesome through and through, but I’m working hard on undoing this damaging narrative in our house.

It’s not so easy to do this with school issues because there’s a lot to contend against there, BUT if your children know that they have an ear when they get back home, maybe a vent or a comrade to offload to, that can be the difference that makes it tolerable for them.

If they know they’re not insignificant in a sea of one-size-fits-all all sameness, and that their needs ARE allowed to be the exception but they sometimes have to wait until they’re home again to have them met, you’re doing a fab job 🙂

Yeah I know that’s corny but who cares - our family waters are a combo of corny and banter 😉

What are yours?

(You can read the article below…)

07/04/2024

It’s raining here so perfect for the puzzles and colouring in the magazine 💕

There’s a mandala in there too - when I first took Jasper out of school, he wasn’t in a great place emotionally. But I didn’t want to keep asking him about ‘feelings’ all the time when he clearly didn’t want to talk.

We would sit side by side, colouring in the mandala and we created a colour key. He could choose any colour he wanted and he just wrote, in that colour, what emotion he’d picked it for - something that called to him in that moment.

It was so insightful.

If he was gloomy, he’d write that, and then colour for how gloomy he felt. If he was angry he’d pick a colour for that.

One day, after a few weeks he chose teal, he’d been specific about which one, and he said it was for safety. He was 7.

This wasn’t language we used back then - but my child, via a really simple process had told me the root of all his problems at school.

He’d not felt safe - as it just hadn’t come up before then - either in chats, or in the colouring process.

He then chose a darker blue the following week, as well as the teal and said that meant ‘extra safe’.

You have no idea what that meant to me - and how many emotions ran through me. How, in this ‘advanced’ society we live in, could I have not picked up that my 6 year old boy just hadn’t felt safe.

We’d colour a mandala each across the week - no hurry to finish it, no pressure or interference.

We regularly still colour them now so they’ll always be in the magazine.

You don’t have to adopt the same process, but it’s really helpful if you’re looking for ways to understand what’s going on under the surface 😊

Or - you just want something to do on a rainy day 💕

Happy Sunday!