The Sleaze

25/07/2024

What lies behind series of attacks on fishermen by mutated fish? As woman swimmer has bottom slapped by aquatic s*x maniac's tail and angler s*xually assaulted by giant man-fish, marine biologist speculates that hormones in sewage spilled into sea could be behind creation of s*x-obsessed mutant fish....

Fish Fingered Jul 25, 2024 | Science | “It had legs, I’m telling you! A bloody fish with legs – and teeth. Big teeth – the bu**er chased me all round the deck before I found something to beat it to death with,” Dorset fisherman Joe Clunt explains, relating his recent maritime ordeal to The...

18/07/2024

Fugitive ex-Marine claims Trump assassination attempt faked - alleges that he shot Trump months ago, but both targets were actually inflatable decoys! Other conspiracy theorists assert that whole thing pre-recorded in film studio - like the fake moon landings - with crisis actors. Question remains - if only fake Trump targeted, where is the real Trump?...

I Shot Trump! Jul 18, 2024 | Politics | “That whole Trump assassination business was just a hoax, with a phoney shooter and fake target. I should know – I shot Trump!” so declares former Marine and current fugitive from justice Dean Arbutt from his Brazilian refuge. “That’s right – I sho...

11/07/2024

Ever had one of those week's when you feel that outside entities are getting way too intrusive with regard to your life? Unsolicited invitations to drug trials, to buy a retirement home and plan your own funeral, along with equally unsolicited banking advice, leave Doc Sleaze wondering if any aspect of our lives is still private and exempt from monetisation......

Unsolicited Alarmism Jul 11, 2024 | Editorial | Ever had one of those week’s when you feel that outside entities are getting way too intrusive with regard to your life? I’ve just had one such week, which, if I was that kind of person, would have sent my paranoia levels through the roof. First up...

04/07/2024

Are desperate Tories planning to take another leaf out of Trump play book by trying to discredit election result? Top academic claims they might follow example of US Republicans and claim that voters 'hijacked' by phantom polling stations or even set up fake polling stations themselves on election day, in order to divert non-Tory votes....

The Phantom Poll Booth Jul 4, 2024 | Politics | Is Britain’s Conservative Party planning to take another leaf from the Trump playbook in one last, desperate, attempt to sn**ch victory from the jaws of defeat in the 2024 election? “They’ve already tried voter suppression with their whole ‘Vot...

27/06/2024

Religious hate group denounced by government revealed as limited company run for profit by wealthy Tory donors. Did Tory government invent security threat in order to engender culture of fear in run up to election? Newspaper investigation claims whole religious cult faked in order to pursue government's 'Culture Wars'....

Fake Hate Jun 27, 2024 | Politics | A religious cult promoted by the government as being a threat to democracy and the British way of life has been revealed by a newspaper investigation to actually be a limited company run for profit, with two major Tory donors as its only two shareholders. “For m...

13/06/2024

Struggling right-wing news channel's new reality TV show puts ordinary family into midst of wartime Britain complete with rationing and deprivation. Family involved complains they were traumatised as TV company went to extreme lengths for realism, including bombing their street, and strafing their grandmother with live ammunition....

Blitzkrieg Street Jun 13, 2024 | Pop Culture | With its losses mounting, right-wing TV ‘new’ channel Bulldog News has been trying to diversify its programming, in the hope of attracting more general audiences, rather than just rabidly reactionary neo-Nazis. In an attempt to cash in both on the r...

06/06/2024

British online monkey torturers outraged at outsourcing of their activities to cheaper sadists in Far East by organisers of online monkey torture rings. Rejecting allegations that use of baby monkeys implies cowardice on their part, top UK torturer claims Far Eastern torturers simply not zealous enough, failing to deliver value for money to customers....

Spanking the Monkey Jun 6, 2024 | Crime | “It’s simply unacceptable that this work is being outsourced to the Far East – believe me, British sadists can torture monkeys online for money better than any bastard in Indonesia,” declares Charlie Humpstetter, whose online monkey torture ring was ...

30/05/2024

The Irish/UK conflict over illegal immigrants crossing the border from Northern Ireland to the Republic has escalated into an actual s**t-throwing contest. Drive by s**t flingings in North blamed on Irish militants protesting at strain the extra crap is putting on Dublin's sewage system, while Northern Irish paramilitaries retaliate by firing canned s**t across border....

Illegal Excrement May 30, 2024 | Politics | The dispute between Ireland and the UK over illegal immigrants crossing the border from Northern Ireland to the Republic has escalated into a literal s**t-throwing contest. “This car with a Dublin registration plate came tearing down the street – sudde...

23/05/2024

Why is the government urging people to stockpile three days worth of supplies in their houses? Allegations abound that government scaremongering to terrify people into voting Tory at general election. Insider reveals Tory schemes to scare voters with stories of fish men marauding up British beaches, alien invasions and plagues of woke rapists....

Panic in Year Election! May 23, 2024 | Politics | Just why is the Tory government urging people to ensure that they have three days worth of supplies stocked up in their houses? Just what is the nature of the ‘danger’ that Rishi Sunak claims lies ahead for the UK? Are these nebulous hypothetical...

09/05/2024

Is the amount of human waste floating in Britain's rivers proof of the existence of giants? Cryptozoologist controversially claims giant humans are using our rivers as sewers, depositing their outsize jobbies in them. Plans to track these elusive creatures by following their gigantic spoor....

Monster Crap May 9, 2024 | Weird | Do giants still roam Britain? A leading cryptozoologist has controversially claimed that the record amounts of human waste flooding the UK’s rivers is proof of the existence of gigantic human beings in the British Isles. “How else can you explain this phenomeno...

02/05/2024

What would you do if you were invisible? Spy on naked women? Cop a feel? Do trashy exploitation films help put us in touch with our most reprehensible fantasies, such as these? By doing so, do they help us confront our darkest urges and feelings, helping us deal with them harmlessly? Can watching trash save the world?...

25/04/2024

What is the truth behind Tory MP's desperate late night call to local party treasurer pleading for money? Was he being held against his will in a s*x dungeon over an unpaid bill for whippings? Or was he held for ransom by irate rent-boys furious at his encroachment onto their territory? Or was it all an elaborate scheme to embezzle party funds?...

Cracking the Whip Apr 25, 2024 | Politics | “The state this party has been reduced to is enough to make a grown man weep – never, in fifty years as a member, twenty of them as a constituency treasurer, expect to have an MP calling me in the early hours of the morning pleading for money,” decla...

18/04/2024

As Reform Party drops candidate who turned out to be dead, journalist claims that fringe party is deliberately deploying corpses as candidates as elderly base of support starts to die off. Further alarming allegations that fringe parties could be planning to reanimate dead supporters to boost support, amid reports of polling station overrun by zombies!...

The Dead That Vote Apr 18, 2024 | Politics | Following reports that the UK’s Reform Party had sacked an inactive candidate, who hadn’t been responding to official letters and emails, only for it to turn out that his inactivity was down to the fact that he was dead, a journalist has claimed that ...

11/04/2024

Is a dating app for S*M enthusiasts being used to lure Tory MPs into 'honey trap' for purposes of blackmail? Backbench Tories apparently being enticed into 'torture dungeons' with anonymous photos of genitalia, then photographed while being bound and beaten. Security Services baffled as to who is behind plot....

Politics of Pain Apr 11, 2024 | Politics | The discovery of a senior Tory backbencher strapped into a bizarre ‘torture machine’ in an Edgeware S*M ‘dungeon’ has resulted in the revelation of a new s*x scandal threatening to engulf Britain’s ruling party. Sir Geoffrey Chessington- Humpler, ...

28/03/2024

Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard F***y advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time he addresses the perplexing case of 'My Haunted Arse'. Can a person's posterior be haunted and produce supernatural phenomena including apparitions, disembodied voices and strange sounds? The Rev investigates....

21/03/2024

Are a new subterranean underclass emerging from beneath the streets of London's wealthiest districts? While right-wing commentator claims that strange figures seen in empty millionaire mansions are evidence of 'immigrants in the walls', top scientist claims albino beings descendants of domestic staff abandoned and trapped in mansion basements....

14/03/2024

Police raid on chain of budget undertakers reveal alleged running corpses-for-hire racket. Were dead bodies being rented out to fill out sparse crowds at football matches, concerts and Tory party meetings? Anti-immigration political candidate claims some bodies skinned to provide 'suits' for illegals to pass for white!...

Dead and Unburied Mar 14, 2024 | Crime | “What they were doing to those corpses was an absolute bloody disgrace,” Chief Inspector Harriman Katt of West Surrey Constabulary claimed at a recent press conference, referring to a series of high profile police raids on a string of funeral parlours acr...

07/03/2024

Is the UK's population really predominantly made up of foaming at the mouth extreme right-wing bigots, as the media would have us believe? Or is the self-styled 'silent majority' really just a 'very loud minority' trying to drown out the voices of the decent majority? Should we simply put them all against a wall and shoot them in order to restore sanity?...

Shoot Them All Mar 7, 2024 | Editorial | There are times when the press seem to conspire to convince us that the UK population is made up predominantly of foaming at the mouth right-wing bigots and racists. Just recently, for instance, in the wake of ‘Thirty Pee’ Lee Anderson’s inflammatory co...

29/02/2024

Are the world's cities under attack from titanic human trumps? Top scientists claim recent series of city levelling natural disasters actually caused by huge vegan farts. Are a group of vegan extremists holding world to ransom, threatening to global destruction unless whole globe gives up animal products?...

15/02/2024

Americans urged to 'forget the Alamo' as calls to expel Texas from the Union grow. With 'Lone Star State' refusing to implement Federal laws on border controls, top politicians suggest State should either become independent or rejoin Mexico. Mexicans unenthusiastic at prospect of subsequent 'Gr**go invasion' if latter occurs....

Forget the Alamo! Feb 15, 2024 | Politics | After nearly two hundred years of exhortations to ‘Remember the Alamo’, Americans outside the State of Texas are now being urged to instead forget the Alamo. The calls come in the wake of the so called ‘Lone Star State’ clashing with the Federal go...

08/02/2024

Is Donald Trump senile? Ex-President's mental fitness for office called into question after alleged bizarre behaviour, including urinating on supporters at rally. Fans claim Democrat conspiracy to deflect attention from President Biden's senility. Critics claim wealthy Trump backers believe dementia struck Trump would make White House easier to control....

29/01/2024

Is a Washington fast food joint actually a front for a child cannibalism cult serving flesh burgers to liberal degenerates? As acolytes of latest crazy right wing conspiracy theory attack burger restaurant, experts dismiss claims as being yet more extremist fantasies and label its followers as 'deluded'....

All Flesh is Meat Jan 29, 2024 | Politics | “I thought there was going to be a lynching when they dragged that fella out into the street, covered in batter and fries – I guess that’s the fast food equivalent of being tarred and feathered – and tried to throw a rope over that lamppost,” say...

18/01/2024

As social media debates whether Hamas and the Houthis are savage alien invaders or some kind of musical act, questions are raised as to current standard of online political discourse. Is online ignorance part of far right strategy to promote conspiracy fantasies and false narratives in order to smother rational debate?...

Invasion of the Houthis Jan 18, 2024 | Politics | “It’s high time that we retaliated against these Houthis. They sound like they might be some alien tribe – space nomads who have been raiding the earth, abducting our women and molesting our cattle,” declared top internet political commentato...

11/01/2024

As Stephen Hawking revealed to have been guest on Epstein's right-wing fantasy island, conspiracy theorists speculate as to how quadriplegic physicist was able to participate in alleged or**es? Did it involve mechanical assistance, advanced puppetry or even magic? Are right-wingers using Epstein affair to project own perverted fantasies onto opponents?...

Right-Wing Fantasy Island Jan 11, 2024 | Politics | “Look, just because the guy was some kind of cripple, completely unable to do anything physical – sort of a giant brain in a wheelchair – that doesn’t mean that he couldn’t have been a gross pervert into kids,” screeches right-wing US a...

04/01/2024

Is New Year an instantly disappointing celebration? After all, everything that was wrong on December 31st is still going to be wrong on January 1st, despite all the celebrations, resolutions and euphoria. We say goodbye to our troubles only to say hello again a moment later.......

New Year, Old Irritations Jan 4, 2024 | Editorial | I was watching the BBC coverage of the fireworks on New Year, when it occurred to me how London-centric it all was, (unless you were in Scotland, of course, in which case you got all that Hogmany bo****ks instead). After all, London couldn’t have...

28/12/2023

Paranormal Investigator, Exorcist and Agony Aunt The Reverend Leonard F***y advises readers on their supernatural problems. This time he counsels a man accused of perpetrating a 'Holy Grope'. Spiritual healer or s*x offender? Man accused of abusing his healing gifts for s*xual gratification....

Holy Grope Dec 28, 2023 | Weird | Welcome to our semi-regular feature – Ask the Rev – where leading paranormal expert and ordained priest (in the Church of Jesus the Latter Day Naturist) Reverend Leonard F***y addresses our readers’ supernatural personal problems. This time the Rev’s experti...

19/12/2023

A series a child disappearances from Santa's grottos all over UK raises fears of seasonal peadophile ring operating in shopping centres. Others speculate Santa kidnapping kids to break North Pole elf strike. Top folklorist fears the abductions are the work of the sinister Cult of Santa in furtherance of its aim to resurrect the one true Santa....

The Cult of Santa Dec 19, 2023 | Crime | Fears of a Christmas-themed child trafficking racket, or worse still a seasonal peadophile ring, operating the UK have been raised following a number of disappearances from Santa’s Grottos up and down the country. But is something even more sinister going o...

07/12/2023

Is homelessness just a lifestyle choice? Top Tory MP claims people are just dropping out of their regular lives to enjoy benefits of living tax and responsibility free on the streets - calls for them to be rounded up and sent to Rwanda. Also targets pensioners for making lifestyle choice to be old and live off of the state - should they be euthanised?...

It’s a Good Life on the Streets Dec 7, 2023 | Politics | “It’s the best bloody thing I’ve ever done!” declares forty four year old Bracknell homeless man Arthur Grinff in an interview with the Daily Excess, describing how he chose to walk away from his four bedroom detached house, family a...

30/11/2023

After refuse-filled missile strikes Brussels, spewing stinking household waste across city, UK is accused of running secret scheme to dispose of its rubbish by firing it off in rockets. Despite denials by British authorities, suspicions linger that rain of effluent over German city might also have been from malfunctioning UK waste disposal missile....

Raining Rubbish Nov 30, 2023 | Science | A furious war of words has erupted between the governments of Belgium and the UK after a large rocket crashed into the centre of Brussels. “It wasn’t so much the damage it did to our historic monuments – luckily it missed the ‘Pissing Boy’ and apart...

23/11/2023

Sinister shopping cult plans human sacrifice to ensure good bargain hunting at this year's 'Black Friday' sales. Seeking 'Black Friday' virgin to be burned to death in giant wicker cash register. Academic speculates that 'Black Friday' shopping frenzy is cultural reincarnation of pagan 'Wild Hunt'....

Bloody Black Friday Nov 23, 2023 | Weird | “It’s the only way to guarantee bargains,” claims Arthur Blick, leader of a coven of black robed cultists currently preparing a huge effigy of a cash registered, fashioned from wicker, for their sinister annual ceremony. “If we don’t make a suitab...