03/01/2023
This is the last 20 minutes of my life.... Enjoy.
11yr old - "Mum, I just let the cat out and there's a really loud noise outside. I don't know what it is but it's super loud!"
I was eating a bowl of cereal at the time but curiosity got the better of me and so out I went to investigate....
She was right. It was LOUD.
I walk to the end of the garden and look around. It sounds like a really low flying plane. The sky is almost rumbling. I shiver as I've suddenly gone from a lovely warm house to outdoors on a winter's night.
Suddenly from nowhere, (for no other reason than my brain is an ar****le) I get visions of a plane crashing into the street. Or the house?! Or ME? OMG I need to go back inside....
From the corner of my eye I spot a red flashing light from the top of the road. Wtf is that?!
My brain - It could be a robot? Planes are crashing and it's the end of the world. Some weird s**t is going down Jen. GET INSIDE.
As I turn to walk back into the garden, my foot twists funny and my slipper comes off. FFS! As I try to slide it back on I manage to kick it further away.
What do I do now? Retrieve my slipper and risk certain death or run back into the house to safety?
I run (Well half a wonky jog because I have a bare foot!)
When I open the front door to step back inside, I'm greeted by my 6yr old son stood directly Infront of me. He wasn't there before I went outside and so it makes me jump!
The door behind him leading to the living room was slightly shut so all I could see was a freaky shadow like figure.
It took a couple of seconds to register that this was nothing scary and infact just my child seeing where his mummy had gone but this realisation came too late......
In the sheer panic of new world killer robots and out of control airplanes, I realise I have a weapon in my hand from the cereal I was eating and I B***K my child on the head with a spoon!
His cry brings me back to reality with a thud.....
1) The noise was a police helicopter.
2) The red flashing light was from a bike delivering a takeaway.
3) I have watched far too much TV over the Christmas period.
4)My slipper is still outside.
5) I need help 🙈
Happy new year Jen 🤦
