Ashley The Parent Coach

29/11/2024

Elf on the Shelf: A Parent Coach’s’ Perspective! 🎄

The Elf season kicks off this Sunday morning for better or worse - with some parents dreading it and others loving it. Before it starts, here are two insights from me:

1) The Pressure is Real! Doing the Elf every night can feel overwhelming, especially during a busy month that often involves lots of drinking! I loved it at first (the Frozen pictures below was the absolute pinnacle) but after nearly a decade I’ve run out of energy and ideas. Thankfully, my eldest no longer believes - which I thought would upset me but as she’s decided to take on the Elf role this year—I am delighted! I have a friend who plays it cool, and her Elf only changes place every few days, she tells her children he’s a "lazy elf." I envy her laid-back approach and would strongly recommend it. If you're feeling the pressure, know that it’s okay to take it down a notch. Sometimes, less really is more! Children would rather have a more relaxed parent.

2) Reframing Behaviour Expectations: While it is tempting to use the Elf as a behaviour monitor—“He’s watching, so behave!”— there is a better path. Instead of instilling fear of being watched, let’s encourage our children to make good choices even when no one is looking. The ultimate goal is for them to develop a sense of responsibility and self-control, not just temporary fear based compliance. This holds true for Santa cams too! Additionally children who believe and see themselves as naughty could get anxious about being watched. So, if you do, do the Elf thing - try to go with the joy of it vs any watching eyes.

If you want to discuss some positive ways to manage misbehaviour please get in touch.

25/11/2024

3 Simple Ways to Safeguard Your Child’s Screen Time

We are the first generation of parents navigating the rise in screen time and it can feel overwhelming. You're not alone if you feel this way but it’s important we calmly teach our children how to use screens responsibly.

Here are my top 3 evidence-based strategies to help your family to manage screentime:

Establish Phone-Free Zones
Agree screen-free areas in your home, especially in your child’s bedroom. Keeping devices in communal spaces encourages better interaction and reduces exposure to inappropriate content. This simple rule can lower risks and enhance family connections.

Delay Social Media Access
Postpone your child's entry to social media until they’re at least 13, longer if possible. Children must be emotionally ready for these platforms, as social media is often a gateway to harmful content like violence or self-harm messaging. Accidental exposure can lead to curiosity and repeated exposure through algorithms. Keep them away from social networks for as long as you can and set parental controls to enforce this limit.

Create a Usage Contract
Consider drafting a straightforward contract with your child outlining when and where screen time is acceptable. Though it may seem formal, it’s an excellent chance to discuss responsible usage and the dangers of excessive screen time while you’re in a strong negotiating position. Discuss guidelines, including occasional device access for safety checks. Establishing a weekly screen-free night can be a great starting point. While respecting their privacy, reassure them your intentions aren’t to invade their space but to understand their online interactions.

To be a fantastic parent in this regard, model healthy screen habits! Join them for the screen-free evening and be mindful of your own phone usage around them.

11/07/2024

Had a great time leading an ADHD workshop for parents at Claytons Primary School today!

It was so rewarding to discuss strategies for managing hyperactive behaviors in children.

Thank you to the school for having me!

07/07/2024

Quality time with your kids is the most valuable activity of all 🕰️💕 "

19/06/2024

Heres part 2 of how to reduce sibling rivalry. How you do it, is crucial to its success.

Good luck 🤞🏻

18/06/2024

Do you want to reduce sibling conflict in your home?

Then watch this 2 minute video, where I share a simple technique that’s tried and tested.

I will share part two (on how to make it really effective) tomorrow!

18/06/2024

Tired of your kids constantly bickering? Want a simple idea that will radically reduce how

Tomorrow I will share a short 2-minute video explaining exactly what to do.

16/06/2024

Does the Father of your children deserve to be spoiled rotten this Father’s Day? Are you working well as a parenting team?

Because having agreed plans to manage your children’s behaviours and agreeing how you back each other up. These are the cornerstones of great parenting.

Not being aligned makes managing children's challenging behaviours much worse.

If you need support as a couple to discuss and begin using proven strategies and techniques, please get in touch.

When couples come together to discuss and review how they parent, it is one the most effective ways to truly change children’s behaviours.

06/06/2024

If you have ADHD & you’re a parent of a child with ADHD, that can be a huge double whammy of stress and negativity.

Neurodiverse kids thrive with patience, routine, calm and positivity…. which can be tricky to deliver for parents who have ADHD!

I listened to a great podcast (from Grace Tomothy & Kate Moryousseff) discussing this challenge. One beautiful take away from it (that I know to be 100% true) is that children with ADHD need one thing above all, someone who is able to empathise with them and show understanding.

So even if you at times struggle with positivity, fail a bit at organising and occasionally lose your sheet, go easy on yourself. Be kind when you screw up. It’s a key life lesson for your child on how to be kind to themselves.

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/is-it-my-adhd/id1612236855?i=1000582479913

30/05/2024

24/05/2024

Progress, over perfection is what I talk about when working as a parent coach.

I focus on equipping parents with practical tools and techniques to build confidence and empower them to navigate challenges in the future.

My goal is to provide support that results in lasting skills and self-assurance, that work long after our time together has come to an end.

18/05/2024

Do you want 5 free ways to manage high-energy kids this May term?

Parenting high-energy children can feel like trying to contain a hurricane – chaotic and exhausting. But if you can engage and embrace them where they are, harnessing that energy, it Is possible to keep them engaged and entertained.

1. Have a workout with your kids via a daily dance party, with all your favourite music playing.
2. Organize a mini sports day with games like re-lay races, three legged races and sack races, to get everyone active and moving.
3. Go on a bike ride and have a picnic wherever you want.
4. Create a DIY obstacle course in your back garden using household items like chairs, cones, and hula hoops for a fun and challenging activity.
5. Go on a nature scavenger hunt in a local park or nature reserve.

12/05/2024

Are you a lawn mower parent?

A lawn mower parent "mows a pathway through obstacles, challenges or emotional hardships for their children”.

It’s instinctive not to want our children to be hurt or upset. But giving them a pain free easy pathway in life, is counter intuitive to preparing them for life.

It’s important and useful to fail and be hurt. It’s what’s coming down the line as an adult. Let them learn how to do it when they are young.

If this could be you, try changing your mindset. If they are:

🎉Facing friendship challenges. Brilliant, allow them to work it through, this is a key life skill.

🎉Not doing homework. Amazing. Let them face the consequences in school.

🎉Broken toy. Phenomenal, don’t replace it.

🎉Bored. Fantastic. Don’t give them a screen or arrange a play date. Let them entertain themselves. Or get them to help around the house!

By all means be there to listen and coach (if they want advice) but allowing them to fail, be sad and resolve issues themselves is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child.

Facing setbacks can be hard, but resilience is like a muscle – the more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes.

…and it gives you permission as parent to do less! So relax and be a 1980s parent!

16/04/2024

I had the privilege of working with an amazing family who are exploring whether their child is neurodiverse.
It was a rewarding experience to support them and help provide tools and strategies to improve their family life... and crucially to see their growth and resilience as a family after we completed the course.

28/03/2024

Family gatherings at Easter can be a tricky time for parents of children with ADHD, especially if family members don’t fully understand or support their childrens unique challenges.

See the comments for six ideas on what to say to help educate and advocate for your child this Easter wkd.

21/03/2024

Happy Neurodiversity Week!

Did you know that kids with ADHD often really thrive when given clear and consistent routines that they can see?

Try creating a visual schedule for their day with them. Then stick it on a wall in their bedroom, it can really help them stay on track, keep calm and feel in control.

For more information on how to support your ADHD child, please check out the great resources at the link in the comments.