http://www.OccasionalDigest.com/

Occasional Digest, Greater London (2024)

10/12/2024

Tuesday 10 December Victory Day in Iraq
In 2014, ISIS launched an offensive in Iraq taking control of about a third of Iraqi territory including the second-biggest city, Mosul.

The war to reclaim the territory was long and brutal with liberation efforts in each town and city met with fierce resistance.

Military support to Iraqi forces from the US, Canada and other European allies was also bolstered by Russian logistical and military aid.

On December 9th 2017, Prime Minister Haider al-Abadi declared final victory over ISIS after Iraqi forces drove its last remnants from the country.

Abadi declared December 10th as a national holiday to be celebrated every year to mark the victory.

Following the defeat, ISIS has switched to an insurgency campaign in Iraq using guerrilla tactics

Victory Day is marked by a military parade and state television airing celebratory songs praising government forces.

https://bit.ly/3OPlaQ8

09/12/2024

Monday 9 December Battle of Ayacucho in Peru
The Battle of Ayacucho was a decisive military encounter during the Peruvian War of Independence. This battle took place on the high plateau near Ayacucho, Peru. It freed Peru and ensured the independence of the nascent South American republics from Spain.

The terms of surrender stipulated that all Spanish forces be withdrawn from both Peru and Charcas (Bolivia); the last of them departed from Callao, the port of Lima, in January 1826.

In December 2021, with 95 votes in favour, 19 against and 2 abstentions, the plenary session of Congress approved a non-working national holiday on December 9th, effective from 2022.

https://bit.ly/3Bjalmp

08/12/2024

Man proves how manly he is by making car go faster than other man
A MAN has proved he is extremely masculine and virile by driving slightly faster than another man, he feels.

Driver Anthony, not his real name, demonstrated how physically and s*xually powerful he was after spotting fellow road user Martin Bishop ahead of him on a B-road.

Sales executive Ant said: “I pushed the accelerator down and within seconds my car was travelling faster than his car. God, I must have loads of excellent testosterone.

“Just by being ahead the guy was insulting me. I couldn’t let him get away with that so I took my Vauxhall Astra up to almost 50mph. I don’t think there’s any doubt now who has the biggest dick.

“When he caught up with me at some lights I revved the engine furiously. I expect that made him wet himself. It’s a shame he had his windows up because I’d have liked to hear his cries of fear.

“If we had to do a manly thing like a sword fight or killing a dinosaur I’d win. He probably has er****on problems too. I don’t, most of the time.”

Other driver Martin, not his real name, said: “Who is this Ant chap? He sounds like a bit of a knob.”
https://bit.ly/49ty9Rc

08/12/2024

Sunday 8 December St. Clement of Ohrid in North Macedonia
Though the exact location and the year aren't known, Clement is accepted to be have been born in what is modern-day North Macedonia about 840 AD. The place of his birth is important as even though we will see that he made a massive contribution to the establishment of Christianity in Bulgaria, his birthplace reflects that he is held in slightly higher regard in Macedonia than Bulgaria.

Known as the enlightener of the Slavs, Clement was one of the most prominent disciples of Saints Cyril and Methodius, the two Byzantine missionaries who spread Christianity among the Slavic peoples of Bulgaria, Great Moravia and Pannonia.

Worried by the growing Byzantine influence at the time, the Bulgarian King Boris I decided to promote Old Slavonic as the language of his empire. To do this, he established two Slavonic schools, one of them led by Clement and was located at Ohrid, which taught the Bulgarian version of Old Slavonic.

This school made Ohrid an important cultural centre for the Bulgarian Empire. Indeed between 990 and 1015, it was the capital of the empire.

In 893 AD, He became the first Slav bishop of the Bulgarian Orthodox Church.

Clement was instrumental in ensuring the enlightenment of Cyril and Methodius wasn't lost and he brought a Slavonic influence to the teachings, defining the identity of the Bulgarian and Macedonian Orthodox Churches.

Clement died at a ripe old age for the time in 916 AD. His disciples buried him in the monastery "St. Panteleimon" in Ohrid, which he had established. He was canonized in the 10th century, joining the pantheon of the Bulgarian saints as one of the seven Apostles of the First Bulgarian Empire.

https://bit.ly/3D4JfA2

07/12/2024

Di****ad who is always late acting like it's somehow beyond their control
AN idiot who is habitually late acts as if it is completely out of her control even when she has been lying in bed watching TikTok until two minutes before she needs to leave.

Barbara, 29, not her real name or age, arrives at all social events at least 40 minutes behind schedule and behaves as if this is a total mystery despite it clearly being because she is indolent and disorganised.

Friend Nikki, not her real name, said: “If she’d been mugged, or sprained her ankle, or stopped to help a lost child, then it’d be understandable. But it’s never those things, not with Lucy.

“She’ll be finishing an episode of Friends that she’s seen 67 times before, or waiting for her nail varnish to dry, or simply just sitting on her bed wrapped in a towel staring at the wall for half an hour.

“And then she arrives in a big flap and says something like ‘Wow, I didn’t realise you live so far away!’ even though she’s been to my house multiple times and it’s a 15-minute walk, max.”

This morning she was a relatively punctual 25 minutes late for work, due to the activities of buying an elaborate coffee, nipping into Boots to browse beauty products and looking at a coat in a charity shop somehow using up time.

Nikia added: “Lucy’s latest thing is to blame her ‘ADHD brain’. But she doesn’t have ADHD, so it just comes down to the fact that she’s a lazy, disrespectful twat.”
https://bit.ly/4ilOeMP

07/12/2024

Saturday 7 December Feast of St. Ambrose in Milan
Saint Ambrose was an archbishop of Milan during the 4th century.

He became an important ecclesiastical figure of his time and was one of the four original doctors of the Church.

Saint Ambrose was sometimes known as the 'Honey-Tongued Doctor'. He got this nickname from the story that when he was a baby, it was said that a swarm of bees started crawling around his mouth. However, instead of stinging him, they left honey on his lips.

This tale also explains why in addition to Milan, he is the patron saint of beekeepers and candlemakers.

The Milanese love Christmas, and start the festivities early on the feast day of the city's patron saint, Saint Ambrose, with the fair known as Oh Bej! Oh Bej! literally meaning 'So beautiful! So beautiful!'.

Although the market has been held for eight centuries, its name dates back to 1510. In that year, Pope Pius IV sent an emissary to revive the faith of the Milanesi, suspected of lacking enthusiasm for the Church. Fearing an unfriendly reception, the emissary prepared sweets and toys for local children who greeted them with cries of Oh bei! Oh bej!

https://bit.ly/3CZQlWi

06/12/2024

Consumers demand much less information about food
FOOD shoppers have demanded the removal of nutritional information, the country of origin and all extraneous adjectives from their food packaging.

New research has found that shoppers are fine with a simple description of the contents rather than a a multi-coloured pie chart and an invitation to call the manufacturer’s customer feedback line for a chat.

Shopper Ryan from Perth, not his real name, said: “Food is necessary. A short essay about the founder’s burning desire to bring crisps from a specific Herefordshire field to the nation is not.

“Am I paying for this? Because I don’t give a badger’s f***y about the salt content, sugar content, how furry it will make my arteries or whether the manufacturer is endorsed by Fair Trade, the Soil Association or the Bavarian Illuminati.

“I promise you I don’t dwell on the picture of a craggy-faced farmer in a cable-knit jumper or the accompanying revelation that ‘Paddy knows each one of his cows by name and reads them poetry by moonlight’ for a moment when eating my pasty. So could it f**k off?”

Emma Bradford said: “Apparently my granola was ‘hand-crafted with 100 per cent pure love’. Which would seem to rule out a factory.

“Sometimes I’m not even sure I love my children, so this level of devotion to some dry, inert flakes and a pinch of small, disappointing raisins is somewhat unnecessary.”
https://bit.ly/4ghjV80

06/12/2024

Friday 6 December Independence Day in Finland
Finland had been part of the Russian Empire since 1809. Following the Russian revolution and the defeats in the First World War, movements within Finland pushed for independence from Russia and on December 6th 1917, the parliament declared Finland as an independent state.

First celebrated in 1919, Independence Day was initially a solemn occasion with patriotic speeches and special Church services.

In more recent times the Independence Day celebration has become a more vibrant occasion with the blue and white colours of the Finnish flag being proudly displayed in shop windows and bakeries producing cakes with blue and white icing.

https://bit.ly/49mD5ak

05/12/2024

Thursday 5 December St Nicholas’ Eve / Sinterklaas in the Netherlands
St. Nicholas’ Day falls on the 6th of December each year, but the holiday celebrations actually start the day before (on December 5th) on St. Nicholas’ Eve. Also known as Sinterklaas, this day isn’t a public holiday, so businesses remain open and most people have to work.

Even so, this holiday is one that captures the public’s imagination and is a day during which there are plenty of familygatherings. The celebration begins even before this day, as children start leaving shoes by the fireplace and sing songs asking for Sinterklaas to bring them gifts some three weeks before the day even arrives.

Some historians believe that the main elements of this holiday are derived from the Germanic traditions used to celebrate the god Wodan — a Germanic god from Norse mythology.

https://bit.ly/4glp8f6

04/12/2024

The middle-aged person's guide to losing friends
IS your life cluttered with friends you’d prefer didn’t exist? Or require a minor effort to occasionally meet? Learn how to lose them like a middle-aged pro.

Go ‘no contact’

Not talking to people doesn’t need to be limited to your exes. People you share cherished memories with can also be w**ded out of your life by going ‘no contact’. They might not get the message at first and bombard you with texts, but stand firm and eventually they’ll lose interest. No more pesky ‘human warmth’ to get in the way of important TV-watching!

Adopt a new personality

Your friends like you for who you are. Exploit this weakness by pretending to be the absolute opposite when you bump into them. Hang out with a bunch of woke types? Start banging on about how great Brexit is and reposting Laurence Fox’s latest tweets. Mix with gammons? Tell them you’ve gone vegan and are transitioning. You’ll be alone in no time.

Move away

Sure, you’ll need to uproot your whole life and find a new place to live, but what’s the alternative? Continue being around people who want to see you and enjoy your company? No thanks. Spend some time researching the remotest and most affordable location then start packing. If anyone asks why you’re moving to Jura, use the bullet-proof excuse of saying it’s for work. You’ve become a sheep administrator.

Never be there for them

Has your mate got divorced, lost their job or embarked on a mid-life crisis? This is your time to shake them off by being of no use whatsoever. Even a consolatory sad face emoji gives them an in, so don’t send one. It’s a cowardly move usually made by s**t boyfriends, but your utter failure to meet the basic requirements of a relationship might even prompt an otherwise bluff, blokey, don’t-give-a-s**t male friend to ditch you.

Get married and have kids

An extreme step, perhaps, but one that always works.
https://bit.ly/4ihzv5z

04/12/2024

Wednesday 4 December Santa’s List Day
The legend of Santa Claus can be traced back to the 3rd century in Patara, in what is now modern-day Turkey, to a monk named St. Nicholas. He became well-known for his acts of kindness, and it is even said that he gave away all of his wealth to travel the countryside helping the sick and the poor. As his popularity grew, he became known as the protector of children.

Apparently today celebrates the day when Santa Claus organizes his list of all the naughty and nice children in the world. This process is extremely important to ensure that he can deliver to all the world’s nice children without being held back by having to deliver toys to undeserving children.

After all, there are over 8 billion people in the world, which means that Santa has to visit a lot of different homes. If he didn’t w**d out the bad children, it could put his whole operation in danger. And that’s what he does on this holiday—a day that’s observed annually on December 4th.
’sListDay
https://bit.ly/4gfR18q

03/12/2024

Tuesday 3 December National Day in United Arab Emirates
It is generally a two day holiday, with December 3rd also a holiday but the second date for the holiday may fall before or after December 2nd depending on what day of the week December 2nd falls on.

As is often the case in the United Arab Emirates, public sectors may get a longer public holiday break for this holiday than workers in the private sector.

The holiday commemorates the United Arab Emirate's formal nationalisation from the British Protectorate Treaties as a result of the expiration of a British treaty on December 2nd 1971. This lead to the eventual, federal unification of seven sheikhdoms in the former Trucial States in 1971 to form the modern-day country. The first president of the federation was Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan.

Schools in the U.A.E. celebrate National Day by holding national events and celebrations where local children will dress up in the cultural "thoub and "kandoora" and perform the "youlah" and folkloric dances and organize cultural contests.

https://bit.ly/3OAFYe3

02/12/2024

Monday 2 December Chatham Islands Anniversary Day
The Chatham Islands Territory is a group of about ten islands that lies 650 km (500 miles) to the east of the south island of New Zealand. The islands have been part of New Zealand since 1842.

Like several other provinces, the date of Provincial Anniversary Day marks the arrival of the first European ships to the region.

On 29 November 1791, captain William R. Broughton from the HMS Chatham of the Vancouver Expedition landed on the islands, claiming them for Great Britain. Captain Broughton named the islands after his ship.

On arrival, the British found the islands inhabited by the Moriori, a Polynesian tribe that had settled on the islands in the sixteenth century.

Even though the anniversary of the arrival of the British was on 29 November, the Anniversary is observed on the Monday nearest 30 November.

The Holidays Act 1981 specifies each locality observing a Provincial Anniversary Day to celebrate the founding days or landing days of the first colonists of the various colonial provinces.

However the exact dates are not legislated for. The actual observance days can vary even within each province and is due to local custom, convenience or the proximity of seasonal events or other holidays. This may differ from the official observance day, and may be several weeks from the official day.

https://bit.ly/4iia43A

01/12/2024

Woman sets healthy boundaries of only doing what she wants to
A WOMAN has informed friends she is prioritising her mental wellbeing by setting boundaries of only doing what she enjoys.

Charlotte, not her real name, and her therapist have concluded that continually acting in ways that are not in accordance with her desires has proven detrimental to her sense of self and is causing her anxiety, so from now on she will not.

She explained: “For example, I didn’t want to go for Thai for Chris’s birthday last week, because lemongrass causes me distress, because I don’t like it.

“But instead of asserting my boundaries and putting myself first I allowed others to ignore my no, failed to express my discomfort and had a pad chaa I didn’t really want. So you can see what a violation that was.

“From now on I’m setting clear boundaries. If it’s a bar, it has to be one I like. If it’s a film it has to be one I fancy. If I want Kirsty to stop moaning about her ex then she needs to. Otherwise I’m falling into a trap of co-dependency and not valuing myself.

“Asking me to justify my boundaries is a violation. Not acknowledging them is disrespect. Joking about them is a manipulation tactic. Anyway, what are we doing this weekend?”

Friend Tom, not his real name, said: “Does texting cross Charlie’s healthy, necessary boundaries? I can’t remember and can’t text to ask. So I won’t.”
https://bit.ly/3OzvID1

01/12/2024

Sunday 1 December Republic Day in Central African Republic
In 1903, the region of modern-day CAR, known as Ubangi-Shari, became a French colony beginning 57 years of French control under various names and federations.

With the advent of the fifth French Republic in 1958, Ubangi-Shar achieved self-government when it became an autonomous territory within the French Community on December 1st 1958.

It was renamed the Central African Republic with Barthelemy Boganda as prime minister.

Boganda died in 1959, and just one year later in August 1960, CAR gained its independence, with David Dacko, nephew of Boganda, as its president.

The second president of the CAR, Jean-Bédel Bokassa, wasn't happy with just being president, so in 1976 he converted the Central African Republic into the Central African Empire; most of the bill for the US$20 million coronation to make him emperor was footed by France.

https://bit.ly/4fT6xXW

30/11/2024

Spreadsheet Steve, and five other nicknames which mean your life has gone horribly awry
PICKED up a nickname? Proud of it, even though it’s a glaring sign your life has taken a wrong turn somewhere? Any of these is a sign you need help:

‘Spreadsheet Steve’

You didn’t mind it at first. Everybody likes to have their skills recognised. But you soon came to resent the mockery of colleagues who can’t manage a simple vlookup and don’t want to learn. Unable to bond with anything which isn’t made up of rows and columns, you’ll die alone, leaving a superbly organised will on an Excel worksheet.

‘Mr Loverman’

A bit of fun when you were 16 and had two girls on the go. Now you’re 45 and shouts of ‘Shabba’ in the pub are an unwelcome reminder of your inability to form meaningful relationships. How can you explain to your mother s*x with strangers is the only thing that makes you feel alive? You’ll die alone and none of your shags will attend your funeral.

‘Road Warrior’

It’s meant respectfully, from friends impressed you’re still running marathons at 50. They don’t realise your obsession is ruining your family’s lives because you’re never physically or emotionally present, always training, always pounding pavement. You’ll die alone but thanks to your obsession with lean protein and antioxidants, it’ll be at a ripe old age.

‘Smokey Joe’

Back in the indie sleaze 00s, smoking actual ci******es wasn’t unusual enough to earn you a specific moniker. Today your elderflower cordial-sipping friends stare at you with a mixture of bemusement and pity as you step out for a fag. You’ll die smelly and alone, quite possibly within the next 15 years.

‘Barstool’

It would be nice if this referred to your sociable, chatty nature and excellent listening skills rather than the fact you spend every waking hour in the local boozer. It doesn’t, and you’ll die because you were unable to be alone and instead lived down the pub. Still, your wake will be well attended by other regulars, all surprised to learn your real name.

‘Quantum Ninja’

Everyone loved gaming as a kid.
https://bit.ly/4ePG7Fr

30/11/2024

Saturday 30 November St. Andrew's Day in Scotland
St. Andrew was one of the Twelve Disciples of Jesus (Apostles) and was originally a fisherman like his brother, St. Peter. St. Andrew was Jesus' first disciple and is credited with spreading the gospel to Romania, Greece and Russia.

In 60 AD, he was preaching in Patras, where he baptised the wife and brother of the Governor, Aegeus. The Governor was so incensed by this, that St. Andrew was arrested and crucified.

It is believed that Andrew died on a diagonally transversed cross which the Romans sometimes used for executions and which, therefore, came to be called St. Andrew's cross. It is said that Andrew could have been crucified on a standard cross, but didn't see himself as worthy enough to die in the same manner as Jesus.

https://bit.ly/41apXDp

29/11/2024

Beloved dog would be annoying, needy attention-seeker if it was human
A DOG whose quirks are uncritically adored by its owners would be an absolute nightmare if it was a human being.

Spaniel Toby, aged three, is believed by her family to be loyal, affectionate and cute in canine form, but would be the worst individual you had ever met if she was a person.

Owner Jess, not her real name, said: “Isn’t she wonderful? When I’m at home she’s forever at my feet, making a sweet little whining sound, and if I sit down she immediately clambers into my lap and starts licking my face.

“If I turn my attention away from her for a single second she starts barking. And if we go for a walk and I stop to pet another dog she gets incredibly aggressive and tries to bite them and me. She’s so devoted, it’s incredible.

“Obviously, if she was a person and she acted like this I’d think she was desperate, insecure and toxic, and would never want to go for a coffee with her, let alone allow her to live in my house.

“Especially if she pi**ed on the floor on a regular basis, like Lucy does.

“I guess the difference between Lucy the dog and Lucy the human is that the dog can’t talk. Being able to speak is what makes people unbearable.

“I might stop doing it and see if someone gives me free food every day.”
https://bit.ly/4i2m4X6