http://www.think-curiously.com/

Think Curiously, Coleraine (2025)

03/01/2025

Just having fun and living life. That's what Fiona always did. I've got countless pictures like those above, seemingly insignificant in the moment, but with hindsight, they mean the world to me❤️

A few years ago, I remember telling someone that I felt like I was losing control. I couldn't find the words to define what I meant by that statement, and I guess, upon reflection, I now know what I really meant - I was feeling lost. How do I know that? Because I feel it now. I feel it every day I have to wake up to a world when I am supposed to function 'normally'.

My girl 💔

31/12/2024

You won't go lonely ❤️

"If the sky should collapse
under the weight of my sorrow,
know that I tried.

I tried to keep my head high.
I tried to keep my head from rolling with the thunder.
And know that if I had the strength,
I would collect the clouds as they fall
and weave them into cotton-soft pillows
so you can rest your head.

I hope that you know that I tried.

I hope that you know that I tried to catch each tear,
each cry of pain,
each moment of guilt that you felt,
and every regret I had.

I tried to hold it all so that you didn't have to."

My girl 💔

29/11/2024

10 months 💔

How can ten months feel like ten minutes, each month passing in just 60 seconds?

When I was younger, I often wished for time to pass more quickly. At 14, I couldn’t wait to be 16. At 16, I yearned to turn 18. But the truth is, none of us truly have a future. Simply put, we can’t experience what doesn’t yet exist. We only ever live in the present moment.

In our youth, we tend to believe that time is an endless resource—something we’ll always have. You might argue that this post itself proves the future exists because you’re reading it after it was written. Yet, even as you read, you’re experiencing it in the "now," not as someone you will become, but as the person you are at this moment.

In essence, time is a man-made construct—an invention born from our thirst for knowledge and our desire to understand our place in the timeline of the universe. When you truly grasp that time can’t be stored, reversed, or extended, it forces you to confront how fragile life really is.

"The fragility of life isn’t something we often think freely about —until the hands of time, which once ticked by so slowly, now frenetic, race past, unapologetic"

My girl 💔

18/11/2024

42 weeks have passed and all time does is remind you that you won't get back what you once had. It doesn't serve to heal, rather it picks at the scars left behind so they grow deeper.

"Driftwood"

"Some days I wish to dive into the ocean to sink to the darkest depth. To be feel the weight of a sunless horizon on my chest. To try to breathe against the pressure of my own existence.

To live on the seabed and look up at a world - to stretch my arms upwardly against the force of a life greater than mine - to grab every air bubble - gently enough so that I hold it whole in my hands - to look into it's flexing shape to find a reason to fight- a reason to swim against the tide- to search for light in a world full of a darkness thicker than tar.

Should I hold oxygen in my lungs to float to the surface - to raise my body and my disheveled soul to the grace of sunlight.

Or

Do I close my eyes and exhale to become the Driftwood at the mercy of the undercurrent, that washes ashore on foreign land?"

My girl 💔

11/11/2024

41 weeks 💔 - "There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved" - G. Sand.

"I could write you a thousand love songs,
sing them in a thousand lifetimes,
and still never grasp the depths of what I feel.

I could hold you until sunrise,
watch the dawn paint soft light across your face, love you a little deeper,
shelter you in the warmth of this fragile life,
Keep you safe in my embrace.

Drifting in and out of feelings,
like the sky shifting to gray,
praying for colour to return,
for just one more day.

Whispered words at night are sacred,
a language we understand,
time slips through our fingers,
Some things don't always go to plan. "

My girl 💔

04/11/2024

40 week 💔 - I'm not sure why, but 40 weeks feels significant.

"Just take me there"

That kiss, that kiss in the midsummer air—
I close my eyes to keep you there.
A sweeping breeze, love tangled in your hair...
Just take me there,
Just take me there.

We would run, we would, we would run,
Holding onto laughter in that midsummer sun.
I see you there,
I see you there.

Your smiling eyes steal the air I breathe.
You give me love,
You give me life,
You give me everything I need.
Just take me there,
Just take me there.

My girl 💔

31/10/2024

The only time that I've taken longer to get ready for a night out than Fiona with Eye make up and nails 💅

What a laugh we had getting me ready that night. In the end Fiona had to take me home early 😵‍💫 too many double kraken and coke!

My girl 💔

29/10/2024

9 months today 💔 - Time moves on but I'm still standing where you used to be.

'I feel her'

"She lay peacefully on the pebble beach, each stone a planet in an infinite universe. The white foam of the salty sea momentarily covers them from view, then recedes. I think of how we would steal the blankets from each other as we slept, our bodies moving in and out of sight.

Glimmers of sunlight reflect off the water’s surface, casting shadows on her face like a waxing moon. Her amber eyes burn with the intensity of a solar flare.

A contagious smile.
Her laughter shakes my bones.
The intensity of her touch ignites fireworks within me, a tidal wave swelling against the walls of my heart—like a dam holding back a storm surge.

I feel her.

My fingers trace the spaces between her ribs—my bones and her bones sculpted from the same marble stone.

Her bare neck calls to me. I brush it with my lips; the taste of coconut body butter lingers playfully on my tongue.

Tonight, even if the moon forgets to smile, I can say that I held the universe in my arms."

My girl 💔

22/10/2024

This picture was taken 2 years ago. Just look at that smile ❤️

Beautiful beyond words ❤️

I question everything now. 'Questions' is a poem that I wrote after using a prompt from a book I was reading, and it made me think about nature. Subsequently, it led me to the ultimate question: 'Why her?' 💔

"Why is the sea angry?

Why is the rainbow out of sight?

Why is the dew holding on longer than it should?

When I ask, I hear the sound of my own broken voice.

And I know the answer

The sea is angry
The rainbow is hidden
The dew is holding on
Because we are meant to love the unanswerable questions.

Why her ?"

My girl 💔

11/10/2024

𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘣𝘶𝘵 '𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦' 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘱𝘰𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰, 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧.💔

"Take my heart and hold it before the storm.
Weather it to dust and scatter it among the trees.

I walk this road alone, hoping time will grant me a reprieve.
I'm lost in the unknown,
Emotions overflowing.

If I set my eyes upon her,
They'll burn until I can't see.
Her beauty alone
Is enough to scorch every inch of me.

Behind every word, there's something left unsaid.
To everyone I've ever known, I'm sorry.
Time cannot replace what's left me empty.

I have a vision of what life should be.
It comes to me softly,
Slowly.
But now and then, I let it go,
Hoping it will return.

In truth, I know I'll never let her go,
But I can't stop the thought that haunts me.
In moments when I'm alone,
I burn the pages,
Throw myself to the wolves.

Maybe this love isn't endless.
Maybe I need you to see:
Baby, I've been here for ages,
Waiting to set you free.
Maybe time doesn't change us.
Maybe I'll never be at ease.
Everything I've ever saved,
Everything you need me to be—
Maybe I'll search forever,
Unable to breathe.
Maybe I'll stay like this forever,
But I'm hoping you'll see
How hard I've tried to change
To bring you back to me.

Maybe this life is pointless.
Maybe it's easier to cease.
What if your smile could have saved me?
Maybe I'll never release all of this anger I feel.
I've never seen darkness like this before.
Artists paint pictures I'll never see.
What am I running from?
Who do I need to be?
What if this darkness is forever?
I need others to see.
Don't ask me to breathe, please—
This is difficult for me.
I came here to save us,
But I could only save me.
You know how this tears me apart at the seams,
How life can never be the same,
Not even in my dreams.
If ever we meet again,
Look at me like you did the first time,
Not at the end.
This will haunt me until death,
When ti

02/10/2024

I am still a soul made of her love ❤️.

Grief f*cks with your emotions and can leave you with too many to make sense of so you take a tablet to numb yourself to the realities of what you have to live with. Other days it will drip feed you, leaving you time to digest what you're feeling before offering another course. Either way, it never leaves you. I had a lovely dream where we lay together singing Lost by Dermot Kennedy, it filled me with Joy to see her face again. Then I wrote this small prose.

My girl 💔

30/09/2024

35 weeks 💔

I will never be able to hold the world in my hands
Or count all the stars in the sky.
I will never walk through the deepest rainforest
Or smell the scent of the rarest flower.
I will never bathe in the clearest ocean
Or feel the seabed beneath my feet.
I will never see the snowy albatross in flight
Or hear its wings flap in the wind.

But I did touch her heart
With once unloved hands,
To feel it beat.
And even though I'll never catch all my dreams,
Her head once rested on my shoulder,
And that made me complete.

30.09.24

My girl 💔

29/09/2024

8 months today 💔

One year ago we went furniture shopping as we started to decorate the living room. It was going to be the first of the rooms we would makeover with our bedroom next on the list. A seemingly insignificant memory for some, but loss is felt in the small moments as much as the big ones. It was the start of us making it our home. Fiona always said she wasn't one for interior design, but like all Derry women, she made sure to have your opinions heard lol.

Words won't ever be enough to express my love for her 💔

My girl 💔

21/09/2024

Ramore head ❤️

"I've walked this coast path a thousand times before,
and I wonder how many more steps I have left.

No one could ever know what the future holds.
I wish to be the wave that breaks against the shore, and the sand that is moved over and over.

In the silent whisper of the ocean, I find solace.
My mind wanders freely,
and through the dark, she will appear.

Rising rocks form the bay;
with open arms, they welcome a new tide.

My emotions are caught in the undercurrent, some things you can't control."

19.09.24

My girl 💔

19/09/2024

Love.

"In the end, love is the seamless dance between our senses, the gentle weaving of shared moments. It is the quiet devotion that sustains us through both triumph and disaster"

A verse taken from a prose I penned today when thinking about the essence of love. I decided to end paying homage to 'IF' by Rudyard Kipling, because I think it fits. His original verse reads; 'Meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same'

My girl 💔

17/09/2024

17th September 2023.

We got the news that Fiona's cancer was incurable. That weekend was horrendous for so many reasons. When I got to the hospital after Fiona called me, she thanked me for being in her life. We hugged tightly and wiped our tears, and she later sent me home with a list:
Razer✅️
Make up bag✅️
Hair dyer ✅️
Straighteners✅️

That was her attitude throughout, she 'just got on with it'.

'Love hurts'

There's dust in the shadows, kicked up when you move.
Holding onto light, sometimes it hurts to know you'll lose.
In love, there's a certain type of fight that keeps kicking through when the end is in sight.

I know you've heard it before, but this feels right.
It can't be just me who wants to keep this night tucked in my pocket to forever hold you tight.

I see the air as you breathe in the lowly winter fog,
Marching through December's lonely thoughts.
Dew falls from the leaves as the day passes through, moved oceans and fell to rest by your feet.
I take this time to see you passing through,
In the light of day, I know I'll never be led astray.

I know you've heard it before, but sometimes in love you lose.
It can't stay forever, even though it should.
Sometimes love hurts to show you it moves.

My girl 💔

05/09/2024

September will forever hold unwanted anniversaries 💔

A year ago today we got the devastating news that Fiona had Cancer, for the second time. At this point Dr's were unsure the type of Cancer or what the prognosis was. I remember Fiona lying on the bed after the Dr left the room, she had a stoic look on her face, no tears or emotions. When I think back now, I wonder how she kept it altogether. Though having seen her steely resolve in the months that followed, I was in awe of how she handled it all.

"All of me"

It looked good on her—
That smile through dreaming eyes,
How the sunshine kissed her skin.
Awakening skies leave no trace of yesterday,
A life she loved,
Lived through her touch,
Her soul,
Her spirit.
She hoped for love to find her.
I met her halfway.
She gave me her heart;
I gave her all of me.

I write in metaphors of the past.
Time holds those moments in his grasp.
Someday they'll make their way back.
An essence of love is not enough.
I want it all.
I had it all.
It kept me tall.

If time were reversed, would life still be so cruel?
Could we run away and stay a while?
Under the lemon trees, I would kiss you.

My girl 💔

29/08/2024

29th August 2021.

The night my life changed. This was our first ever picture together. If you look closely you'll see me in the background. Fiona and I had not met by this point. Fate was definitely at play that evening. And to think Fiona rejected me the 1st time because she heard my Coleraine accent! Thankfully i didn’t take no for an answer and the Gin and Tonic done the trick❤️

I wrote this piece back in March, about the night we met:

"The space between us that night
fell like a collapsing star,
your force pulling me in.
Time stopped,
the dimly lit room exploding into colour,
captured in that moment.
The sound of clinking glasses,
laughter filling the air—
I thought I could hear you whisper my name.

Through the chaos stood an elusive figure,
shining bright, like a lone star in the midnight sky.

Demanding attention,
you drew me in like a moth to a flame.
Your lips, filled with past adventures
waiting to be told,
your eyes painting pictures vividly.
In your gaze, I found something special to hold.

With each step closer, I could hear the floor crackle,
my heart beating with the force of two hurricanes colliding.

Words scrambled in my mind, trying to choose the right thing to say.

Standing face to face, the world stripped away,
the two of us in a spotlight,
floating through space and time.

Our energy igniting an eternal flame
that keeps burning today."

My girl 💔

Think Curiously