N.A.R.C BOX THEORY™️
22/01/2025
The loss of self at any point in our life, is a clear indicator of a lack of “self”…in the first place.
To reclaim, we must go back.
Go back to our own object relations and self identity, in relation to external forces & objects. We even have the abilities now to go back to points in our lives. That are “imprints” over memories.
When the right brain is developing it’s like putty. Any incorrect activation via external stimuli. Leaves a permanent imprint, out of which the brain creates a fantasy (defence) to protect us.
A time when activation, reaction and patterns of unconscious behaviour was our only defence.
This requires an understanding of our brain developmental processes from the third trimester of pregnancy.
At the point where the first sparks of brain activity occur.
Our burgeoning right brain (1st to come online) is now connected to mothers autonomic nervous system.
Influenced by any neuro modulator activation inside of mother. Both positive and negatively!
So much of our “self” is primed at this point in life.
The right brain from birth up to 1000 days, trebles in size. The left brain hasn’t come online yet (comes online 3-6 yrs old)
So everything is being processed through our seat of emotional capacity, the right brain. Which is marked by characteristics such as intuition, metaphorical ability and empathy (not all reach the capacity for empathy) which is completely dependant on external forces and our attachment to our caregivers.
This attachment is crucial to understand. It’s the base upon which ALL other attachments in life will be based.
For the first 3 years of the infants life, the mothers right brain, becomes the infants right brain.
The mothers left side will be the preferred method of feeding, completing the “loop” of right brain, to right brain connection.
A completely symbiotic relationship.
In healthy terms this is about connection and attachment. Dictating our patterns in future relationships for the rest of our lives (secure, insecure, anxious, avoidant or disorganised etc..) this is due to the right brains search for safety in familiarity.
It’s understanding this “play” by the brain that allows us to reclaim our earliest beginnings & see our path much more clearly.
Now it’s down to our object relations with the “self”…how do we identify?
With our own internal abuser? (Healthy, constellated hierarchical ego structure characterised by a superego, inner critic)
Or do we ignore the internal abuser and create a false self full of grandeur and falsehood? (Unhealthy, lack of access to positive emotions, unremittingly apathetic to others and self centred)
All of this is completely dependant on our relationship with the self, via our relationships with our parents, siblings and family roles.
A healthy object relations means good levels of internal introspection and love for the self, & a healthy view of others flaws and positives. Forming the “whole self!”
“It takes two, to become one!”…. Dr Allan Schore.
In the first 6 months of life, the infant is in the paranoid schizoid position. (Developmental psychological position 0-6 months) A place of survival. Our natural innate desire for attachment, & our physical incapacitates means we are fully reliant.
So baby now attempts to work out the objects. Are they good or bad?
The first point of contention is the breast. A place of consumption, pleasure, relief and frustrations. This represents the infants first challenger.
You may remember your children getting frustrated, even angry with the breast. If mum is a good provider of the breast, this forms our first “good enough” connection with an external object, specifically the breast and it’s owner. Mother.
And so the journey continues and if baby is receiving the attention, food and gentle care and healthy excitement. The child enters into the “depressive position” (6 months onwards) a place of consolidation of emotions.
Good and bad aspects of the self and others.
This is the “wiring” of the amygdala to the more emotionally finite upper regions of the right brain. Which in turn, form the basis of a healthily wired “left brain”…
However, if our earliest imprinted activations wasn’t so positive, actually if it was unbearable. The infants right brain collapses, sending the child’s psychological landscape “inwards” as being themselves wasn’t safe.
It’s in here that the child is unable to form healthy attachments & the infant remains stuck within the paranoid schizoid position. A very black or white place. A dog eat dog world. Where highly emotional reactivity is the norm (rigid, emotional amygdala driven responses only, our limbic system) which the child can never escape.
Leading to personality disorders and symptoms that affect their psychological capacities to feel and accept shame or accountability etc.
Our brains work in a way that’s repetitive, it can cause a compulsive element to our thinking on its own.
Plus our psychological landscape is oppositional and inverted (especially if you’ve successfully entered both the paranoid schizoid and depressive positions) which means we now have the capacity to both introject others emotions and project our own. These are NOT fixed positions & we oscillate as life dictates our emotional well being. Meaning regression is a defined possibility.
These patterns become a lifelong struggle as we navigate our way through relationships & life.
For some it reaches deep into every aspect of their lives.
Breaking patterns requires work, & not everyone has been to a place, where you have no choice but to do so!
“Your own reality, is your own reality!”
