Nothing Movies. A Podcast by Kazz Leskard and Jameson Rafter (2025)

22/12/2024

NEW EPISODE!!
Tim Allen, the undisputed king of Christmas movies (5 plus a Disney+ tvshow!) brings us one of his darkest and cynical looks at the holiday season with EL CAMINO CHRISTMAS. Eric (Luke Grimes) has come to El Camino, NV in search of the father he never knew. As soon as he rolls into town, however, a series of misunderstandings gets him in hot water with corrupt cop Ho**er (Vincent D’Onofrio) and lands him a vicious beating and a night in a cell. After being sprung by good-hearted but dim Deputy Billy (Dax Shepard), Eric gets caught by Ho**er skipping town, leading them to a hostage situation inside the local liquor mart. Trapped inside with them are single mom Kate (Michelle Mylett) with her young son Seth (Ashton Essex Bright), store owner Vincente (Emilio Rivera) and local town drunk Larry (Allen) who knows more than he’s letting on about Eric father. With Deputy Billy and Sherrif Fuller (Kurtwood Smith) outside attempting to keep the body count at a minimum, and a local TV anchor (Jessica Alba) looking to get the big scoop, things are spiralling out of control quickly. But will the spirit of the season be enough to bring everyone together for the holidays? Answer: NO, a couple people are killed! We watched David E. Talbert’s EL CAMINO CHRISTMAS, on this episode of NoelThing Movies.

https://youtu.be/FzTpMzPU-5Y?feature=shared
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1w5kF3BUbDEvpj3WOw10e0

06/12/2024

NEW EPISODE!! About Robin Williams!!!
One of the late funnyman’s last theatrical outings was this 2014 lame family comedy; Boyd Mitchler (Joel McHale) has had a contentious relationship with his grumpy, disillusioned father Virgil (Williams) all his life, which is why his fatherhood philosophy is to do the exact opposite of what his dad did, and that goes double for Christmas. Boyd is hellbent on making this the best Christmas ever for his family, especially young son Douglas (Pierce Gagnon) who is about a year away from no longer believing in Santa Claus. But when Boyd and his wife Luann (Lauren Graham) accidentally leave all of Douglas’ presents at home while on their way to his folks house for the holidays, Boyd, Virgil and younger brother Nelson (Clark Duke) are on a mission to get back home, grab the gifts and get back before morning comes and Douglas’ innocence is broken forever. Will they make it home in time? Will Luann and Boyd’s mother Donna (Candice Bergen) manage to drink all the Vodka in the house before they return? Will that foul-smelling, Bourbon-loving Hobo Santa (Oliver Platt) turn out to be the jolly ‘ol fella himself? We watch Tristram Shapeero’s A MERRY FRIGGIN’ CHRISTMAS, on this episode of Noelthing Movies!

https://youtu.be/23fEtwmK-5c?feature=shared
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4b6zi89bXJyz0lm0qQLUvT

15/11/2024

NEW EPISODE!!
On this episode, we’re “a-SLAPPIN THE BASS” and looking at the career of Mr. Ageless himself, Paul Rudd. In this 2008 “comedy”, Rudd plays Henry, a mild-mannered veterinarian who is about to get married to Kate (Eva Longoria), a high-stressed Bridezilla. But when a misunderstanding with an Ice Sculptor (Stephen Root) finds Kate crushed to death by an Ice Angel, Kate ends up in the afterlife as an annoyed, and frankly, annoying ghost. Meanwhile, 1 year later, Henry’s pushy, kleptomaniac sister Chloe (Lindsay Sloane) brings him to the home of Ashley (Lake Bell), an amateur psychic and part-time caterer, in hopes that a connection to the other side will be made and give Henry some peace. Peace is the last thing anyone gets, however, when Ashley starts crushing on Henry, sending ghostly Kate on a mission to ruin her life and protect her man. Now, with an angry ghost following her everywhere, Ashley has to fight for her new love while dodging the advances of her lovelorn co-worker Dan. Oops, that’s a spoiler. Dan is pretending to be gay until midway through the movie. I just spoiled that. It’s fine, don’t watch this. Instead, listen to our episode, and hear Kazz get incensed about the Flamin Hot Cheetos movie. We watched Jeff Lowell’s OVER HER DEAD BODY, on this episode of Nothing Movies.
https://youtu.be/QIApoxEHpYU?feature=shared
https://open.spotify.com/episode/3IGjaw1CuYIL6JjcpLMb1A

25/10/2024

NEW EPISODE!!
Our Ode to Scream Queens wraps up with one of the greatest Final “Women” in horror movie history, Ellen Ripley herself. In this “dark and twisted” take on the Grimm Brothers classic, Weaver stars as Claudia, who marries Lord Frederick (Sam Neill), making her the new step-mother to Lilliana (Monica Keena). After being upstaged by Lili at a party that leads to her miscarriage (!!!), Claudia goes full wicked stepmother and has her mute brother Gustav (Miroslav Taborsky) cut out her heart, but of course Lili escapes into the forest where she meets Seven…guys (film really drops the ball here) who sort of take her in, after an uncomfortable bit of attempted assault. With Lili still out there, Claudia tries every trick in her black magic spell book and every suggestion her magic mirror has to melt the competition away like so much snow…white? Snow White; the story is Snow White, I dunno what else to tell you. Erin Tipple is back with us as we watch Michael Cohn’s SNOW WHITE: A TALE OF TERROR, on this episode of Nothing Spookies.
https://youtu.be/Iu6GA8vvvRk?feature=shared
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Fn8lkI4W6gt1kDirPzy5x

09/10/2024

NEW EPISODE!!
What makes a Scream Queen? Must they always be the one to survive the killer’s bloody rampage by the end of the movie? Or can a Scream Queen simply be someone who embodies the horror genre with their very essence? We say YES! Which is why our subject is the great Elvira, Mistress of the Dark! We dive deep into one of her lesser known film appearances. Debby Tennis (Natasha Lyonne) is an awkward wallflower who has been running her father’s failing cinema ever since his death; but when an argument with her evil stepmother leads to a bloody co**se, and the security camera footage of the killing makes its way to the eyes of her dwindling audience, Debby discovers her twin passions; filmmaking…and MURDER! As her filmography progresses and the bodies in the attic begin piling up, Debby loses herself to her madness and becomes…Deborah. Film fanatic Steven (Thomas Dekker) is the only one who suspects something is up, and when Deborah’s new screening has a little too much “audience participation” Steven has to save his friends, the town, and his mom (Peterson) from the woman he once idolized. We watch Joshua Grannell, aka Peaches Christ’s ALL ABOUT EVIL, on this episode of Nothing Spookies!
https://youtu.be/s2t9ItG1B84?si=x4PIXM7liIE8nj3V
https://open.spotify.com/episode/0TcbnYIleEvCLRxQbd1sV9

27/09/2024

NEW EPISODE!!
Our ode to Scream Queens continues with the possessed little lady herself! In 1989’s WITCHERY, aka WITCHCRAFT (EVIL ENCOUNTERS), aka LA CASA 4 (we will get into it), Blair plays Jane Brooks, a young pregnant woman who takes a trip to an unpopulated island after her stepmother Rose (Annie Ross) purchases an old hotel there with the intention of turning it into a supper club. Along with her father Fred (Bob Champagne), kid brother Tommy (Michael Manchester), real-estate agent Jerry (Rick Farnsworth), architect Linda (Catherine Hickland), and a pair of trespassing researchers (David Hasselhoff and Leslie Cu***ng), the group soon learn the hotel is far from abandoned. An ancient, evil witch (Hildegard Knef) has lured them all there for a sinister purpose, one that will lead to….something? Honestly, this movie is Italian, most of the actors are speaking their lines phonetically, and its kind of impossible to tell what’s going on. But it’s gross and wacky! Danny Marquardt returns for his third episode, as we watch Fabrizio Laurenti’s WITCHERY, or whatever it’s called, on this episode of Nothing Movies!
https://youtu.be/0ej67vhP5mU?feature=shared
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1bYbNR6jnmAh31ojL67I8r

08/09/2024

Our Halloween ode to Scream Queens begins with the GOAT, the cream of squeeze herself, Jamie Lee. In VIRUS, Curtis plays Kit Foster, a no-nonsense, Ellen Ripley-esque Navigator about rickety tugboat the Sea Star, captained by salty alcoholic Everton (Donald Sutherland). When their cargo is capsized by a storm and the crew discover an abandoned Russian research vessel in the middle of international waters, Everton wants to claim the ghost ship for himself for a big payday. But there’s a reason this ship has been abandoned; an ALIEN reason. One might even say, an Alien VIRUS reason, but perhaps, as the virus itself later claims, perhaps it is HUMANITY that it the biggest virus of all!? Oooooh, think about it! Billy Baldwin, Cliff Curtis, Marshall Bell and the well-dressed black man from The Mexican are all on board too, and waiting to be turned to fleshy robot zombies, and elsewhere, we ask the question: is this the Nothing Movie that has the most amount of merchandise we’ve ever covered? We watched John Bruno’s VIRUS, on the episode of Nothing Movies!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXrerVq8Z9w
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2JUlx0LxvVBMB1hPsHzeZT

21/08/2024

We salute one of our favourite, raving-maniac, Swedish character actors with one of his few leading roles. Based on the series by author Jan Guillou, Carl Hamilton (Stormare) is a Swedish military intelligence officer whose team is ordered to intercept and eliminate a group of Russian terrorists who have stolen a nuclear warhead and are smuggling it across Swedish borders. But Hamilton soon learns this nuke was a decoy, and the real nuke has been smuggled through Finland into Libya by former CIA officer Mike Hawkins (Mark Hamill). Now, haunted by the innocent lives he was forced to take, Hamilton sets off on a globe-trotting adventure, full of explosions, nuclear radiation, Camel-landline phones and at least one fist fight that started a real life feud between Stormare and Hamill. Plus, we discuss the compelling Norwegian trilogy of films known simply as Long Flat Balls. We watch Harold Zwart’s HAMILTON, on this episode of Nothing Movies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuxweWLEC14
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1tqwRhJX1Gy3lErDYVOpAs

07/08/2024

NEW EPISODE!!
We’re throwing some respect to one of the greats and diving into his final film as a leading man; 2002’s BACK BY MIDNIGHT (released in 2005). Rodney plays Jake Pulowski, the warden of a small private prison run by department store magnate Eli Rockwood (Randy Quaid). When Rockwood denies Jake’s request for more money and better gym equipment for the prisoners, Rockwood turns him down and instead serves him his two month notice. Left with no other options, Jake recruits his four favourite prisoners with catchy nicknames, Mile Away (Phil LaMarr), Next Week (Paul Rodriguez), Ears (Joe Nipote) and Jerk Off (Marty Belafsky) to break out and rob Eli’s various store locations for supplies…but they gotta be BACK BY ahhh you already know.

This outrageously overqualified cast includes Kirstie Alley, Harland Williams, Tony Cox, Ed Begley Jr, Gilbert Gottfried, Yeardley Smith, Louie Anderson and Michael Bolton. We watch Harry Basil’s BACK BY MIDNIGHT, on this episode of Nothing Movies.
https://youtu.be/VsEeqJUReF0?feature=shared
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2goLoJszTPU27gc5RsBuyH

19/07/2024

We’re tackling one of our biggest filmographies ever, and in the pantheon of TC’s output, nothing exists LESS than 2010’s KNIGHT AND DAY. June Havens (Cameron Diaz) is just an ordinary woman; fixing up classic cars and stressing about her sister’s upcoming wedding. When a chance encounter with a dashing man of mystery named Roy (Cruise) puts her in the crosshairs of a secret government agency and devious double-agent Fitzgerald (Peter Sarsgaard), June finds herself on the run with Roy, who has a bad habit of both keeping important information from her, and drugging her when the heat gets too intense. Among her many, MANY hazy wake-up’s, June starts to question just whether or not Roy is one of the good guys. But also, could he maybe be…the one? Viola Davis, Paul Dano and Gal Gadot are among the wasted supporting cast with little to do here, in this tepid action-comedy that critics agreed was…fine. Sara Andrina Brown is our guest, as we discuss James Mangold’s KNIGHT AND DAY, on this episode of Nothing Movies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYQOO-4E_64
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2n35SoeuHaWcIallkfIQvX

01/07/2024

NEW EPISODE!!!
We continue our look at Nothing Blockbusters with 2001’s The Mexican; the first, long-awaited pairing of superstars Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts. A Pairing that audiences would not see again until (check notes)… 8 months later when they would both appear in Ocean’s Eleven. Pitt plays Jerry, a low-level goon working for mob boss Bernie (Bob Balaban), who has sent him to Mexico to retrieve a fabulous cursed pistol, much to the anger of his long-suffering girlfriend Sam (Roberts). Fed up with his inability to commit, Sam zooms off to Vegas while Jerry tracks down the infamous firearm, and loses it just as fast. Looking to influence Jerry, Bernie sends soulful hitman Leroy (James Gandolfini) to intercept Sam’s vacation and take her hostage. Can Jerry get it together and find the gun before his lady love meets with an unfortunate accident? Will Sam find a new BFF in the surprisingly insightful Leroy? Will James Gandolfini walk away with this entire movie, as he did most films he was in?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVjwL0Vt5w4
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6ZgSXeoE0xFqTZaVgaz0Bt

17/06/2024

NEW EPISODE!!
The podcast is going Hollywood, as we start our new miniseries on Nothing Blockbusters; films that got wide releases with big stars that nonetheless have vanished from the public conversation regarding movies people talk about. To start things off, we’re discussing the first film ever released by studio Dreamworks. When a rogue Russian general causes two passenger trains to collide and set off a nuclear warhead, killing thousands in the process, the world governments are on high alert, but blind to the actual crime; the theft of 10 more nuclear warheads. All blind that is except for Colonel Thomas Devoe (Clooney) and Dr. Julia Kelly (Nicole Kidman), who are on the case and jet-setting all over Europe in a white-knuckle, paranoid nuclear thriller that takes them from Vienna to Azerbaijan, all the way home to New York City, baybee! We watch Mimi Leder’s THE PEACEMAKER, on this episode of Nothing Movies.

https://youtu.be/aYgfvHeH7Ps?feature=shared
https://open.spotify.com/episode/0zyo0UsU92J2uot1Xb1Ewa

27/05/2024

WrestleMAYnia, All WWE Studios, All Sequels month concludes with the fourth chapter of WWE’s longest running franchise, The Marine. Taking over from John Cena and Ted DiBiase Jr and following the story from his own The Marine 3, Mike “The Miz” Mizanin returns as Jake Carter, in his second of four adventures. This go-around, Jake finds himself working security for a private firm, hired to protect whistleblower Olivia (Melissa Roxburgh) from the shadowy organization known as Genesis. But when Mercenary for hire Vogel (Josh Blacker) and his team of killers (including WWE Diva Summer Rae) track them down and wipe out the rest of the detail, Jake and Olivia are on the run through the British Columbia wilderness (oops, I mean, Washington…), trying to stay one step ahead of a bullet. It’s a low-rent Rambo as The Marine fills a forest with traps, and prove once again that a good Marine is hard to kill. We watched William Kaufman’s THE MARINE 4: MOVING TARGET, on this episode of Nothing Movies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpiSz3xaAHs
https://open.spotify.com/episode/22z4sYB4vEWh3LUkvPMk1S

18/05/2024

NEW EPISODE!!
WrestleMAYnia, All WWE Productions, All Sequels month continues with the second sequel to 2009’s 12 Rounds; a movie about John Cena being forced to play a deadly game to save his wife. This time around, there’s no wife to save or game to play, instead, the 12 Rounds of the title refer to how many bullets are in our hero’s gun. John Shaw (Dean Ambrose) is a haunted cop who survived a shooting that killed his rookie partner. His first day back on the force is met with sneers and disdain from his fellow cops. But when crooked cop Burke (Roger Cross) and his squad of no-good cronies (including Daniel Cudmore, Kirby Morrow and Nothing Movies favourite Lochlyn Munro) find out that Shaw is in possession of a credit card-shaped flash drive containing evidence of their many crimes, they put the police station on lockdown and trap Shaw inside. But little do they realize, he isn’t trapped in there with them; they’re trapped in etc etc you get the idea. We watched Stephen Reynolds’ 12 ROUNDS 3: LOCKDOWN, on this episode of Nothing Movies.
https://youtu.be/6JZPbOTZIvw?feature=shared
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5MmgicMIzBuGDzZyMpFqYc

01/05/2024

NEW EPISODE!!
It’s time once again for WrestleMAYnia; our favourite miniseries of the year with the sweatiest of titles (you really gotta HIT that third syllable). This year: All WWE Productions, ALL SEQUELS!!! NO WE HAVEN’T SEEN THE ORIGINALS, CONTINUITY IS FOR THE WEAK!!! First up, a Steve Austin-less follow up to 2007s The Condemned; with none of the original stars and basically none of the plot set-up either. This time around, we follow bail enforcer Will Tanner (Randy Orton), who following an incarceration following a bust gone wrong that results in the death of crime lord Cyrus (Wes Studi, in-and-out of this movie so fast!), has found himself back in his hometown, living with his disappointed father Frank (Eric Roberts). But when his old friends from his bounty hunting days begin showing up and hunting him down, Tanner realizes he is in the center of a sadistic game spearheaded by Cyrus’ Number #2 Raul (Steven Michael Quezada); where criminals make bets on who lives, who dies, how they die and who does the killing. Tanner must survive the game long enough to escape the desert island filled with murderers, psychopaths and Vinnie Jones…of I’m sorry, that’s the first film. This film mostly takes place in an Arizona desert. FUN! We watch Roel Reiné’s THE CONDEMNED 2, on this episode of Nothing Movies presents… WrestleMAYnia!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccrH_XX-QxI
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6IJm0CNmCywfnSpsC7VjSn

22/04/2024

NEW EPISODE!!
We wrap up our miniseries on failed TV Pilots turned TV movies not by spotlighting an actor, but instead, a machine. Robosaurus is a transforming, fire-breathing robot dinosaur created by inventor Doug Malewicki in 1989 for use in various monster truck rallies and state fair’s across the U S of A, and in 1992, producers worked their magic to create a prime-time sci-fi adventure series starring the titular car-crusher, and were able to produce this pilot before their realization that this would likely end up being the most expensive show in television history. Set in a dystopian future where global warming is cooking the planet, Steel Justice follows David Nash (Robert Taylor), a detective still reeling from his son’s senseless gangland murder by rocket launcher and his subsequent divorce. David is having dreams; visions one might call them. Visions of a magical black man named Jeremiah J. Jones (J.A. Preston); a centuries old “guide” who has helped various figures throughout history, from the druids of Stonehenge to Achilles at the Trojan War, realize their potential and the hidden ability within themselves to manifest their hearts truest desires into tangible reality. Nash finds himself on the trail of crimeboss Col. Edward Rollin Duggins (Roy Brocksmith), who is about to flood the streets with the same brand of bazooka that killed his boy. Can Jeremiah get through to David in time and help him realize his destiny; to take his son’s beloved Robosaurus toy and magically manifest it into a gigantic, fire-breathing weapon of ultimate destruction? I mean, they didn’t hire Robosaurus to be in this thing for nothing! From the screenwriter of The Last of the Mohicans, we watched Christopher Crowe’s STEEL JUSTICE aka ROBOSAURUS, on this episode of Nothing Movies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKa7skwJd88
https://open.spotify.com/episode/7kiXmhyPQ0Z1nzUJmiDQYq

03/04/2024

NEW EPISODE!!
We have hit that benchmark in our podcasting journey where it is finally time to discuss the one, the only, Nicolas “Hi-F**kin-Ya!” Cage, and we’re going allllll the way back to the very beginning with his first credited acting role; 1981’s failed TV pilot The Best of Times. Styled as a sort of Rowan and Martin Laugh-In/ Mickey Mouse Club for Teens, we follow the gang as they goof around, share painful truths about themselves, and get into a whole mess of fun! Also marking the film debuts of Crispin Glover and Scream Queen Jill Schoelen with a special guest appearance by Jackie Mason, The Best of Times is a charming time capsule that proves implicitly that Cage was fully formed from the outset; his screen persona literally has not changed a bit in the decades since. And if it feels like I still haven’t explained the plot yet….that’s THE BEST OF TIMES, baby! Directed by Don Mischer. As our TV Pilot turned TV Movie miniseries continues on Nothing Movies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIwAR8c6oZc
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5OAN5YuPNIECwzI3oNYG93

Nothing Movies. A Podcast by Kazz Leskard and Jameson Rafter