The McGill Nightly

16/11/2022

"Despite the samosa sale ban decreasing demand for their product by nearly 6,000% the Daily remains committed to circulating thousands of print copies of newspapers in every nook and cranny of McGill’s campus. It's hard to think of a better way McGill could spend $240,000 a year."

Dearest McGill students, Maybe this is the first time you’re reading our content. Maybe you’re a lifelong fan...

18/04/2022

"In a bid to stay in power, Daryananovich posted a series of Tik-Toks explaining why he was being unfairly targeted. All 17 McGill students who actually saw the Tik-Toks hated them so much they immediately joined the GA to vote against him."

After a months-long private investigation returned zero evidence of wrongdoing, SSMU said "f**k it" and impeached president...

29/03/2022

What's almost as good as us writing about ourselves? The McGill Tribune writing about us!

The history of student publications at McGill goes back nearly 150 years, with the creation of the McGill University Gazette, the first undergraduate-run monthly publication at McGill, in 1874. The 20th century saw the emergence of a different kind of publication: satire publications. These publicat...

01/03/2022

Thank you SSMU, yet another in a long list of your world-changing accomplishments

After months of infighting and uncharacteristically messy governing, SSMU has come together to solve the ongoing conflict...

21/02/2022

As a McGill student, you may be wondering what all of your six dollar mandatory fees are going towards at the Daily Publication Society. The McGill Nightly has compiled an in-depth report, and here are our findings:

As a McGill student, you may be wondering what all of your six dollar mandatory fees are going towards at the Daily...

15/02/2022

"At press time, eleven McGill students instantly died after attending an eleven-person indoor gathering, but it wasn’t due to on-campus COVID transmission so who cares."

McGill students flocked to attend nine-person parties as Quebec dropped laws limiting fun and opted for suggestions to limit...

21/12/2021

And here's our gofundme to support Big Suze and her measly salary:

Big Suze is currently living $50,000 paycheck to $50,000 paycheck, and that is frankly unaccep… McGill Nightly needs your support for Give Big Suze More Money

20/12/2021

"In order to try and remedy this grave injustice, we have started a GoFundMe campaign to ensure Big Suze can afford the most basic luxuries she deserves. Change clearly needs to happen, and if McCall-MacBain are too greedy to open up their wallets again, then we, the McGill community, will right this wrong."

In a bombshell report released earlier this week, Big Suze’s salary was revealed to be a meager 800,000 dollars a year. The...

13/12/2021

"Students cited concerns about the virus as the reason for the petition, explaining that the virus is known to target those who work hard in school and achieve grades on their own merit."

McGill students took a brief break from their 200-person house parties to petition McGill to allow them to cheat on their...

08/12/2021

"Although the NFT is identical in appearance to the real Cafe Campus tickets, it maintained no functionality as a ticket to the actual event. Regardless, while the resellers were making 200-300% ROIs on their actual tickets, one finance student was able to make an infinite ROI and retire on this single NFT sale."

McGill students were in hysteria as tickets for the first Cafe Campus event since 2020 sold out within minutes, Flashbacks...

29/11/2021

Ever wonder what McGill graduation ceremonies are like? The McGill Nightly dives deep to get you the facts.

On the rare occasion that you, the reader, will be fortunate enough to graduate from McGill University, you will no doubt be...

21/11/2021

Enjoy the newest McGill Nightly article submission, courtesy of Julia A!

The unfortunate reality is that arts students graduating this spring have little prospects for future employment. The...

14/11/2021

"The subsequent Fall referendum received zero votes as well, leaving SSMU totally clueless as to what should be done with regards to key issues, such as the McGill Sweet Potato Appreciation Club Improvement Fee and the Make Meetings Three Hours Longer Because What Else Can We Even Do On A Saturday Night vote."

In what SSMU was convinced was the “glitch of the century”, the Fall referendum they restarted due to zero votes has also...

07/11/2021

"Student Oskar Costa, the only student to willingly come to Concordia on exchange, was named Concordia valedictorian as soon as he stepped off the plane, owing to his sterling 2.8 GPA."

After realizing her lavish Belize estate is indeed located outside of Canada, Big Suze announced that McGill exchange...

01/11/2021

Enjoy the latest article, submitted by guest writer David Mickelson!

In what is proving to be a magnanimous decision, McGill has decided it intends to f**k as many students as possible this...

11/10/2021

"The Nightly isn’t the only place Ms. Cunningham made headlines. Samantha made international headlines earlier this week, when her barrage of 800 instagram posts of her sorority’s photo shoot singlehandedly crashed instagram and Facebook for multiple hours."

First year student Samatha Cunningham had a moment of clarity late Saturday night, as she realized that instead of...

03/10/2021

"Campus One also decided to decrease their prices significantly to just $60 per bowl of food, another decision met with euphoria among the prisoners."

Inmates at the Campus One Penitentiary were ecstatic to learn that the food on the meal plan was being upgraded to Grade-B...

19/09/2021

"McGill closed the arts building for the next 7 hours, and tweeted to everyone that they were closed due to a “suspicious package”, just so everyone would know how cool they are. The flood of publicity McGill got as a result was just enough to steer attention away from the fact that its global university rankings fell another 42 spots this year."

Police and paramedics were called to the scene when Canada Post was able to successfully deliver a package for the first...

12/09/2021

At press time, Nightly fans were flocking to our Instagram for our merch giveaway.

Over 85% of McGill students believed that going to class during the add-drop period was “mandatory”, “useful”, and...

05/09/2021

WE'RE BACK BABY

Following two straight years of the McGill Daily bitching about school being online, the McGill Daily got right back to...

21/04/2021

Such a nice crewneck, too bad we don't do paid sponsorships

The McGill Nightly announced its new policy that it will no longer be accepting paid sponsorships, sources from the McGill...

28/02/2021

The McGill administration announced that “All buildings that do not net us an immediate profit by being open will be closed, because student wellbeing is a top concern for us. The cesspool that is Upper Rez, however, will remain open, because Upper Rez is where it’s at.”

Students were euphoric as Vice-Provost Christopher Manfredi reluctantly announced that the Fall semester will be in person...

08/02/2021

"Sure, it's nice of him to save lives, but what about his responsibility to save our 6 figure salaries? He didn’t get a Time magazine interview for nothing, you know” the esteemed McGill Principal said in a phone interview with our reporters.

Greatest football player of all time Laurent Duvernay-Tardif cost the McGill Chiefs a win in the Super Bowl Sunday night by...

03/02/2021

The Nightly is now on Instagram! Follow us (instagram.com/mcgillnightly)

01/02/2021

At press time, RnB artist ‘The Weeknd’ was changing his name to ‘The Readng Week’.

McGill administration members commended each other after greatly improving student wellbeing and mental health by renaming...

17/12/2020

Can you believe content this good is banned on r/mcgill?

McGill student Gabriel Cunningham was all set to cheat on his final exam last Friday, but was given pause when confronted...

11/11/2020

The reasons for expulsion given by the McGill Administration were: “Encouraging violence in the McGill community, putting students at risk for catching the virus, and breaking rules one and two of Fight Club."

Two U0 McGill students, Tyler McCall MacBain and Tyler McCall MacBain, were expelled on Monday following their founding of...

01/11/2020

An important reminder for this November, courtesy of our friends at The McGill Daily: make sure to shave daily and avoid talking about men's health!

Pinktober – Breast Cancer Awareness Month – ends only to be replaced by Movember – an awareness campaign for men’s health that takes place throughout November. It’s characterized by too many moustaches, overarching shows of masculinity, and a general overload of testosterone. The pure and ...

27/09/2020

Our reporters reached out to the prestigious McGill Administration to inquire about the situation. When asked about the health and safety of students, they replied "The important thing is that we can charge them $10,000 a year to live here."

Students at New Residence Hall threw a 600 person o**y in celebration of the news that they had achieved herd immunity from...

06/09/2020

And we're back, here to make your online semester slightly less depressing:

Gleefully hopping from the overcrowded discord server to Pretend to Discover McGill Day, to zoom drinking games, U0 student...