12/20/2023
I’ve been struggling with grief and life-wide overwhelm for a long while now; I was able to put a bit of a fence around it as a survival mechanism to get through my semester at university, but as soon as the dreaded month of December hit, the gates opened up on me, and I found myself free to drown.
I’ve since become a bit untethered: sleeping at odd hours, and passing the time with whatever can hold my attention for more than a few seconds at a time. I imagine this is what being a ghost feels like… there’s so much to see and do, but I’m not quite real enough to do any of it. I feel translucent.
Luckily, I have some very good friends, and one was kind enough to send me a couple of small gift cards from a work promotion. “Buy yourself something nice.”
The list of things I like is long, but the list of things I will actually allow myself to purchase during this period of my life is short. One of those things is books, and I thought two of them sounded interesting enough to add to my collection. One arrived today.
It’s easy to wonder about your sense of purpose, and whether anything at all has any meaning during times of deep depletion and loss. I know I certainly woke up feeling that way today.
And then I opened my new book, and read the dedication page.
