01/31/2023
Annie Grown Up Glamour by Anneliese Lawton always nails the sentiments that I haven’t yet put into words. I’m continually grateful for her advocacy, transparency, and of course, the occasional well-placed F-bomb.
Sending love out into the universe and for those who have read about and been affected by this particular tragedy - I’m right here with you.
We NEED to take maternal mental health seriously. Because it is, serious. Keep talking, keep sharing, and keep advocating about better mental health support for yourself and your family. 🤍
Mama, you are not alone.
- Kiri
I've been holding my breath the last few days as a family's reality infiltrates my feed.
Notice I'm not calling it a "story" or "news" but a reality. Because that's what it is. It's someone's reality.
To folks like us - strangers on the internet - we see variations of the story linked here and there. Publication after publication. Blogger after blogger. Each offering their own take, sometimes sprinkled with ignorance. We feel entitled to talk about it - because to us it's news.
Initially, I didn't want to add my voice to the already saturated conversation. the last thing I want to do is make assumptions or feed a false narrative. But people are talking. They're talking a lot.
Like any tragic story, people have feelings.
How could they not?
Three beautiful babies lost their life.
A mother, while living, has certainly lost hers.
And a husband, a father has to somehow - minute by minute - make sense of his.
A reality. Their reality.
Tragic. Heart wrenching. Unfathomable.
And here we are, discussing the news.
Eventually - as we always do - we'll move on from the story. Something new will take its place. And we'll forget about the Clancys.
We'll forget about the conversations it sparked.
We'll forget about the attention it drew to maternal mental health.
We'll forget about a mother, who tried to obtain help, and was failed by a system.
We'll forget about those babies.
We'll forget about Patrick. Who publicly forgave his wife in the most gutting public statement I've ever read.
But this will still be their life.
This will still be the reality of the Clancy family who lived in Duxbury, Mass.
The reality of the mothers who have come before them. The mothers who are living it now. The mothers who will face the same demons after.
And I don't just mean postpartum psychosis.
For a lot of us, the baseline of motherhood is hard - before mental illness even comes into play.
We get by with memes and reels and TikToks. We laugh and suppress and keep calm and carry on because of shame and toxic positivity.
But the line between mental illness and the trenches can blur real fast.
And not only does it become harder to ask for help, it becomes harder for the people who love you to understand what you really need.
Postpartum psychosis happens in approximately 1 in every 1,000 deliveries.
Postpartum depression, which almost took my life, happens in approximately every 1 and 10.
Six in 10 new moms worry they don't have what it takes.
One in four mother's are parenting alone.
In Canada, the average wait to see a psychiatrist ranges from 25 to 123 days.
The average cost per session is $150.
Plus HST because it's not considered a "medical expense".
So, while we may forget about the tragic, heartbreaking, absolutely horrific story of the Clancys, I don't want you to forget about the conversations it ressurected.
I don't want you to forget about the moms who are holding on.
The moms who are doing it alone.
The moms who don't have a loving village or access to a wonderful physician or the financial means to access support.
The moms who have no fu***ng idea what's coming as they lovingly rub their growing belly.
The moms in your life RIGHT NOW.
Yes, they need all the beautiful things you bring to the table as a partner, a friend, a thoughtful acquaintance.
But what the reality of the Clancy's has showed us, is even with all of that, until we treat mental health as HEALTH, we lack the funding and resources to keep families alive.
We're not only failing mothers, we're absolutely failing their children.
(As a mental health advocate, I believe in transparency. You can find more of my real life on Instagram ).
