12/31/2023
🫶🏻
We spend a lot of our time, energy & thoughts fighting for control over our lives. As we are all vain, we are all narcissists to a natural degree. We all want what's best for ourselves, who wouldn't? But as you have all noticed by now, there are many things that are just out of our control. And it stresses us out, it bothers us & we think of it late at night when we're trying to sleep.
That's why I want to tell You guys (my followers & supporters) And to Myself that 2024 will be Kind to you. And to all the years after;
That we will get what we Worked Hard for.
That we are wiser now from last year's mistakes.
That we are braver now to take action, and start working on our goals or start thinking of one. Whatever goals you have, they are Yours. It has no size or weight, if it's the daily thought bubble on your head with a text saying "I wish I could do/have/achieve THIS" then it's definitely worth it.
That we are more familiar now with Discipline, Anxiety,(Un)Certainty, Procrastination, the true value of Rest, Accountability, Self-Care, Success & your own blueprint for achieving it, Manipulation, Expressing Oneself, Context, Power of Words, Burn Out. etc... Whatever we have discovered & learned the past years, Come to fruition on the next one.
~ Something I want to share: ~
I for one had a excruciating experience with Burn Out.
In 2021, I had 6-8hrs Team practice, right after is 4 hours FB Partner Stream. Which is hella lot of hours in a day. I did that for 1 Year Straight. Sure, 'the grind' made me like Thanos + Mahoraga, I could just destroy ANY Player infront of me. I could use ANY Agent & Dominate. I had zero self-doubts playing.
In 2022, I gradually felt the effects of Burn Out. It was like my mind didn't want to play Valorant anymore, a lot of times I had to force myself to Play because I had to FB Stream. I left my Team around June 2022.
~
It was the worse feeling ever, normally when playing my mind would naturally analyze round per round, what would be the best thing to do, what the enemy would do. But at that time my mind would just stay Blank. My brain just wont work like how it always would.
I got so frustrated that time, because I couldn't beat Diamond Players anymore. Normally I'd farm immo-radiants ezpz, but my current state impacted my performance a lot. It went on for months. Degraded Performance + Viewers used to seeing me as a Top Player = I somehow developed some sort of Performance Anxiety amidst the burnout.
~
December 2022 - March 2023, some of the worst months, my burnout was at its Peak. I was very sensitive, easily irritated. I streamed with no facecam, it kinda helped me cope by not to showing my face at that time. I told myself that I could no longer help myself anymore. So I went to find help, I found Joar. A Swedish Esports Psychologist, been in the field for 6 years & have been dealing with different types of athletes. Talking to a professional felt really good. It didn't feel like you kept on guessing anymore what's going on. I Had a 2 month session with him. It was great, I slowly felt at ease. But I had a lot to work on. If ever you guys noticed my absence. Around this time (April 2023) I had stopped streaming for a few months. I also talked to SubroZa on twitter, he gave me some of his own advice, & that was comforting too.
~
Few months forward, I did some research.
-Ana (dota2) stopped competing because of burnout, and after a big tournament he doesn't play dota for months because he gets burnt-out quickly. As he said in an interview.
- gla1ve (csgo) stepped down from Astralis in 2020, given a 2months medical leave by his doctor, due to burnout. etc..
~
Thing is, I just wish I was knowledgeable about this in the first place. But it is what it is. Around few months ago, September 2023, I could slowly Play Valorant again without it feeling forced or in pain. Rare times I still get anxious, but it's not as bad as before. Me taking a long break, doing other things, adding a consistent workout habit, having other hobbies, & being with friends helped a lot. I'm getting better & better to mastering myself once again. I still aim to be one of the best FPS Players in PH History, not limited to Valorant, But I have to put in the work again. To other pro players, all I can say is; Take Care of yourself when Grinding.
Happy New Year guys! 🫶 🥳
Let's all be better this 2024!
