10/01/2024
I've talked before about suffering with anxiety, but that mostly it is totally under control these days.
So what happened today really blindsided me.
Just before Christmas I went to my dentist (who is wonderful) and had a check up, from that I needed minor repairs (small fillings) to 4 teeth, 2 at the top and 2 at the bottom both next to each and the bottom ones directly under the top ones.
It was suggested that as they were small and quick it made sense to do them all together - I agree.
Now I will mention that I am terrified of the going to the dentist. As I have a problem with my oesphagus at times and my jaw it is often not a great experience, but my denist is wonderful and very patient and after all - I've kicked my anxiety out the door.
I got to the dentist early this morning feeling apprehensive, I thought I will take a va**um (always have some just in case I need them but I cant even remember the last time I took one) - so I thought nah - I just take a half that will be fine.
So into the denist, had the needle top and bottom all good. Dentist did the little bit of drilling all good, put the filling material on the top teeth and dried it - all good. Then he started the polishing process to make sure it was all smooth - bang anxiety started and with a panic attack. My whole body started shaking and I couldnt stop it.
My Dentist was naturally concerned, he stopped and we sat and talked, he showed me what he had done and how good it all looked and eventually I calmed enough to continue.
If you have had a panic attack you understand how awful it is, its horrible when you are on your own, or with your partner or family, but when its a professional that you dont really know its downright humiliating.
I was embarassed and felt stupid.
I did get back under control and completed the bottom teeth without an issue.
Even though I have worked really hard on my inner self, my anxiety is still there (I didnt doubt that) but at least its not that often apparent. Even writing this is hard.
It just shows that you never ever really know what is going on with people. I feel like I dont want to go back again but I also know that for my own health I need to get my teeth checked regularly.
Dont let these things beat you and affect your health - I will go back but at least the rest of my teeth are all in good condition.
If you are affected like me, keep battling those demons and dont let them win.
Next time I will plug in a meditation or something that should help.
Right now I feel exhausted, after that happening first thing this morning and then working all day. My energy is completely drained.
I feel I will be having an early night.
Deb x❤